Do people treat you differently -- or is it you?
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I went to a party in the city for the first time in a while yesterday. I was possibly ten pounds lighter than the last time I was socialising with strangers, and far below my starting weight, at which I tended to be in retreat from this sort of gathering.
At the party it was definitely easier to chat with people, and might have I noticed a few people glancing over at me, which certainly hadn't been the case while at my peak weight. There could even have been a couple of people on the train - where they turned away suddenly when I looked up, as if they had been caught. This is all data from a single day though. Perhaps I just had some food on my face.0 -
Yes, 100 %. I'm sure I am more confident, but ladies treat me different. Guys are actually more terse with me!
I have noticed that too! I think it goes back to caveman days.
The fit guys that are secure treat me like "welcome to the club -- now we have a more powerful Mammoth hunting team and we can fight off the enemy tribe together"
The insecure fit guys are like "I am going to be a d^^k because you are now officially competition for tribal leadership and choice mates"
Before... I was looked at as neither an asset or a threat. Interesting stuff we humans ....0 -
if ur fat and u get hit by a bus, people will ask the bus driver if he is ok0
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Hi, this is a great topic.
I have about 50 lbs to lose and I have lost about 18. For me the changes are on the inside. i have come to that happy point where i don't care how fast I lose because I am doing things as a habit I have never been able to stick to before;
1. I work out every weekday before 6 AM
2. I can actually go to social functions and plan ahead so I don't overeat
3. I sleep way better
4. I am getting more disciplined in every other aspect of my life.
All these changes can't be seen by someone just walking up to you for the first time.
i travel a lot and I run into a lot of situations where people are rude. Before I would be the "nice happy fat guy" and swallow the insult or try to be super nice. I recently saw a guy treating a very friendly hotel clerk like dirt who had just helped me out a few minutes ago. I went back to the desk and told the guy to "lay off" and he just looked at me and disappeared. The clerk was really thankful and I offered to write up the situation to her manager to make sure he knew that his employee was doing her best to help a truly rude customer. --- I never would have had the courage to do something like that before
Just knowing that I am finally doing something about my condition (which frankly I caused) is paying off huge dividends.
i also find that I am much more comfortable meeting new people and automatically think the "best is in them" instead of feeling inadequate in their presence.
Great topic! :drinker:
Lovely post :bigsmile:
I agree...love his positive attitude:flowerforyou:0 -
I think it was a little bit of both. I lost 30 lbs a couple of years ago and I definitely noticed that I was approached more often and that I also felt more confident in my skin. I think the way you carry yourself has a lot of power and people can see that and are attracted to it.
Also, they have treated me negatively as a result. People assume, because I have a small frame, that I have "always" been skinny and tiny and I don't know what it's like to be overweight or that I never eat unhealthy things. It's kind of ironic, actually. People just see the way you are and assume that it's how you've always been. People are shocked when they hear I lost almost 25% of my weight at one point in my life.0 -
I really love this thread because its something I think about a lot. I noticed at around 68 lbs ( I have lost 93 to date) that I could walk into a restaurant and not have everyone in the room stare at me. People are friendlier, look me right in the eye and smile at me instead of quickly glancing away. I have had men offer to help me carry a case of water, open doors, etc whereas they never did before. I'm 60 yrs old and have trouble with my back, knees and hip which is often evident by my walk and no one ever offered to help me before. At work, I would be the one climbing the stairs huffing and puffing and no one would look at me, almost as though they were embarrassed for me or appalled at how one flight of stairs could leave someone so winded; and my boss would know it was me coming around the corner by by heavy breathing and footsteps now I get a lot of smiles and get watched a lot as I climb the stairs almost as though they are remembering like I do, how difficult it used to be for me. Could it have been because I was so terribly unhappy? Possibly, but I do have to say that now even if I am completely still with a blank expression, I still get people smiling at me.0
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I notice it on planes. People coming on the plane no longer look past the seat next to me and go sit near the crying baby. I have become a viable seat mate.0
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As superficial as it is, I have noticed that I do get more attention from men. I still have quite a way to go. Also noticed that instead of "you have a pretty face" has switched to "you look good". One thing I don't mind is hearing that I do look younger
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I definitely experience a difference and it's not just internal. I'm over 60 pounds down, but still 15-20 pounds from goal.
I don't think the world is just reacting to more happiness radiating out of my pores because I actually experience the biggest difference in treatment when I'm NOT in a pleased or open or welcoming mood.
- My "go away" look doesn't work anymore. I used to be able to glare at someone and they would steer clear of me. Now, when I try that, they still come over and try to talk to me: "what's wrong? are you having a bad day?" Yada, yada, yada. Dude, didn't you pick up on the scathing "go away" look that I just gave you?
- When I'm disappointed, people now go out of their way to try and fix it. For example, if a store is out of something of the shelf, the stock person previously might have simply said, "we're out" and turn away. Now, they'll spend 15 minutes trying to find it for me. "Let me double check in the back. I can call the store over on fifth. do you want us to messenger it to your house? no charge!"
- I'm annoyed about the loss of personal space. Folks have already mentioned the issue of people taking the empty seat next to them on the bus, but it's more than that. People stand closer to me everywhere. For example, in the line at the store, people crowd up on me more. They also are less likely to step aside as I pass them on the street so they'll brush my arm as they pass. They stand a foot or two closer when talking to me. I step back...they step forward. I find this lack of personal space VERY irritating.
In all, there are more advantages than disadvantages to the difference in treatment. The cool "skinny person favors" like extra service and spontaneous discounts outweigh the annoyances.0 -
I realized something....
The world isn't divided into:
Overweight = kind / welcoming / non-judgemental
vs.
Skinny = Mean / narcissistic / judgemental
There are great skinny people and great overweight people.
And... there are miserable skinny people and overweight people.
and most important... there are people who will always.. I mean always see the glass as "half-empty" no matter what good thing happens to them or how nice people treat them.0 -
I only had 45 lbs to lose some I gained back on purpose 45 was too much, anyway no one said a word to me at all. It was kind of disappointing as I was working my *kitten* off. But when I started seeing results my confidence went up a lot.0
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For me (having lost about 80 lbs + or - a few), I have found that the more weight I lost, the more confident and outspoken I became. I'm at a point now where I sometimes have to really watch what I say because I can get a little too sassy and end up saying something that comes across as being a smarta$$.
I think a lot of it has to do with me being more confident in myself and not really caring as much about what people think of me, whereas in the past I was more introspective and quiet because I felt people were looking at me as being "the fat guy." Now that the fat guy is gone, I'm a lot more comfortable speaking to people and speaking my mind.
Weight loss isn't just about the physical changes that take place, it's also about the drastic change in mindset that occurs, too.0 -
yup - my female friends definitely react differently too based on their level personal confidence.The fit guys that are secure treat me like "welcome to the club -- now we have a more powerful Mammoth hunting team and we can fight off the enemy tribe together"
The insecure fit guys are like "I am going to be a d^^k because you are now officially competition for tribal leadership and choice mates"
Before... I was looked at as neither an asset or a threat. Interesting stuff we humans ....
One girl friend's reaction has been "you look so awesome. I can't wait to play dress up with your new body. let's go shopping together. how fun!" Another one's reaction has been "does it bother you that you're losing your boobs?" and "I guess we can't go to bars together anymore because we will be going after the same guys" (as if my taste in men suddenly changed because of the weight loss).0 -
For me (having lost about 80 lbs + or - a few), I have found that the more weight I lost, the more confident and outspoken I became. I'm at a point now where I sometimes have to really watch what I say because I can get a little too sassy and end up saying something that comes across as being a smarta$$.
I think a lot of it has to do with me being more confident in myself and not really caring as much about what people think of me, whereas in the past I was more introspective and quiet because I felt people were looking at me as being "the fat guy." Now that the fat guy is gone, I'm a lot more comfortable speaking to people and speaking my mind.
Weight loss isn't just about the physical changes that take place, it's also about the drastic change in mindset that occurs, too.0 -
For me (having lost about 80 lbs + or - a few), I have found that the more weight I lost, the more confident and outspoken I became. I'm at a point now where I sometimes have to really watch what I say because I can get a little too sassy and end up saying something that comes across as being a smarta$$.
I think a lot of it has to do with me being more confident in myself and not really caring as much about what people think of me, whereas in the past I was more introspective and quiet because I felt people were looking at me as being "the fat guy." Now that the fat guy is gone, I'm a lot more comfortable speaking to people and speaking my mind.
Weight loss isn't just about the physical changes that take place, it's also about the drastic change in mindset that occurs, too.0 -
For me (having lost about 80 lbs + or - a few), I have found that the more weight I lost, the more confident and outspoken I became. I'm at a point now where I sometimes have to really watch what I say because I can get a little too sassy and end up saying something that comes across as being a smarta$$.
I think a lot of it has to do with me being more confident in myself and not really caring as much about what people think of me, whereas in the past I was more introspective and quiet because I felt people were looking at me as being "the fat guy." Now that the fat guy is gone, I'm a lot more comfortable speaking to people and speaking my mind.
Weight loss isn't just about the physical changes that take place, it's also about the drastic change in mindset that occurs, too.0 -
I can't say that I've lost a lot of weight- a little less than 20lbs is all I needed to cut, but I think the way people treat me can be based on a few different things, not just the weight I've lost.
I tend to find that people who are in a place of needing to make a change but not ready to commit to it yet are the ones who will give the comments that are along the lines of 'you're too skinny' and 'you don't need to lose any more.' At first when I started getting these it made me angry, until I realized what was really going on.. so now I just smile, nod, and move on.
On the other hand, people who need to make a change and are ready are the funnest, in my opinion. I was at a bonfire with some friends a few weekends ago, and was getting myself steeled for what I thought would be the inevitable 'hey skinny *kitten*' comment that I thought would come from a certain acquaintance, and she totally surprised me and asked me to help her get her eating on track.. we went grocery shopping together a few days later and it was awesome!!!
Those are the only two mindsets I've really had going on in my life so far. So to answer your question... I guess it's a little bit of both!0 -
I noticed a difference after I lost 50 or 60 pounds, so fairly recently. No one was flirting with me 70 pounds ago, even on days I felt pretty cute, so I have to give credit to the actual weight loss. I think there comes a point where you pretty much become invisible to the world, and then there's a point in your weight loss where you become a viable option again.
I'd say this is me to a T. I was 75lbs heavier and I'm SURE my attitude/depression had something to do with it, but I constantly felt judged and talked about. "Paranoia, Paranoia everybody's coming to get me..." lol It's different now, after just this much weight lost. I still have about 125lbs to lose (yes, seriously) and even now, I get flirted with MUCH more often and the whole 'viable option' SUCH a perfect way of putting it. Wether people consider you that way, or you consider yourself that way, it's true. There was a point when I literally thought my life was NORMAL, being ignored/treated badly because of my weight/size. I'm still a hefty girl but trust me, people are so much more kind with just this loss.0 -
UGH!! Had three small paragraphs written and now it's gone due to clicking on something accidentally and I don't feel like typing it all over, but here it is in part:
THISS!! So this! Exactly, I think ultimately it is both, that is, people treating me/us differently AND us changing and treating ourselves different (I think this is the majority here, not so much the other people as it is us).
I feel similarly, I find myself feeling freer to express myself and talk to people more freely and feel more self confident for sure.
This journey has afforded me many opportunities to have discussions about it and make some new friends and increase my accountability and motivation. I no longer worry about how I look as much, at least I feel better about how I look which no longer inhibits me with meeting or talking to others or doing certain activities which again has allowed me more freedom in my choices.
Ultimately I think it is more about us changing, our perception of others is based off of how we feel, whether consciously or not, about ourselves and how we look and we project that onto others. I've realized this through this journey and it's going on 7 months, that my weight has really held me back from a lot of things in life, but no more! Onward and upward folks. Now time to hit the gym!Hi, this is a great topic.
I have about 50 lbs to lose and I have lost about 18. For me the changes are on the inside. i have come to that happy point where i don't care how fast I lose because I am doing things as a habit I have never been able to stick to before;
1. I work out every weekday before 6 AM
2. I can actually go to social functions and plan ahead so I don't overeat
3. I sleep way better
4. I am getting more disciplined in every other aspect of my life.
All these changes can't be seen by someone just walking up to you for the first time.
i travel a lot and I run into a lot of situations where people are rude. Before I would be the "nice happy fat guy" and swallow the insult or try to be super nice. I recently saw a guy treating a very friendly hotel clerk like dirt who had just helped me out a few minutes ago. I went back to the desk and told the guy to "lay off" and he just looked at me and disappeared. The clerk was really thankful and I offered to write up the situation to her manager to make sure he knew that his employee was doing her best to help a truly rude customer. --- I never would have had the courage to do something like that before
Just knowing that I am finally doing something about my condition (which frankly I caused) is paying off huge dividends.
i also find that I am much more comfortable meeting new people and automatically think the "best is in them" instead of feeling inadequate in their presence.
Great topic! :drinker:0 -
THISS!! So this! Exactly, I think ultimately it is both, that is, people treating me/us differently AND us changing and treating ourselves different (I think this is the majority here, not so much the other people as it is us).
Thanks so much! 0
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