why do men cheat?
Replies
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Because it fits in their macros.0
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/threadBecause it fits in their macros.0 -
Same reasons woman do0
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I blame it on my penis, if he wasn't born with a mind of it's own I would not have difficulty with cheating...0
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Um, I don't think society says anything of the sort. I stupidly stayed with a cheater because I had no self-worth and no self-esteem. It wasn't because society said I had to. That may be why some women stay. Now, if my fiance ever cheated on me, I would be gone immediately. If I cheated, I would not expect my fiance to stay with me either.0
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I blame it on my penis, if he wasn't born with a mind of it's own I would not have difficulty with cheating...
Do you blame everything on your "trouser snake"? Like if you were to commit a murder, would you blame it on the penor?0 -
My guess is out of boredom. Relationships take work. When you start out dating its all fun and new. After a while you settle into a routine. Then maybe you get engaged, then its new again, and then comes the wedding, big hurrah and party and you're the center of attention. You have some time together for a while, then you have a couple kids, money gets tighter, you have less free time, less time to entertain yourself, you sometimes find yourselves as parents more than a couple, etc. It takes a lot of work to stick with someone and handle all the responsibilities and obligations. It's not always easy or fun or magical, sometimes its just hard and routine. But the bottom line is, you signed up to be with that person when you took your wedding vows. You knew life would not always be easy and fun, you knew life would throw you some curveballs along the way. At the end of the day, it really depends on how serious the two of you take your relationship or wedding vows.
Some people can't handle it, get bored easily, want something new, they look for someone else, etc. Others can find happiness in their relationship in the little things and you still enjoy each other's company regardless of what you're doing. I think a lot of it boils down to how you were raised and what you feel is important in life and what characteristics make a true man or woman.
Any man can go hook up with a woman for sex and same goes for women. Is that really it? Are people like this really that much of a primate that they can't resist their urges or control themselves or act like adults? For some the answer is yes and some it is no. I dont really understand it or why people do it because the consequences are far worse than the little fun you might have and even if you dont get caught, you have to live with knowing you're a scumbag the rest of your life. To me none of those things are worth it. But above all that, your commitment to your family comes first. You have a spouse to take care of, you have kids to support and raise and love.
The bottom line is it all boils down to selfishness. If you are so selfish that you'd rather sleep with another woman than work things out with your girlfriend/wife and take care of your kids like a real man, then you deserve all the crap that's coming your way. If people learned how to put others in front of themselves sometimes rather than entertaining themselves or everything being "me me me" all the time, the world would be a better place. And if you're that kind of person that's fine, but don't get married and have kids if you can't handle it. Just stay single and entertain yourself forever.
Exactly this.0 -
Infidelity is caused by someone's needs not being met. Whether they CAN or SHOULD be met, is a separate issue. And the 'Once a cheater always a cheater' mindset is not correct.
My husband is a marriage/family counselor and deals with this issue on almost a daily basis.
You may be right.... but my only experience was with a gal with a history of it, and she is still burnin bridges.... so maybe the fact is no one has yet found a way to meet her needs
Her needs are dysfunctional. She is the one who needs to change.0 -
My guess is out of boredom. Relationships take work. When you start out dating its all fun and new. After a while you settle into a routine. Then maybe you get engaged, then its new again, and then comes the wedding, big hurrah and party and you're the center of attention. You have some time together for a while, then you have a couple kids, money gets tighter, you have less free time, less time to entertain yourself, you sometimes find yourselves as parents more than a couple, etc. It takes a lot of work to stick with someone and handle all the responsibilities and obligations. It's not always easy or fun or magical, sometimes its just hard and routine. But the bottom line is, you signed up to be with that person when you took your wedding vows. You knew life would not always be easy and fun, you knew life would throw you some curveballs along the way. At the end of the day, it really depends on how serious the two of you take your relationship or wedding vows.
Some people can't handle it, get bored easily, want something new, they look for someone else, etc. Others can find happiness in their relationship in the little things and you still enjoy each other's company regardless of what you're doing. I think a lot of it boils down to how you were raised and what you feel is important in life and what characteristics make a true man or woman.
Any man can go hook up with a woman for sex and same goes for women. Is that really it? Are people like this really that much of a primate that they can't resist their urges or control themselves or act like adults? For some the answer is yes and some it is no. I dont really understand it or why people do it because the consequences are far worse than the little fun you might have and even if you dont get caught, you have to live with knowing you're a scumbag the rest of your life. To me none of those things are worth it. But above all that, your commitment to your family comes first. You have a spouse to take care of, you have kids to support and raise and love.
The bottom line is it all boils down to selfishness. If you are so selfish that you'd rather sleep with another woman than work things out with your girlfriend/wife and take care of your kids like a real man, then you deserve all the crap that's coming your way. If people learned how to put others in front of themselves sometimes rather than entertaining themselves or everything being "me me me" all the time, the world would be a better place. And if you're that kind of person that's fine, but don't get married and have kids if you can't handle it. Just stay single and entertain yourself forever.
This right here ^^
Men and women both cheat. Relationships are hard to keep healthy, happy and fun over a lot of years.. It's hard work and most people can't be bothered. We live in a society that seems to value instant gratification, we want everything right now.. When you have a partner at home who you have been feeling is neglecting your needs or whatever and then someone comes along who seems to want to do everything you want its much easier to just 'go with the flow' for a lot of people than it is to go back to your partner and work things out.0 -
When I found out that my ex-husband was cheating I moved out with our 3 month old the next day. Nobody suggested that I stay with him or give him a second chance, not even HIS parents. For me it comes down to trust and I could no longer trust him so there was no way I could stay.0
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I blame it on my penis, if he wasn't born with a mind of it's own I would not have difficulty with cheating...
Do you blame everything on your "trouser snake"? Like if you were to commit a murder, would you blame it on the penor?
I admit I have been on both ends of cheating and my reason was merely to experience something new and exciting and I was too much of a coward to end things with her first. I can honestly say I have taken the experience and learnt from it.0 -
Why does anyone cheat? Because he opportunity is ere and they succumb to it,
Very true0 -
People cheat because they want to , they think about it ... then do it. More often than not they aren't bothered about being caught and some believe it's something that should be forgiven
If people cheat with you... they'll cheat on you and more often than not... once a cheater always a cheater
THIS ^^^^^^
It is always amazing to me that when the "other" woman/man become the spouse, they expect the cheater will not cheat on them :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
To answer the OPs question, because they think they can get away with it without consequences. It would be up to their spouse to make sure that they know from the very beginning of the relationship that cheating will not be tolerated or forgiven.0 -
Uh, men cheat and so do women. I never have but my wife did once. Thankfully we are healed and still together.
this is an awesome response! What I wanted to hear a mans point of view0 -
Because monogamy is a relatively new concept in the scope of human history.0
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The op hasn't and isn't saying men cheat more. The op made this completely clear in their post. What the op is asking/saying, why does it appear to be accepted by some people by saying "its b/c he's a man" like this implies something that is gender specific. I don't believe any has ever said "oh she's a woman, what do you expect!"
I think there are certain gender specific characteristics that are perpetuated in society that lead some to assume certain things. There is nothing engrained in the male makeup that excuses men to cheat any more tham women.
THANK YOU! THIS ^^^^^^^^0 -
I do agree that a lot of people get married because they found someone they like and they feel like that's Just what they're supposed to do next.How many animals mate for life?
Here is a list:
http://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/animals/photos/11-animals-that-mate-for-life/old-faithful
But the majority do not mate for life.
Why do people cheat? Because people follow a pre-conceived notion of what life is. You try and be in the popular crowd, you meet someone, you make yourself believe that the chemical urging in your head is love, you pretend that you have mutual interests - most would pick same race, religion, social background, get married, have kids, and divorce. Setting yourself up for disappointment from the start. Instead, if you just go with the flow and genuinely look for a connection instead of following a conformist path to make society happy, you might end up happy.
If I had a nickel for everytime soomeone told me hey got married cuz it was the next thing to do...
^^^^^This is sad, but true. I don't get it. People care about what the social norm is too much.
It's probably different for everyone, but I think women typically do it for emotional reasons. And I think men tend to do it because they can get away with it or they think the can...pursuing is in their nature.
I don't necessarily buy the "we're just animals we can't help it" though. But that's just me.
I don't buy the sometimes you just can't help it mentality either. We're not primates, we're humans and we're fully capable of controlling ourselves. It's just a matter of wanting to or giving in to temptation. If you value certain things higher than a few moments of closeness with a stranger then this isn't a problem.
However, I know exactly what you're saying above there. I know many people who were single for a while, several of their friends got married and had kids, they felt as though they were "behind" and had to "catch up", so they married the first person that came into their life. Everyone around them would wonder, what did he see in her, why did they get married? It just didn't seem right. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. But there are definitely many cases of people just getting married and having kids because they think that's what you're supposed to do.
The reality is, there is nothing that you're "supposed" to do in life. You can live your life however you want provided you are willing to accept the consequences of your actions. If you don't want to get married, then you shouldn't. You shouldn't do something that life altering just because other people are doing it. It's not as trivial as trying a cigarette in high school with your friends when you're a young dumb impressionable kid. This is committing to someone else for the rest of your life, and as an adult you should know what you're getting into ahead of time and weigh everything out. Even then nothing is guaranteed, things could still go south. But to do something just because others are doing it is not very smart.
I knew long ago that I wanted to get married and have kids, and I love it. But its not for everybody. I have a friend in the military who can't keep a girlfriend for more than 3-6 months, and he's so self absorbed he'd most likely be a horrible husband or father because he can never put anyone ahead of himself. But he knows that's how he is, so he stays single, and enjoys the single life and what he does for a living.
To each their own I say. I don't think staying single or getting married are necessarily the "right" way to live life, you have to do what makes you happy and what works for you. But to jump into something as serious as marriage and then throw kids into the mix just for the sake of "catching up" to your friends or conforming to social norms is a bad idea.0 -
The op hasn't and isn't saying men cheat more. The op made this completely clear in their post. What the op is asking/saying, why does it appear to be accepted by some people by saying "its b/c he's a man" like this implies something that is gender specific. I don't believe any has ever said "oh she's a woman, what do you expect!"
I think there are certain gender specific characteristics that are perpetuated in society that lead some to assume certain things. There is nothing engrained in the male makeup that excuses men to cheat any more tham women.
THANK YOU! THIS ^^^^^^^^
But I think we are all wondering how he knows it was just once. I agree with what Ladymiseryali said: " I stupidly stayed with a cheater because I had no self-worth and no self-esteem."
TeamDale54 may be right that it was only once (I doubt it - I think women rarely get caught), but the fact that he stayed with her says more about his view of his own self-worth than it does about how much he loves his wife.
I forgot to directly answer your original question in my last post... If my woman cheated on me I would not "let her go", I would kick her out. The other choice is to just give up on respecting yourself.
If your man has cheated on you, it's not "because he's a man." It is because he's a man who cheats. If you decide to stay with him, make sure it is with that understanding and don't fool yourself thinking it will never happen again. There are men out there available for you that will not cheat on you ever.0 -
I don't buy the sometimes you just can't help it mentality either. We're not primates, we're humans and we're fully capable of controlling ourselves. It's just a matter of wanting to or giving in to temptation. If you value certain things higher than a few moments of closeness with a stranger then this isn't a problem.
However, I know exactly what you're saying above there. I know many people who were single for a while, several of their friends got married and had kids, they felt as though they were "behind" and had to "catch up", so they married the first person that came into their life. Everyone around them would wonder, what did he see in her, why did they get married? It just didn't seem right. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. But there are definitely many cases of people just getting married and having kids because they think that's what you're supposed to do.
The reality is, there is nothing that you're "supposed" to do in life. You can live your life however you want provided you are willing to accept the consequences of your actions. If you don't want to get married, then you shouldn't. You shouldn't do something that life altering just because other people are doing it. It's not as trivial as trying a cigarette in high school with your friends when you're a young dumb impressionable kid. This is committing to someone else for the rest of your life, and as an adult you should know what you're getting into ahead of time and weigh everything out. Even then nothing is guaranteed, things could still go south. But to do something just because others are doing it is not very smart.
I knew long ago that I wanted to get married and have kids, and I love it. But its not for everybody. I have a friend in the military who can't keep a girlfriend for more than 3-6 months, and he's so self absorbed he'd most likely be a horrible husband or father because he can never put anyone ahead of himself. But he knows that's how he is, so he stays single, and enjoys the single life and what he does for a living.
To each their own I say. I don't think staying single or getting married are necessarily the "right" way to live life, you have to do what makes you happy and what works for you. But to jump into something as serious as marriage and then throw kids into the mix just for the sake of "catching up" to your friends or conforming to social norms is a bad idea.
It doesn't have to be a choice between the free-wheeling single life and a monogamous marriage. There are lots of ways that committed, loyal couples navigate the complex terrain of sex and commitment with compassion and openness and honesty. It can be scary to talk to your partner about your sexual desires, but we all have urges for other people and we shouldn't lie to our partner about them.0 -
Not having cheated myself I struggled with posting, but....
Monogamy is a relatively recent addition to human social behavior. It wasn't that long ago that one man with multiple wives and/or consorts was the norm. And it still is in some places. And even in parts of the western world where monogamy is the social norm there is widespread acceptance of men having alternate sexual outlets.
During the Clinton/Monica Lewinsky scandal a female European friend said to me "What's the big deal? If our Prime Minister didn't have a mistress we'd think there was something wrong with him." Another southern European female friend has opined that all men should have mistresses to take the pressure off of their wives. Most I've talked to don't care nearly as much about the "cheating" as they do about having it rubbed in their face; particularly publicly.
We've adopted marriage and monogamy as a way to keep society running more smoothly. Reduced violence (in theory). Easier tracking of DNA exchange (e.g., no question that someone who is not your child is going to inherit your estate without you knowing), creating stability and higher chances of success for offspring rather than needing more offspring to carry on the genetic line, etc. But that doesn't mean it is our natural state.
If men are programmed to spread their DNA, and women are programmed to seek the best situation for the survival and success of their offspring, then both are indeed programmed to "cheat". They are just programmed differently and may do it for slightly different reasons. We all have people (e.g. a celebrity) that we've fantasized about having sex with. Presented with the chance many men would actually act on the fantasy given only the flimsiest belief that they wouldn't be discovered by their partner. A woman would be far more hesitant unless they had a strong belief that their partner wouldn't find out. And that is for healthy relationships.
We all have cracks in our relationships, some tiny and some big enough to drive a truck through. If you accept that we are not programmed for monogamy, and are constantly (if not consciously) weighing our programming vs. social norms (that our partner expects us to follow) then cracks tip the scale towards programming. And if the right opportunity comes along at the right time, people cheat. Put alcohol or other judgment-altering substances into the mix and the programming vs. social norm balance gets way out of whack. And then even the tiniest crack can become the Grand Canyon.
Keeping programming vs. social norms in balance is probably the key to avoiding cheating. Address cracks in relationships early. Avoiding drinking to the point of judgment impairment would seem to be another biggie. Of course if it were this easy then no one would cheat.
And this doesn't even get into people who have some kind of emotional or actual mental health problem.
Disclaimer: I am not an expert on this at all, other than at successfully keeping my own programming vs social norms balance in check. I'm just a long-time observer, reader, and I'm very analytical :-)0 -
I don't buy the sometimes you just can't help it mentality either. We're not primates, we're humans and we're fully capable of controlling ourselves. It's just a matter of wanting to or giving in to temptation. If you value certain things higher than a few moments of closeness with a stranger then this isn't a problem.
Actually, we are primates. Just a small quibble. :flowerforyou:0 -
Because you're boring and I'm horny.0
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Because you're boring and I'm horny.
wow!0 -
Because you're boring and I'm horny.
wow!
He's just being sharky....erm, SNARKY! Yeah, that's it. Pretty sure anyway. :flowerforyou:0 -
Same reason women do.
Unfulfilled at home
Not ready to settle down
Have desires that they don't feel they can broach with their partner
Want out of the relationship, but don't want to be the one to end it
Intoxicated and alone on a bad night
Travels too much
Sex addiction
Any and/or all of the above.
Cheating can also be emotional, physical or both - they don't have to be both. Someone can slip on a physical level but not be emotionally attached, but an emotional cheat is much more deliberate in the end.0 -
I don't understand anyone cheating. If a woman cheats on me, she is history. I will never trust her again. Once a cheater, always a cheater.0
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I don't know how to articulate what I want to say but in response to OP's question: yes, I would if it were a purely physical circumstance.
Let's face it though... Monogamy blows and sex does not equal love (ie. lovemaking vs f
).
Edit: Oi that sounds terrible... okay I have never cheated and have only been with one woman anyway so there...0 -
I don't buy the sometimes you just can't help it mentality either. We're not primates, we're humans and we're fully capable of controlling ourselves. It's just a matter of wanting to or giving in to temptation. If you value certain things higher than a few moments of closeness with a stranger then this isn't a problem.
However, I know exactly what you're saying above there. I know many people who were single for a while, several of their friends got married and had kids, they felt as though they were "behind" and had to "catch up", so they married the first person that came into their life. Everyone around them would wonder, what did he see in her, why did they get married? It just didn't seem right. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. But there are definitely many cases of people just getting married and having kids because they think that's what you're supposed to do.
The reality is, there is nothing that you're "supposed" to do in life. You can live your life however you want provided you are willing to accept the consequences of your actions. If you don't want to get married, then you shouldn't. You shouldn't do something that life altering just because other people are doing it. It's not as trivial as trying a cigarette in high school with your friends when you're a young dumb impressionable kid. This is committing to someone else for the rest of your life, and as an adult you should know what you're getting into ahead of time and weigh everything out. Even then nothing is guaranteed, things could still go south. But to do something just because others are doing it is not very smart.
I knew long ago that I wanted to get married and have kids, and I love it. But its not for everybody. I have a friend in the military who can't keep a girlfriend for more than 3-6 months, and he's so self absorbed he'd most likely be a horrible husband or father because he can never put anyone ahead of himself. But he knows that's how he is, so he stays single, and enjoys the single life and what he does for a living.
To each their own I say. I don't think staying single or getting married are necessarily the "right" way to live life, you have to do what makes you happy and what works for you. But to jump into something as serious as marriage and then throw kids into the mix just for the sake of "catching up" to your friends or conforming to social norms is a bad idea.
It doesn't have to be a choice between the free-wheeling single life and a monogamous marriage. There are lots of ways that committed, loyal couples navigate the complex terrain of sex and commitment with compassion and openness and honesty. It can be scary to talk to your partner about your sexual desires, but we all have urges for other people and we shouldn't lie to our partner about them.
I agree, you shouldn't keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself in any relationship. Lack of communication is one of the biggest reasons relationships fail, be it lovers, friends, colleagues, etc.0 -
I don't buy the sometimes you just can't help it mentality either. We're not primates, we're humans and we're fully capable of controlling ourselves. It's just a matter of wanting to or giving in to temptation. If you value certain things higher than a few moments of closeness with a stranger then this isn't a problem.
Actually, we are primates. Just a small quibble. :flowerforyou:
Haha, then we should not act like primates (think of Geico caveman commercials haha)0 -
Just caught part of a documentary called "What!? Why do men cheat?" on (of all things) LogoTV. Found the link here http://www.logotv.com/video/what-why-men-cheat/1704347/playlist.jhtml0
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