i have absolutely no will power..

Dear Sbeezii,

I just joined myfitnesspal today. I was drawn to your post title because you sound like me! I guess I'm old enough to be your mother. Anyway, after I read your post, I understand that you are going through a very difficult time. You're feeling despondent and probably lonely. First of all, despite our society's obsession with health and fitness, the number on your scale DOES NOT define your value as a person. I don't know you but I know you most likely have several "gifts" that others who DO know you could identify. Are you compassionate toward others? Are you funny? Do you appreciate beauty in nature? Do you care about animals? I already know that if you've been dealing with obesity, you have the ability to be empathetic toward others in the same boat! So think about those gifts that are an inherent part of your personality and add the obvious gift of empathy. You have value as a person whether you weigh 319 or 119. You have value TODAY...just exactly as you are. Your post impacted ME, a newbie!

So, how do you move forward? You feel stuck and defeated. You feel that your weight is something you can't possibly overcome. Having struggled with obesity myself, I know you must feel like crap most days. Excessive weight takes a toll on you, emotionally and physically. It's hard to stop the cycle of emotional eating. Believe me, I get it! But once you recognize that your life has value, I hope you can decide that you're sick of going down the rat hole of unhealthy habits. That's where I am today. I don't want to feel like crap anymore. I want to sleep better, stop hiding from social events and live a more "mainstream" life. Frankly, I don't want to die early. There's too much fun to be had!

I wish I knew your name so I could call you by the lovely name your parents gave you as an infant. They had big plans for you. YOU had big plans for you! I can tell from your photo that you're relatively young. This damn weight issue should not define you for the rest of your life. You can't see it in yourself but you are a pretty girl. I would love for you to decide today that you have too many gifts to share, you're too young and you're too pretty to stay "cloistered" by your weight. Decide today that God did not place you on this earth to whither but to bloom. And you don't have to wait until you drop 50 pounds to feel valued. You have value TODAY. And because you have value, my friend, you have to decide that you are going to start to love and care for the earthen vessel the good Lord gave you. Life is waiting for you!

I agree with the other posters that you can start slowly. Take a 10-minute walk. If it's too hot where you live today, cut out one bad thing you normally would eat. Remember that your goal is to stop feeling like crap. If someone gave us a box filled with the excess weight we carry around all day and asked us to carry it, we would think they were nuts! Yet we're the ones punishing ourselves. Sbeezii, you have too much value as a person to treat yourself that way! And so do I. I don't know how long you've been dealing with this weight issue but you can decide today that enough is enough. A lack of will power stinks. But you are too valuable a person to accept the status quo. Let's work on this together. We can do it! I will be praying for your success.

Sincerely,
Someone who cares about you

I know what's healthy, & what isn't.. I just have a hard time having the self control to choose wisely.

the affording the healthy food part is a tad bit of a problem, but with some adjustments i'm sure i'd be able to afford eating healthy.

I seriously have a hard time staying away from chocolate..the most. i'm a chocoholic, seriously.

and i'm an emotional eater, who also happens to have anxiety & depression issues.. it's almost like I just wanna be really full.. ? idk.

but other than that, pretty much everything you wrote is a problem other than the education.. which in turn makes me realize I have no excuse, really.

I used to, idk what happen. I have none. no will power at all. I can't stay away from everything awful, I can't control my appetite. my love for candy & sugary things. I can't even cut my portions.. I don't like fruit, with the exception of watermelon, and sometimes bananas.. I just have no motivation to start..

I can't get started.. why?

i'm at my highest weight EVER. 319... 319!!


I eat because i'm sad, i'm sad because I eat.

idk what to do, what to try, who to turn to..

I could get adipex but i'm terrified of everything, esp. pharmaceuticals.

someone help? someone tell me they've been through this, and have gotten through this.

I need something. I didn't know where else to go.

I haven't even been taking care of myself with the exception if hygiene. no make up, no dressing up.. I feel bloated like a blimp constantly.. what's the point?


today will be long.

Unfortunately there's no secret source of will power. Every single person on this site who has been successful had to make the decision to become a healthier person. It's incredibly simple, but that doesn't make it easy. You have to decide that becoming healthier is worth your effort (believe me, it is), and then you have to just hunker down and do it. No tricks, no gimmicks, no pills, no "kick starts" or whatever else.

Look at every decision you make as a chance to make yourself healthier. Watch TV or take a walk? Eat a side dish of french fries or fresh vegetables? Drink a large Coke or a bottle of water? One decision at a time. Sometimes you'll make unhealthy decisions, but that doesn't mean you're a failure. It's just a detour, you can always get back on track.

Start small, making one change at a time. It's easier to get long-term, sustainable results if you don't try to drastically change your lifestyle all at once.

And develop a healthier relationship with food and exercise, and with yourself. You may want to seek counseling if you feel that there are fundamental psychological issues that are causing you to overeat. For me personally, I didn't develop a healthy sense of self-esteem until I stopped worrying about how I looked and started worrying about making myself healthier and stronger. Maybe that's what you need as well.

Good luck!

Like many have said there is no way for anyone to give you the key to willpower. It must come from inside you. At some point in time you will get fed up enough with your current situation to want to change bad enough to overcome your roadblocks. That is where willpower comes from. Here is what worked for me once I made the decision to change (which is the hardest part and what you have already done)

- For the next week don't make any changes to what you eat
- log EVERY BITE YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH. It will be eye opening to see how many calories some things are
- At the end of the week look at your choices see what the worst things are and make a mental note of them
- Week 2 exercise and log it. Dont worry about the gym or running in a 5k. Walk around your neighborhood for 20 minutes or whatever you can do. LOG ALL OF YOUR EXERCISE
- continue to log EVERYTHING YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH

At the end of week 2 take a hard look back at your data. See what the worst things are and see how much exercise it takes to negate those things. When you can put a slice of pizza in perspective as 60 minutes of walking you will start to ask yourself is it worth it.

Next you need to create some balance. Start slow. Look at your choices and see what you can do to cut back. If you have 3 slices of supreme pizza for dinner, cut back to pepperoni only. That can be 150 calories saved over 3 slices (that's an extra 30 minute walk you don't have to take). There are tons of little things like that you can do to cut back when you are starting out. Love chocolate, have a 40 calorie fudgesicle instead of a 210 calorie Hershey bar.

The key is not to make drastic changes. If you go from 3 pieces of supreme to salad and grilled chicken you will last about a week. Keep making little changes and keep increasing your exercise level. Most importantly LOG EVERYTHING EVERY DAY. Once your mind starts to equate food and the amount of exercise you need to work it off it gives you a great mental tool to build will power.

Be sure to set your weight loss goal in MFP so you have a calorie target. With the plan above don't expect or even try to hit it in your first 2 weeks. Work towards it and come up with a balance of exercise and reducing calories that work for you until you reach your target. Remember this is a long term plan, don't expect to get there overnight.