In need of advice: Stuck between 2 guys? Help...

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  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Neither, because you have not been honest with either one of them. Not a good way to start a relationship....sorry:flowerforyou:

    And here I was trying to think of a politically correct phrase for skank.

    Liking two guys are 19 makes a girl a skank? Well, you are certainly charming.
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
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    QFT at 19 I had 3 guys I was dating, they all new of each other and were free to walk if they didn't like the situation. They were also free to date others. This it the age to find out what you want not to settle for what you have!
    Well, I'd been married for 2 years, but I've also been exceedingly lucky and nobody should do things the way we did it and expect success.
    Also wanted to add that I married someone who was in the armed forces too, and it is not at all easy, like ILiftHeavyAcrylics said. They have a saying, "If the navy wanted you to have a family, they would have issued you one with your seabag." And that is pretty much true. The kindest thing you can probably do is cut the ties now, before he goes to boot camp, so that he is free and so are you while you are going to be physically separated anyway. You can always go on dates with him if he comes back on leave or whatever. Maybe you were meant to be together, in which case, you'll meet up after his time in the service is done and you have finished your education and/or established yourself in a career. You should focus on making yourself someone who is worth building a life together with, and I'm sorry, but nobody is really a complete enough person at 19 to be that. Meanwhile, your free time outside of those obligations can be spent with a variety of people, keeping it light and learning what is important for *you* in a relationship. Then you can find the person that meets those qualifications, for whom you meet their qualifications, and then you can form a team that will be unbeatable!

    Don't do it the way I did it and put the cart before the horse. Don't form your team and then lock yourself into a life course that forces you to make all of your choices based on being beholden to this team. It's just not smart. I cannot overemphasize enough that my life should be a disaster based on my choices, and I want you to avoid that near-certain risk.
  • Junken_Diraffe
    Junken_Diraffe Posts: 716 Member
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    It doesn't count unless they high five.
  • missomgitsica
    missomgitsica Posts: 496 Member
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    Oh, the problems of 19 year olds . . . when you grow up this issue will seem like nothing, and my guess is that neither of these guys will be around by then.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    It doesn't count unless they high five.

    Tina-Fey-High-Five-Reaction-Gif-On-30-Rock.gif
  • _KitKat_
    _KitKat_ Posts: 1,066 Member
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    Neither, because you have not been honest with either one of them. Not a good way to start a relationship....sorry:flowerforyou:

    And here I was trying to think of a politically correct phrase for skank.

    Liking two guys are 19 makes a girl a skank? Well, you are certainly charming.

    Its not the "liking" of two guys, its the dishonesty. Before my husband I dated multiple guys at once, they always knew and if they didn't like it they could walk. The OP stated her "best friend" guy has no clue she is dating someone or else he would walk away, and the other she refers to as a boyfriend so she is implying they are exclusive. Being honest is the only way to do this, if they walk they have the right to.

    Also skank was not my word for this, just think the op needs to reevaluate the situation and both of these relationships started on the wrong foot, they would make a great learning tool.
  • miss_glamorous
    miss_glamorous Posts: 34
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    If you're *stuck* between two guys, I can only infer that you have no real feelings for either of them.

    Don't be with either of them. It's OK to be single.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Neither, because you have not been honest with either one of them. Not a good way to start a relationship....sorry:flowerforyou:

    And here I was trying to think of a politically correct phrase for skank.

    Liking two guys are 19 makes a girl a skank? Well, you are certainly charming.

    Its not the "liking" of two guys, its the dishonesty. Before my husband I dated multiple guys at once, they always knew and if they didn't like it they could walk. The OP stated her "best friend" guy has no clue she is dating someone or else he would walk away, and the other she refers to as a boyfriend so she is implying they are exclusive. Being honest is the only way to do this, if they walk they have the right to.

    Also skank was not my word for this, just think the op needs to reevaluate the situation and both of these relationships started on the wrong foot, they would make a great learning tool.

    Except somebody you are NOT dating and have said "I just to be friends" to doesn't get to make demands about what information you share with them. That he would even say that is kind of creepy and a warning sign, but it could also just be his way of tell her he's into her in "that way".

    If she likes him, she should talk to the "boyfriend" and tell him she's not ready to be in an exclusive relationship with him. Because she's not. But she doesn't owe 22 year old details of her personal life if she's explicitly keeping things friendly with him. If he's not happy with friends, which is what she says she is clearly saying to him, he needs to move on on his own. She doesn't need to "set him free" he is free.
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
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    This is funny cause I'm kinda in the same situation except my situation is that neither are my friends - they're pure romantic interests, and we're a decade older than you and your guys. I don't need advice cause I've been there, done that. I'm dating them both, being completely honest with them, and if feelings develop more with one, I'll be breaking it off with the other. It's that simple.

    But you're a baby. Keep it casual with both. This is the best time in your life to date and have fun! I never had a boyfriend in college. It was wayyyy too fun to be single and date around (*not* sleep around - date!), Be honest with both that you like them both, but don't want a commitment right now. Focus on school first, good friends second, and then fun times with boys last. Life is much easier that way.

    Good luck girly! :-)
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    Well I was going to come in and congratulate you and ask why exactly you needed help but I'm leaving disappointed. I'll try to be helpful though - what's more important to you, money or benefits? Choose the dude accordingly.
  • BogQueen1
    BogQueen1 Posts: 320 Member
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    Just a thought and I'm surprised no one has said this, but if 22 year old 'friend' has told you that if there is another guy then he's moving on, then 'friend' is not what he considers you. He wants to date you. So no, he's not your 'best friend'. He's a guy who's interested in you. And also, if he wouldn't talk to you anymore if you were seeing someone else, HE'S NOT YOUR FRIEND, a friend wouldn't care.

    So to string him along by not telling him about the other man under the guise that you are 'just friends' is really unfair to him.

    Pick one, pick the other, pick neither. I can't tell you which to chose, but make a choice!
  • zombiesama
    zombiesama Posts: 755 Member
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    You should tell the 22 year old, so he can get on with his life.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Just a thought and I'm surprised no one has said this, but if 22 year old 'friend' has told you that if there is another guy then he's moving on, then 'friend' is not what he considers you. He wants to date you. So no, he's not your 'best friend'. He's a guy who's interested in you. And also, if he wouldn't talk to you anymore if you were seeing someone else, HE'S NOT YOUR FRIEND, a friend wouldn't care.

    So to string him along by not telling him about the other man under the guise that you are 'just friends' is really unfair to him.

    Pick one, pick the other, pick neither. I can't tell you which to chose, but make a choice!

    I totally said that.

    I don't think she's really stringing him along -- she's telling him explicitly they are friends. He's totally free to go date anyone he chooses. How long he chooses to wait around isn't on her. But anyway, I think the whole "I wouldn't talk to you if you have a boyfriend" thing screams "super creep".
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    You should tell the 22 year old, so he can get on with his life.

    She has made it clear to him she just wants a friendship... so he is totally free to play on without any further info from her.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    Dishonest. And keeping your big toe stuck in the door of two guys is just creepy. Sounds like you don't deserve them! Back to the drawing board on your character.
    Really? She's only 19 and has only been dating her "boyfriend" one month. This is not even really a thing. It seems reasonable to tell her "boyfriend" that she wants to be clear that they don't have exclusivity, which of course means she needs to accept him dating other people too, and then she is free to tell her "best friend" that she is interested in dating him in addition to the marine corps guy.

    You're a grown-up now, dear. You have to learn to use your words. If you can't talk to them about stuff like this, in no way are you prepared to be in an intimate, much less committed, relationship.

    word.

    OP you're 19 and if you dont want to be exclusive now there's nothing wrong with that. be honest with yourself and the others. maybe these guys will be OK with that maybe they won't but it starts first with being honest and communicating.

    play on, playette!

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