Ex dumped me because I was too fat

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  • Kath712
    Kath712 Posts: 1,263 Member
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    what a ......

    Listen, dont give in to depression. exercise really helps for that and once you have lost the weight dont even brag or let him notice. do it for yourself (if you want to) and go and enjoy life.

    This exactly!! Move on with your life and don't look back.
  • nolanerinbryon
    nolanerinbryon Posts: 80 Member
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    This guy sounds like a fking psycho! I know this doesn't help but honestly sweetie you are far better off out of it. I pity the next woman he gets with.

    I don't think you are a moron at all, you were brainwashed, beaten down and your confidence was low BUT this is probably the best thing that has happened to you.

    Now you can concentrate on you and getting back to how YOU want to be. Concentrate on your overall health, including your metal health. Take things one step at a time.

    Believe me, you are gorgeous!

    I agree with everything here - you deserve better! Please....go easy on yourself and take care.
  • DavidC1857
    DavidC1857 Posts: 149 Member
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    Thankfully you just escaped an abusive relationship. See it for what it is. Also recognize that women who have been in an abusive relationship are often prone to go right back into another one. I'm not saying this to be mean or snarky, it just is what it is. You're self-esteem and worth have taken a beating, figuratively and literally. You said yourself, "What's the point?" It leaves you open to be taken advantage of again.

    There are generally tons of resources available for battered women. You may not want to accept the label "battered woman", but someone holding you down and shoving food, pills down your throat is battery.

    Find yourself some help somewhere. Examine why you put up with this for 4 years. Make sure it doesn't happen again. And totally eliminate this guy from your life, period. No friends, no nothing. No contact whatsoever. Change your number, whatever it takes.

    For what it's worth, I say all this from some experience.
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
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    Thanks everyone for the positive messages :). It's just so hard to get my confidence back. I mean, in the back of my mind I know there isn't anything really wrong with me, but every single thing he said keeps coming back to me. I want to stay motivated, but I have no idea how to

    It might still be in the back of your head until you meet someone who idolizes you and treat you the way you should have been treated to begin with.

    You look pretty young from your pics. As you get older you gain confidencen in who you are and all those insecurities don't seem to matter as much. Always believe in yourself, f**k what anyone thinks.

    ^This

    Like a few of the posters I have been there..more than once. I was abused as a child, which started the whole cycle. I didn't manage to break out of it for almost 30 years and on the day my (now x) husband told me that he 'never loved me' after being together for almost 10 years I had reached the end of my rope. I had gone from a beautiful, healthy size 6 to 90 lbs over weight, unemployed and broke (since he happily spent all my money before he left). It took me 6 YEARS to pull myself out of that hole.

    Trust me when I say that its a long road by yourself so if you can find a friend or counselor to talk to it will help tons - even just having someone to tell you that you are NOT worthless, fat, ugly (whatever). Put the focus on yourself right now, don't even think about getting into another relationship with anyone until you get your head on straight. Decide what you want, in life, in health, in love.. Write it down and do not settle for anything less. Move if you have to, but don't let this asswipe back into your life, not even as a friend. You need to break this cycle before you will ever be able to move through it and grow.

    You can do this ;) *hugs*
  • LassoOfTruth
    LassoOfTruth Posts: 735 Member
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    I am glad you are out of that relationship. If you were in it longer, it could have caused you serious psychological issues.

    And, I just want to say... you are an insanely hot girl. No reason you should be with a douche bag. I hope your bodybuilder ex pulls a groin muscle.

    Have a great day!
  • prairiewalker
    prairiewalker Posts: 184 Member
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    It's definitely helped me to get this all out...I actually do feel a bit more relieved now. And I'm definitely not going back, he's already tried once, and now he's trying to be friends :/. I think a lot of what's bothering me is trying to figure out what in the world his reasoning is. I'm trying to get over this situation, get myself in better health, etc, because I know it's what's best for my health and my own well being

    Don't even allow the "just friends" title to happen...that's just a stepping stone for him to be back in the picture completely. There is NO reasoning behind what he has done... I bet he can not justify it at all.... this dude needs professional help with himself!!

    YES^^^ also....why can't you tell anyone you know? getting it out here is good and a start to healing..but you need a support group in person..one friend, one family member..somebody!!!! Until then..continue to lean on MFP's until you can run as far from this guy as possible and run like hell...:flowerforyou: BRAVO for starting the process!
  • mumblemagic
    mumblemagic Posts: 1,090 Member
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    1. Hugs!
    2. He sounds like a right little *sh 1 te* so you're well rid of him.
    3. Do not allow him back into your life, even as friends. He has left you in a bad mental state and you don't need that.
    4. Hugs!
    5. Have you chatted this over with the local police at all? Even in an informal way, they may wish to know about this and it may feel good for you too.
    6. Maybe focus on doing some excercise and eating healthily rather than weighing yourself. Throw out your scales. Try to improve your lifestyle and make yourself happier, then re-visit the weight at a later date if you want to. Or not if you don't
    7. Hugs!
  • GIAngel222
    GIAngel222 Posts: 227 Member
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    I can relate to a lot of what you say. My ex was similar.

    The best thing I ever did was lose him and get back into fitness. I am 100x's happier!
  • RunningSwede
    RunningSwede Posts: 42 Member
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    The good news is he's behind you, and you have a leaner future with supportive friends here for you now.
  • RCKT82
    RCKT82 Posts: 409 Member
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    Like most have already commented, he's a Douche-Canoe.... you deserve better. Focus the energy/stress/anxiety on making yourself feel better. I always gain weight in a relationship and always lose it after one. Best song ever for me during this kind of breakup: 'How do you like me now' by the Heavy (no pun intended). It's the title of my blog http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/RCKT82

    Most people do one of two things after a loss... completely shut down or make radical changes and thrive.

    Best thing to do is get out, exercise (endorphins) like walks. It helps to find a good park to walk with scenery to focus on the moment (the now)... Observe what's around you that you have not noticed in the past (sounds, smells, the wind moving leaves and grass and blowing over your skin. Just reflect on what you want, what you have or where you want to go in your life. I struggle with relationships, after each one ends I always make sure to cut off any contact to take control out of their hands that prevent me from recovering. You can't move forward if you keep reaching back. It'll be hard, but you need to keep taking a step forward. You you don't take those steps, you'll always be in the same place. Just let the emotions come and go while focusing on your environment not what's in your head. Be patient, in time you'll feel better. It'll be a rollercoaster, but it'll pass in time. Keep your chin up!
  • GoinToKickThis
    GoinToKickThis Posts: 19 Member
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    My advise to you is find yourself. It will be hard but well worth it. You need to break the cycle of abuse. It sounds like you need counseling for a little while. Find out "why" you put with that garbage so when you start dating again you don't find they same type of man.
    My advise, counseling, finding "YOUR" joy, and making the best of your life. Because, you and everyone deserves love, joy, and happiness. Blessings your way.
  • britzzie
    britzzie Posts: 341 Member
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    This is an incredibly disturbing story. Please go see a counselor because I can't imagine a person going through this and not having issues. You deserve peace of mind.

    Agree 100%. You should talk to a pro. Such situations can cause issues that linger forever. Thanks for sharing. :flowerforyou:
  • egarrabrant
    egarrabrant Posts: 8
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    Quite a lot of responses, so this might be a repeat :)

    First of all, sorry for your experience...happy for your liberation!

    I've not had an experience like yours, but I have had low self-esteem and depression about my appearance. So for this, I have a little advice that might help>

    1. Beauty doesn't have a size.
    2. Do something that makes you feel pretty TODAY. It might be a new blush, a pedi, a pair of earrings, a hair cut...it doesn't have to be related to a plan to get smaller :)
    3. Repeat Step 2 - daily when possible! You're a lovely woman and you're beauty will continue to blossom with your happiness.
    4. Stick around - MFP has a way of working and the support system (as you've seen in action) can be fantastic.
    5. Join a gym with group fitness available. It's as close to fun as I've found exercise to be :) In college I loved to go dancing...now I go to a well-lit room with lots of other soccer moms to Zumba or Yoga or Kickbox-away the stress and pounds. You would be surprised by how perfect everyone ISN'T. Don't settle on the first gym. If it doesn't feel right, keep looking...check out the local YMCA/YWCA. Build relationships with people at this gym or Y. These people will not only be great friends, but friends invested in your physical well-being and capable of supporting your efforts.

    Take care and feel free to friend me if you'd like. I'd love to watch your story unfold - much love and luck coming your way!
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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  • jogy
    jogy Posts: 77 Member
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    Stop trying to figure him out! HE IS NOT WORTH IT! And quite frankly, whatever was his reasoning behind it, HE WAS WRONG!

    You should rebuild your soul as well as your body. Get help if needed. You seem to be doing much better. Telling your story shows strenght and courage. Good luck to you and have a WONDERFUL life!
  • daddylawbucks
    daddylawbucks Posts: 18 Member
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    Good riddance ! You don't need an abusive jerk in your life. "Shoved food" into your mouth? That's just abuse, and if he doesn't respect you more than that, dump his *kitten* immediately. Besides, your an apparently pretty nice woman, you can do a LOT better, regardless of whether your a size ten or size 20. I hope you find someone who sees the good in who you are (as well as enjoying your body, whatever size it happens to be at that moment.).
  • lsearnest
    lsearnest Posts: 1
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    You're better off without him! He has some serious issues if your weight plays a factor (even though he knows you are trying to lose weight) in whether he wants to be with you.
  • bambishealth
    bambishealth Posts: 133 Member
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    Don't think of it as time "wasted", think of it as a learning experience. I spent 7 years with my abuser. After I was finally out I was so angry that I let him "steal" 7 years of my life. It ate away at me. My self-esteem was crap. Then, I realized my own worth. I realized that I couldn't let him take that time from me. I used it to learn more about myself and my strength than I'd ever known. If I could make it through those 7 years....I could make it through anything.
  • jeslaughter
    jeslaughter Posts: 131 Member
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    Stay on track, look out for yourself, you have to love you :love: and look, you are already successful, you have lost 6 pounds!!!
    He just knows he had you under his complete control and no matter what or who he looks at he cannot have as much control over those other women until he gets them into his den and teaches them he is in control. Right now, he is missing that feeling of having you to push around and will promise you the moon to get it back :cry: but sweet little girl, do not believe a ****ing word he says, you are doing awesome keep up the good work. :smile:
  • rwhawkes
    rwhawkes Posts: 117 Member
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    Oh sweetie I am so sorry.

    Abusive men are the scum of the earth. They're selfish, they bully and hurt people just because they CAN. They're dead inside.

    It will take time to heal from this - so his negative voice quietens and your positive voice comes through strong. It might be worth speaking to a domestic abuse counsellor about what you've been through, or try asking your doctor to point you in the right direction.

    You'll get there - there is light at the end of the tunnel. Take very good care of yourself - you've been through a lot.

    All the best xx

    This I totally agree with.

    I would strongly advise that you find someone that can give you good counsel, plus help you to (re)-discover your inherent beauty and worth. While I am not a counsellor, I think that girls are drawn to abusive guys because deep inside they don't think they deserve the love and honour of a good man. You do deserve that and you must not settle for less than that.

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