Husband can't be trusted. How many chances should he get?

I think this is a fake post. You get a lot of these on this website. The account was created the same day as the post that's a bit of a give away too....

1. I would address the lying/not being forward versus the porn, because porn is a fact of life. Some people love it, some people hate it, but it's what guys do when they're bored/lonely.
2. Be glad he wasn't having an affair with a real person. If this is all he does wrong, it might be a good thing?

Probably not what you're looking for, but it would be A LOT worse IMHO if it was an affair with someone in the flesh vs watching porn.

No offense but i dont think porn is a big deal. Your were out of town, he's only human and he was probably bored. It's not like he can actually hook up with these women in anyway. If I caught my husband looking at it I would probably tease him a lot and tell him not to get any ideas. He wasnt trying to be too sneaky if he didnt clear the history from his computer which is very easy to do.

Is it only men who get the porn card excuse or does it work for ladies too?

Well, from my reading, you first mistake was not listening to the guy who told yall to put the wedding off. You should have really thought long and hard if your trust was shaken that badly before you made vows 'until death do us part.'

Secondly, I'm sure in your vows you said 'for better or for worst.' Well it sounds like this is the worst. Now you vowed to be with him for better or for worst and if you throw your vows away, does that make you anymore trustworthy than him?

Now, you have to understand that there is a HUGE difference between men and women. Sex means different things to men than it does to women. Sex is more emotional for women. For men, it could just be something to do. You can’t look at his issues from your prospective. I don’t mean to get all preachy, but I think that is the way God intended it. I think God made men and women so differently so that when we marry, it forces us to become more Christ like in our love for each other.

Lastly, ‘love’ is action and simply emotional. You say you are ‘in’ love with him, but have you tried actually loving him, which entails forgiving him, being patient with him, helping him overcome his issues? Don’t be so quick to throw in the towel and leave! That is the easy way out. But a real woman would stay in the fight for her marriage. I understand that in today’s society we marry then divorce. But I don’t think that is the way it should be. Try to work things out!

Watching porn = ok
Sexting + Paying someone to watch a girl live doing porn = NOT OK
If this continues, i will not be surprised when he will be tempted to actually hook up one of these women!

Sorry that was blunt, but it is what it is. Honesty is honesty. If he has no self- control to stand up to his promise, he is weak and cannot be trusted. I know its easier for me to say than for you to actually do it, but this is what i feel!

Good luck :flowerforyou:

and I think you digging through his IE history says all that needs to be said

/thread

Boys will be Boys and Porn is Porn,
but if you have pay for it, its something else, because he is taking money away from the family.

I don't think you need to get a divorce just yet but I think you need to make the following very clearn.
-1 NO Porn in the house or on the PC.
-2 Because he can not be trusted, you need to learn about PC and do the following:
Lock your router/turn off the internet. when you are not home...

Keep in mind everything is good and dandy until there is physical contact. Once there is physical contact all bets are off.

How long have you guys been dating before tying the knot?

I think porn is porn. Any guy who doesn't watch porn has issues hahaha. It's no different then them going to the strip clubs and paying to get blue balls.

Is he still sexting that lady too?

I don't like to look through my bf's stuff at all. We've been together for 5 years and met him in college 10 years ago. I trust him completely and we tell each other everything. When he flirts with girls at work (I know he's a flirted) but he wouldn't ever do anything to make me distrust him as he realizes what's at stake if he does.

I think watching porn is fine. As long as he is not actually doing something physical with another person. However, at this point, I'm not sure how much you can trust him if you are already at that point of confusion. He obviously feels he needs to hide stuff from you so you won't be so suspicious.

Maybe you guys need to start being more open. I obviously don't know how he is. It took my bf at least a year and a half before he got comfortable with opening up to me and letting me in little by little.

What? He was sexting BEFORE you were married. Probably because he realized you are very controlling and was getting in a little fun before it was all over. I don't mean this to sound so mean, but seriously, if watching porn is something he enjoys while you are gone, why can't he do it? He's probably thinking of you the entire time anyhow, hence why he was texting YOU. What if he said, "look I see that you are on this myfitnesspal site a lot, and there are lots of pictures of beautiful shirtless men on there, so I'm going to need you to promise to never do it again". You are not his parent. You're his wife. Be his partner. Love and trust him and get rid of your "line in the sand". Life is to short for all these hangups.

Sounds like you are unhappy and that you've already answered your own question.

I got a divorce and took back my life and feel so independent, so strong. I may be too cautious now, but I am determined that if I'm unhappy that it can lie in my hands. If I'm unhappy, I will do something about it.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, when you really love someone it is hard to detach yourself. And goodluck!