Do people treat you differently -- or is it you?

mousemom18 · September 2013

Question for people who have lost a lot of weight. Some of you have had amazing success and look younger, happier and more confident. So at what point did you notice that people treated you differently, approached you, talked to you, looked at you differently from before you lost the weight?

Alternatively, what happened first? Did you start to face the world with more confidence before other people noticed?

There have been some great transformations here. I'm wondering how that changes things on the inside..

Chevy_Quest · September 2013

Hi, this is a great topic.
I have about 50 lbs to lose and I have lost about 18. For me the changes are on the inside. i have come to that happy point where i don't care how fast I lose because I am doing things as a habit I have never been able to stick to before;

1. I work out every weekday before 6 AM
2. I can actually go to social functions and plan ahead so I don't overeat
3. I sleep way better
4. I am getting more disciplined in every other aspect of my life.

All these changes can't be seen by someone just walking up to you for the first time.

i travel a lot and I run into a lot of situations where people are rude. Before I would be the "nice happy fat guy" and swallow the insult or try to be super nice. I recently saw a guy treating a very friendly hotel clerk like dirt who had just helped me out a few minutes ago. I went back to the desk and told the guy to "lay off" and he just looked at me and disappeared. The clerk was really thankful and I offered to write up the situation to her manager to make sure he knew that his employee was doing her best to help a truly rude customer. --- I never would have had the courage to do something like that before

Just knowing that I am finally doing something about my condition (which frankly I caused) is paying off huge dividends.

i also find that I am much more comfortable meeting new people and automatically think the "best is in them" instead of feeling inadequate in their presence.

Great topic! :drinker:

Rei1988 · September 2013

Hi, this is a great topic.
I have about 50 lbs to lose and I have lost about 18. For me the changes are on the inside. i have come to that happy point where i don't care how fast I lose because I am doing things as a habit I have never been able to stick to before;

1. I work out every weekday before 6 AM
2. I can actually go to social functions and plan ahead so I don't overeat
3. I sleep way better
4. I am getting more disciplined in every other aspect of my life.

All these changes can't be seen by someone just walking up to you for the first time.

i travel a lot and I run into a lot of situations where people are rude. Before I would be the "nice happy fat guy" and swallow the insult or try to be super nice. I recently saw a guy treating a very friendly hotel clerk like dirt who had just helped me out a few minutes ago. I went back to the desk and told the guy to "lay off" and he just looked at me and disappeared. The clerk was really thankful and I offered to write up the situation to her manager to make sure he knew that his employee was doing her best to help a truly rude customer. --- I never would have had the courage to do something like that before

Just knowing that I am finally doing something about my condition (which frankly I caused) is paying off huge dividends.

i also find that I am much more comfortable meeting new people and automatically think the "best is in them" instead of feeling inadequate in their presence.

Great topic! :drinker:

Lovely post :bigsmile:

sunglasses_and_ocean_waves · September 2013

Yes, I have gotten so much free stuff since getting into shape. Disclaimer: I'm not saying I'm hot. But things just happen that haven't happened in a while. I was in an accident last year, and one of the police officers gave me my excuse. I had a $2,500 car repair, and the manager told the cashier to only charge me $1,200. I got free tires. (hmmm I see a trend lol). Yes I totally appreciate it, and no I never expect it. It really takes me by surprise. The minute I expect it, I'm sure it will disappear.

I just don't think it was my confidence level that got my that stuff. :laugh:

Hearts_2015 · September 2013

Hi, this is a great topic.
I have about 50 lbs to lose and I have lost about 18. For me the changes are on the inside. i have come to that happy point where i don't care how fast I lose because I am doing things as a habit I have never been able to stick to before;

1. I work out every weekday before 6 AM
2. I can actually go to social functions and plan ahead so I don't overeat
3. I sleep way better
4. I am getting more disciplined in every other aspect of my life.

All these changes can't be seen by someone just walking up to you for the first time.

i travel a lot and I run into a lot of situations where people are rude. Before I would be the "nice happy fat guy" and swallow the insult or try to be super nice. I recently saw a guy treating a very friendly hotel clerk like dirt who had just helped me out a few minutes ago. I went back to the desk and told the guy to "lay off" and he just looked at me and disappeared. The clerk was really thankful and I offered to write up the situation to her manager to make sure he knew that his employee was doing her best to help a truly rude customer. --- I never would have had the courage to do something like that before

Just knowing that I am finally doing something about my condition (which frankly I caused) is paying off huge dividends.

i also find that I am much more comfortable meeting new people and automatically think the "best is in them" instead of feeling inadequate in their presence.

Great topic! :drinker:

[/quote] oh I like this! Glad you took a minute to share.

alliemarie77 · September 2013

I had lost 52 pounds, and people started treating me different. I still have a long way to go, but people that knew me started taking me more seriously.
I don't think I have changed. I still feel as big as I was when I first started.

zyxst · September 2013

People treat me the same (if I was actually attractive, that might've changed how people treat me) and I treat them the same. Weight loss/= mental change, for me anyway.

BrendaLee · September 2013

I noticed a difference after I lost 50 or 60 pounds, so fairly recently. No one was flirting with me 70 pounds ago, even on days I felt pretty cute, so I have to give credit to the actual weight loss. I think there comes a point where you pretty much become invisible to the world, and then there's a point in your weight loss where you become a viable option again.

iechick · September 2013

I've lost a little over 5olbs and the biggest change has been my confidence level with

time with my hubby. I used to feel so frumpy and unattractive that I'd shy away from being intimate and it became a major issue in our marriage. Now we're on the same level again and things are rockin :bigsmile:

As for other people, I've had lots of compliments and questions about what I've done from people I know, but otherwise things are the same. I didn't get hit on at 172lbs and I'm not getting hit on at 120lbs lol (I don't wear a wedding band/jewelery, so that's not a deterrent). I have a very introverted personality in real life and I know I project that, so people tend to leave me alone (which is how I prefer it

)

klaff411 · September 2013

Yes. I suddenly notice a lot more looks. lol.

Will_Thrust_For_Candy · September 2013

Great topic!

For me it's both!

I have changed a great deal and as a result have eliminated some from my life and added others! I am also much more confident and put myself out there more than ever before!

As for others....yeah I mean dating now vs dating then is like night and day (I always sing that milkshake song byKelis now lol) I find that people take me more seriously now but I also find that I get "the eye" from other ladies a lot more.....mostly approving but sometimes not so much lol

Then I also think there are times when i think someone is treating me differnt but they really aren't.....it's just still that bit of lacking self esteem or a bit too much confidence :laugh:

I think the hardest part of this whole thing has been the mental aspects....its a real rollercoaster!

directorj · September 2013

I lost 50lbs and people have treat me very differently. I highly doubt it's just the person who lost the weight because people do tend to judge by your weight. Sad world but I have been there done that.

Here's a story for you:

About 3 years ago I was on vacation. I was with my girlfriend and someone joked saying "you look way older than her, that's what us old guys do right?". Mind you the guy who said that was probably at least 40. I just ignored it and didn't really care. What I was wearing may have contributed to it but even then, I was 22 at the time.

Just recently, and both these happened within about a month apart. I was talking to this girl and she asked me how old I was and told her I was 25. She said.. I could have swore you're just 18-19 years old. Then a few weeks ago I posted a transformation picture and someone said, "I seriously thought you were no older than 22!

sweetpea129 · September 2013

People definitely treat me different. More looks, smiles, holding doors. I don't think that i've, personally, changed much at all. Even at my heaviest I will still happy and confident. I never felt bad or down on myself. I dont know that i've changed mentally at all.

hannahpistolas · September 2013

I think when you look better, you feel better-- and it radiates out from you.

People pick up almost magnetically onto positive people.

ny135 · September 2013

I've noticed more people will just strike a conversation with me and I get hugged a lot more. Maybe it has to do with being happier in general but I still see the same person in the mirror. It's only when I compare pictures do I see the difference.

thelifeilove1 · September 2013

This topic is one of great interest to me personally. I have lost my weight several times before, only to allow it to slowly pile back on. Part of this is due to never really figuring out maintenance. However, because I've always had weight problems, I was at a loss on how to cope with physical attraction by other men, besides my husband, once I reach a normal weight. Every time it was very awkward to me. So I guess that in my case it would be a difference in the behavior of others which came first and somewhat frightened me. I was never there long enough to get comfortable in my new body. I hope at this point in my life, I'll have the confidence to coolly rebuff them and make a joke of it, instead of insulating myself by adding some poundage. Curious to see if anyone else has felt this way.

anemoneprose · September 2013

It kind of went like this. Started at 178 lbs, 5'7 (ok 5.65)

- first 10-15 lbs or so: no one saw anything
- ~20 lbs: "Great! Good job! What are you doing?" (everyone)
- 30 lb loss: as above
- 40 lb loss: now it's normal, no comment, no problem; starting to get an increase in attention from men (but i am dressing better, paying attention, etc) & more respect & friendliness from shopgirls
- 50 lb loss (128 lbs): "Too skinny!" (mom, aunts, bff); "looking hot" (dudes); "hey you look great, club again sat night?" (single female friends, all weights); coupled female acquaintances who are overweight: dagger-eyes, snide putdowns; coupled female *friends* who are overweight: put *themselves* down & show nonverbal signs of discomfort with their physicality in my presence. the last two suck big rocks. should note, by this point i was dressing almost all the time in traditionally feminine, kind of on-trend clothes. i don't know if i'd have gotten the same reaction if i were wearing button-downs and jeans and cardigans.

re cause/effect: don't know. i was more physically confident, my mood overall had improved, and my sense of self-efficacy was much stronger due to my success at achieving my goals. served me well (re social realm) in many ways (people *in general* reacting more positively) but had mixed responses as above

(nb have regained 10 lbs bc of injuries etc)

ShadeBlossom · September 2013

Hi, this is a great topic.
I have about 50 lbs to lose and I have lost about 18. For me the changes are on the inside. i have come to that happy point where i don't care how fast I lose because I am doing things as a habit I have never been able to stick to before;

1. I work out every weekday before 6 AM
2. I can actually go to social functions and plan ahead so I don't overeat
3. I sleep way better
4. I am getting more disciplined in every other aspect of my life.

All these changes can't be seen by someone just walking up to you for the first time.

i travel a lot and I run into a lot of situations where people are rude. Before I would be the "nice happy fat guy" and swallow the insult or try to be super nice. I recently saw a guy treating a very friendly hotel clerk like dirt who had just helped me out a few minutes ago. I went back to the desk and told the guy to "lay off" and he just looked at me and disappeared. The clerk was really thankful and I offered to write up the situation to her manager to make sure he knew that his employee was doing her best to help a truly rude customer. --- I never would have had the courage to do something like that before

Just knowing that I am finally doing something about my condition (which frankly I caused) is paying off huge dividends.

i also find that I am much more comfortable meeting new people and automatically think the "best is in them" instead of feeling inadequate in their presence.

Great topic! :drinker:

I love this. Thank you for posting!

spookiefox · September 2013

About four years ago I lost 100 pounds. No one treated me differently, but I assume it's because losing weight didn't make me attractive. I was still middle aged and disabled and nothing anyone would want to, I don't know, give free stuff to because I was so beautiful. Society pretty well teaches us that healthy isn't nearly as important as attractive, and not all of us can be attractive.

Gained lot of it back because...well, because. THIS TIME I'm going to be less concerned with thin and a lot more concerned with balancing healthy with happy, because happy is way more important that it gets credit for.

TheFitHooker · September 2013

For me I think it's been a little bit of both, being me and being other's.

I don't really remember when people started treating me differently. However I remember when I stopped caring what others thought of me and just started being happy to be me, my confidence is a lot better but it's still has some work to be done.

emancipateurself · September 2013

Yes people treat me differently. Most people. My very very close friends do not. Society however does. People will look at me in the eye when I walk down the street or strangers will have conversations with me in a supermarket. That never happened before.
I agree that I used me weight to protect myself from people, so that I didn't have to get close etc.
I may have put off bad vibes as well but do not kid yourself and think that because of my vibe that's why I was treated horriably. It was because of my weight.

It's literally a whole new world for me.
It's something that used to make me very angry that I was treated differently but my anger won't change other people so it's just the way it is.

Do people treat you differently -- or is it you?

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