Funniest Fat joke you said about yourself

I once raced a pregnant woman and i came in third

You are awesome, that one is good.

A friend of mine always says she not fat, she's prosperous.

I say in that my bulk is my insurance against starvation if I ever get stranded in a blizzard.

When I was a very young man, a manager I worked for told me "Never cut yourself down, because there is always somebody waiting to do that for you."

When i have to squeeze by someone in a tight space I say Sorry, my backside has its own zip code.

My good friend and co-worker hike two days after work, and every now and then we run into some grazing cows on our trek. I absolutely adore animals, so of course I try to head over to one of the chunky critters for a pet -- and off they run! I didn't say this out loud, because my co-worker would've given me a dirty look, but in my head I shouted, "Don't run! I'm one of you!!"

I think one of the best qualities for a person to have is the ability to laugh at one's self.

:flowerforyou:

:blushing:

I was asked one time; Why don't you want to get in the pool? Because when I get out there will only be 1/4 inch of water left.

I'm so fat it took me two trips just to haul *kitten*

I don't think self deprecating humour is negative to yourself. We all know we are overweight and most are overweight because we eat too much and move too little.... I think it just takes the edge off.

I really love water and get very self conscious about wearing bathers...

So I use the lines to make myself feel better...
If someone tries to push me back into the water, can you please save me (to whoever I was hanging out at the beach with - i've used this one multiple times it's a fave)

if there isn't any water once I sit down, don't panic we can just fill the pool up again (to a friend's sons when I got in a plastic pool we add up on really hot day)

I also had a "whale of a time" *snort* when I learned how to scuba dive, telling everyone how bouyant I was... I needed a lot of weight in my weight belt!

I also threatened the same friend's sons with sitting on them, when trying to scold them

When I saw ZombieLand for the first time - Rule No 1 = Cardio
I looked at my partner and said... "Babe I'm going to die first aren't I?"

oh... and to my partner either "Don't make me laugh so much/ Don't Tickle me, you're making all my fat bits jiggle"
Then depending on the situation " Wow, that must have been really funny!"

Love this thread!

My favorite fat joke moment recently: I told my husband I had lost five pounds. He said, "Five pounds! That is awesome. Aren't you excited?" I replied, "Yeah, real excited. That is like throwing an ash tray off the Titantic."

Also: I told my husband I had lost nine pounds and to promise he would tell me if I get too skinny. HA! I only have 51 more pounds to go before I am just a normal weight. He thought that was hilarious.

Wow I am cry laughing that was a good one!!! That's how I feel to.

I've always had that problem too. But when my belly started getting bigger, rounder and harder, and I wasn't pregnant, I knew there was a problem. You might want to have your doctor do a Cat scan of your belly to see if there's any fluid there. I had 45 lbs of fluid and it ended up that I had cancer - BUT - the fluid can come from 175 different health problems. So, just sayin', you might wanna get that looked into... Be your own advocate and demand tests and results!

My hairdresser asked me if I wanted my hair cut to chin length and I told him I wanted it double chin length :-)

I used the same line! I want my hair chin length, the second chin that is. The poor girl was so uncomfortable : )

Not too funny, but I always told my husband that instead of being a Trophy Wife, I was a Monument Wife.

Cute and funny to me.

My buddy was 500 pounds, I was 400 and his brother was 300... We were walking down from CSU East Bay after graduation and the traffic was bumper to bumper... We were walking down as fast as the traffic this guy laid on his horn when we stepped into the street around an obstruction... I yelled back at him, "What You Never Seen Joggers Before!" Guy was lucky we didn't tear the doors off his mini van.

I'm not normally a fan of fat jokes. I think they're kind of depressing, yet here I am reading them... But I love this! What an awesome comeback. :laugh: :drinker:

Well considering I was in denial about being fat it would be rather hard to make fat jokes about myself. But I'll happily do it about someone else.

There is not enough like in the world for this thread.

Not one of mine, but whenever I use food metaphors, my boyfriend will say 'I love when you talk to me in fat kid.'

Now he's on here and lost 15 lbs already.

I don't see no point in that.
People make a fun out of you anyway.
So way should I have to put my self down.