Do not eat sandwiches

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Replies

  • carmenmiranda1
    carmenmiranda1 Posts: 21 Member
    I tried looking at pictures of food on my computer and just making chewing motions, but looking at the pictures of tasty cakes caused DiHydrogen Monoxide to actually LEACH into my mouth!

    Years of eating sandwiches has clearly resulted in a buildup of dangerous toxins in my body!

    Is it too late for me? Can you recommend some kind of a cleanse? I mean, a juice fast is clearly Right Out.
  • VonDressToLarge
    VonDressToLarge Posts: 20
    BUt my sandwich tree from ebay.. IT WILL GROW!
  • TheNoLeafClover
    TheNoLeafClover Posts: 335 Member
    Really, people? If you think this is serious, I suggest you read it again. It's satire. Wonderful satire, at that.
    They've clearly been eating too many sandwiches. It's destroyed their ability to decipher satire from realistic commentary.

    If we're not careful, sandwiches will destroy us all.
    sandwichmonster_zps621d3a97.jpg
  • nikkida_tisdale
    nikkida_tisdale Posts: 2 Member
    I don't eat sandwiches like that but thanks for the info :)
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Should I stop exposing my plants to radiation and hydrogen monoxide? How am I going to stop them and me being exposed to all that carbon dioxide in the air though?

    Also, look into the dangers of oxygen. A 50-50 mix of oxygen and any fuel in the air, even icing sugar, is highly explosive. It also makes metals rust and makes apples turn brown and basically oxidises anything it can get it's pernicious little atoms into.... have you been investigating this? I think we should all stop breathing. I mean *everyone* who breathes dies.....

    oh-noes-everybody-panic.gif

    As I have postulated, plant foods should not be included in your diet.

    Oxygen is a chemical, already by that virtue it is extremely dangerous. You know what comes before Oxygen on the periodic table? NITROGEN! The chemical responsible for 'the bends'! Coincidence? I think not

    but how do I give up breathing? When I try, I get breathing withdrawal symptoms that start with feeling really terrible and having this desperate desire to breathe again, followed by loss of consciousness. So going cold turkey from it is obviously not working.... is there any way I can wean myself off it slowly?

    You need to allow yourself to pass out. This allow your body to reset itself an adjust to living without oxygen
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
    Agreed. H2O and sammiches are evil. More evil-er than Kool-aid red hair. :laugh:

    edit: add smiley
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    I tried looking at pictures of food on my computer and just making chewing motions, but looking at the pictures of tasty cakes caused DiHydrogen Monoxide to actually LEACH into my mouth!

    Years of eating sandwiches has clearly resulted in a buildup of dangerous toxins in my body!

    Is it too late for me? Can you recommend some kind of a cleanse? I mean, a juice fast is clearly Right Out.

    That's not just Dihydrogen Monoxide- it also contains the chemical Amylase! Scary stuff!

    I am working on a device that can be fitted to the mouth, that will suck this stuff up before you ingest it. As for the pre-existing buildup you need to start regularly squeezing yourself out like a sponge. This can be done by wrapping yourself up in a snuggie and placing something heavy on top of you
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    Ok I bet I will get hate for this from people who are willing to put any old junk in their bodies but its important to get the word out there.

    DO NOT EAT SANDWICHES!

    Sandwiches are NOT natural. They do not occur naturally! Why would you eat something put together in a 'food lab' by a 'gastronomer'? Why would you put something that has been cobbled together in sterile conditions like some sort of Frankenstein's monster?

    Once again, you prove your ignorance.

    I give you the bacon tree:
    10267187563_455cb598a2_o.jpg

    Do not confuse this with a herbaceous plant that looks similar behind which muggers hide for that is a hambush.

    This is a classic piece of Big Sandwich propaganda. Who do you work for Darren?

    The Intergalactic Federation of Bacon Sandwich Farmers take offence to such allegations.

    Are you admitting to being an illegal alien?

    You won't catch me driving over the speed limit.
  • steve2kay
    steve2kay Posts: 194 Member
    From now on I'm only eating food full of preservatives - if they can make bread last a month imagine how long I'll live if I eat enough of them.
  • scottkjar
    scottkjar Posts: 346 Member
    Eating sand is good for the gizzard. It is only when they convert sand into sandwich that it is bad.
  • scottkjar
    scottkjar Posts: 346 Member
    Dihydrogen Monoxide is the main component in acid rain. It should be banned but the special interest groups keep lobbying government to keep it legal.
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Dihydrogen Monoxide is the main component in acid rain. It should be banned but the special interest groups keep lobbying government to keep it legal.

    Yet another example of the control that Big Sandwich lobbyists have over us !
  • shutyourpieholeandsquat
    shutyourpieholeandsquat Posts: 1,394 Member
    I'm still sitting here in awe of the ignorant people that don't read.... that or they don't understand parody.

    *off to make me a delicious breakfast sammich - life's not worth living*
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    I'm still sitting here in awe of the ignorant people that don't read.... that or they don't understand parody.

    *off to make me a delicious breakfast sammich - life's not worth living*

    I just take it as a compliment and assume that I'm a really really good satirist.
    Or a really really really good liar. One of the two
  • TxHamJello
    TxHamJello Posts: 31
    PEOPLE, PEOPLE, PEOPLE . . . .

    I have been a governmental lobbyist for Sadwich Corp for over 20 years. So, as an unbiased observer to this converation, I will tell you the same thing I have always told them -

    Sandwiches are fine - eat up.

    Thank you for your time
  • Howdoyoufeeltoday
    Howdoyoufeeltoday Posts: 481 Member
    I'm not really sure what to say....so I give you a Fry gif.

    Fry-Clapping-With-Sandwiches.gif
  • Ang108
    Ang108 Posts: 1,711 Member
    Just picked up a sandwich at Sainsburys - King Prawn & Rocket.

    Rocket sounds kinda dangerous - I like to live on the wild side. :devil:

    Why would you eat something named after a spaceship? Space travel is unnatural!

    Just to enlighten you a bit and play along....because this surely is a joke.
    Rocket ( like in Rocket salad ) has existed for hundreds of years and has been called " Rocket " even then. So it's more of a case of a rocket ship being named after the green leafy salad and not the other way around....jejejej.
  • ixiHemlock
    ixiHemlock Posts: 83 Member
    Actually sandwiches aren't great, no satire. They are carbs stuffed with processed meat and fatty dressings.
  • mmckee10
    mmckee10 Posts: 405 Member
    08-h-wd1109-10-primanti-brothers-pastrami-2.jpg

    h-wd0409-Primanti-Brothers-2.jpg

    08acafd1-2c3d-49fe-a757-86a595550e95.jpg

    Edit: to fix size of last Image
  • BeccaBollons
    BeccaBollons Posts: 652 Member
    Actually sandwiches aren't great, no satire. They are carbs stuffed with processed meat and fatty dressings.

    You're doing it wrong then :flowerforyou:
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    PEOPLE, PEOPLE, PEOPLE . . . .

    I have been a governmental lobbyist for Sadwich Corp for over 20 years. So, as an unbiased observer to this converation, I will tell you the same thing I have always told them -

    Sandwiches are fine - eat up.

    Thank you for your time

    Be gone, faceless drone!
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Just picked up a sandwich at Sainsburys - King Prawn & Rocket.

    Rocket sounds kinda dangerous - I like to live on the wild side. :devil:

    Why would you eat something named after a spaceship? Space travel is unnatural!

    Just to enlighten you a bit and play along....because this surely is a joke.
    Rocket ( like in Rocket salad ) has existed for hundreds of years and has been called " Rocket " even then. So it's more of a case of a rocket ship being named after the green leafy salad and not the other way around....jejejej.

    This is what Sandwich Corp wants you to think
  • shutyourpieholeandsquat
    shutyourpieholeandsquat Posts: 1,394 Member
    Actually sandwiches aren't great, no satire. They are carbs stuffed with processed meat and fatty dressings.

    You're doing it wrong then :flowerforyou:


    THIS
  • melindafritz1976
    melindafritz1976 Posts: 329 Member
    i eat sandwiches when i feel like it
    some people eat sandwiches everyday
    its not sandwiches....
  • tonybalony01
    tonybalony01 Posts: 613 Member
    Oh yes! I have read about the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide. I gave that up and now avoid it all costs. It's a good thing you can buy those little doo -dads to hard boil eggs in the microwave.
    I also read an article about the dangerous carcinogens in the air. I'm starting to cut back on breathing right now and am completely giving it up at the beginning of next month (I don't want my body going into shock from just suddenly stopping).
    Great post, OP! Very eye opening.
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Oh yes! I have read about the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide. I gave that up and now avoid it all costs. It's a good thing you can buy those little doo -dads to hard boil eggs in the microwave.
    I also read an article about the dangerous carcinogens in the air. I'm starting to cut back on breathing right now and am completely giving it up at the beginning of next month (I don't want my body going into shock from just suddenly stopping).
    Great post, OP! Very eye opening.

    Good for you!

    Slowly reducing your oxygen intake is great, especially if you have been breathing for your whole life
  • TxHamJello
    TxHamJello Posts: 31
    i eat sandwiches when i feel like it
    some people eat sandwiches everyday
    its not sandwiches....

    THANK YOU! Said much better than I could.

    Sincerely,
    Sandwich Corp
  • heatheralvina
    heatheralvina Posts: 22 Member
    It's okay! I have the solution! Just add chocolate to every sandwich and the anti-oxidants will counteract all the bad stuff. TA da!

    lol! I LOVE this idea! :)
  • Danette73
    Danette73 Posts: 76
    :frown:

    But... bacon...

    BaconSandwich2_zps34fcb418.jpg

    This right here!!!!!!!!
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    i eat sandwiches when i feel like it
    some people eat sandwiches everyday
    its not sandwiches....

    THANK YOU! Said much better than I could.

    Sincerely,
    Sandwich Corp


    Leave, before I start making protest signs!

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