Ashamed of my self.

The best thing I took out of Weight Watchers meetings was the idea of "positive self talk." Have you ever heard the phrase, "Fake it 'til you make it"? It's very important to say to yourself what you want to become. If it's going through your head all the time, you will eventually begin to believe it. Encourage yourself. Say to yourself, all day long, that you can do it. That you've got this. It feels cheesy at first but it really works over time.

My next advice is to start small and redefine success. Instead of success being defined as having done ten out of ten things perfectly in a week and losing XX number of pounds, start with a tighter definition of success and make it your goal. Staying under 2000 calories in a day. Just concentrate, each morning, on achieving just that one goal. That can be done. Every month, add another tiny goal. Water, exercise, a slight reduction in calories, etc. Be specific in creating your goal so that you can measure whether you are achieving it.

And a third bit of advice: plan, plan and plan. Plan your meals for the week. Go shopping for the ingredients. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, yada yada yada.

Best of luck to you! Take care of yourself.

Exercise is easy, living unfit is hard.

Your post really spoke to me. The "at least I'm not 300" has been my mantra for about 5 years - when I finally put on the last 30 pounds I gained. I never got to 300, but it's only a technicality - I edged it at 297 - and I'm sure during some period when I wasn't weighing, I hit 300. I just never saw it.

It took my mother nearly dying from health complications I have myself to wake me up. But, being woken up, it doesn't solve it.

Every day is a battle. But, as someone else suggested, think about today. Don't worry about tomorrow, and certainly don't worry about yesterday.

Yesterday is over. You cannot go back in time and not eat those cookies or that cake or actually do the exercise. The best advice I can give is that my doctor told me women have to exercise. Men can change what they eat, and lose weight. Women, can eat perfectly and still not lose weight. I do NOT know why that is, but it has proved true. Weeks I exercise, I lose weight. Weeks I don't exercise, I maintain or gain.

I still have days where I have to drag myself kicking and screaming to the gym. Or, where the sweets in the break room win.

But, I try to take it day by day. I hope you can learn to do the same.

firstly.... stop beating yourself up. You know those kinds of teachers who are always negative, it makes you not want to bother in their class.... well that's what you're doing to yourself. so stop.

self talk affects you a lot, it affects how you see yourself and makes the difference between wallowing in misery while feeling like you're never going to achieve anything, and getting up and doing stuff. Start talking nicely, kindly and encouragingly to yourself. Start telling yourself that you CAN do this, that you deserve to be fit, strong and healthy, and you deserve better than you're giving yourself right now. It is a lot easier to make the necessary changes in your life from a place of self-love and self-acceptance than it is from a place of self hatred and self loathing. If you wouldn't say something to or about a friend.... don't say it to or about yourself!! Self-acceptance doesn't have to mean accepting your body remaining in an unhealthy state... it means realising that you deserve to be healthy and happy because you're a great person with a lot going for her. It gives you the inner strength and motivation to get the healthy, fit body you deserve.

Don't lose your motivation babe, now's the time to take control! You're a beautiful woman, the weight isn't permanent.

If I may suggest it,, decide you will live healthy today. Burn more calories than you eat before you go to bed tonight. Don't think about any other day, just today. Do some form of intentional exercise and make the calories enough to keep your metabolism up but no more. Before your head hits the pillow tonight ask your self how you did. I mean it. Best wishes to you and your hopeful family.

I love this. ^^^^

My advice would be to pick one thing, the soda or going for a walk, or both, and just get started. Today, choose to fix one of the things that will get you going in the right direction. Go to bed tonight thankful and grateful for the positive choices that you made today and choose to get up tomorrow with the same happy attitude, positive changes, positive mindset.

Maybe you could start with little steps right now so the 'it's hard!' part doesn't rear its ugly head while you are wrapping your brain around making changes. It doesn't have to be as hard as many folks prefer to do it.

Look up your TDEE at your weight right now. Look at how many calories that is. Eat less than that

Look at your activity expenditure from exercise. Count the minutes, the calories. Now add a 10-minute walk at your current weight. Pretty cool, right?!

Eat less and move more, literally, lol. Don't make it harder than it needs to be Once you make a few changes, you'll probably feel like adding in a bit more. Just don't get hung up on 50 lbs in 60 days or any of that nonsense. Change how you do a few things and let the chips fall where they may (they'll fall nicely... maybe slowly, but nicely).

Good morning again! I hope your day yesterday went well. I'd like to suggest what I did then. Just deal with one thing which is today. Be healthy today by burning more calories than you consume before you go to bed tonight. If you find that you haven't, ask yourself honestly if there's something that you can do to change that. And then smile at your success when your head hits the pillow. Best wishes to you!

Start with one thing at a time and that is counting calories. Dont worry about cardio/gym at the moment just count calories and watch the weight fly off, you're overthinking it.

Take up hubby's offer to do the gym and personal trainer. With your little ones around you need the time to yourself to accomplish your goals. Do not feel guilty, because this is also for them. That should take care of the exercise. The "diet" part is harder but it should not be "diet". It should be lifestyle change for healthy eating. Keep that in mind at all times, and picture yourself dead on the floor from a heart attack in front of your babies. Like that scenario??? Then change your behavior so they don't have to see that. You've already joined MFP, find friends with your type of predicament and start taking the 3 minutes a day to log your food and life. You didn't get this way overnight, and its not going to change overnight, but it will change if you make the commitment. You are the only one who can fix you, best get started now.

A little tough love...

First of all, stop wasting all that time and energy on beating yourself up and having a pity party and instead use it for a productive purpose. I've been pretty much where you are now. I get feeling wishy-washy about Hubby's help as when I finally decided to get this weight off once and for all, I refused assistance from a couple of people. I needed to do this all on my own. Emotional support, sure. Cheerleading my efforts, bring it on. Financial support (was in WW, Mom offered to pay fees for me) or wanting to give me loads of advice on diet and exercise - thanks but no, I got it. And it sounds like you've got similar boundaries, which is fine but you have to stop using it as an excuse and come up with your own plan if you won't use someone elses.

For me, it took a lot of mental preparation. I had to really think about what worked in the past and what didn't. And I had to think about why I really wanted to lose weight (because things like high school reunion coming up or wanting to get skinny never stuck) and what kind of plan - both food and exercise - I could live with long term. Then you set reasonable goals (nutrition/weight loss and fitness wise), start tracking and slowly tweaking your eating and exercises and with time, you get there.

ETA: I've been at this for 4 years now and learn new things all the time!

Maybe I'm just projecting but I think a lot of people who try and try and never succeed put too much pressure on themselves. They think they have to do everything perfectly and restrict and restrict but the truth is, as long as you have a reasonable calorie deficit and eat fairly nutritionally (more for health than weight loss), you will see progress. Also I think part of the pressure comes from such a strong desire to lose the weight that when the normal natural slow weight loss kicks in after the initial quick (mostly water) weight happens, people give up because they become frustrated. Once you learn and fully accept that it's going to take years, that takes a lot of pressure off.

ETA: I also see a lot of folks comparing their progress to others, includnig those from weight loss so-called reality shows, and they get discouraged if they aren't losing 10 pounds per week. Do NOT do this. You are you, not anyone else. Do what works for you and at your own pace.

And try not to do it for anyone but yourself. Yes, being healthier is a good example for your kiddo and your Hubs will be happy that you'll be around longer but that's a side effect. Do this for your health, for longevity, for mobility, to reduce risks of disease, etc. Best of luck!





^perfect advice right here! I think people want a quick loss and think once they lose, thats it.. they can stop and return to their old habits. It just doesn't work that way. Find what you can live with. And that will probably mean a slower loss than you would like, but it will be sustainable. Be patient. Slow and steady is the way to go here. There are many good people and resources on this site. Use them. Best of luck!

If you think the pain of making a necessary change is too much for you to endure, wait until you one day experience the pain of having not changed, and when there’s not enough time in your life left to take back control of where you are, how you are and what you are.

I'm so ashamed of my self. So ashamed that I've been beating the crap out of my self since I got on the scale 4 days ago and saw that number. When I was in highschool I always told my self it was one thing that I was already overweight but if I ever got up to 300lbs I would just kill my self. Well now I have a husband and child and would never do that but it's hard not to think about it. Pre pregnancy my heaviest I ever was, was 270.. That was around 18.. The post pregnancy around 20 I was 285 my new heaviest.. Now I'm 23 and the heaviest I've ever been at 307.. I just keep asking my self wtf happened? Why do I keep doing this to my self. I get so gung-ho to lose weight and excited and planning my weight loss and if I keep a steady pace when I could reach my goal weight.. Then I just quit. And it's not for lack of support or know how. I'm not stupid I know that I should eat fewer calories than I expend.. And I know cardio would really help me and drinking water instead of soda.. I know all of these things.. I mean hell my husband has a degree in physical education and is a wrestling coach he's like the master of quick weight loss (healthy quick weight loss they require hydration tests so it's not water weight) and he tells me all the time if I really want help he will help me.. I just can't bring my self to listen to him because I'm so comfortable with him.. He's offered to take me to a gym and get a membership and a personal trainer if I will stick to it.. I want to but I'm scared that they will want to push me too hard and I'll quit.. Like I always do... What the hell is wrong with me... I hate my self.

1) the sentences in bold above are NOT a good mindset. stop thinking that way.
2) weight loss/gain is not a big deal. your life is one long journey (yeah, i said it! ...journey). your weight will go up and it will go down. there's no point in fretting over the past... you don't live in the past, you live in the now. start doing something about your weight now.
3) there is no reason to go "gung ho" about weight loss. in fact, that is exactly why so many people fail. they try too hard and set unrealistic goals for themselves and try to stick with a crazy exercise schedule while also depriving themselves of the foods they love. this is the WRONG way to do it and it sounds like that's the way you've always tried to do it. stop that mindset right now.
4) choose to lose your weight more slowly and make fewer (but more important) changes to your dietary intake. this is the key to sticking with it.

do you want to lose 52lbs in the next 6 months? here's how.

track everything you eat. log it all. accurately and honestly. try to average a 500 calorie deficit from your sedentary TDEE every day. that will give you 26lbs in 6 months. on top of that, try to average 500 calories of cardio every day. don't eat back those calories. that will give you another 26lbs in 6 months. that's a total 2lb/week rate of loss. for the weights you listed for yourself, that's a very reasonable and doable calorie deficit. eat enough protein and start lifting weights to retain muscle mass (this will also have a huge impact on how you feel about your body as you start losing the weight). eat enough fats to keep your body healthy. get your micronutrients from your diet and a good multivitamin taken daily.

your cardio doesn't have to be high impact. a 4-5 mile per day walk around your neighborhood is enough to get you to that 500 calorie average.

Putting yourself down and constantly having a judge in your mirror isn't going to help you, that's for sure... It's so hard but I found the best thing to do was to just start by being nice to myself. Sounds simple but in reality, when you had expectations of yourself that you haven't met, it's really quite a challenge. Start out by small. You've created mistrust in yourself. I had the same problem, for ages I sat there and went, I shouldn't even bother because I know I won't stick at it. And up until I started to do something about it, I was right! I would just quit! I had zero self confidence and couldn't find a good enough reason to stick at it.

First step: start being nice to yourself. Being harsh and cruel to yourself just isn't fair. Treat yourself how you'd treat your husband. I know you wouldn't say you're ever ashamed of him or that you hate him! Don't say it about yourself, that's just cruel.
Second step: start finishing things you start. I chose, personally, to not go back to all the projects I had waiting for me to finish them as it was a bit too much of an out-of-reach goal. Instead, I started reading a book, and I wouldn't put it down until I'd finished it. Instead of having a bunch of books that I'd got halfway through, I had started growing a collection of books I'd read. Use this same theory on anything. If you start doing housework, finish it! If you start crafting something, finish it! If you start going for a walk, finish it! Absolutely, whatever it is, finish it to the best of your ability. Stop procrastinating, stop making excuses. You will learn to rebuild the trust you've broken within yourself. Always keep in mind though: it's not going to work if you aim to run a 100k marathon tomorrow. So, start with baby steps. Be gentle with yourself.
Third step: make active a lifestyle. So you have a kid, awesome! What a brilliant excuse to go out to the park and play around or stroll around with the pram, looking at trees and birds, or take that fit man of yours to the beach and walk on the sand (it's an awesome workout on the dunes). The best thing me and my man did was to buy a football, netball, soccer ball, water pistols and nerf guns. We live across from a park and often go there and throw the balls to each other. We just have fun. This might not necessarily help you lose weight straight away, but I still maintain that 99% of weight loss is your mindset, not the actually calorie-watching. However you do it, make it more active. When you're doing the housework, chuck some lunges in there or just build up a sweat by doing the vaccuuming. Make your goals obtainable and really focus on just making life a bit more fun.
Fourth step: by this step, you'll have seen the change in your mindset. If you can't, and you still feel miserable, then keep repeating the steps or changing the steps. Whatever you're doing now, isn't working. So start by changing small. After step one, learning how to trust yourself again and go 'oh ****, I said I'd do something and I bloody did it - wowee!', make those goals bigger. I had a tiny goal the other day on my exercise bike (highest level at 23kmp/h for at LEAST five mins) and I honestly wasn't sure if I could do it. One minute passed, felt a bit better about my chances. Two minutes, knees want to fall off, still going. Three, four minutes. I'm pretty sure I'm dying but somehow my legs keep turning. Five minutes. I'm dyi - oh wait. I just said five minutes OH MY GOODNESS! I did it! Five minutes, of my life, I felt like my knees were going to fall off - but they didn't, I didn't die and the best part was that I succeeded in doing what I set out to do. Tiny weeny goal, that made my day COMPLETELY worth it. Yeah, maybe one day I'll run that 100k. For now? I wanna aim to workout without having an asthma attack!!!!
Fifth step: key words to remember
- what you are doing is NOT WORKING. the only way for it to work is 'somethings gotta give'. Change something
- God gave you a body that can walk, talk, eat, think and move according to your instructions. Dude. Your body is awesome. Don't ever underestimate that. Respect God's gift, show your awesome, fully-functioning body some bloody respect! Appreciation is key.
- A one hour workout is a mere four percent of your day. That's so cool! Stop thinking about right now: right now DOESN'T MATTER. Think about the future. Think about your child. Your husband. Your self! At the end of your life, you're not going to look back and remember having a hard time losing weight, you're going to remember how crazy you were for not taking the opportunity while your body still worked efficiently to do something about it!
- You can chose to sit there and wallow in your own sadness and blame yourself for everything that's happened. Or you can chose to stand up, accept the fact that you are the way you are because YOU DID IT, and tomorrow is going to be different because you made a change today. Who cares what you've done in the past. Is the future about the past? No. Is the past about the past? Yes. Leave it there. You made **** mistakes. Cool. Next chapter of your life is written by you, and the heading starts with "I am healthy because I...."

Feeling miserable is a choice. A poor choice too. An understandable choice, but nevertheless a poor choice. I can understand if you're not happy about your weight. One day you will be. Today, you can instead be happy that you are alive. That you can walk. That you have an awesome kid who will be majorly influenced by you. That you watched a cool episode of Doctor Who or The OC and you found it inspiring. That you made a really awesomely yummy dinner that was wicked. Like honestly, get out of your hole that you're in. It is hurting you. You are hurting yourself. It's dark and gloomy and painful and miserable in there. If you're going to get yourself trapped in a hole, that's the wrong one.

Last step: do it your way. I have spent months trying to figure out a diet or a lifestyle or a food-choice or a calorie-limit or an exercise regime that will work for me. I quickly realized it's all crap. You just gotta find a fit, and stick with it. If it stops fitting, stop wearing it! Choose something else. I went out and bought myself a treadmill, a bike and a cross trainer and set up a gym opposite my bedroom. I love it. I love running, but cannot stand the thought of running around my town, so I run inside instead. Having three, I've got the option of either machine and often switch it all up when I think my limbs are going to fall off. Unfortunately, I get bored doing the same thing for very long, so if I'm on one machine the max I go for is usually 15min. I don't care. It's 15min longer than I did this time last year and that's pretty cool. I've got a wii, too, cuz sometimes the machines just don't interest me. I also have a huge backyard, a yoga mat, a swisse ball, weights, a punching bag. I hate sticking with one thing, so I much rather doing everything instead. I hate the thought of a gym too, it just doesn't work for me. This works. I've lost 8kg so far. I'm pretty stoked with that. My diet consists of: hmm, what's healthy? What's yummy? What's in the fridge? Oh, grapes! That's a good idea. We removed unhealthy or junky foods from our house and I only eat what's in the house. In fact, I even went yesterday, and got a coffee at a cafe. I didn't even get lunch even though I was starving! I waited until I was home and had pumpkin soup instead!

Just try one thing. If that doesn't work, move onto the next thing the moment it stops working. Honestly IF SOMETHING DOESN'T WORK, YOU NEED TO FIX IT. IF IT ISN'T BROKEN, YOU NEED TO CHANGE IT. IF IT'S ALREADY BEEN CHANGED, YOU NEED TO THROW IT OUT.

And lastly, ask your husband and your kid what they think of you (nevermind the pettiness of men shouldn't say your butt is big. If it's big, and you ask: listen to whatever they say). Do you think they hate you and are ashamed of you cuz of your weight? My guess is no. Do you think they'd like to see a change in you? My guess is a big yes (I want mummy to be happy). Do you think it bothers them that you beat yourself up? Oh yes. Even if you pretend to hide it, they can see it, cuz unfortunately, those people who love you have mad mind-reading skills, or a sixth-sense... Or maybe they can see it on your body, on your face each time you look at them...

I asked my man if he wanted me to lose weight. He said yes. Wow. I can give him an awesome gift of my own happiness... How lucky am I !!!!!

In any case. Just keep going. However that is. Whatever that means. If it works, keep doing it. If it doesn't, find what does!