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I'm Broken (warning: long)



  • jennifer_a00
    jennifer_a00 Posts: 186 Member
    Planning! Do the grocery shopping, and have some healthy snacks around so you don't get to that place where you are starving, or so you can easily grab something healthy right when you get home. If you don't have time to cook after work, there are other options other than fast food. Prepare some meals ahead of time on the weekends, or you can get a crock pot, throw the food into it in the morning and it will be ready when you get home. Who knows, your girlfriend might enjoy eating better food for dinner as well, and jump on board. You can do this, it just takes planning!
  • Quieau
    Quieau Posts: 428 Member
    I have such a long way to go and it's so overwhelming. But OP, I have found great inspiration and motivation and insight from a book called The Gabriel Method by Jon Gabriel. It provides very fresh perspectives and is really helping me adopt the "lifestyle" approach in lieu of the "diet" approach. I mean, REALLY helping. In some surprising ways, in fact. I was convinced that my weight didn't carry emotional or mental issues, but I was wrong!

    You can find it very cheap used on Amazon. Or free here, but not sure if this puts you on a mailing list:

    (He weighed over 400 lbs and now maintains a very lean, healthy weight based on a very unique perspective he shares in his book, heavily based in well-cited science. It's very good reading, even though I'm not 100% into 100% of what he says. I am getting a lot of great insights, though, and a lot of really makes sense to me.)
  • allbarrett
    allbarrett Posts: 159 Member
    My suggestions:

    Cook good, healthy meals on your days off. Divide up and use the leftovers for lunches on work days so you are getting a satisfying amount of good food at lunch - I find this helps control the after-work cravings (and if you aren't snacking after work, you have more time to prepare a good dinner).

    I admit I also buy boxes of granola bars and keep them as "emergency rations" (usually in my desk at work - I can munch one in the car on the way home). There are lots of types and brands that are reasonable calorie (<200), and I find they are good as a go-to when you just CAN'T make it to dinner but don't want to stuff yourself. I'm not usually a pre-packaged fan, but at least they are individually packaged and I can stop after having just ONE.

    There are lots of good cookbooks out there with suggestions for "20 minute meals" and such, something like that might be a good investment. Things that make for quick and healthy meals: omelettes loaded with veggies, stir fry meat and veg over a small amount of rice or noodles, baked fish, pretty much anything cooked on the grill (I like skewers of meat and veg, they are quick and easy and you can prepare them with whatever is in the fridge). Check out slow-cookers and their recipe books - you can get the food going in the morning and it is all ready for you when you get snacking!

    You know you can do this, you've done it before. The trick now is to make it a permanent change! Maybe your girlfriend would be interested in learning to cook with you! It can be a fun thing to do together.
  • GeekMeister
    GeekMeister Posts: 41 Member
    I feel for you man, I know that feeling all too well wanting the lights out. You have done it before and frankly no amount of advice from me or anyone else is going to amount to much unless you just reach inside and want it. There is no magic sauce we can pour over our meals. I struggle with having junk food around me all day every day. I own my own business and I travel often so I'm constantly eating out. When I get home I have a 15 year old boy who can eat all day long and our house is filled with chips and oreos and whatever other kind of junk there is out there. The fridge is filled with stuff I cannot eat anymore and I know how painful it is to look in there and just want that food. I have zero time for much. But here is the thing. As we get older life gets busier and busier. It just does so you might as well just get on board with that concept. What I do is just MAKE time for it. I say NO with authority and dont worry about what others think. You must change the way you live but honestly, some diets are good kick-starters to getting on the right path. Try whatever sounds good to you but realize at the beginning that its our habits that need to be changed and no temporary diet will likely help you with that. Exercise, eat less calories than you burn...right? Its the only sure-fire way I know of to lose pounds.

    When I started I thought I had it all figured out. I'll just do this low carb thing (which I still do but I know its not sustainable) and all will be well. Sure, I lost weight and I've continued to lose weight but I doubt that after the initial two weeks it has/had much to do with the carbs. What I discovered and anyone including yourself knows this really just curbed my appetite and in the end it boiled down to calories in vs out. Thats it, you could eat cupcakes every day and still lose weight so long as your output outpaces the the input. So what I do every day is just focus on getting to the end of day without eating too many calories and making sure that I am active enough to bump up my calories burned. I use whatever tools are available to me, my fitbit, MFP, and anything else that I think will help me keep my mind right about what it is I'm trying to do.

    So dont even wait another minute, dont say I'll get on that tomorrow just start this instant. When you get home from a long day...go for a walk...dont sit down!!! That was my worst habit ever. Once I sat down it was over. Plan stuff to do. Stick to your plan. You just have to want to do it. Its all on your shoulders really. But when you do decide make sure you help someone else. Help anyone. Own your task and be willing to stand by it by helping another.

    Then go turn the lights back on brotha! Wishing you huge success!
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
    I think part of the problem, while I'm not fully blaming her, is because I eat how my fiance eats. She's 5'4'' and weighs 108 and has always been able to just eat whatever she wants without gaining anything. A typical days meal for her is no breakfast, fast food for lunch and fast food or pizza for dinner (she absolutely cannot cook, it's like her only flaw). Yes, she eats very small meals, but it's nothing but fast food.

    Good to hear you're not 'fully' blaming her... *eyeroll*

    Seriously dude, she is staying under her calories, even if the food she eats is lacking in nutrients. You're not. You are eating over your calorie goal. You don't have to eat the same type of food as her, or go to the same places all the time. Give and take. And why is not being able to cook a 'flaw'? Can you cook? So make the food!

    Look to yourself and you'll get back on track. All the best.
  • heymayer
    heymayer Posts: 34 Member
    You guys all rock. Thanks for the support and info.

    And I realize now I made it sound like I am blaming my fiance. I'm not. I blame myself for eating the meals I do when I'm with her. That's what I meant. I'm jealous of how she can eat and so I emulate it only to find myself where I am now.

    I'm "broken" in that I no longer have self control, basically.
  • Jennisin1
    Jennisin1 Posts: 574 Member
    Lots of excuses... you could always batch cook your proteins and precut your veggies for salads.....

    A nice chunk of chicken and an entire bag of steamed veggies is ready in 8 minutes.... or a huge salad could be put together in 5 minutes topped.... or a some Hungry Girl mexican Beef in the crock pot (5 mins in the morning) and 5 minutes... with some steamed veggies and a couple of tortillas....

    It's about choosing to plan ahead. I'm a single mom with a not quite two year old and a just turned 3 year old who works a full time job... I don't have the time to spend ages in the kitchen..... I plan ahead.

    If you are starving when you get home.. have the premeasured servings of hummus and carrotts waiting and snack on that while you "fix" supper....
  • teerae326
    teerae326 Posts: 150 Member
    Everyone has given you great ideas for your food planning so I won't go there, but about the self-conscious side of you, turning the lights off with your lady... I know from personal experience, being a girl and all, that regardless of my weight, how I look in those moments are on my mind, not how my man looks. I've been losing weight over the last few months and my boyfriend has been slowly gaining, but I'm not thinking about how he's starting to get moobies (man-boobies) or that his belly is hanging over. I'm thinking about how my belly looks right now, is he seeing my double-chin from that angle or whatever. I'm too worried about me being able to turn him on than anything else. I can't always "get into it," my mind is on the basket of laundry or my flab or the trip to the bank I have to make... Sometimes anyway. Your lady is probably not worried about you because she's thinking about what you're thinking about her. :) Hope I confused you enough. Don't worry, man. Hopefully your lady is understanding and loves you for you anyway.
  • Mainebikerchick
    Mainebikerchick Posts: 1,573 Member
    I think there are a few things you could do to help your cause and get you back on track.

    1. Talk to your fiancee about your feelings. She may not want or need to change how she eats, but she needs to respect and support you if YOU do.

    2. Couples cooking classes? I know you mentioned time constraints but I'm sure you could find something that would work. A lot of these types of classes are offered in the evenings to better accomodate schedules.

    3. Make a list, plan your meals out and buy the food to prepare them. Cook at home on the weekends and pre-package everything for quick meals on the go. You can even cook your veggies ahead of time then freeze them in single serving packages.

    4. When you get home at night, if you have all your meals for the week already prepared, then you can grab what you want, heat it up and have a healthy meal before you have to go to work. As far as snacks go, have various fruits on hand, veggies that are pre-cut and ready to be eaten and many nuts are very healthy as well.

    5. First and foremost, start this NOW. You can begin to work on your weight simply by eating better and the exercise can come later.

    Good luck!! :flowerforyou:
  • youtalkfunny
    Some great advice on this page.

    I recommend some positive thinking. It's not "failure", it's "feedback". You didn't fail at anything, you merely learned what happens when you lead an unhealthy lifestyle. You put on weight this week? Shrug. Oh well, just get back to burning fat this week. You coach sports? Well, just like you tell the kids on the football field, "Take the hit, but keep going forward."

    "Broken"? Not hardly! "Frustrated"? That's far more fixable!
    Making time to prepare meals is "hard?" No it's not, it's "challenging".

    The "planning" advice is among the best listed on this page. There are really no healthy lunch options for me at work, so I bring a lunch every day, along with some fruit for snacks (or yogurt, if you like it, wish I did). Cooking a healthy dinner doesn't take any time at all! You can fry up shrimp or salmon and microwave a bag of fresh chopped veggies a LOT faster than you can get the pizza guy to show up or make a run to Taco Bell (don't be scared by the word "fry", one little TBSP of butter or EVOO spread over an entire meal isn't the calorie bomb that we've been misled to believe), and the clean-up afterwards only takes two minutes (the non-stick pan wipes clean under running water, don't even need soap; everything else gets a quick rinse on the way to the dishwasher; wipe down the counter/stovetop and you're done). Bake or grill some chicken on your night off, and make enough to reheat leftovers for a couple of days after that.

    I sound like some kitchen wiz, but last year, I was no different than you, thinking that learning how to cook would be an overwhelming, scary, and time-consuming endeavor. I was shocked to discover that it's none of those things.

    Here's an example. Tell me what part of this you can't do:

    1. Go to WalMart. Here's your shopping list:
    --12 oz package of fresh chopped broccoli florets (produce section)
    --16 oz package of Wild Salmon Fillets (frozen fish section)
    --onion powder, garlic powder, (spice aisle--don't be frightened nor overwhelmed by it!)
    --Extra Virgin Olive Oil (baking aisle, if you don't already have this in the house)

    That's it. If a trip to Walmart sounds more time-consuming than a trip to Taco Bell, keep in mind that when you get in the swing of this, you'll be picking up several meals at a time at the grocery soon, which will make these trips LESS time-consuming, not more.

    2. Let the salmon thaw. When you're ready to cook it, take it out of the package, lay it on the counter, and generously cover both sides with salt, pepper, onion powder, and garlic powder (this is fun!).

    3. Put a large non-stick frying pan on the stove, turn the dial to medium. Pour in 1 TBSP EVOO, let it get hot. That's all the measuring you need to do, there's nothing overwhelming about it, no "kitchen talent" needed. If your measurement is off by a few drops, who cares? No one is going to notice, we're not building an atom bomb here.

    4. Add salmon to the pan, 4-5 minutes each side, turning it just once. That's it, that's you're entire effort with this.

    5. While that's cooking, and you're standing there sipping water because you have nothing else to do, poke some holes in the broccoli package with a fork, drop it in the microwave holes-side-up for 3.5-4 mins (I like my broccoli super-soft, so I go the full 4 mins).

    6. Serve.

    And you thought this was going to be tough? Best part, this is WAY more delicious than anything Taco Bell has. Losing the starchy side dishes (potatoes/rice/pasta) cuts out most of the calories AND prep/cleanup time! Meat and veggies are all you need, you won't even miss that other stuff when you see their numbers disappear from your calorie diary. Don't need any bread, either.

    Message me if you want a few more "incredibly simple, fast, and yummy" recipes. I don't have many, I tend to eat the same few things over and over, but for you, it could be the start of an incredibly rewarding expansion of your horizons if it gets you in the kitchen.
  • catneon
    catneon Posts: 911 Member
    I think there are a few things you could do to help your cause and get you back on track.

    1. Talk to your fiancee about your feelings. She may not want or need to change how she eats, but she needs to respect and support you if YOU do.

    2. Couples cooking classes? I know you mentioned time constraints but I'm sure you could find something that would work. A lot of these types of classes are offered in the evenings to better accomodate schedules.

    3. Make a list, plan your meals out and buy the food to prepare them. Cook at home on the weekends and pre-package everything for quick meals on the go. You can even cook your veggies ahead of time then freeze them in single serving packages.

    4. When you get home at night, if you have all your meals for the week already prepared, then you can grab what you want, heat it up and have a healthy meal before you have to go to work. As far as snacks go, have various fruits on hand, veggies that are pre-cut and ready to be eaten and many nuts are very healthy as well.

    5. First and foremost, start this NOW. You can begin to work on your weight simply by eating better and the exercise can come later.

    Good luck!! :flowerforyou:
    You're so nice I :heart: you!

    and this

    Too young for ones conclusion, the lifestyle won.
    Such values you taught your son. Thats how!

    Look at me now. I'm broken.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,857 Member
    Put the monster back in his cage. . He lives in your head. . you have to stop listening to him. .He will use all kinds of tricks to escape his prison. .You had him in there for awhile. .but then you let him out one day for a furlough. . He liked that. . He convinced you to let him out again. . Now he's on a rampage!.

    This sounds trite, but it works for me. . It's sort of a mind control exercise. Visualize putting him in that cage and keeping him locked up. . He'll be there watching. . talking to you. . .but if you ignore him long enough he will sit down and stop bothering you. . Still, he's not dead. . never dead. . always watching. .
  • LishLash79
    LishLash79 Posts: 562 Member
    I think that the fact that you have written this all down in a forum is proof that you are not broken, but that you are strong enough to do this..
    I have gone up and down with my weight my whole life, I am pretty much at my goal, but it scares me because I know that I can lose control easily and regain.. its a struggle, and I think some of us struggle more then others..

    good luck to you.. you can do it.. ;)
  • lynda3y9
    lynda3y9 Posts: 62 Member
    such great advice here!
    The pre-planning a must and the cooking classes with your fiance is a great idea - or even your own in-house cooking classes.... find a couple recipes and give it a shot together. You guys can't live forever at take-out so you'll both need to learn eventually. You'll see how easy it actually is and will be amazed at the money you save and how much better you feel. Maybe you should so a little research on what you are actually eating when partaking at fast food...that may be enough to deter you.
    If 'cooking' is too much ---- it is easy to make healthy sandwiches/wraps with lots of veggies and some roast chicken. throw some tomatoes and humous in there...or avacado ...and you don't need mayo. They can be ready in minutes and even eaten in the car.
    good luck!!
  • InForBacon
    InForBacon Posts: 1,508 Member
    'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
    And I don't feel like I am strong enough
    'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • PaulFields56
    PaulFields56 Posts: 108 Member
    Sounds tough, my friend. As others have said, you have done this before and you can do it again.

    My darling wife is in much the same boat. Shortly before we met, she lost a ton of weight. In the past 16 years, she has put most of it back on. She's constantly on and off.

    Now I have been on a good track for almost a year, and lost a ton of weight. But I know, any day could be my last. Every time I loosen up a little, I wonder if it's the beginning of the end.

    So I take it one day at a time for now. Each day on, or even close, to target is a win. I just take it day by day. So far the trend is good. I'm going to stay on MFP & keep counting. For me, that's the best bet for staying on track.
  • mariabee
    mariabee Posts: 212 Member
    I'm not sure either exactly what to say but you can know that you're not alone. I am in a very similar position and reading this post has given me a little kick in the butt, so thank you for that. Let's see how long it lasts ;)

    Just keep coming back to MFP message boards, you'll find something that will just trigger you and get you going again.
  • enidite
    enidite Posts: 92 Member
    I think you need to find some time to have some kind of a lunch break. I have been in your shoes, 60 hour work weeks are not fun and I was in the same boat as you. I am now paying big time because I neglected my health a during a period in my life when I felt I could handle all these hours and neglected my my own welfare for months. You don't want to go down this road, believe me. It is not fun. I ended up with liver damage from my weight gain, I am on a truckload of meds by now and I could have avoided it all would I have used my better judgement and chosen to eat healthier and worked less.
    We live such a hurried life syle and I really believe it is terrible that we often put our health needs behind all other things. Your employer will not thank you if you ruin your health. And I love my work, but I only have one health. I work hard, but I had to come to a point where I made some room for weight loss and healthy eating, and I am glad I did.
    If you can find just 15 or 20 minutes a day for lunch where you can sit down and eat a nutrient rich meal and then maybe a couple of snacks during the day, you will not feel like raiding the fridge every night you come home. Of course you are ravenous when you can't feed your body well during the day and by the time you get home you are so starved and tired that your defenses will be down.
    You probably don't get too much rest either which doesn't help weight loss either.
    Would you be able to cook on the weekends ahead? Freeze some meals or cook for a friend and trade meals?
    You have lost the weight before. So you know you have the means to do it, but I believe you will have to start changing some things in your environment in order to have the odds stacked in your favor.
    Good luck.
  • heymayer
    heymayer Posts: 34 Member
    Awesome, uplifting and inspiring replies from everyone. I thank you all for your input!

    Not to brag, but to reveal some about me: I can cook. Cooking is actually pretty much my only talent in life. I used to cook all the time, making healthy meal after healthy meal....until work got crazy.

    I mentioned that my fiance can't cook, and while it is true, that's not as big of a factor as the fact that I can't cook like I used to. If she could cook, and take my place in the kitchen, that would be a major help. I'm gonna work on imparting some culinary knowledge to her and hope that she latches on to it and we can trade off or something. I cooked for 3 years at a small restaurant (I was the lone cook) and learned a ton in there on my own so I know I can certainly train her on some things. I've just never thought about it before until now.

    I really appreciate the "plan ahead" suggestions. Sundays are pretty much my only off day and I spend them "lounging" with the Mrs., just watching football (during football season at least). This is a necessary thing for me as I can wind down from the week I just had and also prepare for the week ahead. Seeing that I am preparing for the week ahead, I really should use the down time on Sunday and spend some of it in the kitchen, cooking up meals that can get me through the week. I have a TV in the kitchen, I can watch football in there just as easily! Again, it's just something that never crossed my mind until now.

    So, thanks again to everyone that replied and offered your help. Your input and support is the exact reason why I posted the topic: I knew people would step up and help cause we're all in this together!
  • kckahu
    kckahu Posts: 3 Member
    There's an awesome service I subscribe to here in NZ, that if it doesn't exist over there, it should! It's call My Food Bag, and it's a weekly or fortnightly delivery of fresh, organic/free-farmed, ingredients, with recipes, for dinners. It's NOT specific for any sort of dietary requirement, including weight loss, but it's completely re-generated my (and my husband's!) interest in cooking, and eating. We sometimes even ARGUE over who's going to cook, because we're really enjoying it. Your meals are pre-planned in advance, the recipes are really easy to follow, and there's no room for waffling or trying to decide what to cook - it's all done! I will sometimes edit the recipes (usually by not having a sauce, or aioli, or some other non-critical ingredient) to lighten it up, but it works. In the past 11 days, I've lost 2.2kgs (almost 5lb), which I'm STOKED about, as this is my third 'start again', but this time, it's sticking! I'm going to be healthy, and smaller, and comfortable (i.e not in this fat suit anymore!), and I'm keeping it that way. For life. Come with me :)