Boyfriend always too skinny and doesn't try to gain weight
Replies
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thats what happens when insecurity comes in, you start to want to change/blame others around you. ha I been there for other situations but you first have to work on yourself and who knows once he sees that you are changing inside and out, he will soon do the same for himself (if he wants to). Remember if your with him, the love needs to be conditional, So who cares what he looks like
Hope things work out! 0 -
Stop projecting your weight insecurities onto your boyfriend and let him be happy with his body. Jesus.0
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My boyfriend is skinny. Sometimes I worry he doesn't eat as much as it seems like he should for as active as he is. But you know what? He's a grown man and can take care of himself. We accept each other for who we are, and we support each other as we both try to be more active and healthy.
You can't change someone who doesn't want to change. If he's happy with the way he looks and not so skinny that it's dangerous for his health (which it doesn't sound like is the case), you're just being selfish. People don't always do or act or become what we want them to--that's life. It seems like you have three options: continue wasting your time trying to make something happen that it doesn't sound like will, accept him for who he is, or move on and let him find somebody who does.0 -
What does he want?
Just imagine if it was the other way round and your boyfriend wanted a really buff girlfriend. He decided what you could eat, when you could eat, how much, monitored your weight and bf% obsessively! made you feel guilty for falling off the wagon... And all this time you don't want to be buff, you were happy the way you were.
I don't think this is the best place for you to be, you clearly have issues around food and need help for them. I've been there and I know how difficult it is but reading all these comments will only make you feel worse. Get off MFP, see your doctor, and enjoy your boyfriend for who he is, you must have liked the person he was when you met or you wouldn't still be with him. Good luck x0 -
I can always tell when someone didn't actually read a thread.I'm not sure we needed 8 pages to say "you sound like a real b!tch", but such is life, I guess. Hope everybody got it out of their systems. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.0 -
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I can always tell when someone didn't actually read a thread.I'm not sure we needed 8 pages to say "you sound like a real b!tch", but such is life, I guess. Hope everybody got it out of their systems. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
In general, I think that when ppl read the OP's message, they form an opinion and want it to be heard regardless of how many other ppl have said the same thing. I'm pretty sure that you've added your 2 cents to a thread after the solution had been posted. And, I normally don't read anything past the first page when I'm replying. I'll read what's posted after my reply, though.0 -
Break up because your boyfriend deserves someone who will accept him as he is.
Trying to change people against their will is not cool...nor is trying to shape them into your ideal.
:drinker: THIS!0 -
I'm not sure we needed 8 pages to say "you sound like a real b!tch", but such is life, I guess. Hope everybody got it out of their systems. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
If someone doesn't want eight pages of commentary, they shouldn't post several paragraphs of stupidity.0 -
Agreed. But there was a LOT more in this thread than people calling the OP a B. That was my point.
I can always tell when someone didn't actually read a thread.I'm not sure we needed 8 pages to say "you sound like a real b!tch", but such is life, I guess. Hope everybody got it out of their systems. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
In general, I think that when ppl read the OP's message, they form an opinion and want it to be heard regardless of how many other ppl have said the same thing. I'm pretty sure that you've added your 2 cents to a thread after the solution had been posted. And, I normally don't read anything past the first page when I'm replying. I'll read what's posted after my reply, though.0 -
smh.0
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I'm not sure we needed 8 pages to say "you sound like a real b!tch", but such is life, I guess. Hope everybody got it out of their systems. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
If someone doesn't want eight pages of commentary, they shouldn't post several paragraphs of stupidity.
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Yeah, you need to break up with the guy.
No, not because he can get "better." So you can get better.
I mean, come on, a guy whose wrists are smaller than yours? I'm not much for sexist stereotypes, but women want a man to be somewhat physically larger and stronger than they are (well, maybe this is the wrong place to expect that viewpoint to dominate!).
And once you dump him, I'm sure he will find someone who doesn't care at all about him not having the body of an adult male...maybe someone into infantilization.0 -
Wow.Yeah, you need to break up with the guy.
No, not because he can get "better." So you can get better.
I mean, come on, a guy whose wrists are smaller than yours? I'm not much for sexist stereotypes, but women want a man to be somewhat physically larger and stronger than they are (well, maybe this is the wrong place to expect that viewpoint to dominate!).
And once you dump him, I'm sure he will find someone who doesn't care at all about him not having the body of an adult male...maybe someone into infantilization.0 -
Wow.Yeah, you need to break up with the guy.
No, not because he can get "better." So you can get better.
I mean, come on, a guy whose wrists are smaller than yours? I'm not much for sexist stereotypes, but women want a man to be somewhat physically larger and stronger than they are (well, maybe this is the wrong place to expect that viewpoint to dominate!).
And once you dump him, I'm sure he will find someone who doesn't care at all about him not having the body of an adult male...maybe someone into infantilization.
Took the words right out of my mouth. Except mine were followed with 'youre a ****'.0 -
I don't want to sound harsh, but you sound really selfish. Some people are built a certain way and nothing will change that. My best friend is 30 years old and has weight 98 pounds since high school - guess what? She eats like a HORSE. She does not have an eating disorder. That is just the way her body is. She is a tiny little toothpick and always will be. Trying to force and nag your boyfriend to bulk up because "what girl doesn't want" a muscular boyfriend is about the most shallow thing I've ever heard. Obviously YOU are that girl because you started dating him in the first place! You didn't have a problem with it then - why? because you had an eating disorder and were skinnier than him? Your boyfriend's diet and lifestyle are his to decide. What is really needed here is mental counseling for YOU. You may be trying to gain weight and eating more but if you don't feel you can do it without forcing him to do it with you then you are still being controlled by the eating disorder. I think you owe your boyfriend an apology and you need to leave him alone.0
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You are trying to change him for the wrong reasons. C'mon, you dont really care about his health, you wouldnt have started dating him in the first place if you thought he was so unhealthy and unattractive. You are trying to change him so that you can feel more secure about your size, which isnt healthy for you. You have to be healthy and happy for yourself and if he wants to change he has to do it for himself. Im sorry to say this but maybe you are not ready yet to be in a relationship like this, maybe you need more time working on you and putting your health at the top of your priorities instead of his. Wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide.0
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I'm bulking...wanna hook up?
Oh baby!
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Wow.Yeah, you need to break up with the guy.
No, not because he can get "better." So you can get better.
I mean, come on, a guy whose wrists are smaller than yours? I'm not much for sexist stereotypes, but women want a man to be somewhat physically larger and stronger than they are (well, maybe this is the wrong place to expect that viewpoint to dominate!).
And once you dump him, I'm sure he will find someone who doesn't care at all about him not having the body of an adult male...maybe someone into infantilization.
Took the words right out of my mouth. Except mine were followed with 'youre a ****'.
....... Wow .....
And the whole 'not into sexist stereotypes.. But here, let me tell you all about how shallow/sexist my viewpoint and stereotype really is' .....0 -
Oh my what a disordered post. You may not see this OP, and if you do I hope you know I mean it with concerned intentions. I hope you are continuing with your therapy to help combat the vicious cycle of binge/purge/abstain.
Sometimes with disordered eating it's not about the food but it's about the control. Is it possible that you are projecting some of your insecurities with regard to food and body and that feeling you have no control onto your boyfriend?
It's easy to switch focus when it feels like not everything in our lives is under control. I hope you take some time to think and analyze where you are at in your healing.0 -
Try to change yourself, not others.
They will retaliate if you try. And he has, don't think he likes to be treated like a pet. He's not your pet.. If you don't want him the way he is, get another. As long as he's healthy, I'm not sure why it should matter.
Now, if he wanted to change all by himself and he told you this, it would be your job as a good girlfriend to support him with HIS decision, but since you mentioned nothing of the sort, it doesn't sound like he's unhappy the way he is, just you with him.. So, yeah, get another and leave the poor guy alone.0 -
I can't believe this is still going.
In other news, this made me laugh out loud.[0 -
I get many women aren't attracted to smaller men. I do. And that's fine.
Wow.Yeah, you need to break up with the guy.
No, not because he can get "better." So you can get better.
I mean, come on, a guy whose wrists are smaller than yours? I'm not much for sexist stereotypes, but women want a man to be somewhat physically larger and stronger than they are (well, maybe this is the wrong place to expect that viewpoint to dominate!).
And once you dump him, I'm sure he will find someone who doesn't care at all about him not having the body of an adult male...maybe someone into infantilization.
Took the words right out of my mouth. Except mine were followed with 'youre a ****'.
It was more the "maybe someone into infantilization" that really took it over the top.
Like you can't be attracted to a smaller man unless you're some kind of pedophile. SMH0 -
wow this is awful!!!
as everyone has said before, this is completely unfair! maybe he likes being skinny, maybe he's struggling with the beginnings of an ED, your mindset seems to be very self centered. my girlfriend is recovering from anorexia as well so she understands my predicament but if i had a girl who was trying to change how i look because of her personal preference in men, it would make me very self conscious and upset. i am only 5', a pretty tiny guy to be honest and it really sucks because i know most girls aren't into that and he sounds like a naturally skinny kind of dude and i can tell ya, hearing this kind of stuff is really ****ty. and it's never okay to shame someone for their body...i'm sorry but this post just really kinda made me angry!! boys do not have to be 'buff' just as girls do not have to be 'slim'.
my girlfriend&i support each other during meal times and whatnot but we also understand our individuality and that we cannot base our recoveries off one another. that is very unhealthy and just not ok. you saying he needs to just "be a man"...that made me very sad, i don't think you should stay with him if you are that cruel, if that is how you treat him because jeez dude no one deserves that.
i am not trying to completely bash on you because as you said, you've struggled with ED and i know one of the monsters of ED is comparison. but please...take a step back and evaluate what you really want....don't hurt others because you are hurting0 -
And it bothers me a lot because I can't stand the fact that my boyfriend is skinnier than I am. I need him to really help me mentally get out of this previous bulimia/anorexic mindset and eat more. If I see him eat more, then I will feel okay eating more instead of feeling the need to punish myself. He needs to be a man!
You need to deal with your own issues. You are not being fair to him. He sounds perfectly happy at his current weight and you should not be forcing him to bulk up if he is not ready to do so.0 -
Hi! This is actually my first time posting on the boards, although I've been a MFP user for many years now.
I used to be really skinny back in undergrad (borderline anorexic), but now I am a pretty healthy weight since I started to eat more and not exercise so much. I still am restrictive on what I eat, and I am trying to tell myself that it's okay when I feel I ate a little too much. I suffered a bit from bulimia the past year, but now I'm trying to change my mindset to say its okay to gain a little fat here and there because it looks good on me.
One thing I struggle with is comparing myself with others, especially my skinny boyfriend. He is about 5'5" and only 115 lbs. He has varied very little around 115 lbs ever since high school. He tells me that no matter what he did in high school, he never got any heavier. He said he played some basketball and sometimes went to the gym with the guys. I look at his wrists and arms and notice that they are about as skinny as mine. His wrists are a little thinner than mine.
I really want him to eat more and work out so he can bulk up. I mean, what girlfriend doesn't what a kinda buff boyfriend? But he never really listens. I tell him to eat breakfast, to snack throughout the day, to eat nut butters, cheese, more protein. But he is soo resistant. He'll nod or sit there like he's actually listening, and maybe he'll do it cause I put the food in front of him, but when I leave him on his own, he ends up eating a small lunch at like 2, then eating the dinner I make him later in the evening. And today, I asked him if he only ate a cup'a'noodle for lunch, and he lied and told me he also ate a bagel, which I totally saw uneaten in the fridge. Lies!
I hate being like a mom for him, but I feel like if I don't shove food in front of his face, or buy certain foods for him or make big meals, he wouldn't eat a lot. It nags me so bad because I am the girlfriend, not his caretaker or his momma.
No matter what I say, he doesn't listen. Help!? How do I really make him get his butt off his computer games and cellphone games that he plays nearly 24/7 and do what I ask for his own health!?
And it bothers me a lot because I can't stand the fact that my boyfriend is skinnier than I am. I need him to really help me mentally get out of this previous bulimia/anorexic mindset and eat more. If I see him eat more, then I will feel okay eating more instead of feeling the need to punish myself. He needs to be a man!
This sounds like a mental health problem. It's called a boundary issue. Your boyfriend is not you. He isn't an extension of you or your possession. There's a boundary between the two of you that you need to see and respect. We get into problems with our friends and families when we get too close and take them as part of us instead of as separate people who have the right to make their own choices. How would you feel if someone was watching everything you ate and commenting on it? You wouldn't like it at all. Leave him alone. Talk to a counselor if you feel too stressed out.0 -
OP sounds like a right catch lol.0
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You have some bargaining tools at your disposal .... unless he actually prefers computer games, that is.
Sex should never be used as a weapon.0 -
Didn't read past the first page but:
The title should be: boyfriend weighs less than I do and it bothers me, what should I do to handle these feelings.
Leave him be. Work on yourself.0
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