Do not eat sandwiches

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  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    I told my wife I wanted to try to cut the sandwiches out of my diet but she keeps making them. Maybe she's after the insurance money?

    Your wife may be a sleeper agent for sandwich corp. be careful
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    It's okay! I have the solution! Just add chocolate to every sandwich and the anti-oxidants will counteract all the bad stuff. TA da!

    This theory has been tested before, unfortunately all it did was lead to cases of sandwich addiction in the subjects and made sandwiches more appealing to children
    Time out.... people give these sandwiches of death to children?!! That should be considered child endangerment. What is wrong with people?!! :noway:

    The problem is that Sandwich Corp has a stranglehold on the media. The emergence of sandwich marketing to children can be seen from Scooby Doo (the 'Scooby Snack') to viral marketing (It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time)
  • carmenmiranda1
    carmenmiranda1 Posts: 21 Member
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    MyFitnessPal is obviously in collusion with Big Sandwich. They actually ADVISE me to drink at least 8 glasses of DiHydrogen Monoxide a day!
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    My grandparents ate sandwiches. And they practically BATHED in dihydrogen monoxide.

    Now they're dead.

    Thank God we are so much more enlightened now!
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    Of course sandwiches are natural, what are you thinking??? My avatar is out there right now, hunting sandwiches with middle palaeolithic weapons 50,000 years ago!
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    My grandparents ate sandwiches. And they practically BATHED in dihydrogen monoxide.

    Now they're dead.

    Thank God we are so much more enlightened now!

    My avatar drank dihydrogen monoxide and her entire species is extinct....
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    MyFitnessPal is obviously in collusion with Big Sandwich. They actually ADVISE me to drink at least 8 glasses of DiHydrogen Monoxide a day!

    I have theorised this for sometime. BS reach spreads further than you can imagine
  • 294Rich
    294Rich Posts: 171 Member
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    Ah, ok, i get it. It was a joke. Then you're a ****ing genius, really!!
    But here on MFP I'm reading a lot of posts of people REALLY asking if one can replace everytime water with soda, so your post sounds credible!

    Yes, you don't have to drink just water, to get your liquid requirements.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24464774

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sn/tvradio/programmes/shouldiworryabout/water.shtml
  • Mongognom
    Mongognom Posts: 123
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    lol
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    The important thing now is to move forward everyone.

    Big Sandwich has too much influence over the 'food enclosed in another food' market so that's out. No sandwiches, rolls, calzone, hotdogs, jacket potatoes or jalapeño poppers.

    Dangerous radiation and Dihydrogen Monoxide exposure rules out the consumption of fruit and vegetables, and grains

    Dairy can not be eaten, lactic ACID is present and we do NOT drop acid here

    Meat is not an option, because meat has consumed fruit, vegetables and dihydrogen monoxide


    At this point I theorise that our best option for sustenance is to look at images of food on our computers and make chewing movements. This will provide adequate nutrition because I have read many books.
  • IronPhyllida
    IronPhyllida Posts: 533 Member
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    :frown:

    But... bacon...

    BaconSandwich2_zps34fcb418.jpg
    Bacon sandwiches is a completely different thing.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    Should I stop exposing my plants to radiation and hydrogen monoxide? How am I going to stop them and me being exposed to all that carbon dioxide in the air though?

    Also, look into the dangers of oxygen. A 50-50 mix of oxygen and any fuel in the air, even icing sugar, is highly explosive. It also makes metals rust and makes apples turn brown and basically oxidises anything it can get it's pernicious little atoms into.... have you been investigating this? I think we should all stop breathing. I mean *everyone* who breathes dies.....

    oh-noes-everybody-panic.gif
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
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    Ok I bet I will get hate for this from people who are willing to put any old junk in their bodies but its important to get the word out there.

    DO NOT EAT SANDWICHES!

    Sandwiches are NOT natural. They do not occur naturally! Why would you eat something put together in a 'food lab' by a 'gastronomer'? Why would you put something that has been cobbled together in sterile conditions like some sort of Frankenstein's monster?

    Once again, you prove your ignorance.

    I give you the bacon tree:
    10267187563_455cb598a2_o.jpg

    Do not confuse this with a herbaceous plant that looks similar behind which muggers hide for that is a hambush.

    This is a classic piece of Big Sandwich propaganda. Who do you work for Darren?

    The Intergalactic Federation of Bacon Sandwich Farmers take offence to such allegations.
  • fleamunky
    fleamunky Posts: 4 Member
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    I had a tuna sandwich the other day........

    ............ I thought there was something fishy about it.
  • TheNoLeafClover
    TheNoLeafClover Posts: 335 Member
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    Really, people? If you think this is serious, I suggest you read it again. It's satire. Wonderful satire, at that.

    You give me hope, Clover

    That I can offer even an ounce of hope to this poor lost world, makes my life worth living.
  • somerisagirlsname
    somerisagirlsname Posts: 467 Member
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    not_my_real_mom_cat.jpg


    I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU, YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!
  • somerisagirlsname
    somerisagirlsname Posts: 467 Member
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    I had a tuna sandwich the other day........

    ............ I thought there was something fishy about it.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Good God I love puns.
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    Should I stop exposing my plants to radiation and hydrogen monoxide? How am I going to stop them and me being exposed to all that carbon dioxide in the air though?

    Also, look into the dangers of oxygen. A 50-50 mix of oxygen and any fuel in the air, even icing sugar, is highly explosive. It also makes metals rust and makes apples turn brown and basically oxidises anything it can get it's pernicious little atoms into.... have you been investigating this? I think we should all stop breathing. I mean *everyone* who breathes dies.....

    oh-noes-everybody-panic.gif

    As I have postulated, plant foods should not be included in your diet.

    Oxygen is a chemical, already by that virtue it is extremely dangerous. You know what comes before Oxygen on the periodic table? NITROGEN! The chemical responsible for 'the bends'! Coincidence? I think not
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Options
    Ok I bet I will get hate for this from people who are willing to put any old junk in their bodies but its important to get the word out there.

    DO NOT EAT SANDWICHES!

    Sandwiches are NOT natural. They do not occur naturally! Why would you eat something put together in a 'food lab' by a 'gastronomer'? Why would you put something that has been cobbled together in sterile conditions like some sort of Frankenstein's monster?

    Once again, you prove your ignorance.

    I give you the bacon tree:
    10267187563_455cb598a2_o.jpg

    Do not confuse this with a herbaceous plant that looks similar behind which muggers hide for that is a hambush.

    This is a classic piece of Big Sandwich propaganda. Who do you work for Darren?

    The Intergalactic Federation of Bacon Sandwich Farmers take offence to such allegations.

    Are you admitting to being an illegal alien?
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    Options
    Should I stop exposing my plants to radiation and hydrogen monoxide? How am I going to stop them and me being exposed to all that carbon dioxide in the air though?

    Also, look into the dangers of oxygen. A 50-50 mix of oxygen and any fuel in the air, even icing sugar, is highly explosive. It also makes metals rust and makes apples turn brown and basically oxidises anything it can get it's pernicious little atoms into.... have you been investigating this? I think we should all stop breathing. I mean *everyone* who breathes dies.....

    oh-noes-everybody-panic.gif

    As I have postulated, plant foods should not be included in your diet.

    Oxygen is a chemical, already by that virtue it is extremely dangerous. You know what comes before Oxygen on the periodic table? NITROGEN! The chemical responsible for 'the bends'! Coincidence? I think not

    but how do I give up breathing? When I try, I get breathing withdrawal symptoms that start with feeling really terrible and having this desperate desire to breathe again, followed by loss of consciousness. So going cold turkey from it is obviously not working.... is there any way I can wean myself off it slowly?

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