Husband not supportive

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  • Miepke99
    Miepke99 Posts: 31 Member
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    As other people already stated before me: Get the hell out of there and take your son with you. Don't worry about your weight loss for now. It's only a matter of time before he gets physically abusive towards you and/or your son, if it isn't already too late. You don't have to go through this. This is abuse and it's unacceptable.
  • stephysd
    stephysd Posts: 2,410 Member
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    Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

    You NEED to get out. Go to a women's shelter and call the cops on him YOURSELF. He's abusing you THIS IS ABUSE!

    Stop with the non-action! Your son needs a strong mother who is willing to protect him and herself.

    ^^^THIS^^^
    Get out now. Pack a bag for you and your son. Do you have family nearby? If so, call them let them know what is going on and have them come and get you immediately! If you do not and you are not able to get out of your house, then call the police to have them help you get out.

    You and your husband can try to work out the problems on a neutral ground with a third party there to make sure that you stay safe. You need to stand up and take control of your life and your son's life. I let my husband abuse us for years stating that this wasn't the real him and he would get better. Until he realizes that you are strong enough and know that you do not need him or the crap he puts you through it will continue and it will get worse.

    I spent 8 years of verbal abuse, to have it slowly go to him driving out of control while I was in the vehicle to scare me, to having him grab my arms to not walk away, to the final straw of him screaming in front of our children, destroying a door to the bedroom where I tried to barricade ourselves in, stealing the phone from me so I could not call for help, and then continue to destroy the kitchen. I believed that someday my husband would wake up out of the fog he was in and everything would be better. I would have my old "Cody" back. Instead it took me leaving and not coming back for him to realize that he had a problem and needed help.

    YOU HAVE TO PROTECT YOU AND YOUR SON IMMEDIATELY!!!! GET OUT AND GET HELP FOR THE BOTH OF YOU.
  • lejla2002
    lejla2002 Posts: 118 Member
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    :flowerforyou:
    I have a lot of trouble getting motivated. I hate eating healthy, I hate working out. I suffer from a lot of issues that limit my workouts. My shoulder, my knee, asthma, etc. I'll be honest, I don't work out. I want to, I know I need to and I know I'm the only one who can make myself do it. My biggest problem is my husband. I'm willing to eat healthy and workout so I can get into shape, but I want to spend more time with him and my son. I get home and he usually makes dinner and it's never healthy. I try to make dinner and he always says it's disgusting, I feel like I get yelled at for everything. If I try to make my own healthy alternative, I get yelled at. He turns on the TV as soon as he gets home and usually just sits on the couch watching it unless he is cooking. I get home and I want to clean or workout or take our son to the park but he complains. He complains if I go alone, he complains if I ask him to go, he complains when I don't go. I just can't win. He's in the Army and needs to lose weight and get in shape as well. I want us to lead a healthier lifestyle but he seems to be totally against it. I hate seeing out family like this, and I don't want our son to grow up like fat lazy slobs like us. Anyone have any ideas of activities that we can do as a family that can promote a healthy life in a fun way? Preferably something my 1 1/2 son can do or that he can be around for so we aren't leaving him out.

    sounds like he has something else bothering him and takes it out on you, i would try talking to him and if it doesn't work then consuling, if he is against that too then, i would just do what makes me feel good, and if he loves you enough then he'll come around, hope it works out
  • YouMadBro8281
    YouMadBro8281 Posts: 269
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    Hmm..and you want to marry this guy? .....I would go through his Chain of Command then let him see who the real tough guy is.......I honestly hate dudes like this.
  • PennyM140
    PennyM140 Posts: 423 Member
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    Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

    ok, I was about to defend him until I read this. Usually when someone is on here *****ing about their spouse I just roll my eyes and think well there are two sides to every story. If you are ACTUALLY being abused you need to get help or just leave. Yes, easier said than done.
    Are you truly looking for advice or just looking to vent? Are you ready to make a change by getting help or getting out?
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
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    This goes above and beyond "my husband is not supportive." WAAAAAAAAAAY beyond.
  • PJ64
    PJ64 Posts: 866 Member
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    My wife tried to sabotage me. I just kept doing my own thing and going to the gym on my own time. I made sure it never interfered with any family time, so she couldn't throw that in my face.

    Also if you want to take your kid to the park, take him! who says you need to have hubby along, eventually he will want to go also or maybe your kid will ask him why he doesn't go with you. I know some bases have family fit prgrams for toddlers & new moms, so maybe check the fitness center at your base (or post, I'm retired Air Force)

    I know the Army wont put up with him being out of shape, especially now with the military wanting to get rid of people, so maybe fear of being booted out will motivate him?
  • kristen6022
    kristen6022 Posts: 1,926 Member
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    Somehow, this went from your husband not being supportive to a case of abuse?

    Your profile says you JUST recently got married? You obviously had a child with him before you got married. You knew him and his tendancies? I question why you married him?

    Sounds like you have bigger fish to fry than losing weight and finding motivation. This forum isn't the place to find a way out, if that's what you feel you need. You are WAY too young to deal with that for the rest of your life.

    Now, if it was me, I'd tell him to go stick it and go do what I want anyway. What's calling the cops going to do when you leave the house? What's he going to tell them "My wife went grocery shopping when I told her not to"? Seriously?

    I really have nothing more to add. If it's a case of abuse, get out and take your son with you. If it's just an other excuse why you aren't motivated, then get motivated. The answer seems pretty clear to me.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    I really, really hope that you are trolling. Because if you aren't, then what you've said is worrying. Not just his abuse, but the way you speak about it without any acknowledgment that he's doing something wrong, as though it's totally acceptable. Calling yourself a fat slob is only reiterating that.

    Not all abuse is physical. If you can't do what's best for you, do what's best for your son and get out of there. You do not want your son growing up seeing daddy yell at mummy all the time and think that's normal. Or worse still, him suffering like you do.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    if this is real, you need to go and get some counselling.

    either for you or the both of you....

    this CAN be fixed but ONLY if he is amenable to fixing it with you. This can end without you having to leave him, but you may have to leave him for a while to ensure you get what you need: A healthy loving relationship. But as long as you accept this way of life from him, he has no reason to change and as it stands this is abusive.

    this is not the time to bluff, nor pretend this isn't serious.

    don't worry about the working out, it will come. As you get healthier in mind, body and spirit you will have more to give, and any counselling you attend will recommend ways for you as a family (or as a single mom) to connect with the world and look after you (especially physically as physical people are usually happier people and more well adjusted)

    but you need help...and it's not just motivation to work out.
  • bLui_bella
    bLui_bella Posts: 39 Member
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    Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

    Okay, now that ish sounds cray. RUN! Why would you stay with someone like that? Do you see what a hold he has on you? Snap out of it. He doesn't want you to be happy :noway:

    Agreed... Just got out of a seven year marriage that sounded just like this, only difference is he would hit me and I was his slave in the house and kitchen while he slept on the couch cause he was passed out on drugs. Not worth wasting yours and your sons time over him. I wasted 10 years of my life and now have to start over with 2 small children alone.
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
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    Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

    This changes the game. If he was just a yeller, I'd say he was mentally abusive but that you should talk to him and try to get therapy. Given his occupation, he is at a higher risk of mental issues that need to be taken care of when they arise. If he is basically holding you captive, it's gotten to a level where if I were you, I would become scared for my safety. They must have therapists at the base, get him to talk to someone, talk to him about your relationship and how it makes you feel.

    If he doesn't listen and is not receptive, it is time for you to leave that situation. I am afraid for you that it is just a matter of time before he gets physically violent with you.

    I agree with others that this is more than can be handled on a weight loss forum. Seek help, from people at the base, from family, from a shelter if he won't listen to your concerns.... In my opinion, if he won't get help, it doesn't matter how much you love him (if that's your reason for staying). The most important thing in your world right now shouldn't be your weight loss, it should be the safety of your child, your safety, and your mental health (because his attitude will wear on you and affect you for the worst) and his.

    I agree with this! It's a huge game changer! The only thing that will happen if he calls the cops is that his own mental stability will be called into question. I don't know military terms becuase I'm not associated, but my sister is a military wife. Her husband is somewhere up there in the army ranks. He had a guy who was abusive to his wife, wife called my brother-in-law, brother-in-law stepped in to handle the situation. From what I understand, when it comes to the military superior officers are there to guide their men and woman in all aspects of life, and abuse is not top be tolerated (though I know this isn't always the case) Perhaps you should start by getting in touch with whoever he reports to.
  • Camera_BagintheUK
    Camera_BagintheUK Posts: 707 Member
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    I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me.

    This isn't normal behaviour. There's something wrong with him. Look after yourself. Please. :flowerforyou:
  • melybelyc
    melybelyc Posts: 33
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    The only one that can take care of you is you. You owe it to your son to take care of his Mamma. If you are going to get yelled at or discouraged for everything you do, then you may as well go ahead and live the healthy way. Stay in the positive - don't let anyone be responsible for your happiness but you. You can do this. I also have asthma, bad knees, and a back/neck injury from an old car accident. I push play 5 - 6 days a week, every week because I want to be alive for my son. He is my motivation every day and it couldn't get any better than that! You can do this - just believe!
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
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    So you guys just got married last month? And how long has he been like this to you?
  • LePetitCochon
    LePetitCochon Posts: 284
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    :noway:
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    OP, if this is a big lie, you should be ashamed of yourself. There are REAL women out there who get abused by their partners. To mock them is in bad taste and makes you look like the biggest c*nt on the planet.

    IF this is a real post and a cry for help, we can't help you. ONLY YOU can help you and that's by packing up you and your son and leaving this little boy who calls himself your husband. Has he always been this abusive? Did you marry him because he knocked you up or did you think you could change him for the better? Either way, you made a terrible choice in a mate and you need to leave ASAP. Do you want your son to grow up and treat women like garbage because daddy does? Or do you want your son to grow up and treat women and others with respect and kindness?
  • chantelp0508
    chantelp0508 Posts: 162 Member
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    I have no advice, just hugs, thoughts, and prayers
  • Wildflower0106
    Wildflower0106 Posts: 247 Member
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    I have a lot of trouble getting motivated. I hate eating healthy, I hate working out. I suffer from a lot of issues that limit my workouts. My shoulder, my knee, asthma, etc. I'll be honest, I don't work out. I want to, I know I need to and I know I'm the only one who can make myself do it. My biggest problem is my husband. I'm willing to eat healthy and workout so I can get into shape, but I want to spend more time with him and my son.

    Take care of your relationship issues... but you still have a lot of excuses you need to let go off. I think this might have been glossed over...
  • tjl2329
    tjl2329 Posts: 169 Member
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    Ok so first off my husband eats everything and anything. I can't due to health reasons. I would eat if myvhusband cooked. Nothing wrong with eating what's prepared for you. However eat a salad also. Eat a small portion of food. And a large portion of salad. You could also add o ther vegetables or fruit. Your decision isn't his. Let him eat what he wants. Been doing this fpr almost a year now and my husband is just now being supportive. Probably because I've lost 60 lbs and he doesn't want me to weigh less than him. Its already happend. Giving yourvson fresh fruits and vegtables is a good way to have a balanced diet. Activities should be planned andyou should go with or without him. My husband was a complete jerk but now he knows he can join me or sit h;ome and play battlefield. Which do you think he choses. Not me its ok though. Sit down have a serious talk and tell him why you are doing it. Don't push him. Let him join ypu if and when he's ready. Oh and after a while he will pro;bably go along. Mine does. Just took some time. Do this for yourself. Be strong and, take a stand. We are in charge of our body and we are responsible for the choices we make.

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