Article: What no one tells you about losing lots weight
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tagging to check out later0
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If you become seriously overweight because you are using food to treat emotional issues that aren't otherwise being addressed (as so many have also done with alcohol, drugs, sex, etc.), then losing the weight won't solve those problems.
This took me a long time to learn, but it's so so true.
I read this article a few days ago, and I think a lot of the people who had negative comments in the article really had unreasonable expectations and likely not enough psychological support to help them with body image problems that go along with such a drastic change.
Like others have said, I'm thrilled to no longer be obese or anywhere near it now. I do not look like a Victoria's Secret model and most likely never will without a lot of surgery to fix loose skin, sagginess from childbirth and weight loss, and stretch marks. I'm okay with that. My goal is to be at a healthy BMI (not on the border of healthy/overweight, but well within healthy BMI range) and to be able to wear single digit sizes again and look good in them.
I might get flamed for this, but I also think it's totally fine to not have a goal to be a superfit athlete as well. Some people just don't find that to be something they want to focus on, and that's okay. The problem comes when a person expects a "perfect" body but doesn't put in the work to get there and/or doesn't understands the limitations they may have when trying to achieve that kind of body.
No flame from me!
Hell, Victoria's Secret models don't even look like Victorias Secret models. If real life had an air brush filter... :drinker:
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Off topic (kinda):
I once dated a man who had extra skin from weight loss. He was pretty confident, actually. And (ahem) COMPETENT, too. :blushing:
So, yeah, I guess what I'm trying to say is... a sexy body doesn't have to be one from the pages of a magazine!!0 -
This was sad to read. I was not that heavy but i can totally relate to the emotional part that comes with major weight loss. I know it is not supposed to be about how you look but , that does play a big part in your weight loss and when you expect something else it can be depressing. There is a huge mental aspect of weight loss ....for me the mental part is harder than the physical. It changes who you are inside and out.
I felt really sad for her in her pictures. I hope that one day she can afford or want to get some skin removal.
I am still not comfortable with my body...and i seriously thought it would look alot better than it does with every thing i put into fixing it. But, i am finally coming to realize i will never look like i had hoped. But, obviously it could be a lot worse.0 -
Bump for later!0
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I was a little sad to read how disappointed she was. I thought she was beautiful. I love that she took so many pics, I wish I would have done that. I was always the type of person who expected the worse. I knew I had over 100 lbs to lose and I expected to have horrible sagging skin. I HAD to lose weight no matter though. In my early to mid 20's my weight had already started to cause major health problems. I lost 125 lbs and I was honestly thrilled that my skin bounced back as well as it did. Maintenance is where I kicked up the lifting an I started noticing more change in my body. Am I perfect? No. Do I love my body? Yes. I am still a work in progress and always will be in one way or another. What means the most to me is that I have my health back and I continue to better myself physically and mentally.0
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Yep, I expect to have loose skin. Every body is different. I'm just looking forward to not dying before I'm 50! I seiously need to lose the diabetes and lower my blood-pressure. I'm 43. I don't expect my skin to snap back like I was 25. I got to be young, skinny and sexy. Now I crave health! I'm okay with tucking all the flabby *kitten* into a pair of jeans and just feel great for once!0
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I hate the way I look when I'm naked (right now at my heaviest) and I wouldn't be surprised if I hate the way I look when I'm naked once I get to my goal - but then only two people see me naked - me and my husband - its not like I can avoid seeing myself naked and I'm pretty sure my husband didn't marry me for the way I look naked either. I spend most of my day with clothes on, and with pants that pull you in and bras that push you up and choosing clothes that compliment my figure, I hope I can hide whats underneath, much like I do now! My main reason for losing weight is to be healthier so I can have a more active life with my husband and kids. Next, I'd like to be happy with what I see in the mirror/photos (clothes on) so I don't have to shy away when someone gets a camera out.
I think this lady is SO brave sharing her story with the world, but its just that, her story! Having looked at her facebook page, it would seem that she lost the 160lb over a year (there is a photo with her driving licence stating "taken 1 year (and 161lb) apart") which would work out at about 3lb a week which is just over the 1-2lb a week normally recommended. I always like reading about other peoples journeys and what they have gone through, the good, the bad and the ugly - means I can learn from them and be more prepared for my own journey.0 -
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i found this mildly depressing. No, everything about one's life doesn't magically change for the better after losing weight, just as moving to a new city, getting a new significant other, or landing a new job doesn't cure all of life's ills. But I'll take sagging skin over Type 2 diabetes any day of the week.
I am adamantly against what the Biggest Loser television show does to people's expectations for weight loss, but I completely agree with what the producer has to say here.As for The Biggest Loser, executive producer Dave Broome, reached by e-mail, argues the show's primary emphasis is on health, not aesthetics: "When you have one foot in the grave (as many of our contestants do when coming on to the show), being concerned about what your skin might look like after you lose weight becomes a minor issue compared to dying or having a significantly shorter life span because of obesity-related issues," he writes.
This0 -
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wow, I kept reading through the articles, lots of interesting information in there, thanks for posting0
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Just look at many posts here of people who are either close to goal weight or reached it and you'll witness the negative and severe psychological effects of calorie restriction and weight loss.0
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Just look at many posts here of people who are either close to goal weight or reached it and you'll witness the negative and severe psychological effects of calorie restriction and weight loss.
I think you might be in the wrong thread.0 -
Just look at many posts here of people who are either close to goal weight or reached it and you'll witness the negative and severe psychological effects of calorie restriction and weight loss.
What are you saying?
:flowerforyou:0 -
Just look at many posts here of people who are either close to goal weight or reached it and you'll witness the negative and severe psychological effects of calorie restriction and weight loss.
What are you saying?
:flowerforyou:
I do believe that he's saying that he didn't read the OP.0 -
Just look at many posts here of people who are either close to goal weight or reached it and you'll witness the negative and severe psychological effects of calorie restriction and weight loss.
:frown:0 -
I can totally relate to this. I'm only really half way to my goal. My sagging stomach is so depressing to me. I was psychologically scarred as a child by my mother who thought her 135 pound 5'7 daughter was too fat and sent her to WW and OA when I was 13. My response to that was to develop a binge eater disorder.
Now 37 years later I am finally free of binge eating but as a result of the way I have treated my body I pay the price. I am realizing that even though I am losing it slowly and exercising that I have to redefine the meaning of what success means for me. I'm terrified of being rejected by a man because of my battle scars. But I am real, and that is me and I can no longer reject who I am.
I cannot control the sagging skin I have but I can control--must control the mindset that I am only as good as the shape of my body.
I decided the best way to do that was to start blogging and showing my body to the world. It became of the most freeing experiences of my life.
Reading the stories on this thread has been so incredibly helpful and amazing to me.0 -
Wow.
I am going to go against the popular sentiment here and say that what I look like after the fact DOES matter to me. I've been ashamed of how I look for all of my adult life. I've cringed in the mirror when I saw myself naked. I've gone for years without letting even my husband truly see me naked. There is no way that after working hard on this for years that I'm going to go through that for the rest of my life. I will opt for surgery. There is no question in my mind about that. If after 2 years of maintaining, giving my skin a chance to catch up, I still have big folds, I'm going to pay to have someone else fix it. While most of my skin is bouncing back okay, I don't know how it'll look. I know that I will never be 100% happy with how I look, but there is a happy medium. Right now I'm doing what I can to try to minimize this issue (lifting, going slow, minimizing LBM losses), but some of it is out of my control.
Years ago, my sister in law had breast enhancement surgery. She caught a lot of flack for it. After breastfeeding her nipples inverted. It was impacting her marriage, due to her inhibitions caused by shame about her breasts. She has never regretted that surgery. Her lack of confidence wasn't just manifested in her reaction to her breasts, it was CAUSED by her breast's appearance..
While saying something like "I will never have the body of a 25 year old" is a great sentiment (you know I love you Beach), there are levels here. The pain in her after pictures is real. It's a part of it. To tell someone to just not focus on the aesthetics isn't realistic when you are dealing with that type of disfigurement.
My weight gain was caused in large part by a medical condition that was overlooked for a decade and a half. Yes, some of it was behavioral. But that doesn't make me more deserving of being happy with my appearance than someone who has faced whatever emotional demons they had. However, the key is to have faced those demons. Not just lost weight quickly.
This is another reason that going slow is really a good thing for most. It gives you a chance to work through your issues.
And yes, most of my goals are fitness related. But that I care what I look like after the fact is perfectly fine, too.
You are the most beautiful badass I know.
An inspiration.0 -
Just look at many posts here of people who are either close to goal weight or reached it and you'll witness the negative and severe psychological effects of calorie restriction and weight loss.
Agreed.
And note how I realized you wrote 'many posts...' and not 'all posts...' There's obviously a ton of psychological consequences to losing weight. Not for EVERYBODY, but for a lot of people.
It's sad. 0 -
tagging for later0
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Julia's website and work is fascinating for me, on several levels. Yes, she did lose 160lbs in a relatively short period of time but that doesn't detract from the basic points being discussed around self-perception and weight loss. At the end of the day, a lot of the failures of the flesh do require perception adjustments - but I'm curious - how many people would likely give up without some ideal driving force?
I hate that here I am, at 47, and for almost 15 years I led a very sedentary life - even if I never became morbidly obese, but letting go for so long means that today my potential is just so much less. This does reduce for me the drive to excel to a minor degree and I readjust, almost daily, to address what I hope are still more realistic objectives. Well, if you listen to the people around me, they think I'm crazy.
I'm troubled by the discussion of "realistic-expectations" because, as valuable as it might seem to help someone prepare and address for the end result it is also the "thousand deaths by paper cuts" of not striving for an ideal. Yes, I know I won't reach all the Everests of my mind, and that perhaps now each is a dirty, over-visited, common place but, dammit, I'm going to try and enjoy my journey there.
When we look at her "travelogue" of pictures on her "journey" despite the destination being more the back-alleys of Calcutta versus the expected Taj Mahal she seems to (mostly) have a great time on the trip - and dress like a little girl playing princess quite a few times. I think part of that is lost when we only consider the end result of loose skin, I saw the up thread discussion of the health benefits, and capabilities. Add to this that each day is a resetting of goals and expectations and self-appreciation.
Perhaps, I don't know, it just takes time to have more perspective of who and what you are becoming - whether you go fast or slow.0 -
Wow. You nailed it. I wanted to say so much more on this thread when I commented earlier, but couldn't find the words. The part I bolded, I find particularly striking. I was troubled too, because I don't find having 'realistic expectations' very motivating, quite the opposite. I need to strive for the ideal, even if it is perhaps unattainable. I think most people like to dream big, and why not? There's no finish line anyway. :drinker:Julia's website and work is fascinating for me, on several levels. Yes, she did lose 160lbs in a relatively short period of time but that doesn't detract from the basic points being discussed around self-perception and weight loss. At the end of the day, a lot of the failures of the flesh do require perception adjustments - but I'm curious - how many people would likely give up without some ideal driving force?
I hate that here I am, at 47, and for almost 15 years I led a very sedentary life - even if I never became morbidly obese, but letting go for so long means that today my potential is just so much less. This does reduce for me the drive to excel to a minor degree and I readjust, almost daily, to address what I hope are still more realistic objectives. Well, if you listen to the people around me, they think I'm crazy.
I'm troubled by the discussion of "realistic-expectations" because, as valuable as it might seem to help someone prepare and address for the end result it is also the "thousand deaths by paper cuts" of not striving for an ideal. Yes, I know I won't reach all the Everests of my mind, and that perhaps now each is a dirty, over-visited, common place but, dammit, I'm going to try and enjoy my journey there.
When we look at her "travelogue" of pictures on her "journey" despite the destination being more the back-alleys of Calcutta versus the expected Taj Mahal she seems to (mostly) have a great time on the trip - and dress like a little girl playing princess quite a few times. I think part of that is lost when we only consider the end result of loose skin, I saw the up thread discussion of the health benefits, and capabilities. Add to this that each day is a resetting of goals and expectations and self-appreciation.
Perhaps, I don't know, it just takes time to have more perspective of who and what you are becoming - whether you go fast or slow.0 -
If you're one of those people that has alot of hanging skin after weightloss, you can always get it cut off right?
After 2 pregnancies, I have no expectations of looking 17 again. That's life.0 -
I truly felt for her. I have 2 children and there are days when looking down and seeing the stretchmarks and lumps and bumps is really hard. Losing weight is only the first step. The self-hatred needs to be address too and that takes longer :-)0
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Interesting. Well, my original goal was to fit into smaller clothes, and I have made a lot of progress on that already. I've never expected a flawless body, and I'm well aware that the images in magazines are photoshopped. I do care what I look like, but ultimately, I will be happy and feel that I have succeeded just as long as I'm able to maintain a healthy weight. I've had high self-esteem and people in my life who found me attractive at every weight I have been, so I have not struggled with those kinds of issues.
That said, I do find it dismaying that now, at a US size 8 and only 3 pounds overweight according to BMI, I am still being hit on by men who are fat fetishists on the dating site I'm on. I wonder what weight/size I need to be to no longer be objectified as a fatty. Isn't the average American woman a size 14? I'm way below that average. I wonder whether some of the men who think they're into fat chicks just have super unrealistic views of what regular women look like.1 -
bump to read later x0
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If you're one of those people that has alot of hanging skin after weightloss, you can always get it cut off right?
After 2 pregnancies, I have no expectations of looking 17 again. That's life.
Yes. But in full disclosure: it is very expensive, generally not covered by insurance, and involves a painful recovery. So, enough to give one pause.
My way of dealing with this concern is knowing that if after an adjustment period, I'm very unhappy with my results, I'll have it done. But, it's not a quick fix.0 -
If you're one of those people that has alot of hanging skin after weightloss, you can always get it cut off right?
After 2 pregnancies, I have no expectations of looking 17 again. That's life.
Yes. But in full disclosure: it is very expensive, generally not covered by insurance, and involves a painful recovery. So, enough to give one pause.
My way of dealing with this concern is knowing that if after an adjustment period, I'm very unhappy with my results, I'll have it done. But, it's not a quick fix.
And you'll still look good in clothes. :flowerforyou: And there might only be one or two areas that you're unhappy with, requiring surgery, and if you finance the surgery it's not too much of a financial obstacle. I think I would do the surgery if it was something I had to deal with, it's all about doing for yourself the things that make you more comfortable in your own skin. If you don't need surgery to do that, great, but if you do, then you should get it. These bodies have to last us our whole lives, I think we should do whatever we want to make them suit us better.
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Bump for later!0
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