parents: college savings OR other enrichment activities?

When did college tuition become the parents responsibility?

I have 4 kids. 3 are in their mid to late 20's, one is 13. They all earned half their age allowance IF they did their progressive responsibilities. Clean the room by Sunday (if not by Sunday then they still have to clean it, but got no allowance) and extra job opportunities as well as responsibilities. I didn't keep the budget secret for adults only. We occasionally splurged and traveled. They are only young once. I didn't want close minded kids that never saw the world. If they wanted "junk" I had them buy it with their own allowance. They learned pretty quick that some junk isn't worth what they paid. They saved up for some of that junk and learned to make choices - first small and then large.

I know the 13 year old is headed for College of some sort. The first did and had huge student loans, but is very responsibly paying them off. She had a paper route at 10yrs old (It was a great deal of work for me to oversee it at first but that's how they learn). She had plenty of money because she's always had a job, she's spent a lot on silly fun things, but she doesn't regret it at all. She still would rather have money for fun than "things". That's not a bad way to live. She's exceptional as a student and has a career she worked toward, doing very well. One joined the military and is getting his classes during the military on their bill, mostly. Also working his way up in that career while plodding away being a responsible adult. One wasn't cut out for school and maybe never will be. He's been taking care of his own business for years now, he's also made his own luck and is basically living a life that's pretty exciting overall, but also grounded in paying his way. In other words, they watched some of their peers take a dive because they never had to take care of their own stuff, and they turned out pretty mature with their budgets from early progressive practice. Going on to college was their choices, not mandated. I wished I had more, but it worked out so far.

I pretty much gave all I had (not much) to the first child. We'll be doing the pitiful savings route for the last. They all worked when they were old enough and had spending money of their own and made choices like borrowing my car and having the deductible in the bank in case they wrecked it, or buying a car and making their own insurance payments. The older ones bought their own cell phones if they wanted one and handled the bill. Plenty of mistakes were made. What they do say is that they don't regret the money they wasted. And that they knew how to handle their money much better than their peers once they left home.

Of course, it would have been ideal to have the college money help. But they turned out budget minded and frugal, yet still knew how to have fun. They did things, and were in things in a moderate way. They have all traveled all along, and done interesting things, and that continued into young adulthood. I think learning early a gradual budget responsibility that was on their terms was what made them responsible adults. I like that they aren't only focused on getting more things, too, but living life.

In other words. Prepare as much as you can, but not instead of also having a life and getting experiences now. Teach them to be financially responsible, accountable, and still have as much fun as budgets allow. We're going somewhere cool every so often now that there is only one at home. Sometimes we have to stretch more than we should for it. But I know it's worth it. All things in moderation and flexibility.

One huge thing I learned is that you can't imagine for your kids what they will be or whats best. They are not you. They didn't grow up in your era. They will find it themselves and your experience and lifetime put on them will limit them. Direct them to a good direction and prepare them, yeah. But you can't imagine what their best road will be. What the best road to that will be. Those jobs may not be around, then. I couldn't have guided my kids to the places they put themselves. The background work was good. That was my job. Laying down a path would have put up walls for them. It didn't hurt they weren't too good to do what it took to get where they wanted to be. Build that kind of kid and step back and watch them bloom.

I supply my children with food and shelter. Can't really afford much else.

This is my family. I'm 22 years old, and when your kids get to be my age, they may appreciate if you knew what I'm about to share with you: I was home schooled 3rd grade through 9th, and I know full well that I was able to retain information best when I was enjoying the experience. My parents traveled for business when I was little. I've been to 48 states and Canada. I saw three space shuttle launches, several natural landmarks (Garden of the Gods, Yellowstone Park, etc.), as well as national landmarks (Statue of Liberty, Liberty Bell, Jamestown Settlement, The Alamo, and Civil War battle grounds). I saw Hollywood, Elvis' birthplace, Graceland, and been to the homes of Mark Twain and Thomas Jefferson. BUT, traveling was how my parents brought in enough money to keep feeding and clothing two growing kids. These weren't just "enrichment activities"; this WAS our history and geography education, and it was on the way to where we needed to go.

So, knowing that these things had a huge and lasting impact on me, what would I recommend? Buy your kids a museum pass and some Rosetta Stone software and SAVE FOR THEIR COLLEGE COSTS. Here's why:

1. I'm 22 years old and I can't afford to finish college. It costs almost $5,000 per semester to go to my "cheap" state university, and they won't let me start a new semester until I've paid off the old one. Even with my full-time job, I can only afford 1.5 semesters of college per year. It shouldn't take seven years to complete my Bachelor's degree, but I don't have much choice.

2. Your kids aren't going to remember this stuff in 10 years. They'll remember the car breaking down, and eating something that grosses them out, but all of the facts you want them to learn will be forgotten.

(2a - By the way, maybe I'm just a stupid, poor kid, but what kind of "enrichment" is "sleep-away camp"? Take your kids to your local forest preserve or nature museum and let them have sleep overs. Same difference.)

3. Don't sacrifice the education your kids need for one that does them no good. I admire your desire for your kids to have these wonderful and irreplaceable experiences, but a high school diploma just doesn't cut it anymore.

4. When your kids get to be teens and young adults, their values and priorities are going to shift just a little bit. For example, between the trip to China and a small car, your 16 year old is most likely going to want the car. China is not going to make them look cool, get them to school or work, or take their dates to the movies. China is not going to relax them after a bad day, give them a place to scream out their frustrations, or cry/sing as loud as they want to a breakup song when they're heartbroken. There are pictures of the Ice Caps online; they're going to want to see something "exciting" like the nearest big city, or the next state over.

5. Finally, if you put aside money for college, they can use it on whatever becomes most important to them. They may want to start a clinic or a food pantry. They may want to put down money on a house. They may want to travel (when they're old enough to remember the experience) to somewhere they've heard or read about. If they don't - if going to school and getting a degree is what they want to do - then they have that option, too.

Again, I admire your desire for your kids to experience these wonderful things, but it's not practical and it doesn't really do them as much good as saving for their future. A parent's responsibility is to provide his/her children with what they need, and these days, a college education is considered necessary. It's honestly the best thing you could ever give to/do for your kids. Good luck!

3. Don't sacrifice the education your kids need for one that does them no good. I admire your desire for your kids to have these wonderful and irreplaceable experiences, but a high school diploma just doesn't cut it anymore.

I dont think they are sacraficing their kids education at all. They are giving them more knowledge by traveling and sending them away then a book could ever teach them. Just because they are choosing to have different experiences than paying for college doesnt mean their sacraficing their education....

why is there no option for "hookers and blow"?

I see a couple of them chimed in!

I'm mixed on this on one hand yes save for college, but on the other hand what if college isnt in your child's future? Is it more important to make memories or save?

I dont know if you can have your cake and eat it too...

I was lucky I had scholarships, loans, and I was able to live with my Grandma who put me through school.

Definitely save for school. As someone who has just sent her only child off the university, let me just say what a colossal relief it is that it does not effect my current account. The trips are nice, but a luxury they will have to afford for themselves.