Wow. You look like *kitten*....

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WatchandWeight
WatchandWeight Posts: 17 Member
in Motivation and Support
Several months ago, I was in a very dark place in life. I hated myself. I hated my body. I let good totally control who I was. I binged on several thousand calories a night, watching my scale climb higher and higher, until one day, I looked into my mirror and decided enough was enough. I was not going to live this way any longer. I became completely focused on becoming healthy. I go I shed Insanity. I tracked what I ate. People actually started complimenting me on looking healthier and I felt so good about myself. My goal was to lose 60lbs. Once I reached the half-way point, people started making comments towards me, but honestly, I felt fine. I didn't care what they said, because I loved who I was becoming. I loved my body. I finally, for once, loved me.

Today I am 47 pounds lighter than I began. Today, however, I no longer have support from anyone around me. I have been called into several "meetings" at work regarding my weight. "You look like ****. It's time to stop." Every time I am passed in the hallway, I hear, "Why don't you go eat a cookie?!" I've been told I look like a "corpse," a "drug addict," that I need to stop because people "think I have an eating disorder." I eat five times a day. I had began another round on Insanity to help me reach my goal and had been following the nutrition plan. I feel so alone right now. I look into my mirror and wonder why the girl I see isn't the one everyone else does. Why do all of these people look at me and say the same things... And I just can't see it for myself? I used to be so proud of myself, and I used to hold my head up. Anymore, I notice that I don't look at anyone in the eye because I am afraid they'll say something negative. I don't talk to anyone. I feel like that depression I fought so hard to get out of is consuming me again. I don't know what to do.
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Replies

  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    First, get a letter from your doctor saying that your weight and fitness goals are healthy, then take that letter to whoever called you in to a meeting (I presume it was your supervisor/line manager) and say that you are not happy with the constant harassment based on how you look, that you find it hurtful and offensive, and that it must stop. If that doesn't make it stop, or your supervisor/line manager doesn't accept the note from your doctor, then go above his/her head and complain, saying that you consider it to be harassment based on how you look, and highly unprofessional.

    There's a line between ignorant people being concerned (e.g. people worrying about eating disorders because they're not used to seeing you at a healthy weight and think you're too thin now) and bullying, and this seems to have crossed that line, based on what you typed, as it includes name calling and telling you you look like *kitten* and it seems to be happening on a regular basis from a few different people. Maybe they're jealous or maybe whatever, but you need to take a stand and let your line manager/supervisor know that you won't put up with this kind of unprofessional behaviour. Also, there are resources online for workplace bullying.

    ETA: you look fantastic in your after pic in your profile, extremely healthy and you look amazing. Not even remotely corpse like!!!! I can't see where they got that from at all!!
  • scruffykaz
    scruffykaz Posts: 317 Member
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    How awful! Judging by your pictures you look great.

    Are they are allowed to do things like that at work? Here in the UK I think that'd be considered harrassment!

    The comments sound like bullying. Could it be jealousy? Is it always the same people?

    If so, are you able to meet with your manager and discuss your concerns?
  • JADEPH0EN1X
    JADEPH0EN1X Posts: 162 Member
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    How rude !! Does your boss have the right to tell you to stop ?? Surely as long as its not affecting your work it shouldn't be an issue !
  • WatchandWeight
    WatchandWeight Posts: 17 Member
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    These comments come from my director of nursing, her assistant, my immediate supervisor, and a few fellow co-workers. I even told my supervisor I felt like everyone was ganging up on me, and although I appreciated their "concern," that I was pretty sure telling someone they look awful wasn't the right way to go about anything. I realize no one has ever seen me at this weight. I didn't even weigh this when I first started 8 years ago. I just want to be happy. And I want people to support me. I feel like I have no one except the amazing people I have met on here.
  • Italia2229
    Italia2229 Posts: 119 Member
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    First, I would like to say that from your pictures you look great.

    Secondly, you should definitely make a complaint to your supervisor or the next higher in the chain about these comments/harassment. You should not have to deal with these types of comments/harassment in your workplace, let alone anywhere.

    I hope things change for you soon because you definitely don't deserve this type of treatment.
  • tomoswilding
    tomoswilding Posts: 56 Member
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    Definitely get a letter, take it to them and complain. You look absolutely beautiful, and it's clear you've really put a lot of heart and dedication into the work you've done. Don't let them knock you down :)
  • Iam918
    Iam918 Posts: 118 Member
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    I know exactly where you're coming from as I had similar issues as you with my co-workers. I started at 316lbs and got down to 157lbs. Starting around 180ish they went from compliments to snarky remarks and then to telling me I looked sick, etc.

    Unfortunately, I let it get to me and stopped working to improve myself. Now I'm back up to ~237lbs and trying to get back to 157 lbs for my first big goal and then under after that.

    Don't let them get to you like I did, keep going till you reach your goal and you're happy with the end results. Then do your best to stay at a place where you're happy.

    And as the others have stated, you're looking very healthy, great even, in your pictures.
  • suzyfj8
    suzyfj8 Posts: 257 Member
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    They are just jealous, just ignore them I know its hard but you have done so much hard work to get here. You look amazing in the photos congratulations!! Don't let them get to you, you know you are healthier and so much happier :)
  • Achaila
    Achaila Posts: 264 Member
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    You look amazing. Not sick at all. I would say the comments stem from jealousy. I see your from WV (as am I, though right now I live in FL) and I will say this; I went from 275 down to 195 and people started to tell me I was too thin. Too thin at 195!? Maybe its a cultural thing around there, I don't know. They made comments about how thin my legs were and kept asking me when I was going to draw the line. 195 is still 30 pounds from the highest healthy weight for someone of my height. Don't listen to them. You look great. Maybe to THEM you are skin and bones, but you look fantastic.
  • Sarahrahi
    Sarahrahi Posts: 32 Member
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    My husband has been at the receiving end of such 'compliments'. I wouldn't let it get to you. Its a tremendous achievement and you know it. And anyone who has lost even half that weight knows it. If you feel healthy and look healthy you most certainly are healthy. I also find such 'well wishers' to be tad green if you know what I mean, maybe they aren't as fortunate as to have good physiques/figures and subconsciously undermining your achievement makes them feel good about themselves.

    Please don't give up. Keep up the hard work. You look truly transformed. In a really good way.
  • blueboxgeek
    blueboxgeek Posts: 574 Member
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    That is terrible and I would certainly be putting in an official complaint. Even if you really did think someone had an eating disorder, is telling them they look like *kitten* the way to go???? Ummm no!

    As someone else suggested, go visit your doctors and they can confirm healthy goal weights for you based on height / frame etc.

    Looking at your pic, I think you look lovely! Definitely not skinny or corpse like! These people could be jealous that you are looking fantastic, some people see it as a competition.
  • BeccaBollons
    BeccaBollons Posts: 652 Member
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    First, get a letter from your doctor saying that your weight and fitness goals are healthy, then take that letter to whoever called you in to a meeting (I presume it was your supervisor/line manager) and say that you are not happy with the constant harassment based on how you look, that you find it hurtful and offensive, and that it must stop. If that doesn't make it stop, or your supervisor/line manager doesn't accept the note from your doctor, then go above his/her head and complain, saying that you consider it to be harassment based on how you look, and highly unprofessional.

    There's a line between ignorant people being concerned (e.g. people worrying about eating disorders because they're not used to seeing you at a healthy weight and think you're too thin now) and bullying, and this seems to have crossed that line, based on what you typed, as it includes name calling and telling you you look like *kitten* and it seems to be happening on a regular basis from a few different people. Maybe they're jealous or maybe whatever, but you need to take a stand and let your line manager/supervisor know that you won't put up with this kind of unprofessional behaviour. Also, there are resources online for workplace bullying.

    ETA: you look fantastic in your after pic in your profile, extremely healthy and you look amazing. Not even remotely corpse like!!!! I can't see where they got that from at all!!

    Just thought I'd repeat this for emphasis.

    People are just likely not used to seeing you at a healthy weight, and don't realise what an impact their comments are making.
    I am bang smack in the middle of healthy weight for my height, and I get negative comments that I know are rooted in jealousy. I have even had chocolate bars thrown at me in some misguided attempt to get me to put on weight (I weigh 148 and am 5'8 and a half)
    You look great, don't let them push you the wrong direction. Hugs :)
  • LumpySpacePrincess1
    LumpySpacePrincess1 Posts: 388 Member
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    Isn't that harassment? Isn't there some law preventing colleagues from bullying each other?
    You definitely don't look like a cast member of Trainspotting to me. You have just the right amount of meat on your bone. Nothing's sticking out, you're not gaunt, you don't look like Skeletor.
    Honestly I hate saying this cause EVERYONE says it, but in this case it's accurate: they're just fckin jealous.
    Honestly, I understand that you'd think they were right seeing as its not just one person's opinion, but you need to understand their 'concern' is rooted in a bad place. They want you to quit trying to be 'better' than them and get off your skinny *kitten* high horse.
    I have people tell me I'm anorexic cause my collar bone sticks out, that I need to gain weight, that exercising 5 days a week is OTT.
    I'm 6'2 and 209lbs.
  • TINAHUNTER1969
    TINAHUNTER1969 Posts: 219 Member
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    WOW you look amazing.

    What your co-workers are doing is harassment/bullying - it made me so sad and angry reading what they have said to you. If they called you into a meeting I would ask for a copy of the minutes and take these to your doctor and ask them to confirm that you are fit and healthy. I know you shouldn't have to do this but I think you need to do something along these lines in order for your co-workers to realise just because they have never seen you this size does not mean that you are unhealthy!!!! Then if the name calling still doesn't stop you take things to a higher authority!!

    Your co-workers have no right to say these horrible things, its completely unprofessional - did they say horrible things when you were heavier too?

    You look fit and healthy and MOST IMPORTANTLY HAPPY in your profile pictures so don't let other people dictate how you should feel about yourself.

    Keep your head high, you have done so well - look everyone in the eye because you should be proud of what you have achieved!

    Tina :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • WillowWindow
    WillowWindow Posts: 100 Member
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    Wow. What kind of nurses act like that? I assume you have a professional union. Can you do a complaint through them? Don't know if it's feasible for you but would you be able to transfer to another hospital/workplace? Sometimes you get in with a bad bunch at work and they pick on people for any/no reason/ just because they can. From your pictures it seems like this is an excuse to do just that because you look healthy and fit.
  • ElliottTN
    ElliottTN Posts: 1,614 Member
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    Yep. This is called harassment. You are either full of **** looking and for attention on mfp or you need to let the rest of us know where you work so we will never find ourselves or loved ones in a place with health care staff that collectively has the maturity level of a 12 year old.
  • ElliottTN
    ElliottTN Posts: 1,614 Member
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    Why the hell are people suggesting you get a doctors note? Your health is no ones business but your own. There's no need to prove ****. You don't have to prove or owe anyone anything.

    This is either a troll post or true life lawyers wet dream.
  • Pamela_in_Progress
    Pamela_in_Progress Posts: 197 Member
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    You look amazing and in no way like "a corpse or a drug addict". Sounds like a bad case of jealousy over your success if you ask me! Don't let those comments cause you to lose focus of your goals or to fall back into the depression that you fought so hard to escape. Hold your head up and be proud of your accomplishments! You deserve to be happy too! :flowerforyou:
  • megan1869
    megan1869 Posts: 166 Member
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    So when is the intervention?! (JK! LOL!) Your boss must just be jealous because her scrubs are getting tight.... People really should mind their own business...
  • Flab2fitfi
    Flab2fitfi Posts: 1,349 Member
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    Wow- you look amazing - and glowing with good health. Well done with all the hard work.

    I think the Doctors latter is a fantastic idea and I think the main problems is that people are jealous. I would keep a diary of events and take it to someone higher up.

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