Mommy Guilt

Options
2

Replies

  • DistantJ
    DistantJ Posts: 155 Member
    Options
    I guess I don't agree with all the good for you posts....There are lots of times during when the kiddos are asleep that you can work out. Kids that age DO NOT understand that you are trying to be healthy.....they just miss you. Family first IMO

    I have 6 kids ranging from 2 months to 18 years, and I have to say that I agree with this. I took two years off from regular parenting while I was working full-time and getting my masters. NOT WORTH IT! Perhaps go work out before they get up or after they go to bed whenever you can. Or, perhaps the workout can be swimming with them or taking them on a jog in the jogger stroller or running around the park like crazy people. :)

    Now that i have my younger two kids (2 and 2 mo), I have cut back to working part-time from home (I realize this isn't an option for everyone) and if I go work out without them, I don't feel guilty about the time away.

    Best wishes to you, and good for you trying to balance out your time with your family!
  • elainecroft
    elainecroft Posts: 595 Member
    Options
    It seems like people are trying to give you MORE guilt...

    Do what you need to do, for YOUR life & family. If that means working out some evenings, then do it, and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.
  • gobonas99
    gobonas99 Posts: 1,049 Member
    Options
    If I were you, I would only go to class at the gym 2-3 days per week. The other days, do something at home either WITH the kids (ie walking/running with the baby in the stroller with your 4yo riding their bike next to you), after they go to bed at night, or in the morning before they get up. But definitely take those 2-3 days at the gym (or even working out by yourself at home), and make those days "daddy" time. :happy:
  • rachelrb85
    rachelrb85 Posts: 579 Member
    Options
    I feel your pain. My baby is much younger (4 months) and I would feel guilty leaving. I come home from work, feed her and put her to bed like an hour later. Personally, I work out during my lunch break so it doesn't affect my family time. I try and use the jogging stroller as much as I can, and she loves it! Also, we bought a 70 lb boxing bag and I cannot wait to start using it! If you like your boxing workouts, why not buy one and workout at home when they go to bed?
  • aliawiesand
    aliawiesand Posts: 1
    Options
    I would say that it depends on how often/how long you go. If it is a few times a week, it is actually beneficial to the children to see you have you time. I helped raise three kids when I was a teenager, and they never learned to be on their own because they never saw a time where there mom or me were not there.
    I understand the guilt (I do that with my puppy) but at the same time it also builds the little ones. Plus, you are there for dinner and for bed time, which counts for a lot. Little ones still get to see you, and you still get to be healthy.
    And I am really a strong believer in teaching (gently) the younger ones to have space away from parents. It creates a less co-dependent life style in the end.
  • stacksue
    stacksue Posts: 19 Member
    Options
    I try to work out in the mornings before work. Even if this means leaving when my son is awake. We never play in the am(we're both too sleepy) so we aren't missing playtime. Twice a week I take classes and I DO get home later. At first I felt guilty but it is very important to sometimes do what makes you feel best. I am much happier now that I put aside time to take care of myself as well as my little boy. However, I can't 'manage to get him into bed before 10 so working our after he goes to bed just isn't an option. Maybe the nights you go to your class will become your children's special night with Daddy...
  • Brige2269
    Brige2269 Posts: 354 Member
    Options
    It's called Mommy time! I use to fret about it too, but I realized, I was not getting anytime for myself. The kids had their time to do what they wanted, hubby had his time to do what he wanted, why couldn't I? So, I joined a gym, gave myself an hour a day, RIGHT after work, cos if I went home, we all know, we would never make it back out to the gym. My daughter always had to go to after school daycare anyway, so I figured, what was one more hour for her to be there, so I can work on me? She was having fun, I was paying for the time anyway. You just gotta do it for you.

    Oh, I never workout at lunch, do NOT want to come back to my office sweaty.
  • summer8it
    summer8it Posts: 433 Member
    Options
    I feel NO guilt about leaving my husband and son at home 1 or 2 nights a week so I can go to classes. I wouldn't want to leave them more than that -- I do like my time with them -- but I also think it's good for them to have that time when Daddy is the one on duty. It's special time for them to spend together, and I think they have a closer relationship because of it. It's important to me that my son knows that Mama and Daddy are equally able to care for him.

    Since you mention leaving your kids at home, I'm guessing that they are staying with their dad or with someone else who loves them, like a grandmother. As long as that other parent/caregiver enjoys being with the kids, it can really be a special gift to give them that time to really bond without you there.

    (That said, I also get up early 3 days a week to lift at home, so I'm not carving all my workout hours out of family time.)
  • emjaycazz
    emjaycazz Posts: 330 Member
    Options
    I have worked my son's entire life (he's 12), so he was in either childcare or in school when I was working. So my evenings with him were very valuable to me when he was very young. I didn't want to miss that stage.

    However, I would say that whatever decision you make should be based on what's best for you and your family and not on just guilt....because you can be the most amazing mother in the world and STILL feel guilty about something! It's just part of being a mom.

    I second the recommendation of DVD programs if you have the ability to either work out at home either after they're in bed or before they wake up (like Turbofire, which was already recommended, also Les Mills Combat and Tapout XT).
  • trijoe
    trijoe Posts: 729 Member
    Options
    I'm a stay at home dad with 3 daughters and a wife who works endless hours. I have no guilt. I enjoy my time away from them all. I've earned it, I deserve it, I'm taking it. End that paragraph and move on.

    Love has nothing to do with how much you're around somebody. Love is quality, not quantity. As long as your kids are being raised well, with good parenting, good examples, and quality time when you are around them, then you deserve your time away from them. By the same token (and this will become more clear as your kids get older), they need their time away from you, too. Separation is normal, natural, and relationally healthy.

    Now, go workout and enjoy the heck out of it. If nothing else, it'll give you stories to tell the kids about when you get home.
  • trijoe
    trijoe Posts: 729 Member
    Options
    Being home with the girls is still the best job I've ever had.
  • judyde
    judyde Posts: 401 Member
    Options
    So who is watching them while you work out? If it's your husband, why feel guilty? He's part of the family, too! It doesn't have to be Mom all the time.

    If you're taking them to "babysitting while you work out" at the gym, then that's different. I have twin boys who are 4 and they are also in daycare all day. I would feel guilty picking them up from daycare and bringing them to babysitting at the gym. But my husband often takes care of the boys while I work out or have a Mom's Night Out. And I do the same for him.

    I'm on my way to the gym myself right now to work out. My husband and mother in law are putting the boys to bed. Its good for them to have Daddy time, too!
  • blondieellie
    blondieellie Posts: 46 Member
    Options
    Ah it's hard isn't it. Don't feel guilty though - you are looking after yourself so you will be happy and healthy for your kids.
  • cvaughn76
    cvaughn76 Posts: 2 Member
    Options
    Thanks for all the tips. I only go a couple times a week. Maybe I will try to go workout on my lunch break. There is a gym near by my job so I will look into that.
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    Options
    Think of all the energy you will have to take them to the park or bike riding or whatever on the weekend. Being fit gives you the energy to be a great mom.
  • myprana
    myprana Posts: 66
    Options
    If I were you, I'd skip the gym for now and do exercise at home. Let your kids be a part of it; at that age they'll love spending time with mom. When my kids were younger, we'd put on some music and have a dancing contest (like the Soul Train line) and after that I'd do strength training with them as my weights. It was so much fun. I miss them being that little. Time flies, so enjoy them in the moment as much as possible.
  • MuscleAndMascara
    MuscleAndMascara Posts: 1,259 Member
    Options
    I go at 5am for 60 min to the gym, then to my full time job 8-4 (I can eat during work so no lunch out) Then home to my baby. Lately I've been going in the am and the pm but I take my one year old daughter with me so she can play in the kid care. I figured this will get her socialized for an hour a day. Her Oma watches her in the day time. I feel guilty too. But mommy needs to be healthy to live a long, happy life with her little ones! You will inspire you kids to be healthy too!! :D
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
    Options
    I would not feel one bit guilty about going to the gym a couple of times a week.
  • Southern_Belle_LA
    Southern_Belle_LA Posts: 931 Member
    Options
    When I was younger my mom went back to school to get a nursing degree and my dad worked on a newspaper route for extra money. Kids don't notice the absence of time when you still spend QUALITY time with them. There are some families that spend all day with each other but it's clouded by cell phones, tv and other electronics that take away that time anyway.

    Plus you are also sending a great message that health is important and mommy woudn't be doing it if it didn't matter. My parents not being around every evening or morning didn't make me sad or resentful. My mom taught me I should pursue a career that I felt passionate about (I also went back to school for another degree and love it) and my dad taught me that sometimes you have to do things to help make ends meet (occasionally I work overnight shifts at my old job for extra cash).

Categories