Relationship Advice
Replies
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If you are frustrated now how do you think you will be 10 yrs from now if you stayed. You're 24 and still young and can find someone else who will work with you. As time marches on it only gets harder and before you know it you'll be 34 going nowhere with the same guy who is draining you.0
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I would finish the breakup and consider myself lucky that I wasn't married to him.
Yeah this is what one of my good friends said as well.
This. Also, be glad you did not have a child (or children) with him! That would make everything soooo much harder. I have not been through it myself but have seen it around me for years.
I think this sounds like a case that should be closed immediately. Break up.
If it had been like this for under one year I'd say give it more time or another approach...but not at this point.0 -
Yup. You're only 24. I can tell you this much--Love isn't enough to create a lasting relationship. Partnership, teamwork, respect, support, selflessness...all of these things NEED to be present. You absolutely WILL find them elsewhere. Move on from this guy.0
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All I gotta say is, "YOU GOT what YOU WANT!" You want better, DO BETTER! We attract what we are WILLING to ACCEPT.
When Me and My Partner broke up, I waited about 6 months to start dating; I took time to work on Me. I began dating and noticed that the first 2 people were NOT what I wanted or could accept in My Life. FROM My Life Experience this told Me that I had NOT Healed because I was attracting what I did NOT want as well as Negatives. So I "Shut Down" the dating thing and began healing and working on Me, again. LIFE's Lessons (If you Learn Them) will teach you what to DO...Otherwise You WILL REPEAT Them until You Get It!0 -
Was he looking at rings to buy with YOUR money?
Oh my gosh! You and your friends are cute!!!! Which one of them is you? Wowzers!!!!
Oh thank you so much!!
I am the one who burned down her boyfriend's house.0 -
I did something similar for 11 years. You don't want to know how it ended up. I gave him chance after chance after chance to fix it, and... well, I'm lucky I got out alive. It was a bit more extreme, but please - think about yourself and your future before it's too late. You deserve so much better.0
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Sometimes you need to put the dots real close together for men to understand what is going on. I don't mean that in a sexist way, truly; they just think & learn differently than women do (I am married 23 years and have 3 teenage sons, trust me
)If you have done your level best to communicate to him your frustrations and he still chooses to behave the same way, then you have your answer: you are incompatible. But all too often, people think they've communicated their feelings to each other but only have done a lot of assuming and then are hurt and confused when things take an ugly turn. Counselling is helpful, but it will take more than one session to really get to the deep issues. Good luck! 0 -
Run... fast...far.. don't look back.. and if you're ever in DFW shoot me a note
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Hard times can happen for various reasons. My bf and I have been together for over 3 years now. I am 24 just like you and he is 28 (weird coincidence huh?).
For a long time, he wasn't in school and did not have employment. He WANTED better for himself though and never expected anyone to do anything for him. In fact, he felt guilty that we were financially unequal in the relationship. (Note: We have never lived together, so it was just random expenses and not bills).
Despite his situation, he was planning for school and trying to get work. He did chores and helped anyone out that needed it while he was free (his family & mine). In the end, he went back to school once he found a calling in his life and he is now employed in an internship as well.
There is a big difference between "falling on hard times" and being a giant D-bag mooch. My bf is the former and yours is the latter. I am glad to see that you kicked him out. He will get his s*** together, or likely find someone else to mooch off of. Either way, you are better off.0 -
I learnt this when I was very young. GET OUT. He will not change, and will not grow to live up to your standards.
You need to consider how high your standards are of others, and stop expecting them to be able to live up to them without them bad-mouthing you to others. Trust me, you will meet someone better.
Get out of the relationship, and move on.0 -
Yup. You're only 24. I can tell you this much--Love isn't enough to create a lasting relationship. Partnership, teamwork, respect, support, selflessness...all of these things NEED to be present. You absolutely WILL find them elsewhere. Move on from this guy.
Wow this is like exactly what my best friend said. she said that love is not enough and to not accept a lifestyle that doesnt fit my needs.0 -
FWIW: Next time don't live with a guy until you are married to him.0
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Get ready for a life of being the financially responsible one.
No one can offer you any advice because you know in your heart of heart that it's not going to change.
And out of curiosity how long does he plan on being in school, what is he studying, and is he making progress in earning that degree?0 -
FWIW: Next time don't live with a guy until you are married to him.
why whats the benefit of that? If she had married the bum then it would require a lawyer and state to leave him.0 -
That has absolutely nothing to do with it. I live with my fiance and have lived with him for about 3 years now, we share responsibilities 50/50, including bills, cleaning, cooking, laundry etc.FWIW: Next time don't live with a guy until you are married to him.0 -
FWIW: Next time don't live with a guy until you are married to him.
I have to disagree with this one sorry. I think you never truly know a person until you have lived with them!0 -
$ = Caring.
$ represents time spent and work. Someone who is not willing to invest their time and work for their S.O. isn't worth a minute.0 -
If you didn't go into this agreeing he'd be a desperate house wife then dump him. You are young, beautiful, and vibrant. There are plenty of other real men out there that you are passing by just by being with him.
True men hold their own, accent you, and don't stress you out this much. It isn't worth it.
BTW I didn't find my true real man until I was 25 and we got married when I was 29. I dumped someone and three months later he came along and blew my requirements for a good man out of the water!0 -
I don't usually reply to these types of threads, but wanted to add that he is manipulating you-- trying to make you feel guilty, trying to make you be the bad person. I am sure he could have mentioned the car insurance issue at a more convenient time. The whole ring thing sounds a bit suspicious given the timing. He is going to try to manipulate you even if he moves out. Notice I said IF. Looking for an apt does not guarantee that he will leave. It sounds like it is learned from his family. It is difficult to break those behaviors that we learn growing up.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Be strong!0 -
You know what actually stuck out as the worst part of all this to me? Him talking smack about you to his friend so badly that they don't even watn to be around you. Sounds to me like this guy has absolutely no respect for you. He's using your for your generosity and you obviously come way far after his family. Doesn't sound to me like the kind of guy who's thinking about spending the rest of his life with a special lady. (looking at rings my butt!)
If it was me, I think I'd finish up that break-up and be done with him.0 -
Was he looking at rings to buy with YOUR money?
LOL!0 -
You know what actually stuck out as the worst part of all this to me? Him talking smack about you to his friend so badly that they don't even watn to be around you. Sounds to me like this guy has absolutely no respect for you. He's using your for your generosity and you obviously come way far after his family. Doesn't sound to me like the kind of guy who's thinking about spending the rest of his life with a special lady. (looking at rings my butt!)
If it was me, I think I'd finish up that break-up and be done with him.
That stuck out badly for me, as well.
Personally, I think the "ring" talk was to see how much longer he could entangle her in his b.s...0 -
I couldn't live/love a man that I didn't respect and I don't respect users. You are enabling him. You must have a need to make it all better. This is as good as it's gonna get. You've already wasted too much time on this loser. Get rid of him.0
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I don't usually reply to these types of threads, but wanted to add that he is manipulating you-- trying to make you feel guilty, trying to make you be the bad person. I am sure he could have mentioned the car insurance issue at a more convenient time. The whole ring thing sounds a bit suspicious given the timing. He is going to try to manipulate you even if he moves out. Notice I said IF. Looking for an apt does not guarantee that he will leave. It sounds like it is learned from his family. It is difficult to break those behaviors that we learn growing up.
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Be strong!
Well said. I think you have a great point about it being learned behavior.0 -
You know what actually stuck out as the worst part of all this to me? Him talking smack about you to his friend so badly that they don't even watn to be around you. Sounds to me like this guy has absolutely no respect for you. He's using your for your generosity and you obviously come way far after his family. Doesn't sound to me like the kind of guy who's thinking about spending the rest of his life with a special lady. (looking at rings my butt!)
If it was me, I think I'd finish up that break-up and be done with him.
This, totally.
There's no way that I'd be in a relationship with an able bodied person who chose not to work. It's inconsiderate to put the full financial burden of a relationship on one person for no reason (e.g. disability, person is a stay at home parent, full time student, etc.).
Run far, run fast, don't look back. You are young and beautiful, and a man who is ready and willing to be a partner is waiting for you out there somewhere.
Best of luck!0 -
Was he looking at rings to buy with YOUR money?
Oh my gosh! You and your friends are cute!!!! Which one of them is you? Wowzers!!!!
Oh thank you so much!!
I am the one who burned down her boyfriend's house.
Hahahahahahaha! TLC was great!0 -
It sounds like you already know what you want to do.
Get rid of him. Kick him to the curb. He's a mooch.0 -
You made this thread/broke up with him on Veteren's Day?
You should be providing + cooking and cleaning for him just for the fact that he served our country and well you wouldn't have freedom if it wasn't for him. Freedom isn't free.
You should be ashamed of yourself.0 -
You made this thread/broke up with him on Veteren's Day?
You should be providing + cooking and cleaning for him just for the fact that he served our country and well you wouldn't have freedom if it wasn't for him. Freedom isn't free.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
I didnt break up with him on Veteran's day. I was asking for advice. The world doesn't stop for a holiday either.0 -
Are you insane? Sounds like she's been doing that for 4 years already.You made this thread/broke up with him on Veteren's Day?
You should be providing + cooking and cleaning for him just for the fact that he served our country and well you wouldn't have freedom if it wasn't for him. Freedom isn't free.
You should be ashamed of yourself.0
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