Strangers make fun of me when I'm out

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  • hippikris
    hippikris Posts: 32 Member
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    It is unfortunate that this happened. and I am sorry that you were so hurt by these comments. I am in my 30's overweight all of my life, 5'7" and at my biggest 340lbs. I have heard it all. people making animal noises, the strange looks, the men in bars, coming up behind me on the dance floor dancing and making faces behind me while there friends laughed. my own family saying the all too famous, " it is such a shame you are so big, you have such a pretty face". it is a cruel world. I was hurt yes. but I never let it stop me from doing what I wanted to do. I still went dancing. I still went out with friends and traveled and all kinds of things. as I get older and more comfortable with who I am as a person these things bother me less and less.
    you are a beautiful person inside and out. that is all you need to remember and your opinion is the only one that should ever matter.
    my thought for what happened, you mentioned that you live in the city, you mentioned that it was a weekend evening. my guess there was alcohol involved. sure these guys may be D-bags all the time no doubt , but it is way worse when booze is involved. keep you head up , and just do your thing.
  • iluvpeppers
    iluvpeppers Posts: 33
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    For starters I would go with..."Yeah, I am sure you are not used to seeing anything big" from there the possibilities are endless....

    btw, the only person that has a right to define you is only YOURSELF!

    This made me laugh really hard LOL I wish I'd have said more to the people that made me feel so bad, but at the time it's like, you just want it to end so you can be on your way.

    My issue is I am a smart-*kitten* to begin with...as a high school official you have to be prepared to hear all kinds of things..no response and they think they have you and are on you like ugly on an ape...quick thinking and banter is part of the game. Think about things people have or might say to you and rehearse lines....

    JESUS! HIGH SCHOOL?! No wonder you had such a good come back lol. It is funny though, I guess these guys never matured much past high school then. I'd lose my mind actually being around school aged kids, they can be the cruelest of the cruel. Good for you for not lying down and just takin it!
  • myou523
    myou523 Posts: 126
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    I'm sorry that people are a-holes. Last year, I was working as a cashier at Walmart. I always worked the evening shift until 11, and the night that "The Incredible Spiderman" came out, I had this group of teenagers come through my line buying candy and t-shirts for the movie. And as I was ringing up the last girl's purchase, One of her male friends said... "Oh my GOD! This fat f**king cow is SO slow!". I was mortified! He said it really loud, and my fellow cashiers and my supervisors could hear him say it. But then the nicest thing happened, the girl who I was ringing up turned around and told him off. After he stomped off, she apologized to me for his behavior. :smile:

    I guess the moral of my story is... there will always be *kitten* in this world who can only feel good about themselves by making fun of others. But in my experience, there are always nice people to balance it out.
  • littleburgy
    littleburgy Posts: 570 Member
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    Best wishes to you, OP. You are beautiful!
  • iluvpeppers
    iluvpeppers Posts: 33
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    Baby, you are young and beautiful and should invest in a "beotch face."

    This is the kind of face you don when you walk out the door that DARES anyone to say diddly to you! People are obviously picking up on your lack of self confidence.

    I see you have a baby (yeah, I creeped your page...sorry...it's what I do), so you have to be a strong influence for her. How is she going to know not to take things from people when you take them yourself?

    I'm so sorry you've taken it to heart, but don't let some puny little man get to you like that. When they get to you, you are their slave. Let it go.

    I like your response. The funny thing is that when I'm out with my daughter no one ever says a single negative or rude word to me. Lots of compliments of her, her behavior, etc. but nothing rude ever. Makes me wonder if these people who would otherwise make fun of me alone somehow ''cut me some slack'' for being overweight since it's clear I have a baby.

    I also like your idea about the face lol. My friend told me something similar, basically saying to try and make people think you're on the verge of losing it and just looking for an excuse to snap hahaha
  • iluvpeppers
    iluvpeppers Posts: 33
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    I'm 5'3" and 148lbs. I was never heavy until a few years ago. Hubby and I were walking and talking and 2 gentleman pulled to the side of the road to ask directions. Hubby pulls out his smartphone since directions to where they wanted to go were a little complicated. Black SUV pulls up behind and honks, I gesture that there is plenty of room to go around. More honking, more gesturing. Blondie pokes her head out and honks again, I say "why be so rude, just go around." She says she needs to turn right and again I point out we are NOT blocking this... She finally pulls around only to NOT turn right and park way farther up the street. Couple of days later as I go to my shop to close for the day, one of my employees tells me a note was left, but that it had such bad handwritting and wasn't signed that they threw it out. I pull from trash and can make out only 2 words "fat" and "ugly." Take said note home to hubby who deciphers "I was not the rude one, you were blah, blah, blah, I may be ugly but at least I'm not fat and ugly." WTF? I have no idea who this broad is, but according to another employee some woman had come in asking if I was short w/dark curly hair. She apparently went home and had her 10 year old help her write this hate mail, then dropped it off w/no signature. She tracked me down to leave a hate note and I never called her ugly. Rude yes, I couldn't see her face as it was foggy and drizzling. Some people just have too much time on their hands and too much hate in their hearts.

    Thank you so much for sharing this story, it makes me feel so much better that I'm not just standing out as this huge, unsightly blemish to society. I think you hit it spot on when you said too much time on their hands and hate in their hearts. It makes me sad.

    Sorry it turned out that rude woman was also stalkerish.

    Oh, God, you are NOT a blemish on society!!!!!!! I know its tough, and its easy to say get some self-esteem, but you need it pronto. I strongly suggest you talk to a psychotherapist - someone your insurance will cover. You need to understand that lowlifes who think so little of themselves say stupid things sometimes to make themselves feel better. It is not a reflection on you!! As for the woman who left the gal a note - a woman is going to use the word "fat" b/c she knows that will greatly insult another woman - it does NOT mean its true!!! Please don't listen to these a**h**** who have nothing better to do than offend others to lift themselves up.

    A friend of mine once said there's three adjectives that anyone can use to make anyone feel bad; fat, ugly and stupid. Almost like those three are a go-to when someone cant find anything else to fault you with. It sorta makes sense.
  • iluvpeppers
    iluvpeppers Posts: 33
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    Your story makes me so sad and brings back memories. I used to weigh 120 lbs more and was the target of some hate. A few years after college, I was taking the bus from Florida to New York and there was literally only 1 seat available for me to sit in. It was next to a woman who really did not want anyone of any size sitting next to her. It was in the front, right behind the driver. Anyways, I was obese at the time and did my absolute best to sit halfway on the seat and halfway in the aisle as to not take up more than my side of the seat. For hours, this lady taunted me laughing, talking about how fat I was, ridiculing me, etc... Sadly, the bus driver laughed along with her at me. It was absolutely humiliating at the time but doesn't bother me in the least right now:) I do remember how bad it made me feel though.

    Another incident when I was probably 18, my mom and I were about halfway through our journey in weight loss and were walking on a dirt road in VT near our house. We knew the neighbor who passed us... He was the bully of the neighborhood and we had done nothing to make him angry. We continued our walk and eventually found a piece of paper in the road held down by a rock. It said "look at the fat %$#* heifers."

    Please don't let these people have a negative effect on your journey.

    What a d*** neighbor! THATS straight cruelty right there. I've lost a few pounds on my own already and it strings more when someone comments now because I'm like ''wow, and i was noticing a difference already.'' It kind of take away that feeling of accomplishment, ya know? But, it makes me feel happy I'm taking steps to look more average, even if it will take a year or two =)

    The first thing you said about the seat i can really relate to. as it is not I try to avoid buses and trollies because theyre always crowded and I hate having to sit so close to someone whos obviously displeased. I mean, on the one hand I'm lie ''wtf is their problem'' but on the other hand I just want to avoid confrontation so it's like, i dont know how to describe it, but i definitely avoid crowded places. i'm sorry the driver was so careless and cold as the person next to you, that sounds like such a horrible, horrible ride
  • tapirfrog
    tapirfrog Posts: 616 Member
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    God, I remember thirty years ago some kids danced around me and my roommate, yelling "Fat! Fat! Fat!" I have never forgotten that. I still feel sick when I think about it.

    I don't blame you for not wanting to go outside. I wouldn't either. And yes, it's easy to say "Don't let it bother you" but words hurt, and feeling like you're a freak hurts.

    Funny thing is, I was 130 pounds then. Well within even the normal BMI range for someone my size. And they still wanted to hurt me and they did.

    I'm really sorry you're having to go through this.
  • hickorycutie
    hickorycutie Posts: 210 Member
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    Ive been heavy all of my life and kids in school use to call me Miss Piggy... I would always smile and chuckle and say " I wish i had Miss Piggys money" People are just rude in general... Just member girlie when they are making fun of you they are giving someone else a rest... guys like that have a low IQ level... Just hold ure head up high and proud and member ure a beautiful person on the inside and out.. No one can take that away from you.
  • iluvpeppers
    iluvpeppers Posts: 33
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    Wow. Uh, I lost a whole human being to get to where you are now and I honestly can't recall crap like that since high school or maybe college (roughly 20 years ago). As an adult I've had well-meaning strangers come up and offer unsolicited advice on some wonderful diet pill I "needed" to take or what diet I "needed" to be on but that's about it.

    The only consolation I can offer is this. You are making an effort to better your own physical health by being here. Whoever those idiots are it's safe to say that they are doing nothing to better who they are as human beings. Notice how in order to be brave enough to say something (ignorant) they have to be in pairs? It's proof that they are insecure. Occasionally when I was younger I'd hit the nail on the head with a comment about their own insecurities or how their moms must be proud of them to gang up on a girl or try and make a person feel bad like that, but the key is realizing that the opinions of strangers (particularly ones who have proven that they are unworthy of my attention) mean less than nothing. Be a woman who is aware of her own soul.

    And yep, you ARE beautiful!

    wow. your weightloss is so amazingly impressive. I can't imagine the commitment and preserverance (sp?) it takes to stick with it and I seriously admire you. You make a great point about them being in pairs too!!!! I once considered asking them what their mother would do if she could see them now, but I usually just end up walking away. You do have to wonder though, what are these people thinking? How is it ever ok to comment on someone elses appearance? It feels like a violation
  • iluvpeppers
    iluvpeppers Posts: 33
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    Aww hunny, that's so not nice. Ignore them. Sometimes these idiots are so insecure that they have to put other people down just to make themselves feel better about their crappy little lives.

    Just looked at your pictures and profile. If I wasn't very happily married and on the other side of the world, I'd totally try to hit on you :flowerforyou:

    awww lol thank you for your kind words :heart:
  • Fivepts
    Fivepts Posts: 517 Member
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    It seems that somehow if we can convince ourselves that these types of people are insecure and hiding their deep insecurities then we feel better about them. We think somehow that they are like us and struggle with thinking lies like we are unattractive, or ugly or worthless etc and are trying to hold it together. I think really a person who would make fun of a complete stranger to their face, behind their back or even under their breath thinks too highly of themselves. They think that they are perfect, wonderful, essentially that they are a god/the God. They haven't learned from their parents and from their life experiences that they are imperfect and need others. Basically, they are overgrown two year olds who think everything is about them and for them. They never grew up. Their parents spoiled, neglected and cheated them of guidance and discipline. For this we can feel sorry for them. Stay away from them and have compassion on the people who have to live with them every day. You can confront them but they love a fight and are experts in denial and lying, so don't waste your time. Surround yourself with people who love you and are kind. If they're not you relatives, let them be.
  • melinda189
    melinda189 Posts: 48
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    take all that hurt & anger from the situation & use it in your workout! Somebody will always talk about you- even when you lose the weight somebody will have something negative to say about how or why you did it. You can't let what somebody might say keep you from leaving the house or continuing your journey to lose weight. Stay focused on becoming a better you
  • iluvpeppers
    iluvpeppers Posts: 33
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    It really, really touches me that so many great people responded with such wonderful advice and supportive comments. I'm also sadthat so many people have similar experiences to share. I wish this sort of thing didn't happen, but I honestly feel a lot less alone and a lot better in general. Even more motivated to leave the house.

    Thanks so much!!!
  • Jessica1173
    Jessica1173 Posts: 62 Member
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    This has been bothering me for a little while now so I thought I'd share and see if anyone has any advice, or maybe has experienced the same sort of situations.

    First off, maybe its women too, but women have never openly made fun of me, teased me, or otherwise been rude to me for my weight within my hearing range. So, I'd say its mostly men because it's happened a significant number of times and its always been a guy, so far.

    I live in a busy and large city, in the downtown area and so it can get crowded on weekends, which is why I typically stay in on weekends. I'm 23 but I've never really like going out anyway. However, one saturday night about a month ago my dog ate my toothbrush (ugh, puppies!) and so I decided to walk on over to the grocery store. Well, while I was in there, there were two men in front of me checking out. After they checked out, they stood in front of the store for a minute or so and then I walked out and began walking towards home. That's when they started following me and going, ''excuse me...sir?'' and, ''you're a large guy, arent you?'' all the while laughing to each other. Then douche bag A says to douche bag B, ''thats the biggest 'thing' i've ever seen. Tell it it looks like a sir'' to which they both laughed some more.

    So, I turned around and asked if there was a problem and they laughed and walked away.

    I felt so crappy all night, I went home and cried. I'm not a guy, first off, and I didnt think I looked like one. I know they were just being douche bags, but it still hurt a lot and reenforced my idea that going out on weekends is bad.

    So, yesterday (Sunday) afternoon, I decided to go buy some socks and I decided walk there since the weather was nice and I figured few people would be out sunday afternoon (usually the quietest day of the week here). Well, i walked out and as I was standing in front of the store texting my friend, I hear some guy across the street say in a voice definitely loud enough to hear, ''AND LOOK AT THAT LARGE WOMAN. WOW. BEHOLD THE SIGHT!'' he called me ''that large woman several times'' and he and his friends laughed and then they goes ''and that concludes the tour of downtown!''

    I was so embarrassed and sad that I just quickly walked home crying.

    Someone said a few months ago that I would be very pretty if i lost 100 pounds. Unsolicited.

    This is really taking its toll on how comfortable I feel leaving the house. I should probably just say, ''forget em!'' but thats much easier said than done. I'm 266 and 5'9 and really, not even close to the largest person I've seen; and even then, I'd never in a million years make fun of someone whos overweight. I used to be thin (140) and I never even thought the cruel things people say to me now, about heavir people I saw back then.

    Anyone else ever get rude comments or stares? It's of course not the dominant reaction I receive (most people are decent and pay me no mind) but the few bad apples are spoiling the bunch and making me weary of everyone. =/

    Hi, I know mean comments can really hurt and make it difficult to function normally. It is funny you experience this. I lived in Fort Worth, Texas for a time and regularly went out. I was about 240lbs at 5'6.5''. I never experienced mean comments. I even rode public transportation and walked the downtown city streets by myself. I was concerned that it might happen, but it never did.

    My dad, though, has had people call him fat when he is out. He is about 240 lbs at 510, so he is less overweight than I was. I am not sure what the difference is.
  • floop1207
    floop1207 Posts: 194 Member
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    you have the ability to change your weight if you want to. sadly, people like that will live out their whole lives being dk heads :bigsmile:
  • joebuster
    joebuster Posts: 1 Member
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    Wow what city is that? I live in the rudest city of all, Philadelphia, and still can't Imagine that level of mean spirited comments. kids are tough ,but these sound like adults. Well sorry that happened . If you want to get back at a guy always use below the belt insults. It scares them off. Also the act of following you sounds illegal, so be careful; these are sick people and they are the ones with a problem ,not you .
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    When I was losing my baby weight and I still had a bit of a belly, but I was so proud and happy at how good I was doing losing the weight and working out.

    I went food shopping and the woman on the checkout asked if I was pregnant, I said no....but she just wouldn't drop it, saying it's ok to be pregnant (WTF) I said I AM NOT PREGNANT. Then she went on to say what's wrong with my stomach then, why is it so big.

    When I recounted the story to my husband that evening, I broke down in tears. My husband was so furious he phoned the store to complain to the manager about her stupid insensitive attitude, the manager was shocked at how she just went on and on about it.
  • shell_mc
    shell_mc Posts: 109 Member
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    I'm so sorry that you have had to deal with terrible people. Please take it for what it is..a reflection of their own souls, not at all a reflection of who you are as a person.

    I had a similar experience this summer. My husband and I were at an adults only resort in Mexico. Some guy we were talking to started going on and on about their friend whose kids ruined her body, and she wouldn't even wear shorts, so good on me for wearing a two piece bathing suit.

    Excuse me???

    I'm 5'6" and probably around 165 - 170 at the time. I have some stretch marks, but I work out and would hardly classify my body as ruined. Ignorant jacka##.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    When I was losing my baby weight and I still had a bit of a belly, but I was so proud and happy at how good I was doing losing the weight and working out.

    I went food shopping and the woman on the checkout asked if I was pregnant, I said no....but she just wouldn't drop it, saying it's ok to be pregnant (WTF) I said I AM NOT PREGNANT. Then she went on to say what's wrong with my stomach then, why is it so big.

    When I recounted the story to my husband that evening, I broke down in tears. My husband was so furious he phoned the store to complain to the manager about her stupid insensitive attitude, the manager was shocked at how she just went on and on about it.

    That is just insane, WOW. I have seen my friend's son say things like that to people when he was 4-5. No sane adult should ever say something like that and keep pushing the issue especially.

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