People telling you that you're fat?

People sugar coat things too much, that is why so many people find it acceptable to let themselves get extremely overweight. If you are constantly being told you are curvy, not fat, you will have no desire to change. Although it is harsh being told the truth, it is better than letting it get out of hand in my opinion.

I found that zero people told me that I was fat and now they come out of the wood work to tell me that I am getting "too skinny."(Bmi right in the middle of the chart and all) Not really sure why they find it ok to throw their opinion out now because being 100+lbs overweight was a lot more detrimental to my health and should have been of more concern than what they are trying to say now. Who knows, maybe people just find it easier to state it after the fact and not "offend" anyone who is heavy?

Fat is a relative word. There is a lot of evidence out there that suggests that our bodies want to regulate our weight to a level that was predetermined at our birth and during our experience in utero. That is why some people are able to eat all they want an hardly gain weight, and others eat very consciously and well, yet still gain weight. BBC Horizons has a documentary discussing this - you can find it on YouTube. They also discuss the evolutionary reason there are more heavy set tendencies in our bodies. Those humans who tended to store a little extra fat on their bodies survived the famines more easily than those that did not. So, over the course of time, the humans who perpetuated the species were the ones who survived.

It also doesn't help that so much of our food over the last 30 years has been packed full of sugar to make it taste better. Trying to find food that doesn't have corn syrup of some degree in the first 5 ingredients listed on a label, let alone the entire label, is a difficult task. Food companies want us to eat their products, so they make them more appealing - they make them sweeter.

Please don't think I am making excuses. There are people out there who are not making good decisions for their health - and that covers both ends of the spectrum. There are a myriad of risks from being overweight and obese. Similarly, those who are too skinny have just as much risk of developing serious health issues due to anorexia, bulimia or whatever else is causing their weight issue. Yet, no one talks about the underweight end because they resemble the images we see in the media, and associate that with being healthy and desirable.

My grandmother once told me I was fat after she had just lost a bunch of weight during chemo from colon cancer. She also told me I wore too much rouge, even though I didn't wear make-up and it was just my naturally rosy cheeks that were particularly red that day. I have had people tell me I am fat and I have people tell me I am gorgeous the way I am. My doctor told me that I literally have big bones which he complimented, and that I won't suffer from naturally developing osteoporosis because I eat and nourish my bones; he then followed that up with an observation that he is getting people in their late 20s and early 30s with early onset osteoporosis because they don't eat because they are trying so hard to be the skinny image the media tells us to be that they are destroying themselves to be skinny.

I am a very strong build, yet I know I have some marbling to do away with. That is why I am here on this website, and it is why I go to yoga, do push ups for each document I finish at work, and try to be less of a bread-hound. I don't ever expect to be the 135lbs that the arbitrary and unscientifically developed BMI tells me I should be; its an easy number that insurance companies use as an excuse to charge more money. Professional aesthetes can't meet their BMI and they are some of the healthiest people around. I plan to eat healthily and exercise regularly, but not let it consume my life. The BMI was chosen as the height/weight ratio of the people who live the longest, and my bet is that I don't share the same genetic heritage they do. That may work for someone else, but a former swimmer with French, Irish, Scottish, German, English, Serbian and Native American blood in her system is not mean to be the same build as the next person. We cannot be put in the same bucket.

I would agree that a lot of people unnecessarily sugar coat a lot of statements (and food) regarding how healthy someone is, but that pendulum swings the other direction to people who won the genetic lottery and feel that they need to find faults in others to make themselves feel superior. I don't call myself fat and I would hope that others don't either. I am strong and curvy and very proud of what my heritage has passed down to me. It is part of who I am - it is part of the package. If you don't like it, you don't have to be my friend, and I will be disappointed in the lost opportunity of getting to know someone new; that is their loss, not mine. That said, I also understand that there are improvements to be made and I am realistic about the extra weight I don't need. I understand what is going on with my body, and the people who may call me fat don't. They don't have a leg to stand on to tell me what I should or should not be, and what I should or should not do unless I solicit their opinion. I am doing what I think is right for me based off my own research and goals, and I am supported by my friends and family. Screw the rest.

When i was at my heaviest weight, i had a few people saying straight on my face that i had gained a LOT of weight(which was maybe 20 pounds and post partum mind you) and also some distant uncle imitating a elephant looking at me :sick: That was the worst! My cousins seeing me after a long time were controlling all the urge they had to make fun of me, because i had warned them not to. Also, adding to that, shopping was a pain..everything was in XL and even some of those were snug!
These were truly my wake up call. I never realized i had gained so much weight! I am appalled as well as thankful to them
My hubby on the other hand kept telling me things like, you are fine, beautiful, pretty..not overweight etc. He was trying to be nice and not hurt my feelings as i had just given birth. I have now asked him to give me tough love. So even after having lost 27 pounds from my heaviest, he says 'You need to lose 10 more' LOL

I'd never tell someone that they're fat. I'd think most people are aware of it.

I'd never tell someone that they're fat. I'd think most people are aware of it.

And if they don't, its not my place to burst their bubble. If they are having a health issue of any type and ask for my help/opinion I will be honest.

I was told I was fat, didn't impact me much, I was fat. When I was ready to make a change, I did.

Nah I had plenty of people calling me fat because I am the biggest in my family. At one point my Mom told me she would never leave the house if she was as big as me I think I weighed about 180lbs then at 5'10", so that really motivated me to beef up to a healthy +365lbs. I stopped weighing after 365lbs.

What does everyone else think? Would you rather people were honest with you? What would you say to a friend in the same boat?

Generally I would prefer people be honest with me. That doesn't mean I necessarily want their unsolicited opinion. It sort of depends on why they're saying what they're saying.

-If they seem genuinely concerned about me, then sure.
-If they just feel the need to tell me I'm fat because they don't like it for their own reasons, they can go eff off. Being an honest jerk, still makes you a jerk.
-If I bring up the subject, they should feel free to be honest.

If I had a friend who needed to lose weight for health reasons, or if they complained about being/looking fat, then I'd be honest. If I had a friend who probably should lose a 30 or 40lbs, but is otherwise fine and doesn't seem to mind, there's really no point in offering my own opinion; it's their body, not mine.

I don't think I could bring myself to call someone fat to their face because I find that to be a pretty confrontational way to address someone. But if someone said they planned on losing weight, I wouldn't brush it off and try to just tell them they at just "curvy" and fine as they are. I'd just try to encourage them in a positive way. If someone asks me if they look like they need to lose weight or have gained weight, I'm going to be honest (but tactful.)

The one thing that really surprised me is that I never had a doctor tell me that I was obese (fat). I always heard of other people (who were smaller than me, btw) having their doctor tell them that they should watch their weight, exercise more, etc, but I never got anything like that from any doctor I saw. At my heaviest, I weighed 268 pounds, which is quite a bit at 5'7". The fact that a doctor never thought it was important to mention, and that nobody else seemed to worry about it either, gave me the rationalization that I was fine (yes, I knew that my weight wasn't fine, but it helped me rationalize it). Interestingly enough, I actually did have a doctor mention my weight for the first time about a year ago, when I had already lost 30-40 pounds. It wasn't what prompted my renewal to get back on track with the weight loss, but I did find it interesting that a doctor finally said something to me about my weight.

I agree

I'd never tell someone that they're fat. I'd think most people are aware of it.

this.

I am fine with someone saying I am fat as it is true. It isn't as if I am unaware of it, so they are welcome to state the obvious.

I don't see what purpose is served by telling someone they're fat, unless they've asked for your opinion. Telling someone they're fat may not encourage them to lose weight, but assuring them they aren't fat when they've asked you point blank won't do them any favors, either.

I've been asked on a few occasions by friends if they looked fat. If they were, I told them so. It's like a bald person asking if their head looks bald. Well yes, mf'er, it does-- because you're bald.

It's not like it's a character flaw or some personal shortcoming-- it's just some fat.

I dunno, it's not my job to tell people how they should live their lives. Some people who are fat are perfectly happy that way, so they don't need me to say "by the way, in case you didn't notice, you're fat, and you're welcome." And people who are not happy being fat are also perfectly aware that they are fat, and they don't need me to say "by the way, in case you didn't notice, you're fat, and you're welcome." It just comes off as rude and judgmental. And while I am rude and judgmental, I prefer for it to manifest in other ways, rather than by picking on people who either don't care or who already feel bad about themselves. I much prefer to pick on people who are full of themselves. :devil: