I can't help myself
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I would strongly recommend that you look in the Popular Blog Post for one called Motivation written by liftnlove. Print it out and put it up everywhere!
Other than that, I agree with the advice your are being given, we all had to start somewhere....baby steps. Good luck.0 -
I think the thing you are missing is you are not the first person who didn't want to work out. Very few people who are not already doing it routinely enjoy working out and dieting. You just have to decide you want it and that losing the weight is more important than your aversion to those things. There really is not trick to it though, you just gotta do it.0
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I really, really, really wanna lose weight. I want to SO bad. But NOTHING is working. I mean, nothing I do to motivate myself, I mean.
The thing is, I HATE sweating unless I'm having fun. And y'know, sports are fun, but I have like one friend who'll play soccer or catch or anything with me, but I can barely do that more than three times a week, let alone every day.
My therapist decided to help make a plan for me to lose weight. She has me starting slow, counting my calories only three days out of the week and one workout a week. That plan was made last wednesday. The counting calories I can do just fine, despite being a picky eater, but I still haven't done the ONE workout. I was suppose to do it last friday, but I haven't. I just don't WANT to. Like I do, but I don't.
The funniest part is, I was doing so well near the beginning of the year. I was fifteen pounds under my then weight. Now I'm like 30 pounds over my weight from then. I've gained like 45 pounds and only one pair of my jeans actually fits anymore. My clothes feel so much tighter and I refuse to conform and buy new clothes because I feel like that's giving in. But the tight clothes aren't motivating enough for me to lose weight, neither is the fact that I feel like a fatass and everyone keeps telling me to stop complaining if I won't do anything about it.
I feel like crying. Some advice please?
No amount of encouragement or motivation from others is going to get force you to change your habits. Only you can do that, and it will happen when you're ready.0 -
I'd starve myself if I could.0
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Look if you can't help yourself. You will never reach your goals. Your problem is you just don't want it bad enough .. You want to sit on your comfy couch where its easy and safe. You are scared of the person you will be come..
The problem is you have the potential to be the best you you can ever be and you are rationalizing that away with excuses and fear.
You hate sweat ? I mean really? Sweat is one of the fundamental foundations of your weight loss recipe..
Look you need to get uncomfortable you need to shake things up a bit... You need to get out of your head about this and change your mind. Your body wont follow until you change your mindset.
Who cares you have gained weight .. You need to own it. You need to own up to the fact that you are in this position because of you and only you can change the position you are in.
SO you need to ask you self how bad do you want it ?
Because if you want it bad. you will make changes, you will make sacrifices and most importantly you will STOP making excuses and get out there on to the path of greatness...
Or you can sit here and whine about it..
I think the choice is pretty easy if you ask me...
How bad do you want it ?
This! This is it! You got to want it and want to work for it! I had to learn that the hard way!0 -
I'm sorry, but I asked for motivation and advice. Not people belittling me for being depressed (not sad, there's a difference) and lazy. I don't feel any more compelled to work out after hearing that I need to stop whining.
i understand you when you say this. its not what people say its how they say it but we often get defensive when we cant handle the truth. i am the same way because i am a very defensive person. if you don't like what someone says don't even speak on it. just read it and move on. im in the same boat as you im no better than you are. please don't let people get you in a funk. its all love0 -
I'm sorry, but I asked for motivation and advice. Not people belittling me for being depressed (not sad, there's a difference) and lazy. I don't feel any more compelled to work out after hearing that I need to stop whining.
So, out of all the replies you got, that's the only thing you're going to take away from this whole thread? That maybe one or two people actually said to just do it? You aren't looking at the big pic of life at ALL. And quite frankly, all of the caring and good advice is wasted on you if all you are going to do is complain about the 1 or 2 that you THOUGHT were belittling you. No one is belittling you. What everyone is trying to tell you is to just get up and do it. Even if you don't want to. Get out of your head and quit listening to that little voice and just to what has to be done. You may hate it today, tomorrow, next week or even next month. But once you start to feel it, it will be a whole new world. And no one can do it for you. You, YES YOU, have to do it! There is no hand holding in the real world. Every day isn't going to be skittles and rainbows. Some days are going to be storms and mud -- but you truck right on through knowing that the bucket of skittles are on the other side somewhere.
If you are depressed, really depressed, you need to seek medical help. Otherwise, don't get onto a public forum saying you 'can't help yourself' and then falling back on the EXCUSE of being depressed. That term is thrown around loosely too often to the point where folks who are medically depressed get ignored because of it. So, if you are in fact depressed, get help. If you want to lose weight, help yourself. The end.0 -
It sounds like you want to lose weight, but not work for it. Maybe it'd be a good idea to explore all of this in therapy.0
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Fellow depression sufferer here. The thing about these boards is that different people respond to different kinds of support. It looks like you got a lot of tough love in this one, and that's super motivating for some people. Others feel attacked by that kind of motivation, even when there's no actual attacking going on. I honestly hope that you'll come back to this post in a few days and reread some of the responses.
I exercise because I know that it will help with my depression. When I exercise, especially outside in the sun, I feel great. Even if it's just a short walk. When I don't exercise my therapist and I have noticed my mood drop. She always catches me if I go more than a couple of weeks without some activity.
Even if it's just a short walk, get your workout clothes on and go. Even if it's just 15 minutes. Chances are that once you start you'll go a little longer than planned. Eventually it will become a routine, but for now sometimes you have to drag your motivation along kicking and screaming.0 -
I'd starve myself if I could.
why? food is not the enemy, your own thoughts are.0 -
after trying and failing several times, here's what i can give you:
1. you have to want it. I never wanted it despite thinking i did. I was not willing to work for it like i am now. I am exercising, sweating, counting calories and losing.
2. you have to have accountability. I have a co-worker, my trainer, and my husband to help me for when i feel like going off track.
3. you have to find time. I go to graduate school and work full time. I work out at lunch for 30 min with a trainer 2-3 times a week, do group classes on weekends and with my husband two nights a week. If i can do it with my commitments and family, anyone can do it.
4. you need it to be fun- i so get that. grab a buddy, make a friend, join a group class and find something you like doing. I love weights and water so i do both when i can. if you like to dance- try zumba, something slow-paced- try yoga. most gyms have something for everyone and when you go often enough, people remember you and there is accountability there.
hope this helps and good luck to you, remember no matter how much you exercise (or don't) a crap diet will tank all your work.0 -
If you are eating in a deficit, weighing your food (not just guessing), being honest with your intake and still not losing you are probably not calculating something correctly.
Go through your goals, set your weight loss to 1lb / week. Eat what it says, be accurate. That's all..calories in < calories out. That's it. No magic.
IF you eventually feel like doing some kind of activity then great..log it and eat back some of the calories you worked off. But regardless, You absolutely 100% do NOT need to exercise to lose weight. Exercise is for health, diet is for weight loss. It is EASIER if you work out a little bit but for new people it more often just complicates things. Get your eating in order, do that for a while. Then worry about exercise.0 -
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I'd starve myself if I could.
"My advice in most situations is to just keep moving. Never surrender. Never give up."
Sound familiar? It's copied from your profile. Great advice.
Don't allow your excuses to be your reason to surrender and give up.
There's been such wonderful advice given to you from others who have been in this same place as you. You are not alone. Losing weight will not only make you feel better physically, it will make you feel better mentally. Don't look at the big number for now. Just make a small goal. 10 lbs. You want to hit 10 lbs. Then, once you do, go for 10 more. Then 10 more. It adds up quickly!
Slow & Easy Way:
~ Substitute 2 bad things you eat a day for 2 good things.
~ Drink more water.
~ Start walking. I'm not sure of your physical condition, but if it means to the end of your driveway and back that gets you out of breath - do that. If its down the street, do that. Do that several times a week. Then, the next week, try to go just a little bit more. And a little bit more. Recognize your tiny accomplishments. Celebrate those (not with food). Just that mental "Oh yeah, I just did that!"
Faster and Not Quite so Easy but a LOT Easier than You Think Way:
Go here: scoobysworkshop.com/calorie-calculator/
Take the TDEE and eat 300-500 calories less than that number.
Be okay with sweating a little, a few days a week.
Give it one month, one honest month of trying, and then see how you feel.
I hated to sweat too - with a passion. I hated for people to see me with a red face. I'm pale and I almost turn purple from exercise. I used to not be able to walk up and down my street without having to stop halfway up the hill to catch my breath. (now I walk and am beginning to run that loop 10+ times) I have fought clinical depression for 25 years, medicated for 25 years. I am no longer on those meds and doing great. Would I give that up to sit back on the couch and fight all of those self-destructive thoughts constantly hammering at me in exchange for a purple face and the sweat creeping down my back a few days a week? No, its not a good exchange for me anymore.
Is losing weight and exercising all fun? No way.
Is it comfortable? No, not really. But honestly ask yourself. Are you truly comfortable now?
Will it become fun and comfortable? Yes, if you keep at it.
Will you begin to love it? Absolutely, if you allow yourself to.
You can do it, if only you put your mind to it.
Good luck!0 -
For all the time you spent typing this blog, you could have walked around the block. 1 lap around the block could eventually turn into 2,3,4 and so forth. Just that counts and you can build from there. You can't continue to tell yourself you don't want to work out. what are you doing with all your free time???? If you are just sitting in front of your TV, get some workout videos - those you can do in 30 minutes in front of the TV at very little cost.
Have you thought about getting yourself a trainer? So that way, weekly you are required to be at the gym or you're not just letting yourself down but your trainer as well.
If you don't alreayd have a dog, get one - commit to one daily 30 minute walk with you, you'd be surprised how enjoyable you find it to be.
Also, don't set yourself up for excuses. I found that when I bring my workout bag to work, I have to go to the gym automatically afterwards since I have no excuse to not go.
All in all, I'm going to put this as nicely as I can...quit whining, quit making excuses and quit being lazy. Don't wait for your friends to want to play sports. Design a plan and get out there and do it. You don't get what you wish for, you get what you work for...besides if you start losing the weight, maybe you can forgo the money spent on the therapist, who's advice you are not heeding, and spend the money on some new clothes.
Just.do.it.0 -
I'd starve myself if I could.
OK, so now I call BS.
That is depression talking and over-exaggerating. There's literally nothing stopping you from starving yourself if that's what you really wanted to do. Obviously, you don't really want to do that or you'd already be doing it. That's good, but you need to stop throwing out these blocks if you want to move forward.
Good news is, you don't have to sweat to lose weight. Manage what you eat, and that will do it for you.
Better news: when you start losing weight, you should start feeling better, and it'll maybe help with lifting that depression.
Best news: when you feel better about yourself, you should be motivated to do things to keep that feeling going. Like looking back on this thread and taking some of the fine advice for finding exercise you think is fun, or exercise where you don't need to sweat.
ETA: I lift heavy, and don't sweat. I stand in the path of a fan while I do it - keeps me cold enough to keep the sweat at bay. Yeah, I'm not a fan of sweating, either, but I'll do it when I have to. Comes of living where it's so damn hot there's no avoiding it for much of the year.0 -
Two things -- First, what you eat actually plays more of a role in weight loss than working out. If you can be successful with your eating plan, you should be able to lose weight. If you think you are being successful with your eating but that you aren't losing weight because you aren't exercising then you are most likely lying to yourself about your eating habits. You need to straighten that out first.
Second, exercise is still an important part of being healthy. But some of us just aren't into the exercise scene as far as making a special event out of getting ready to go to the gym and working out on the machines or making special plans to go play sports or whatever. If I had to go to those lengths to get exercise, I would never do it either. Start thinking about exercise as something that you can do any time and place with no special preparation. You don't have to make a big ordeal out of it. If you can carve out half an hour in your evening and are willing to walk down the street, you can get exercise. If you are willing to stand in front of your tv with dumbbells and do some squats and curls while American Idol is on, you can get exercise. You have to find something that will work for you long term -- something that you are willing to do and something that you at the very least don't hate. Otherwise you will just keep falling off the exercise wagon over and over again.0 -
Don't give up before you've even started! You can do it, you just really need to want it.
I'm 4 stone overweight, I don't particularly like working out but I'm getting there, I feel a sense of pride after I've worked out because I did it! I'm doing the 30 day shred and most days I sit there and literally argue with myself, going back and forth with excuses. But I just get up and do it!0 -
I am really sorry that you found our advice unhelpful. I wish we could steer you to the magic plan that we are all working in secret - but there isn't one.
As we've all said - nothing WE say - positive or negative - will motivate you. You have to want it yourself. You can have 500 supportive friends on MFP and not a one of them will stop you from eating in an unhealthy manner or make you get up and move.
I had to come to this realization. Everyone who has a significant amount of weight to lose is in the same boat. WE all had to make the decision to change. Change is hard. It's uncomfortable. But you know what? It's a he!! of a lot easier than carrying around the 95 pounds that I used to drag around every minute of my life. I still have about 40 - 50 more to go. But every day is easier.
16 months ago, I made the decision to get healthy. Not to get skinny. Not to fit into a skinny pair of jeans. I just wanted to be healthy. That was my goal. Every time I waiver, I ask myself - how is this helping me get healthy.
I wish you good luck. There is NO reason that you can't be one of the people who are successful at weight loss. :flowerforyou:0 -
When you want something and you are really ready for it, you find a way to make it happen. Until then, you find excuses.
In order to make a change in your life, you have to willing to be uncomfortable.
Two simple questions: Are you ready? Are you willing?0 -
it *appears* that you are attention seeking... people don't respond well to that especially if they have given you support and help... A lot of people myself included gave you sound advice with not so much as a hint of criticism in.. Others took a firmer approach which you complained was belittling...
You have been told you dont HAVE to work out... to eat less...to make small changes...to TRY and move some... what more do you want? no one is going to hold your hand and take you round the block for a walk.
I have a couple of mental health issues including clinical depression which include suicidal thoughts... My treatment? Karate and prescribed drugs... I put the karate first as thats what does me more good than the drugs... if i am unable to train for a week i have to increase some of my meds... if i train daily I can reduce them.
You say you want it really really bad? sorry but not bad enough... you need to find a reason that works for you and stop relying on others... you are already in therapy which is good.. but you are not doing what the therapist is telling you.. s/he is helping you but you are ignoring her... how can anyone help you if you wont help yourself?
Sorry dont mean to be harsh but these are the facts
Good luck
xx0 -
You can lose weight without working out... You just need to eat less than you burn in a day however working out will help your loss along and make you feel better.. Honest!
Working out doesn't have to be in a gym, running around a track or sweating to a DVD... How about when you do the housework crank the music up loud dance and jump around as you are doing it.. sing your heart out and bop along to the music.. so long as you get atleast a little warm and out of breath you are doing something which is better than nothing!
Good luck!
I agree with this. Obviously the OP isn't 100% motivated to work out (maybe 10% hehe) but perhaps in time, after seeing small successes from the above, that will come.0 -
Please watch this. I found this video when I first started on MFP. It made a tremendous impact on me. Maybe it will help you too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SbXgQqbOoU 0 -
Please watch this. I found this video when I first started on MFP. It made a tremendous impact on me. Maybe it will help you too.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SbXgQqbOoU
Thanks you.
That really helped. I guess that's something I could've easily looked up myself, but I'm fairly absent-minded. That did so much more than telling me I'm whining does.
I'm gonna try running again tonight.0 -
Make your excuses, your reasons. Use those doubts, to push yourself. Because the only person you're trying to convince on WHY you shouldn't/can't, is yourself!
You don't do the right things to better your health, so then you make excuses. And all you are doing, is trying to justify why you didn't follow through, And at the end of the day, you're only short changing yourself. And if you're cool with that, and you're happy knowing that you gave up. Fine, then keep on doing what you're doing.
But if you're serious, step out of that comfort zone, get uncomfortable and make a change.0 -
I'm sorry, but I asked for motivation and advice. Not people belittling me for being depressed (not sad, there's a difference) and lazy. I don't feel any more compelled to work out after hearing that I need to stop whining.
But that's the point. There is nothing that we can say that is going to make you magically want to workout. Nothing in the world.
It has to come from within. That's how everyone here did it, and we can only advise you from our own experience.
No one I know gets up at the crack of dawn and runs 10k just because someone on their newsfeed will say 'great burn!' when they get back. They do it because they are disciplined, and they know that it's what's needed to reach their goal.
No one is trying to be mean. They are trying to get you to the point where you realize inside yourself what needs to be done, and you get out there and do it. Everyone on MFP wants to see everyone else succeed. No matter how mean they sometimes may sound.
My challenge to you is to prove people who have called you lazy wrong. Choose a day this week, schedule a workout (whatever you want to do as a workout, even a mile walk), and do it. Do it because you need to, not because it will make you happy.
THS!!!^^^^^
I don't think they are trying to be mean... I agree that it’s hard to find motivation outside of yourself... I had to hit rock bottom in order to say "enough is enough and I’m not going to take it anymore!!" There was no one telling me to work out twice a day there was just me telling me to get my fat but up because I’m the only one who can do it for me!
Now having friend’s on MFP is great support and seeing everyone else post their workouts is motivating BUT you have to want to get up and do it yourself for yourself
Losing weight is hard.. I know it’s been said but it is and each person's journey is different. Start slow, find what works for you and stick to it! Slowly build on to your routine and you'll see progress!
Good Luck!0 -
I'm gonna try running again tonight.
Are you following a running program, or just getting out there and trying to run? When I first started, one year and 60 pounds ago, I couldn't run very far at all. If I'd tried to go out and 'go for a run' it would have been a recipe for feeling like a failure every time, and ultimately quitting. I know - that's what's always happened in the past when I tried to get into running.
Instead, I strongly recommend a couch to 5k program. By using the C25k, which gradually builds you up to running by alternating periods of jogging and walking, my confidence stayed high. Every session I felt that I achieved completing that session, rather than once again failing to finish my run. But start slow on the jogs. Like <5mph slow. Most people have to drop their speed half way through.
It did me the world of good, and one year on I'm 60 pounds lighter (through diet) and running 10ks.0 -
As someone who has dealt with mental health issues for the past dozen years you have my every sympathy. In the past 12 years I've yoyo'd from a healthy weight to grossly underweight to morbidly obese. It's no surprise that my mental health was up and down along with my weight. i dealt with wrong diagnosis and wrong meds which led to 3 different breakdowns over the years. I've lost jobs and friends. I've had those days where the thought of just living a normal life (getting out of bed, getting dressed, going to work, cooking dinner) felt like too much to bear. Of course I wasn't motivated to eat right or exercise. I wasn't motivated enough to care for my basic functions!
Then a huge turning point came. I got a proper diagnosis (bi-polar) and the right meds, and some therapy in the beginning and for the first time in my life I actually care about caring for myself. I care that I'm fat. I want to lose weight. I don't have the demons in my head making me anxious, or manic, or depressed.
I've even found that working out makes me feel great! I love the runners high that I get. I love the feeling after a great work out when I'm sweaty and gross.
I still struggle to stay motivated and to eat healthy. Just this morning I was looking for excuses to not do my C25K run. Then I saw pictures from myself at a recent wedding (I look gross), and I came to my fitness pass to look at the success stories and all I can think about is getting to the gym.
To sum up my long winded advice; you need to get your mental health in check before you can expect to be motivated to get your physical health in check. Until that happens: fake it. Do it even if you don't want to. Force yourself. You may hate every second of it but as long as you do it who cares? Even if all you do is take a leisurely stroll around the block you've accomplished something.
I wish you all the best on your road to a healthy mental and physical lifestyle.0 -
I'm sorry, but I asked for motivation and advice. Not people belittling me for being depressed (not sad, there's a difference) and lazy. I don't feel any more compelled to work out after hearing that I need to stop whining.
That's the problem, you want stuff sugar coated. And apparently all that does is keep you unmotivated. You need to be told straight forward and honestly. We aren't going to lie just so your feeling go unscathed. Believe me we ALL started at the beginning, we had the moments where we wanted to throw in the towel. But something or someone made us see the light, and sometimes that light isn't pretty. But it's what, pushed us to never give up.0 -
Like everyone is saying, the desire to change has to come from within yourself. However, I'd just like to say that when I first lost weight, I did it without exercising a single day. I don't recommend it as a long term solution because exercise is extremely important to your health, but if your biggest problem is just that you hate exercising... Don't exercise for a month or two and just focus on your calories. I think once you start seeing results you'll WANT to exercise, but regardless, you'll be losing weight.0
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