Touchy subject. Pornography. Need advice.

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  • RosaliaBee
    RosaliaBee Posts: 146 Member
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    Why do you find it so upsetting that he likes to look at porn? Is it genuinely unhealthy material including extreme violence or underage children for example? Or is it just sex? If the former, then I too would be concerned, but if the latter then no, it's just an extension of a normal sexual fantasy life for most men, and many women too.

    So long as he's not demanding that you participate in his enjoyment of porn, I'd say it's probably you who needs to reassess your feelings about his interest in it. There may be some men who don't like porn, but to be honest you're going to find it difficult to find a man who doesn't like to watch it.

    If you're finding it deeply unsettling and it's causing you feelings of insecurity, I'd look at that because for men, porn is just porn, it can't give him what you do. It doesn't mean he's unhappy with you or wants to replace you. It's just like having a bag of fizzy cola cubes in his pocket that he likes to snack on now and then, it doesn't mean he would *rather* have cola cubes than a rich flakey iced Danish pastry..
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    I think you're dating my ex husband. It isn't going to stop.
  • kyleekay10
    kyleekay10 Posts: 1,812 Member
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    Hi all. This is way out of my comfort zone. I have been struggling with something that I need to talk about though. I can't post this on fb or any other site where ppl know me because it's just too embarrassing and raw right now. I get to the point... My bf and I have been together for almost 3 yrs. he has known how I feel about porn and the other day I saw lots of porn pages and a video in our internet history. I've never caught him looking at porn before. BUT I did find 3 pics or his ex on his phone almost a year ago. We got past that because he promised it would never happen again. I decided to trust him but then this happens a few days ago. I am very hurt by the porn but even more hurt he broke his promise and my trust in him. Anybody with experiences like this? Guys and girls. How do I get over this? Is he going to keep breaking these promises? Sorry if this is a weird subject but all responses are really really appreciated.

    I can understand being upset about the photos of the ex thing.

    Regarding porn, IMO, it's only a problem if it becomes an addiction. My ex-husband struggled with that, and when we finally decided to split he admitted that it skewed his view of how he and I should relate intimately.

    My best advice is to talk to him about it. If it continues, seek couple's therapy.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    I feel the only solution to this is to break up.


    A relationship with a girl who doesn't look at porn and doesn't let her man look at porn isn't going to be a success.
  • AA1ex
    AA1ex Posts: 223 Member
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    You should think about how big of a deal this is for you and how hurt you are by it. If you really feel you can't trust him because of this, then leave. If you think you want to work things out, you need to talk to him. He may like watching it with you, if you were to be open to that, or he may just enjoy watching it by himself, either way if you can't accept him for who he is then you should move on.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    Have him read this article, so he can realize that what he is doing is harmful to your relationship.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2153248/Men-look-porn-damage-partners-self-confidence--habit-break-happy-relationships.html

    Good luck. :flowerforyou:
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    I feel the only solution to this is to break up.


    A relationship with a girl who doesn't look at porn and doesn't let her man look at porn isn't going to be a success.

    :noway:
  • Guinivere
    Guinivere Posts: 357 Member
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    If my guy didn't look at porn I'd be more concerned!
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    guys like porn. end thread

    So do women. It annoys me when some women make a big deal out of porn. Seriously get over it, some times they like to watch but not actually do the things they see in porn. Stop equating watching porn to your not being good enough.

    QFT

    OP, why not watch it with him or/and while having sex? Best of both worlds in my opinion. :laugh:
  • Mainebikerchick
    Mainebikerchick Posts: 1,573 Member
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    It sucks that he agreed to stay away from porn. He probably did it b/c he didn't want to fight about it anymore, and likes you enough not to break up with you over a ridiculous demand. Now you feel all betrayed b/c he said he wouldn't do it and did it anyway. I recommend getting over the porn issue or just break up. You're both adults (I hope) and looking at naked people isn't cheating. If you think it is, then you should be with someone who agrees. I know how you feel b/c I used to have a serious problem with porn (I didn't want my SO looking at it) and the feeling sucks. But it's your problem, not his. His only problem is that he wants to be with someone who wants to change him and is trying to find a work around. Good luck with all that. (Seriously - I hope you can get over it and be happy)

    well said.

    Agreed!! :flowerforyou:
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
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    Have him read this article, so he can realize that what he is doing is harmful to your relationship.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2153248/Men-look-porn-damage-partners-self-confidence--habit-break-happy-relationships.html

    Good luck. :flowerforyou:

    comically, that site is blocked at my work for inappropriate content.
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
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    He is probably looking at porn because he is not getting laid enough....just sayin'

    What a load of tosh(rubbish)...just saying
  • wjstoj
    wjstoj Posts: 884 Member
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    I think you're dating my ex husband. It isn't going to stop.

    wait a second though usmc...that would mean the pictures on his phone of his ex were of you...GASP :laugh:
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    Have him read this article, so he can realize that what he is doing is harmful to your relationship.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2153248/Men-look-porn-damage-partners-self-confidence--habit-break-happy-relationships.html

    Good luck. :flowerforyou:

    I call total bs. It's not a guy or girl looking at porn that corrodes the relationship. It's the other person letting their insecurities get in the way, not communicating or/and not realizing that relationships aren't a "It's all me" deal. It's called compromise and acceptance.

    Ugh.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    Guys love porn. You should accept it or date women. I agree with you on the pictures of the ex though.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
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    I think you're dating my ex husband. It isn't going to stop.

    wait a second though usmc...that would mean the pictures on his phone of his ex were of you...GASP :laugh:

    dun-dun-dun-o.gif
  • rpsetser
    rpsetser Posts: 24
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    what she said
  • kyleekay10
    kyleekay10 Posts: 1,812 Member
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    Have him read this article, so he can realize that what he is doing is harmful to your relationship.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2153248/Men-look-porn-damage-partners-self-confidence--habit-break-happy-relationships.html

    Good luck. :flowerforyou:

    I call total bs. It's not a guy or girl looking at porn that corrodes the relationship. It's the other person letting their insecurities get in the way, not communicating or/and not realizing that relationships aren't a "It's all me" deal. It's called compromise and acceptance.

    Ugh.

    In most cases, I agree with you. But (in my IRL experience) it can honestly sometimes corrode the viewer's perception of sex and intimacy in general.

    :flowerforyou:

    But, that's impossible to make a judgement on for OP since this iz da interwebz.
  • Oscarinmiami
    Oscarinmiami Posts: 326 Member
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    Guys love porn...don't take it personally
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    I think you're dating my ex husband. It isn't going to stop.

    wait a second though usmc...that would mean the pictures on his phone of his ex were of you...GASP :laugh:

    dun-dun-dun-o.gif

    tryingnottolaugh_zps9a1576d8.gif
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