I'm Broken (warning: long)



  • NaughtyinCali
    Keep in mind that changes occur over time and usually, set backs are part of change. Any change, from quitting smoking/drinking/drugs to leaving a domestic violence situation, takes repeated efforts and the average number of times a person tries, before being successful, is around 7. That being said, its not an excuse to not make the effort, its just some information to help you understand that making real changes is difficult, and often requires more than one try. You are not broken, you are human. Just dont quit trying, you'll get there, and probably a little wiser this time. Good luck to ya!
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    You are not broken at all. You're human.

    You just need to stop focusing on what your girlfriend can eat and start taking accountability for your own health.
  • cdahl383
    cdahl383 Posts: 726 Member
    You're not broken, you just fell victim to becoming complacent with all of your hard work. You lost it all, people noticed, you were happy, you achieved your goal, so you lost your drive and rested on your laurels and before you knew it, your bad habits crept back into your life and you got back to where you started again. It's happened to me a couple times in the last few years, I know the feeling. I've fluctuated from 228 lbs down to 188 lbs, back up to 215 lbs to 192 lbs, then back up to 211 lbs and now at 204 lbs.

    Here is the reality, you HAVE to make time for yourself and your fitness/health. Everyone has to work, many people have kids, many people have other obligations outside of their work and home life (aging parents, sick friend, business on the side, etc). The bottom line is, you have to prioritize things in your life. The older you get, the more stuff piles into your day, and before you know it you're skipping the gym, grabbing some fast food crap from Taco Bell, and before you know it you're fat and ashamed of how you look. But no one did that to you except you. No one caused me to balloon up to 228 lbs except me.

    Once you realize that only you are accountable for your own health, and that you need to make it a priority in your life, then you can take action and get results. Sure you have to work a lot, so what. Plan your meals at night when you get home. Make some homemade protein bars on the weekend to last you all week for a healthy snack at your desk when you're busy instead of eating some chips from the vending machine. If the gym is too far of a drive after work and you're too tired, make some space in your home and setup a home gym with some weights off of Craigslist for cheap and workout in the morning or after work in your own home. Do whatever it takes to fit these things into your life again and make it a habit. Once you do that, it's just a matter of time before you reach your goal.

    All you need to do is figure out your calorie maintenance level, reduce that by 20%, start doing some cardio and weight training whenever you can fit it into your day, and let time pass by. Once you start seeing some results in a month or two, that will keep you motivated to keep going. Once you get to your goal, that is the time when you have to change from what you did in the past. Some people always need a goal to drive to or they lose interest. Maybe you can set some new goals once you get to your ideal weight to keep it off, such as entering into a marathon, aiming for lower blood pressure at the doctor, getting your abs back, or whatever else will keep you driven and not becoming complacent.

    It sounds like you have mastered losing weight, the trouble is keeping it off which is my problem as well. I'm sure you're just as tired of having to lose weight after pigging out for months just like I am. I've had enough of it personally and plan to change things this time once I get to my goal weight so that I dont lose interest and blimp out again. I think this time around I'll be setting some goals for myself to work towards instead of saying, well I did it, guess that's it now, I'll go back to eating chips every night in front of the TV. I think once you determine why you tend to give up at the end, you can address it, fix it, and then keep the weight off permanently.
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
    I always thought the whole 'sex with the lights off' was some kind of running joke among married people. Like the cliche marriage jokes that comedians and elderly folks tell, "My wife nag nag nags me and I just say "Woman, quit yappin and go get me a gosh-dern beer!". I'm really surprised it's something people actively do these days.

    If your Fiance loves you (and I'm sure she does if she's engaged to you) then she wants to see you when she's being intimate and doesn't care what your weight is. Was she with you when you were at your higher weight before? If she was than she isn't likely to be upset by where you are now at a still-lower weight. And if she wasn't, I still doubt she cares very much if she's with you. Confidence is much sexier than going out of your way to avoid her seeing some jiggles here and there.

    .You're taking steps to get back on the wagon, to improve yourself and repair the setback. You're not broken. You're In-Progress.
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
    Hey again,

    It might be an idea, when you're not busy with a roux in the kitchen, to mix up your eating out (when you guys want to eat out) with your fiance - half healthy places with calorie counted meals, half junk - file this under 'give and take'. Actually even the junk food places have calories against the food now. I had a Maccys mocha which was something like 440 calories. :sad:

    All the best, you can do this! :flowerforyou:
  • lynda3y9
    lynda3y9 Posts: 62 Member
    I really appreciate the "plan ahead" suggestions. Sundays are pretty much my only off day and I spend them "lounging" with the Mrs., just watching football (during football season at least). This is a necessary thing for me as I can wind down from the week I just had and also prepare for the week ahead. Seeing that I am preparing for the week ahead, I really should use the down time on Sunday and spend some of it in the kitchen, cooking up meals that can get me through the week. I have a TV in the kitchen, I can watch football in there just as easily! Again, it's just something that never crossed my mind until now.

    yay you!

    you could probably submit some recipes on the recipes forums as well!!
  • SherryTeach
    SherryTeach Posts: 2,836 Member
    A couple of thoughts. There is no such thing as a person who cannot learn to cook. There are people who choose not to learn. It's not rocket science. Your girlfriend may be able to live off fast food for now, but it isn't sustainable for life. And her decision certainly isn't supportive of you. So you need to take the lead and devise a food plan that works. It doesn't have to be time-consuming. I'm a middle school teacher involved in hours of extra-curricular activities. I eat no fast food. You can do it if it's important to you.
  • flumi_f
    flumi_f Posts: 1,888 Member
    What is the 5:2 diet? I've never heard of that and it sounds interesting....

    There is a 5:2 group here you can join. It's fasting for 2 nonconsecutive days (600 cals for men) and eating maintenance on the other 5 until you lose the desired weight. You do need to get back to tracking calories IMO, no matter what method you choose to use. I have MFP on my phone, so I can track no matter where I am. It really helps me decide whether or not to eat another sugar cookie or not. :bigsmile:

    It works really well for me too. 17kg since the beginning of May and I don't feel restricted. Not a diet, it's a way of life!

    An additional suggestion - Try to cook meals ahead of time. I take lunch to work. On the weekends I usually cook 4 servings of whatever I cook in the evening. One portion for that day and then the other three are for lunch or dinner during that week. I put the portions separately into a tupperware. If it's freezable, I may freeze a portion. That is then my fast food. Been doing this for years. It has nothing to do with dieting. It works, is yummy and during the week, I don't have to stand in the kitchen as long.

    Good luck on getting back on track!
  • trisH_7183
    trisH_7183 Posts: 1,486 Member
    Look up recipes on line.If you eat oatmeal,you can bake it & have a wks worth.Hard boil a pan of eggs. You can add them to breakfast,eat for a snack or sandwiches.Have brfast for dinner.Scrambled eggs,toast etc,yummy & filling.Keep cut up melons in the fridge,ready to eat.
    Make wraps or sandwiches for lunch.Use hummus for a dip or spread.If need be,stop by a grocery & buy a meal.Ours has fried or baked chicken.Grab a side dish & salad.So many ideas out there & let it be a lesson to you.The only thing going off your food plan gets you is a gut .... & having to start over again & again. Been there,done that......I'm a slow learner. Good luck,you can do it. Keep your eyes on your goal.