Boyfriend always too skinny and doesn't try to gain weight

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  • Schonprinzessin
    Schonprinzessin Posts: 15 Member
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    I can see that you have kind of a mix of reasons to be worried, so talk to him and try to express all of them and not just the ones you think will flatter him.

    I know it's not about him being too skinny or whatever, even if it's slightly about the comparison issue. (I wouldnt be able to have a boyfriend who is skinnier than me either, way too triggering!) It's really unhealthy to have such little appetite and act on it. (Watch supersize vs. superskinny - majority of the "superskinnies" don't have eating disorders, they have little appetite and they show them how unhealthy it is to eat so little, not eat carbs etc) I tell my boyfriend I worry about him when he loses weight too, he's fairly health conscious and used to build muscle a lot so he takes it to heart. And he knows I don't like skinny guys haha so he tries staying meaty for me.

    It's like a mix between a body issue/trigger, a health worry and possibly attractiveness issue. Express all of those to him seriously. It's not enough just to hint or try and push or trick him into gaining weight, he needs to know why too.

    edit: also feel free to message me to talk more if you want!
  • ChrisM32205
    ChrisM32205 Posts: 218 Member
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    If he is happy with his body, then that's all that should matter. If you don't like him the way he is, break up and find someone else.

    Why try to change someone? Especially when there is really nothing wrong.
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    Warning: tough love ahead. ;)

    This has nothing to do with him being a man. It has to be HIS choice to change his lifestyle, not yours.

    If you can't handle him being skinnier than you (your issue, not his) then you need to have that conversation honestly with him. When all is said and done you either love him for who he is - or you don't. The rest is just petty detail.

    I would have to agree with this. All of it.
    +2
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    In...early...because this thread is destined to go places.


    ETA: For full effect, re-read OP but read it as if it were written by a man about his girlfriend.
  • retrobyte
    retrobyte Posts: 169 Member
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    Maybe he likes to wear your dresses when you're not around
  • geekyjock76
    geekyjock76 Posts: 2,720 Member
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    If you prefer athletic, fit men, and your boyfriend doesn't want to become one, then find someone else. You also have your own health issues you need to overcome.
  • Suzmp85
    Suzmp85 Posts: 184 Member
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    If you really love and care about him, then try and sit him down and express how you feel. If he truly cares about you, he will listen. He has to want the change though, no matter how you or anyone else may want that change, he is the only one that can make it happen. I had this same talk with my fiance to walk with me more, cut down on the soda/pop..and try some of my healthy cooking habits on times that I do so and it helped. So keep that in mind. See if he can make small changes..don't try and overwhelm him because that can make it worse, I think. Good luck!

    It's not about "healthy" eating. The OP doesn't like how her boyfriend looks. She wants a buff dude. For all we know, he likes being slender.

    Sorry. Maybe I should think before posting advice. Still though, I can understand what everyone is saying on here. I can still say at least express the OP's concerns, just don't expect him to change if he doesn't want it and if she truly cares, accept him as he is or give him the chance to find someone who will. I get that at least.
  • charismanoodles
    charismanoodles Posts: 343 Member
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    He has to want to change for himself, like people whom quit smoking etc. You can try to encourage him down a path but if he doesn't want to change, move on for both of your sake's.
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
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    Maybe he likes to wear your dresses when you're not around

    :laugh:
  • pabbit
    pabbit Posts: 6 Member
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    Thank everyone. I actually needed all that straight talk.

    I've thought about this for a long time and have several arguments/discussions with myself:
    1) He is who he is and I can't change him. If I love him, I should not change him because it is he whom I love
    2) I thought many times that I have been mean and pushy to him because of my insecurities and that he deserves someone better.
    3) I talked to him many times and I've been trying to reign in my desire to make him eat/exercise more, but it would be nice if both of us were trying to adjust to make things work out
    4) I know I'm being selfish and he's being nice, which then makes me hate myself after for telling him how I feel or after being pushy. It's a constant downward spiral, because I often guilt myself more than I should.

    It will be a slow process, just like the process of changing my mindset about eating, but I will have to overcome my insecurities and return to loving him as he is again.
  • pabbit
    pabbit Posts: 6 Member
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    If he is happy with his body, then that's all that should matter. If you don't like him the way he is, break up and find someone else.

    Why try to change someone? Especially when there is really nothing wrong.

    True words. I've had a problem with trying to achieve certain ideals such that when they are not realized, I get really freaked out or worried or hard on myself.

    I really have to stop projecting my fears on others.
  • pabbit
    pabbit Posts: 6 Member
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    Stay positive and focus on the good.

    *nods*
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    worlds_worst_girlfriend_ornament-r66c72e628f9d4a95a2d37e9f886e3b54_x7s2p_8byvr_324.jpg
  • Touji
    Touji Posts: 32 Member
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    I used to be really fat back in undergrad (borderline morbidly obese), but now I am a pretty healthy weight since I started to eat less and exercise more. I still am restrictive on what I eat, and I am trying to tell myself to try harder when I feel I ate a little too much. I suffered a bit from weight gain the past year, but now I'm trying to change my mindset to say its okay to gain a weight as muscle here and there because it looks good on me.

    One thing I struggle with is comparing myself with others, especially my fat girlfriend. She is about 5'5" and around 150lbs. She has varied very little around 150 lbs ever since high school. She tells me that no matter what she did in high school, she never got any lighter She said she played some basketball and sometimes went to the gym with the girls. I look at her wrists and arms and notice that they are about as big as mine. Her wrists are a little bigger than mine.

    I really want her to eat more and work out so she can blose weight. I mean, what boyfriend doesn't want a kinda skinny girlfriend?

    Read that quote edited to sound like a fit guy talking about his more heavy (but still healthy) girlfriend to realize that you sound like a horrible human being.
  • kittenful
    kittenful Posts: 318 Member
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    Thank everyone. I actually needed all that straight talk.

    I've thought about this for a long time and have several arguments/discussions with myself:
    1) He is who he is and I can't change him. If I love him, I should not change him because it is he whom I love
    2) I thought many times that I have been mean and pushy to him because of my insecurities and that he deserves someone better.
    3) I talked to him many times and I've been trying to reign in my desire to make him eat/exercise more, but it would be nice if both of us were trying to adjust to make things work out
    4) I know I'm being selfish and he's being nice, which then makes me hate myself after for telling him how I feel or after being pushy. It's a constant downward spiral, because I often guilt myself more than I should.

    It will be a slow process, just like the process of changing my mindset about eating, but I will have to overcome my insecurities and return to loving him as he is again.
    It's okay to have insecurities, but it's not okay to let them rule you. Work on them. It takes a lot of time and effort, but it's definitely worth it. Stay honest, with yourself and with your boyfriend.
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    In to find out how to bulk up my wrists. (And ankles too.)
  • commodus192
    commodus192 Posts: 18
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    My girlfriend is Dominican, but I really want her to be Asian. I keep telling her to eat more foods that are traditionally asian, but she just won't. How can I make her Asian if she won't listen or try? It's not fair because I used to be Hispanic, and am now am Anglo Saxon. Help!
  • 1ZenGirl
    1ZenGirl Posts: 432 Member
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    You are dating someone who is OK with his body. Most people would love to have that self acceptance. You are making it about you.
  • pabbit
    pabbit Posts: 6 Member
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    [quote[
    Read that quote edited to sound like a fit guy talking about his more heavy (but still healthy) girlfriend to realize that you sound like a horrible human being
    [/quote]
    ...
    Thanks a lot
    I already have low self-esteem
    and now everyone is bagging on me rather than just helping me see the better way through this situation
    there. you made a young lady cry and wish she never existed.
  • Amadbro
    Amadbro Posts: 750 Member
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    I'm bulking...wanna hook up?

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