Negative Nancies

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  • Factory_Reset
    Factory_Reset Posts: 1,651 Member
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    I don't really know what to tell you

    IRL, I don't discuss my diet or workouts with my friends

    Sometimes, if they ask, but not even so much then

    And if they complain about being fat or whatever, I listen. I don't get annoyed by it.

    I guess if you find them negative, don't hang out so much with them.
  • asianmonkie
    asianmonkie Posts: 264
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    Sounds like you need to go on a " friend diet", shed the pounds and the saboteurs.

    Just like people who come out of jail or drug rehab, they need to distance themselves from the old crowd, who will give them more than enough reasons to relapse.

    Gazillions of people on this planet, why hang out with those who don't care for you?
    Haha, I like how you put it. Unfortunately, these are my closest friends which makes it that much more difficult for me. I would have thought that they would be supportive but I got the completely opposite reaction. It just makes me wonder what's going through their heads. You would think that friends = support regardless of the situation. Right?
  • jennygeo1
    jennygeo1 Posts: 133 Member
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    I'm down 45lbs now and i'm starting to experience the same exact thing.

    One group whines about their own weight and does not take my advice.

    The other group (my family) is not very supportive and still bring sweets, chips, cheese, and greasy foods around me while saying "just because you're on a diet doesn't mean the rest of us have to be - get over it". While this is true, when it is my house i make lots of food that is super delicious and not fried or nasty - i would just appreciate it if they would understand I've worked so hard to make my life free of junk-food-garbage.

    Whatever. The point it moot.

    I'm just going to ignore everyone's efforts to plump me up this holiday season and stick to my workout regimen.

    Your progress is a threat to some people.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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    Maybe it's you.

    I have made huge lifestyle changes. I obsess over food - what I can, can't, should, shouldn't eat, when to work out, how much to work out, etc.

    And none of my friends know. Oh sure they see me almost 100 lbs later and say things like "holy ****, dude". They don't ask for tips or anything because let's face it - everyone already knows the right answer. When they ask how I did it, I answer; "Eh, I just try to eat a little better and work out" But I don't really talk about it with them. I don't harp on them or their weight. If I ever bought one of them a workout video, I do believe I would be told to go **** myself. When we go to a restaurant, I don't lament the menu or the restaurant - I just scan the menu, find something that's well enough in plan, and order it. WITHOUT explaining why I'm ordering it. No fanfare. No "siiiiigh, I WANT the fried chicken, but I'm getting a salad".

    Before you go dump all your friends, you should try talking less.
  • KeViN_v2pt0
    KeViN_v2pt0 Posts: 375 Member
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  • knitapeace
    knitapeace Posts: 1,013 Member
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    Maybe consider the possibility that, because it's so new and exciting for you, you might actually talk about your eating habits and workouts too much. Like a new relationship, sort of. You ever roll your eyes at a girlfriend who can't stop talking about how great her new flame is? In the beginning, I found myself turning into a real bore droning on and on about calorie counting and exercise, so I made a concerted effort to talk about other things instead. And if they bring it up, deflect! Become the master of changing the topic. :)
  • Danny_Boy13
    Danny_Boy13 Posts: 2,094 Member
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    Yeah, a lot pf people can be like crabs in a bucket. When one starts to climb out the others will grab onto it trying to pull themselves out but instead pull that one back in. Same with people from some of my experience. You do you and just let the others talk. They will be oooing and awing when you accomplish your goal. I really do not get people who are like this. I know when friends ***** at me for choosing training over happy hour it is in one ear and out the other. Training is my form of meditation. It is a time in the day that I have to myself. All issues / problems are left at the front door of the gym.
  • iamanadult
    iamanadult Posts: 709 Member
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    You are the problem. You sound so awful, I would never be friends with you. Not even if you had an in-ground pool.
  • lyzmorrison
    lyzmorrison Posts: 172 Member
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    This problem will resolve itself. As you continue to change, so will your interests...and so will your friends.
  • Mr_Starr
    Mr_Starr Posts: 139 Member
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    I'd just stay friends with them if they bring anything else to your life, but steer AWAY from the diet and weight loss topics.

    ^ This

    I have had similar issues as you. For some reason it is perfectly fine to make comments about someone losing weight. They ask for the details, but the moment you answer, they get emotional and defensive.

    But it was my mistake. I should have known better. Talking about diets is boring... only those taking the same path as you may be interested. But I forgot myself and answered their questions honestly. Again, my mistake.

    Now I just smile and say "Thank you", and change the topic.

    There have been a few times when out with aquaintances/coworkers and been "pressured" about my eating choices when we are at restaurant. I will ignore and change the subject if i can. Usually ask something about them so they can talk about themselves :). But if they persist, I will answer "I am limited by health reasons and don't really want to talk about it". It is a true statement, and I don't have to hear them whinge about how hard it is to diet.

    48403347.png

    LOL -- but it do like MFP cause i can post my "brag" flag above!
  • asianmonkie
    asianmonkie Posts: 264
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    Yeah, a lot pf people can be like crabs in a bucket. When one starts to climb out the others will grab onto it trying to pull themselves out but instead pull that one back in. Same with people from some of my experience. You do you and just let the others talk. They will be oooing and awing when you accomplish your goal. I really do not get people who are like this. I know when friends ***** at me for choosing training over happy hour it is in one ear and out the other. Training is my form of meditation. It is a time in the day that I have to myself. All issues / problems are left at the front door of the gym.
    My work out is my meditation too. Nothing like kick boxing after a terrible day at work =)
  • asianmonkie
    asianmonkie Posts: 264
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    I'd just stay friends with them if they bring anything else to your life, but steer AWAY from the diet and weight loss topics.
    But it was my mistake. I should have known better. Talking about diets is boring... only those taking the same path as you may be interested. But I forgot myself and answered their questions honestly. Again, my mistake.

    LOL -- but it do like MFP cause i can post my "brag" flag above!
    Honestly, why do people ask us questions and then not want to hear it or turn on us when we genuinely answer? I've learned my lesson.
  • Mr_Starr
    Mr_Starr Posts: 139 Member
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    Honestly, why do people ask us questions and then not want to hear it or turn on us when we genuinely answer? I've learned my lesson.

    @ asianmonkie

    I wish i knew myself :( But weight/diet is highly sensitive subject to many.

    I have learned by experience to NEVER talk about it a group situation, but I have shared on one on one with some good friends. But i realize the conversation is not going to be about me... but them. They are looking for hope ... or excuses. If hope... I try to be supportive and offer to share and help. If I see they are looking for excuses, I change the topic. But I try to be gentle and change it on a positive note.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    When we go to a restaurant, I don't lament the menu or the restaurant - I just scan the menu, find something that's well enough in plan, and order it. WITHOUT explaining why I'm ordering it. No fanfare. No "siiiiigh, I WANT the fried chicken, but I'm getting a salad".

    ooh sooo much this. A lot of times I read stuff on MFP about "How can my friends sabotage me like this, they wanna go to a Mexican restaurant, what am I going to DO!? OMG" and I think...wow, seriously?!?

    I just ate 1/2 of a thin crust Dominos pizza with pineapple & onion for lunch. Work was buying, and they asked what I wanted. My coworkers each got their own pizzas, thick crust with meat and extra cheese, and they ate the whole medium pizza themselves. I have 1/2 of mine left and it's prelogged as tomorrow's lunch. I don't see any problem with that. I didn't have to get involved in a big discussion about my nutritional habits like a lot of people would. And I think I'm happier for it.

    Gosh that sounds like I am patting myself on the back. That's not how I mean it. I just think it doesn't have to be a big deal to make better choices.
  • asianmonkie
    asianmonkie Posts: 264
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    When we go to a restaurant, I don't lament the menu or the restaurant - I just scan the menu, find something that's well enough in plan, and order it. WITHOUT explaining why I'm ordering it. No fanfare. No "siiiiigh, I WANT the fried chicken, but I'm getting a salad".

    ooh sooo much this. A lot of times I read stuff on MFP about "How can my friends sabotage me like this, they wanna go to a Mexican restaurant, what am I going to DO!? OMG" and I think...wow, seriously?!?

    I just ate 1/2 of a thin crust Dominos pizza with pineapple & onion for lunch. Work was buying, and they asked what I wanted. My coworkers each got their own pizzas, thick crust with meat and extra cheese, and they ate the whole medium pizza themselves. I have 1/2 of mine left and it's prelogged as tomorrow's lunch. I don't see any problem with that. I didn't have to get involved in a big discussion about my nutritional habits like a lot of people would. And I think I'm happier for it.

    Gosh that sounds like I am patting myself on the back. That's not how I mean it. I just think it doesn't have to be a big deal to make better choices.
    I do this a lot- eating only half of the food I order and only ordering what my calories for the day allows. I don't fret over it either. It seems my friends make a bigger deal out it than I do and that's what annoys me. They make me out to be the bad guy for not eating what they're eating.
  • lcvaughn520
    lcvaughn520 Posts: 219 Member
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    I was just trying to think of how I usually approach this, but I realized that I don't really have your same issue, luckily. I can't imagine how awkward that would be to have your friends constantly obsessing over what you're eating and how much. Sometimes my friends will ask about what I'm eating, but I usually just say, "I'm trying to lose a little bit of weight" and then there are no follow up questions. I've never really appreciated this until now as I just thought it was normal. I mean, usually people will be like "oh my gosh you do NOT need to lose weight!" but then they drop it.

    Like you've already said, trying to find activities other than eating out together will help. Or you could even host a dinner party where you prepare what you want to. Then you can just eat what everyone else is eating so there won't be anything to worry about.

    I also agree that trying to help people lose weight isn't normally a great idea. Although you have really good intentions, it probably exacerbates your friends' feelings of inferiority or insecurity. Unless they've asked for your help, in which case, help away!!
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
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    I NEED to vent. All of my friends are so negative and it's so discouraging. I have distanced myself from them because they're just bringing me down and it makes me less motivated to work out and eat right. I have one group of friends who are telling me I'm obsessive. Another group of friends ask me about my diet and follow it up with their complaints about their weight and their poor diets.

    For the first group, I explain to them that it's not a diet but a lifestyle change. They said, "It's like that's all you think about." Of course it's all that I think about. It's my LIFE that I'm changing here! Why are they so "offended" that I am trying to make myself a better person? What's their problem?!

    The second group of people just whine and complain about how fat they are and how bad their diet is. Then they proceed to make excuses for their pathetic choices. It's not like I haven't tried helping these people. I have bought them weights and work out videos, and even offered to take care of their kids so they could exercise. I've even given them some of my recipes. They always come up with a sorry-a** excuse. Don't ask me about my progress and follow it up with your self pity. I'm not your therapist.

    I have been dealing with this pretty well for most the first couple of months but it came up again today and I blew my lid. There's only so much one can take. I am done with these people! If they're not happy for me, they can shove it!

    How do you deal with these people? Should I ignore them and come back to them later? Should I just not be friends with them anymore just because of this?

    So basically what you are saying is, when you were fat and making "pathetic choices" yourself, these people who stood by you, supported you, and cared about you no matter how much you weighed or what you ate are now no longer "good enough" to be friends with you.

    The first group isn't "offended" by your lifestyle change, they're offended that you care more about your diet and exercise than you do about them now. And the second group of people whom you seem so disgusted by were exactly where you were not that long ago when you were making excuses. I'm guessing both groups probably didn't spend their time talking about you behind your back and complaining about how fat you were or your poor excuses or your pathetic choices on the internet.

    So to answer your question, cut them out of your life. They've clearly fulfilled their purpose of supporting you when you were at your lowest and you obviously have no interest in accepting them for who they are, including their flaws, so let them go find a friend who will.
  • asianmonkie
    asianmonkie Posts: 264
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    So basically what you are saying is, when you were fat and making "pathetic choices" yourself, these people who stood by you, supported you, and cared about you no matter how much you weighed or what you ate are now no longer "good enough" to be friends with you.

    The first group isn't "offended" by your lifestyle change, they're offended that you care more about your diet and exercise than you do about them now. And the second group of people whom you seem so disgusted by were exactly where you were not that long ago when you were making excuses. I'm guessing both groups probably didn't spend their time talking about you behind your back and complaining about how fat you were or your poor excuses or your pathetic choices on the internet.

    So to answer your question, cut them out of your life. They've clearly fulfilled their purpose of supporting you when you were at your lowest and you obviously have no interest in accepting them for who they are, including their flaws, so let them go find a friend who will.
    I'm sorry that you're misreading everything I have written. They don't disgust me and I never said they weren't good enough to be my friend. I am stating that their negative feedback is causing me to become negative as well. No one can live a healthy life being surrounded by negativity.
  • DaveneGfit
    DaveneGfit Posts: 338 Member
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    It's not that uncommon to experience this. I have certain friends that fitness and exercise are on the do not discuss list. I found that those friends are still important to me in other aspects of my life and we can get along fine as long as we avoid that topic, I've had other friends that I've ended the friendship due to finding that there were many other things that I did not see eye to eye with. You learn and you grow. All you can do is invite them to join you in your journey, they won't until they;re ready to make a change.

    As for friends in general, maybe try joining a local running club, or a new workout class/studio, I tend to find that I befriend people that are more like minded and so eventually it doesn't even present as a problem anymore

    I agree! When I first stared a lot of people were negative about it and I still get made fun of to this day. I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with their own choices and that's how the deal with it.
  • briana12077
    briana12077 Posts: 128 Member
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    I'm pretty new back into this and don't have a lot of friends... but it still happens. Just recently my friend offered to bring me pizza, and I politely declined but she didn't see the text and got it for me anyways. I felt bad and just told her I didn't want it because I didn't really have the calories, and she was like a little offended so I told her I appreciated it so much and would bring it home with me and eat it later when I did. That made her feel better but she was still giving me a look that seemed like she thought I was obnoxious. Another time she invited me to go to taco bell with her. I said I really didn't want to, but could tell she just wanted to hang out and she called me a freak, so I said fine I will go cause I want to hang out but I might not eat anything or just get something small. She still called me a freak and was like "look how much food I'm getting" and I was just like that looks delicious. Best thing to do is just understand that everyone is jealous and just doesn't want to hear about it. I just try to not talk about it. Sometimes (since it is on my mind all the time) it just spills out, but I try to control it or only tell people like once and very little about my progress. I find it usually that its easier to just not talk about it and post on here on your feeds or something and talk to your mfp friends :)

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