No compliment from spouse

Khawel06
Khawel06 Posts: 4 Member
in Success Stories
I being working out for about 10 months. I went from weighing 252 to 188 pounds. I get a lot of compliments from the people I know, and even strangers at the gym. I am in the best shape I been in since I had to take medical steroids that made me gain weight. I enjoy the compliments, but my wife never say anything about my weight loss. She even hear when people tell me that I loss weight, but she never gave me any type of compliment. I get me down because it seems like she don't want to say anything to encourage me.
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Replies

  • LuLuChick78
    LuLuChick78 Posts: 439 Member
    Have you asked her about it?
  • ArchyJill
    ArchyJill Posts: 548 Member
    Join the club. Hang in there, but if she hasn't said anything up to now I wouldn't expect her to ever say anything. Mine still thinks I weigh 200# (I'm 160 now), he even brings me the old sizes when we go shopping.
  • FluffyKangaroo
    FluffyKangaroo Posts: 41 Member
    I'm sorry to hear that you aren't getting the credit that you so clearly deserve from your partner! But hang in there, she has obviously noticed the weight loss and maybe she just doesn't know how to bring it up. Talk to her about it and she might be more open, just ask her how she thinks you're doing or if she thinks you look good - chances are she just didn't know her opinion matters so much to you! Regardless, be proud of your effort and keep working hard :D
  • hungryhobbit1
    hungryhobbit1 Posts: 259 Member
    Is she overweight herself? She might be feeling insecure about that, and wondering why you are working so hard on your appearance. Have you tried to talk with her about it? Women can be a little bit dense about this sometimes because we're very negatively self centered about our bodies.
  • meghan6867
    meghan6867 Posts: 388 Member
    I would recommend talking about it with her. Sometimes when we're so close to someone... it's difficult to gauge their weight loss. But really there can be a million different reasons why she hasn't commented on it. Sit down and calmly talk about it: Let her know that your fitness and health is important to you and that you are proud of yourself for the progress that you've made so far.

    A discussion is bound to follow. Just remember to be calm and collected and approach the situation with as much understanding as you can muster... sometimes there are jealousy and resentment issues that you might have to work through : I know when I lost weight my significant other claimed I was dieting and exercising to be "controlling." In truth I was obese and I needed to focus on my health and wellbeing.

    Good luck and great job on all of your accomplishments thus far! :smile:
  • ticiaelizabeth
    ticiaelizabeth Posts: 139 Member
    Perhaps she is one of those people that get intimidated by a partners weight loss. Afraid of you leaving her.. or something like that.. who know?! as mentioned above your best bet would be to talk to her.
  • Nuxe
    Nuxe Posts: 3 Member
    I think you should talk to your wife about it. Sometimes big changes like this can make our partner scared.
  • qtgonewild
    qtgonewild Posts: 1,930 Member
    this is just crazy to me. dump her.
  • ktaylormusic
    ktaylormusic Posts: 151 Member
    That's hard.

    I find it hard to believe she hasn't noticed, as ArchyJill suggests... but she's speaking from her own experience, so I guess it's possible in your case too.

    If your wife has noticed, why do you think she's ignoring it? Is she overweight herself and perhaps feeling like if she acknowledges your increased fitness she'll have to acknowledge her own situation, and is not ready to do so? Or maybe she feels threatened, worrying you're getting all hot to get attention from other women and will think she's not good enough for you? Or.... does she feel uncared for, without time to look after herself, and therefore resentful of you for dedicating time to your own health? Maybe she feels excluded? Change is super hard for most people... we know that from our own health journeys... but when the person changing isn't yourself, but a spouse, it can feel really out of control.

    It sounds like it's creating a rift though... maybe bring it up with her, directly to see what's up and clear the air.
    And if that doesn't work, well, we're all here to provide support... and sometimes it's only others on similar journeys that really get it anyway.
  • tristaj90
    tristaj90 Posts: 330 Member
    Honestly I have dealt with that myself. Went from 234 to 144 in a year and NOTHING from my husband. Everyone else, even other men, tell me i look amazing, or that i'm beautiful, or what have you and my husband doesn't say a thing. I've told him good job about losing 20 pounds even though he didn't do anything special to lose it..but i have been working my *kitten* off to lose weight and he doesn't show any appreciation of it. I have been on his case and have explained other men find me attractive and express it, but I want to hear those things from my husband sometimes.. he just doesn't change.
  • FitWarrior7
    FitWarrior7 Posts: 332 Member
    OP is jealous
  • Tiff050709
    Tiff050709 Posts: 497 Member
    That sucks. I know receiving compliments is a big boost of self-esteem. Makes you feel good that other people notice all the hard work you have been doing. I have lost 62lbs and only a few people in my life have said anything. My husband does constantly. Me losing weight has given him the motivation to work out too. My MIL has complimented me many times. And my dad. At first I was hoping that my mom and sister would say something but now I am at the point where I know this is for me. It's not something I talk about either. I don't know if it's awkward for some people to bring up as weight can be a sensitive subject. But if it's bothering you then you should talk to your wife.
  • sunflwrgrl412
    sunflwrgrl412 Posts: 130 Member
    This is exactly like my husband. Keep up the good work. You are doing it for yourself anyway! :)
  • zeebruhgirl
    zeebruhgirl Posts: 493 Member
    I don't understand why people who are in relationships need constant validation.
  • markiend
    markiend Posts: 461 Member
    Could be she wasn't bothered about you putting it on, and therefore may not be concerned about losing it either. Were you losing weight for your health or for her ? Could be as another poster suggested she may not want to bring up her own weight issues but we don't know her.
  • Phildog47
    Phildog47 Posts: 255 Member
    Mine has given me little support... and even sabotages me regularly by wanting to eat out all the time. I know they are MY decisions, but a little encouragement would be nice. She probably thinks I'll run off with some chick from the gym. Yours may be thinking similar thoughts.
  • Khawel06
    Khawel06 Posts: 4 Member
    I think you are right. She never complain about weight, and she told me that I was the one who had a problem with it. Thanks.
  • heatherc369
    heatherc369 Posts: 1,555 Member
    I have gotten the same thing, it wasn't until I took a before and after shot to post that I decided to show him, and I said to him "Look I am starting to see a difference" and he said " I have been seeing the difference" I guess he just didnt feel the need to tell me? He keeps telling me that he loves me the way that I am and he doesnt know who i am trying to impress. He is becoming very self conscious I think, he thinks I am going to lose weight and leave him. He has gained just as much weight as I have over the years, and he doesnt want to do anything about it. It's so sad :(

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