Self Esteem Shot Because of Rude People.
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Life is soooo much easier and more fun when you stop caring about what people are thinking about you.
The random strangers on the internet will never know you (and aren't talking about you anyway! They're making sweeping generalisations about the 'obese' population as a whole, most of whom they don't know either). I bet their lives aren't so perfect either, so I don't think that worrying about these comments is worth your time. People who make hateful comments on the internet really don't have anything else to do with their time. Isn't that terribly sad and pathetic? Yup!
The random strangers you walk past on the street probably aren't thinking about you very much either. I doubt there would be many, if any, who would actually stop you in the street to say 'Look at you, you're disgusting/so fat/ewwww'. Anyone who would bother probably feels pretty low in themselves anyway, and in a bid to take the focus off their flaws would draw attention to yours. Same goes for family.
The only person who needs to be okay with who you are is YOU. While you probably don't feel great right now, taking care of yourself (which, if you're here, you're starting to do) is a great start. After a while, you will start to see some changes. They can help with the mindset. Once you feel in control and that your behaviour is starting to have a positive effect on your body, it becomes easier. While you're waiting for the physical changes, start working on forgiving yourself and feeling more positive. If you need to seek help to do so (counsellor or someone else to talk to) do it. It WILL happen. Best of luck
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There will always be someone who disapproves of you no matter what. People who disapprove because you are fat. People who disapprove because you are thin. People who disapprove because you are athletic, or because you are not. They'll disapprove because you are losing weight the 'wrong' way, no matter what method you try.
You can't please everyone. You can only please yourself, be as good to others as you can, and let everyone else take care of themselves.0 -
Well it is a message board and there are all types and all ages here and some people can be very nasty and hostile. Myself I just ignore them and keep moving forward. It is about me achieving my goals. I like to educate myself and have spent this last month watching you tube videos.
For me it is important to understand how the body functions to gain and hold onto weight this helps me plan my strategies. What foods to leave in my diet and what foods had to go.
This is a great video best yet and I leave the link here for you.
It explains so much and at a level where I can understand it.
if your overweight then you are now in the majority and that is a high number . It has all happened in the last 30 years.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sKxfImHkFI 0 -
I know that these forums are generally very polite and I'm new here so I should tow the line, but for this one, I'm just going to be really really blunt.
You are going to lose the weight. They will be *kitten* forever.
To decide that you are going to use your valuable time and energy actively disrespecting someone because of their weight is an insane waste of time. Then, to go on and announce this on an internet forum or with your friends? That's a whole new level of jerk. It also reeks of someone who lives a very very pathetic life and who doesn't have much going for them.
You are actively trying to improve yourself. You do not have time for this *kitten*. You are better than that.0 -
There will always be someone who disapproves of you no matter what. People who disapprove because you are fat. People who disapprove because you are thin. People who disapprove because you are athletic, or because you are not. They'll disapprove because you are losing weight the 'wrong' way, no matter what method you try.
You can't please everyone. You can only please yourself, be as good to others as you can, and let everyone else take care of themselves.
This is so very true.
Look for all the threads by people who have gotten thin and people still say mean judgey things to them. You've just gotta let it roll off of you.0 -
First off, I'm sorry to hear that you're bummed out over your appearance. While your weight may not be where you want it YET, the most important thing is that you're doing SOMETHING to eventually make it right again. Also bear in mind that people become obese for a myriad of reasons. A particular person may be on multiple medications that have weight gain as a common side effect. He or she may have suffered an accident or stroke that left them mostly or even completely unable to walk. Remember that many people are emotional eaters; losing weight is probably the last thing on your mind when **** hits the fan! Obese parents don't "automatically" abuse their kids in my opinion. Fast food IS more convenient than cooking from scratch these days, and economically disadvantaged families may eat it since it's cheaper than "healthy" food. Obese parents who feed their kids fast food probably know it's certainly not the healthiest stuff they and their families could possibly eat. They may, in their hearts of hearts, earnestly believe that they can't possibly do *that* much harm by giving it to their kids. Anyhow, don't let trash talking people get you down. You are getting healthier for YOURSELF, not for them!0
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You are going to lose the weight. They will be *kitten* forever.
Yep, that is what I was trying to say with a lot more words. I think you have a beautiful soul and I hope you are able to keep that and add some healthier habits to your lifestyle at the same time. Just keep at doing something everyday to make yourself healthier. Eat a little less move a little more or a lot more and by this time next year you will feel better and they will still be jerks.0 -
There really are people like that in the world. They're what we in the civilized world like to call *kitten*.
Innit. And those a*******s can be fascists. Anyone who's different from the crowd be it in weight, skin colour, height, opinions, habits - can get criticised and bullied. Here in England they produce a newspaper especially FOR this group of people called The Daily Mail.
Remember these folk are in the minority, and their opinions are worthless. Noone has the right to judge you and no one else is better than you.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I never really thought about people being overweight.....I have plenty in my family and love them all the same. A few years back, I started watching Biggest Loser. Just hearing the battles these people fight every single day.....the battles they fight internally, as well as the weight......man, it broke my heart. I cried like a little baby during every single episode. Then you realize though that every person fights a battle.....skinny or fat....we all have something. Those rude people struggle with something. All you can do is you. Fight your battle, let them fight their own. Don't allow their struggles to affect yours. I understand it can get to you, for sure. Keep on keeping on though!0
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bump to let OP know they've got this.0
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People aren't exclusively mean to obese people. there are, in the world, people who are mean to people, in general. Obese people who bash skinny people. non-obese people who bash obese people. child -free people who hate helicopter parents. and let's not get started on race, color, gender, country-of-origin, country-of-residency... the list is endless.Hi everyone, this is my first post. I'm obese. I am making a lifestyle change, but can't lose all the weight overnight. Lately I've read some pretty nasty things online like: "obese people disrespect their bodies, so we will disrespect obese people", "obese women are child abusers because their kids will get fat", people fat shaming obese people, etc.
I can't get these stories out of my mind. Sorry, fat shaming does NOT work for me at all. I feel embarrassed to leave my house now wondering what people think of me. We all have a story on why we got to where we are. How can people be so judgmental and down right nasty?? It really makes me feel so bad about myself especially since I can't lose it all overnight!
There are also a lot of really great people out there. people who love and accept others unconditionally. focus on them.
you make a choice - you can do what you need to do in life, and ignore the mean people
or you can let them occupy even one more moment of your time.0 -
You are going to lose the weight. They will be *kitten* forever.
and this^^^0 -
Just wear a tshirt that says "I may be fat, but I can lose weight. You'll always be ugly."
On a serious note, I used to be obese, and I felt the same way. Now that I'm not, whenever I see larger person running or working out, I always think, "you go girl!" (or guy.)0 -
*kitten* em. People will consistently demonise difference. If you're very thin, very fat, very short, very tall... people will have something nasty to say. It doesn't make them right. Ignore them, focus on your own health (physical and mental), and let the small-minded scumbags say what they want.0
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Oh Honey, I understand 100%.
I have been blessed with people in my life who are bold enough to tell me how fat I am personally. My boss threatened to fire me about a year ago solely on my weight (which is not against any federal rule apparently - I know, I called to find out). My mother enjoys sharing how I'm the only fat and disgusting one in our immediate family and how big of a butt I have just like my aunt... these people say things because they enjoy power. Maybe their intention somewhere waaaaaaaay past the insults were meant to be "please lose weight for your health" but it never comes across that way. And no, it's not from being "too sensitive" as my mother would say.
The wonderful thing about the internet is... you are in control! You don't need to read negative/ignorant comments from people about us bigger girls, guess what? We don't have to subject ourselves to that. We just don't go to these kind of sites.
I'm finally trying to get healthier for me, not my negative boss, not my negative mother, not even my other supportive family members and friends, but for me. I agree, it's not an overnight thing, but we didn't get to where we are overnight either is how I think about it.
Just make slow changes and being healthy will become your new lifestyle. The weight won't be able to do anything but leave. Just keep your head up and stay strong. You are so important and these other people will always have their opinions (right or wrong). It's up to you to decide what you will become though and how you react to them.
Feel free to friend me if you need a little extra positive support or an extra push. The more positivity, the better!0 -
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt0 -
People make judgements about everything and anything all the time, it's human nature. Some are worse than others,not all of us have the same thoughts on everything, surely you should know this by now.
Get on with your life without worrying about everyones opinions and good luck with the weight loss!0 -
I can understand what you are going through. Just know you have made the CHOICE to make a change in your life and that change is for the better. You can do this and don't let what other petty people say to you matter. Love yourself. The Hell with the others! 0
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Self esteem is achieved by doing esteemable things. You are already doing esteemable things! You've accepted your weight issues, you've made a start at lifestyle changes, you understand it's a slow process. It's not easy to set the other comments aside, I know, but you can do it, slowly - change the tapes, every time you hear the shame speak in your mind, say out loud that you are doing good things, and remind yourself just how much you've already done and why.
Good luck! You're so worth this journey!!0 -
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Amen. The thing I discovered on my journey to being healthier, is that I have to like myself enough to want to change to get my health in line with my goals.
No matter where we are in life, there are helpers. Move towards the helpers, and let the people who focus on negative reinforcement fade away. Too many positive, good people in the world to focus on those who are not.0 -
As many others have stated here, you are going to have to learn to ignore, or at least pretend to ignore, the negative, and embrace the positive that you come across in life, whether that be on the internet or in real life. If there is a place that provides more negativity than good in your life, then avoid it if you can. All internet sites are easily avoidable. All internet posts can easily be skimmed over or ignored.
The good news about being overweight is that it can be "cured." People may stare at your now, but you can change that. You are not bald from chemotherapy treatment. You're not suffering from a face that has been mauled by a simian or canine. You don't have a missing limb. You don't have burns all over your body. You aren't starving and homeless. Learn to focus on the gifts you have been given, including the ability to change your lot in life. That particular gift is one of the greatest ones that many of us have, and that power to change is a real reason for hope. Don't waste it.0 -
I dont like you because you are fat.
I dont like you because you made this choice.
I dont like that you let yourself become like this.
I love you because you are fat but dont want to be.
I love you because you are making better choices.
I love you because you are letting yourself become the person you feel you should be.
I tell myself this every day.0 -
OP here-
Wow thanks for all the comments. I was surprised to wake up to 50+ comments.
I think my issue has been is that I didn't know how to handle other people's judgements. Yes it is the internet, but I've learned a lot about other people's opinions that really shocked and saddened me. I've read stories about people going to the gym and feeling that people were staring at them, which of course we don't really know what the person is staring at. In the back of my mind, I always hope that when someone sees me exercising that they are thinking "good for them" opposed to something bad.
I've been overweight since I was a child. Clearly, as a child it was not my fault. As an adult, I've allowed it to continue. However, since I've had kids it has really "woke me up" so to say.
I started my weight loss journey (seriously losing weight) after the birth of my 2nd child. The shock of my life happened when I found out I was pregnant with number 3 (i'll spare you the details, lol). That pregnancy postponed me losing weight, but now I am postpartum and ready to pick back up where I left off.
I think I am very sensitive to other people's feelings and emotions, so it is hard to see people be so nasty. I am educated enough to know that generally there is something going on with somebody for them to gain weight, so it makes me mad for people to say "oh they are just lazy".. For me, it has been due to emotional eating or because I was totally ignorant when I moved out about food. It really seems to be a lifelong process to educate myself about food.
I knew somebody that gained 100+ pounds when her mom died tragically. To know that people are possibly judging her behind her back makes me sick.
In my real life, nobody has been downright nasty like what I've read online. However, as a teen and child of course I was made fun. As an adult, the only people to really make comments to me are strangers (happened only a couple of times though), and a couple of people I know.
My hang up on what people think probably goes back to my childhood, the way I was raised and what I suffered with at school.
Thanks for all the comments and I love seeing the quotes and gifs.
Thank you. I will just say screw them in my mind.0 -
Hi everyone, this is my first post. I'm obese. I am making a lifestyle change, but can't lose all the weight overnight. Lately I've read some pretty nasty things online like: "obese people disrespect their bodies, so we will disrespect obese people", "obese women are child abusers because their kids will get fat", people fat shaming obese people, etc.
I can't get these stories out of my mind. Sorry, fat shaming does NOT work for me at all. I feel embarrassed to leave my house now wondering what people think of me. We all have a story on why we got to where we are. How can people be so judgmental and down right nasty?? It really makes me feel so bad about myself especially since I can't lose it all overnight!
I was reslly heavy. When I made the decision to lose weight I did what had to be done. I started to eat less and move more. I did not obsess about the scale (I could not tell you when I hit wonderland as the peeps say) I learned to enjoy moving more (aka exefcising). I startedto indulge in old passions (horses/dancing) I did not worry about other people. Put down the blogs....go dance in the sunshine a bit! You can do it. much love Miss Dibs0 -
The things that people say about obesity reflect only on them. It has nothing to do with you. Keep moving on with your life, your goals, and the things that make you happier and healthier.0
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You know what?
You are really ****ing brave for openly admitting this vulnerability. A lot of people in your situation lie and act like they're happy with (even proud of) themselves and their behaviors, or at the very least pretend that outside judgments don't influence them. People like this are way out of line, and it's not your fault that they think your weight is their business.
But what if you have the power to prove them wrong? How good would that feel to finally wake up one day, think back on all those *kitten*, look in the mirror, and know you beat them? It might take some time, it might take a lot of time. But if you're determined, it can't not happen.
Feel free to add me if you want.0 -
I started few weeks ago , mostly cause i want to be fit for my young sons , nothing crazy just walking , i dint even have a fitbit lol , my motivation is SIMPLE trying to be the best husband & father for the longest possible time ...( MOTIVATION IS BULLET PROOF)....and i knew at my current state im robbing myself off those times and memories....(face it girls live longer) ...so come rain,hail,wind ...im out there backyard or track, field or roads trying to take that extra step ....went from 44+ waist to 38 ....
ps-seen family members in there last weeks of living , allot with 6-7 digit bank accounts some nasty as vipers when younger, all would trade everything for another week with loved ones ..........even the ones they been trashing for the last 35yrs - we all will have our week.....im hoping i will have much less to regret by then0 -
Listen, you've made a conscious decision to make a positive change in your life for yourself. You're brave and willing to walk this journey!
What have these internet trolls ever done to be proud of? Everyone can act big and smug behind a computer screen but I guarantee they wouldn't have the guts to say it to someone in person. These types of people tend to be either a) pimply teenagers with nothing better to do or b) condescending, obnoxious, immature people who have never had to struggle with self-esteem!
Who gives a flying rat's a** what they think?! Karma is real...s'all I'm saying!
You're doing brilliantly and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! 0 -
Yeah, I don't like criticism either. Maybe they think they're helping in some way, but they're just doing more damage. Anyway, learn to care only about the opinion of your loved ones and make the decisions that are right for you and that will make you feel OK with who you are. Oh, and listen to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzE1mX4Px0I 0
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