Touchy subject. Pornography. Need advice.

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j580
j580 Posts: 8 Member
in Chit-Chat
Hi all. This is way out of my comfort zone. I have been struggling with something that I need to talk about though. I can't post this on fb or any other site where ppl know me because it's just too embarrassing and raw right now. I get to the point... My bf and I have been together for almost 3 yrs. he has known how I feel about porn and the other day I saw lots of porn pages and a video in our internet history. I've never caught him looking at porn before. BUT I did find 3 pics or his ex on his phone almost a year ago. We got past that because he promised it would never happen again. I decided to trust him but then this happens a few days ago. I am very hurt by the porn but even more hurt he broke his promise and my trust in him. Anybody with experiences like this? Guys and girls. How do I get over this? Is he going to keep breaking these promises? Sorry if this is a weird subject but all responses are really really appreciated.
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Replies

  • patrickblo13
    patrickblo13 Posts: 831 Member
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    He is probably looking at porn because he is not getting laid enough....just sayin'
  • fishnbrah
    fishnbrah Posts: 550
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    guys like porn. end thread
  • j580
    j580 Posts: 8 Member
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    Well I'm not sure that's it. Is 3 times a day not enough?
  • patrickblo13
    patrickblo13 Posts: 831 Member
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    Well I'm not sure that's it. Is 3 times a day not enough?

    Maybe not...then spice it up and act like a pornstar
  • fishnbrah
    fishnbrah Posts: 550
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    Well I'm not sure that's it. Is 3 times a day not enough?

    ill be your new boyfriend
  • elyelyse
    elyelyse Posts: 1,454 Member
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    I can understand being upset about the pics of his ex, especially if they were naked...but just the porn? Yeah, guys like porn, even if they get laid often. Guys who don't watch porn are few and far between.
  • 257_Lag
    257_Lag Posts: 1,249 Member
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    It doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you go home for dinner.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
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    It sucks that he agreed to stay away from porn. He probably did it b/c he didn't want to fight about it anymore, and likes you enough not to break up with you over a ridiculous demand. Now you feel all betrayed b/c he said he wouldn't do it and did it anyway. I recommend getting over the porn issue or just break up. You're both adults (I hope) and looking at naked people isn't cheating. If you think it is, then you should be with someone who agrees. I know how you feel b/c I used to have a serious problem with porn (I didn't want my SO looking at it) and the feeling sucks. But it's your problem, not his. His only problem is that he wants to be with someone who wants to change him and is trying to find a work around. Good luck with all that. (Seriously - I hope you can get over it and be happy)
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    Anybody with experiences like this?

    Porn every so can be normal for guys and girls. When it becomes a regular occurrence it can be part of an addiction and cause issues. I have had some experience there.

    best you both define what you want in regards to it and see if things will work out.
  • Chain_Ring
    Chain_Ring Posts: 753 Member
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    It sucks that he agreed to stay away from porn. He probably did it b/c he didn't want to fight about it anymore, and likes you enough not to break up with you over a ridiculous demand. Now you feel all betrayed b/c he said he wouldn't do it and did it anyway. I recommend getting over the porn issue or just break up. You're both adults (I hope) and looking at naked people isn't cheating. If you think it is, then you should be with someone who agrees. I know how you feel b/c I used to have a serious problem with porn (I didn't want my SO looking at it) and the feeling sucks. But it's your problem, not his. His only problem is that he wants to be with someone who wants to change him and is trying to find a work around. Good luck with all that. (Seriously - I hope you can get over it and be happy)

    well said.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    It sucks that he agreed to stay away from porn. He probably did it b/c he didn't want to fight about it anymore, and likes you enough not to break up with you over a ridiculous demand. Now you feel all betrayed b/c he said he wouldn't do it and did it anyway. I recommend getting over the porn issue or just break up. You're both adults (I hope) and looking at naked people isn't cheating. If you think it is, then you should be with someone who agrees. I know how you feel b/c I used to have a serious problem with porn (I didn't want my SO looking at it) and the feeling sucks. But it's your problem, not his. His only problem is that he wants to be with someone who wants to change him and is trying to find a work around. Good luck with all that. (Seriously - I hope you can get over it and be happy)

    This pretty much sums it up. :)
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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    Well I'm not sure that's it. Is 3 times a day not enough?

    Good for you but you can never match the fantasy in his mind that porn gives him.

    Don't worry about it or confront and make a big deal....your choice.
  • TeamDale1
    TeamDale1 Posts: 52
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    I was addicted tio it for many years. I joined a 12 Step program in 2001and have been free since. :smile:
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
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    I was addicted tio it for many years. I joined a 12 Step program in 2001and have been free since. :smile:

    Congrats! But OP hasn't said anything to indicate that her boyfriend is a porn addict.
  • LynzeNichole
    LynzeNichole Posts: 43
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    It sucks that he agreed to stay away from porn. He probably did it b/c he didn't want to fight about it anymore, and likes you enough not to break up with you over a ridiculous demand. Now you feel all betrayed b/c he said he wouldn't do it and did it anyway. I recommend getting over the porn issue or just break up. You're both adults (I hope) and looking at naked people isn't cheating. If you think it is, then you should be with someone who agrees. I know how you feel b/c I used to have a serious problem with porn (I didn't want my SO looking at it) and the feeling sucks. But it's your problem, not his. His only problem is that he wants to be with someone who wants to change him and is trying to find a work around. Good luck with all that. (Seriously - I hope you can get over it and be happy)

    This pretty much sums it up. :)

    Agree^^. None of us can tell you what to do, but it seems like you'll either have to accept it or move on. I'm also not sure of your reasons for having a problem with it (morals, insecurity, etc.) so maybe have a conversation about that with him?
  • angelique_redhead
    angelique_redhead Posts: 782 Member
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    I don't care if mine looks at porn as long as he keeps himself to himself or me.
  • Candi_land
    Candi_land Posts: 1,311 Member
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    I can definitely understand being upset over finding pictures of his ex, but I don't get why the porn is a big deal. Porn isn't cheating, it doesn't mean he isn't happy or satisfied with you. As a woman I love porn, and find that watching it with an SO could really spice things up. I honestly think you just need to lighten up or just break up if it's that big of an issue for you. Stop trying to change him.
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,472 Member
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    YOU SHOULD BE SITTING DOWN WITH HIM AND WATCHING IT TOGETHER
    LIKE A GOOD WOMAN SHOULD!
  • rduhlir
    rduhlir Posts: 3,550 Member
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    guys like porn. end thread
    Girls like porn too.
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