Weightloss causing Relationship issues?
Replies
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its a common theme on the threads...my husband is sabotaging me ...or is not fair..he is losing and I am not ...and on and on and on ..
This situation doesn't even sound like sabotage. He just sounds pissed off that he's busting his *kitten* and she's jumped off the wagon.
OP, as crappy as it sounds I have a feeling he's fed up with your weight. Ask him straight up and see what he says. I'm willing to bet he'd love to get it out there. If I'm right, regardless of how unfair you think that is and how it makes you feel, you have two choices. Either work on getting in shape, and possibly improve your marriage, or don't, and most likely flush it down the crapper. Your call.
I'm not going to let what you said piss me off, because its simply not true. I only weigh about 15 more lbs than i did when we first met. No one even notices the weight gain, but I do. He on the other hand had gained about 70lbs and kept it on the last few years of our marriage. When we first started our journey i lost weight without doing anything but walking and it came off 2-3lbs a week, he had the same results but HAD to go to the gym to do it.....(because of his eating habits as stated before starving all day, eating 1500-2000 calories for dinner.....he hasn't changed ANYTHING except going to the gym for 2-3 hours 3-4 nights a week).....AND I HAD TO HEAR ABOUT IT NON-STOP THAT IT WASN'T FAIR.....so we got into the routine where I rarely got to go to the gym because "you don't have to" This is still his excuse.
So while I am sure that there are men out there who lose weight and think "man my wife is fat I could get better" I don't think that is the situation here. I think his issues lie in the fact that I push back when he wants to go out to eat, so then he's on his own. And I push back about him getting the gym time, and I get none. I don't think he likes resistance.
P.S. When asked last night what we want to acheive.......his response was "Peace" he described it as "I would like to come home and not have the house a wreck and my kids pulling out toys, and my wife to not be stressed out about being overwhelmed.....I would like to go to the gym 6 nights a week AND i would like to have more sex"
My answer was "support"
Our counselor was basically like dumbfounded by his response because we told him our work schedules and the fact that I have to be up at 4:30 and how when the kids go to bed he's out the door to the gym......when exactly would SEX happen???? LMAO! He lives in Tom Land
QUIT:
using your husbands real name online
pushing on what you know are his hot buttons
making excuses for his behavior
he will only change when held accountable for his behavior the therapy will show you that and prevent that from becoming a dangerous pattern/habit. if you know certain things just upset him, don't do them until you can hash them out in counseling and if they are interfering with your goals and your goals are that important to you, call your therapist RIGHT NOW, and leave a simple message to make it a talking point at your next session to address it right away. the final point is self explanatory or obvious or should be.0 -
in...for more spouse on spouse weight loss sabotage..
??????
QUIT: using the word "sabotage" in reference to your husband, not only is it an overused term on these boards but it implies that your husband is maniacally and wholeheartedly spending his every waking breathing moment figuring out ways to screw you. from your earlier posts while he may be doing other things he is not doing this. he is clearly too self involved to be giving too much of a care one way or the other about what is going on with you. he just doesn't want the blame for it or to change his lifestyle for fear it will mess up his weight loss. We fully expect to see a thread where he claims YOU are sabotaging HIM.0 -
I hope I am not repeating (didn't read all the responses), but what about getting that meal delivery service again? Maybe you could also try to do a walk at lunch time, even if it's only 15 or 20 minutes. I hope you find the right balance and achieve your goals.
My plan is to start the delivery service again in january....I'm so looking forward to that.
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Waiting and planning. If you can afford the service now, start it now. If not divert some of the money you spend elsewhere to this. If it's still unnaffordable make a list of your fave foods you recall from that and start making them yourself. If you go to bbq full on foods you ate that are within your plan you won't need to fear the bbq.0 -
Sorry if this has been asked; I only skimmed the thread. If your husband is home from work at 5:30 or 6, why are you picking up the kids every night when you don't even get off of work until 6? Ask him to pick them up twice a week so you can hit the gym after work. If he's completely lost in the kitchen, make sure there are plenty of leftovers ready for him and the kids. You could be home in time for the kids to go to bed and maybe ask that those be his rest days so you two can have some time together.
He's NOT sabotaging you and he doesn't have to exercise to lose weight. And it's not that you you can lose weight and don't have to exercise. You're creating a calorie deficit without exercise. He's creating a calorie deficit with one. If his excuse for not helping you make time to exercise is that you don't have to exercise to lose weight, tell him that you'd like to be able to eat some more food and you can't do that unless you move your @ss. Or tell him that it makes you feel good, gives you energy, relieves stress, or that you don't need to explain it; you just need him to help you make it a reality like you do for him 4 nights a week.
Whatever you do, stop letting your husband or your busy schedule be an excuse not to do things that you want to do, or they'll never get done. Your day sounds really hectic but you'll find time when you make time. Good luck.0 -
I tend to be the person in my household who holds things together and my husband tends to take that for granted, but every so often, I get fed up and have a come-to-Jesus meeting with him where I lay down the law.
I would lay things out to him this way, and I would state it as a fact and not a question:
You will either take responsibility for dropping the kids off in the morning or picking them up in the evening so I can work out. Which will it be?
You will need to cook dinner 3 nights a week, which nights would you like?
And then, you need to quit the Girl Scout leader thing, get rid of your quilting store, and only work overtime when it works out for you. None of these things are more important than your health. Make your health and happiness a priority. Set some limits and make some demands.
I currently work full-time and go to school full-time. Going back to school will eventually benefit our whole family financially, as well as increase our quality of life immensely, so it is a worthwhile investment. I honestly cannot do anything more than work, school, care for my daughter, a little bit of housework, gym and eat healthy. Nothing else is as important as those things. When I decided to go back to school, I let my husband know that he could either pick up the slack in the housework or pitch in to hire someone. He didn't do so well picking up the slack last semester, so he will be chipping in to hire someone this semester. He is not thrilled about this, but he does understand that he needs to contribute to my success if he is going to share in the dividends.
It sounds like you are doing almost everything anyway, with little appreciation or respect from your husband. You wouldn't be any worse off by yourself, if push comes to shove. My husband and I actually separated for a year, which gave us both a new perspective on the benefits of being together and being more cooperative. He appreciates me more after having to be responsible for everything himself, although I do have to remind him on occasion.0 -
As for the material things, I know it's nice to have creature comforts and such and I'm not saying don't work...but I kind of got a vibe that you & your husband are working together toward a Big Dream of having a much nicer home & lots of stuff, will that really improve your marriage and/or health, mentally and physically?
Exactly what I think about on a daily basis.....it would make him happy for a short period of time. Then it would become my nightmare.
We have really nice things....so many things we have outgrown our house. He is a tech freak, and has to have the biggest best thing there is...every movie, game, tablet, phone, ps4, everything he wants. Everything in our home is less than 4 years old EVERYTHING but the carpeting.....he has A LOT of student loan debt, which is keeping us from buying a bigger home. I'm talking $61,000 currently.....his student loan payment is almost double our mortgage payment. Its insanity.....we both have a car payment but my car is a 2008 his is a 2013.....etc etc.
My online store is my dream. If i could I would quit my regular job and make this my regular job, but he would NEVER support that, because I make so much at my job. In fact my store is really successful, more successful than he wanted it to be. He told me to go thru Etsy to "try it out to see if people really bought my things" when I had 10 sales in the first month he was like oh wow....then when I went back to Full Time out of the home, he told me to quit my store.....just quit. Knowing full well that it was my dream. It broke my heart, and that was the beginning of this huge mess. I told him I was not going to give up my dream. That I enjoy making things for other people. And people love my store. I did agree to not take custom orders. Which has really slowed down my business, but i still have sales and the items are pre-made so i just package have to package them.
QUIT:
Oops! :blushing:
I'm sorry OP but I too think you should quit that side business or at least taper back. It seems incredibly time consuming and I doubt the payoff is there. Please find a way to get a business minded person to look at your business plan and see if that is a lucrative venture. My strong suspicion is that the manhours it takes you to make those things does not convey in it's pricing which might be why your customers "love" them. They might be happy to get handmade items at the price you are offering. ALternatively they might just be "love" ing the pretty ness of your items. They may be totes adorbs but are they something that will feed your kids and your husbands insane spending habits? Actually just your kids. Your husbands spending habits should be remanded to his paycheck or just minimized a great deal. The next time your husband comes home with a techy or expensive item or you intercept it in the mail, return it and get yourself a weight set, pilates machine, treadmill or other item to workout at home. Use your SAHM status to your advantage. He is using his no "umbilical cord attached" status to his advantage.0 -
Why the fk isnt he cooking dinner?
He says "I don't know what you want to eat, so I just don't cook"
Cop out.....I will say ANYTHING if you make something and I dont eat it, then that's just more leftovers for you.....i will eat cereal. The truth is I will eat anything he makes, and if its shrimp (allergic) I won't eat it, oh well I will eat cereal, or a bagel and turkey sausage I really don't care. Its just more excuses to eat out, because he's starving and doesn't want to cook.
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LYING!!! There is no way I am going to beleive that a man would knowingly cook his allergic to shrimp wife/mother of his children SHRIMP! If he is you need more than counseling you need to carry your cell phone handy on your person with 911 on pre dial, and an attorney, and an exit strategy.0 -
I think..as a chic who has gone thru her fair share of VERY VERY stormy patches in my marriage..there is more going on here then just a lack of time to exercise...
You cannot fix the symptoms before the cause...IMO..and most "symptoms" in a relationship boil down to pretty basic things..but its pulling all the symptoms out of the way to FIND the cause and FIX it.
I tried to be supermom too..and I couldnt do it..my health suffered. I cut back considerably on my obligations outside of work and family..or anything related to family..think you may want to consider the same OP.0 -
GET A SPINE0
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Sounds like there are bigger problems than your weight.
I slimmed down and got fit and my ex and I still ended up divorced. (he had some of the issues you're stating) +When I cleaned, cooked, whatever I did wasn't good enough or the way he liked it. Our marriage counselor said that was code for something else (it wasn't literal to my cleaning etc) He acted cold to me - frigid. He did help out with the kids but he started treating me worse than the dog!
6 yrs of being divorced - no debt, other than I bought my own house, own my car and I took back my life (he was a spender)! DISCLAIMER - not to say this is what you should do. :-) I just feel great
Wish you nothing but the best0 -
We fully expect to see a thread where he claims YOU are sabotaging HIM.
Yep.0 -
Sounds to me like the balance isn't right at the moment. You need to talk to him about what you need. Self care isn't selfish - if you aren't ok the people who love and rely on you won't be ok either.
Talk to him and be in no doubt you are entering into a negotiation. He may be reluctant as he'll probably need to pick up some things in order to free up time for you.0 -
its a common theme on the threads...my husband is sabotaging me ...or is not fair..he is losing and I am not ...and on and on and on ..
This situation doesn't even sound like sabotage. He just sounds pissed off that he's busting his *kitten* and she's jumped off the wagon.
OP, as crappy as it sounds I have a feeling he's fed up with your weight. Ask him straight up and see what he says. I'm willing to bet he'd love to get it out there. If I'm right, regardless of how unfair you think that is and how it makes you feel, you have two choices. Either work on getting in shape, and possibly improve your marriage, or don't, and most likely flush it down the crapper. Your call.
Shouldnt he also work on the marriage, or is it all on her bc she gained weight?
:noway:0 -
It sounds like you do everything and he benefits from that. You are the one that has to make the changes. You might also need to sacrifice one of your activities but to start with eating healthy doesn't mean giving up time.
Maybe start with change of how many calories you are eating every day and go from there.
He doesn't sound very helpful or supportive either but people will be like that if you create that situation at least that is my experience. It's super hard to ask for things for yourself or to say no but you'd be amazed at the difference it makes.
It's also amazing how many people will say nasty things to you and blame you for this because you wrote this post. It's hard to get the motivation started when you feel unsupported but just start with ONE small change and take it from there. All the best to you.0 -
I know what you're going through. My weight has caused some fights in my relationship as well. I know that he is not as affectionate as I would like him to be because he isn't as attracted to me as he once was. That is my main motivator. He loves me but I want him to desire me.We differ in that he is willing to help/encourage me. I'm trying once again to lose the weight. I know it's hard to find the time. Make little changes (ie. use the stairs not elevator, park further from the door, etc). Stay strong and tell him your concerns and ask him to help you out.0
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I have given this a great deal of thought....what is interesting to me is what I perceive as a lack of acknowledgement by the OP of constructive suggestions made by respondents. I am going out on a limb here and I will say I detect defensiveness and anger by OP.That's fine, but shedding that baggage first is mandatory before shedding weight.0
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Shouldnt he also work on the marriage...
And you know he isn't doing that...how, exactly?
A lot a y'all are clearly projecting your own lives onto this poorly-described situation - that isn't going to help the OP.0 -
I have given this a great deal of thought....what is interesting to me is what I perceive as a lack of acknowledgement by the OP of constructive suggestions made by respondents. I am going out on a limb here and I will say I detect defensiveness and anger by OP.That's fine, but shedding that baggage first is mandatory before shedding weight.
totally agree with this.0 -
I have given this a great deal of thought....what is interesting to me is what I perceive as a lack of acknowledgement by the OP of constructive suggestions made by respondents. I am going out on a limb here and I will say I detect defensiveness and anger by OP.That's fine, but shedding that baggage first is mandatory before shedding weight.
So you are assuming because I didn't respond to any comments since say 2:30 yesterday was because I didn't like them? How about I just didn't log back in until this morning when I got to work???
I am the first one to admit I have some resentment towards my husband. But my resentment lies in him using working out as an excuse to detach from our family. I don't appreciate the fact that he throws his weight loss and my weight gain in my face like he thinks it's going to help me or motivate me (saying things like "I had a ton of Mexican food last night for dinner and still lost 3 pounds is not motivation to me). Because he will literally b**** and complain to have Mexican food, knowing there were no healthy choices on the menu, and when I push back or tell him to go alone he treats everyone in the household with the silent treatment zoning into video games, or if he does speak its yelling and cursing. He acts like a child throwing a tantrum.
I don't think he is intentionally sabotaging me, its really lack of care of my needs as far as my diet goes. He chooses restaurants like this because he knows he can eat like that because he goes to the gym for 8 hours a week. He acts like a child because he starved himself all day and when I won't go with him to a restaurant so he can satisfy his craving/1500 calorie meal consumption, its all my fault.0 -
Shouldnt he also work on the marriage, or is it all on her bc she gained weight?
:noway:
They both need to work at it unless they want out of course. Keep standing up for the sisterhood of the stretchy pants though.0 -
OP, you need to work this out in therapy, which it sounds like you're doing. Without hearing his side of the story (because the truth is somewhere between what you're saying and what he thinks is going on) all this thread became is you complaining about your husband, who I'm sure would really appreciate you airing your private business here if he knew about it.0
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So my husband and I started this journey together back in February. I was about 6 weeks post partum. We got on a meal delivery service and everything. We both had success I lost 24 lbs by May and he has lost about 40......I was only about 18 lbs from my goal weight, and I had medical issues which stalled my weightloss. I was unable to do some of the exercises I loved to do. Then I found out I had to have laprascopic surgery and would be down for up to 6 weeks. before my 6 weeks was up, I was laid off, and I became a stay at home mom with a 6 month old and a 5 year old who wouldn't start school til August (there went any time for myself). I started an online shop where I sell handmade baby quilts and blankets and would spend my extra time on that. (never really got the extra time til my daughter started school, then it was only nap time at my house) I went back to work at the end of October and now I am just struggling to find time to balance family, work, my store, girl scouts (i'm the leader) and my health....unfortunately my weight is my backburner, and I never get a moment to exercise. I am so out of shape, and to make matters worse, my husband is now 60 lbs down, and he looks down on me and my weight gain.....I am up almost 20 lbs
I wake up at 4:30 every morning to be at work by 6....don't get home most evenings til 6 or 7pm with kids in tow.....this leaves no time for anything whatsoever.......and I am jealous that my husband just goes to the gym 4 nights a week at 8 pm the second the kids heads hit the pillow....and because I have to be up so early for my job I can never do that......he doesn't go to work til 7 or 7:30 doesn't get home til 5:30 or 6 and if i don't cook dinner we eat out, which is fine, but eating out and not working out causes weight gain.....i would continue to lose weight too if i ate out and spent 8 hours in the gym a week......How do I get out of this rut, I want to be supportive of my husband I am very proud of him, but I can't take it sometimes!
If some of the domestic work is taking up your time you should ask him to help you with it so the work load is more balance between the two of you and not falling completely on your shoulders. Try to get workouts in if you are heading somewhere even if it seems like an unconventional place and even if its only for a few minutes. It could be just a 5 minute brisk walk wherever you are because something is better than nothing.0 -
I have given this a great deal of thought....what is interesting to me is what I perceive as a lack of acknowledgement by the OP of constructive suggestions made by respondents. I am going out on a limb here and I will say I detect defensiveness and anger by OP.That's fine, but shedding that baggage first is mandatory before shedding weight.
So you are assuming because I didn't respond to any comments since say 2:30 yesterday was because I didn't like them? How about I just didn't log back in until this morning when I got to work???
I am the first one to admit I have some resentment towards my husband. But my resentment lies in him using working out as an excuse to detach from our family. I don't appreciate the fact that he throws his weight loss and my weight gain in my face like he thinks it's going to help me or motivate me (saying things like "I had a ton of Mexican food last night for dinner and still lost 3 pounds is not motivation to me). Because he will literally b**** and complain to have Mexican food, knowing there were no healthy choices on the menu, and when I push back or tell him to go alone he treats everyone in the household with the silent treatment zoning into video games, or if he does speak its yelling and cursing. He acts like a child throwing a tantrum.
I don't think he is intentionally sabotaging me, its really lack of care of my needs as far as my diet goes. He chooses restaurants like this because he knows he can eat like that because he goes to the gym for 8 hours a week. He acts like a child because he starved himself all day and when I won't go with him to a restaurant so he can satisfy his craving/1500 calorie meal consumption, its all my fault.
Would he make comments if he noticed you were making proper choices at the restaurant, like getting half of your order to go and only eating a small portion of it? I know its hard to do that, I'm struggling myself when it comes to not having the best choices around me but the reality is that we have to learn how to control our eating in these situations or we'll continue to fail. I do think he needs to be more fair, like perhaps one time he can pick the place and the next time you get to pick the place.0 -
I have given this a great deal of thought....what is interesting to me is what I perceive as a lack of acknowledgement by the OP of constructive suggestions made by respondents. I am going out on a limb here and I will say I detect defensiveness and anger by OP.That's fine, but shedding that baggage first is mandatory before shedding weight.
So you are assuming because I didn't respond to any comments since say 2:30 yesterday was because I didn't like them? How about I just didn't log back in until this morning when I got to work???
I am the first one to admit I have some resentment towards my husband. But my resentment lies in him using working out as an excuse to detach from our family. I don't appreciate the fact that he throws his weight loss and my weight gain in my face like he thinks it's going to help me or motivate me (saying things like "I had a ton of Mexican food last night for dinner and still lost 3 pounds is not motivation to me). Because he will literally b**** and complain to have Mexican food, knowing there were no healthy choices on the menu, and when I push back or tell him to go alone he treats everyone in the household with the silent treatment zoning into video games, or if he does speak its yelling and cursing. He acts like a child throwing a tantrum.
I don't think he is intentionally sabotaging me, its really lack of care of my needs as far as my diet goes. He chooses restaurants like this because he knows he can eat like that because he goes to the gym for 8 hours a week. He acts like a child because he starved himself all day and when I won't go with him to a restaurant so he can satisfy his craving/1500 calorie meal consumption, its all my fault.
Would he make comments if he noticed you were making proper choices at the restaurant, like getting half of your order to go and only eating a small portion of it? I know its hard to do that, I'm struggling myself when it comes to not having the best choices around me but the reality is that we have to learn how to control our eating in these situations or we'll continue to fail. I do think he needs to be more fair, like perhaps one time he can pick the place and the next time you get to pick the place.
I always share with my 5 year old, we don't order kids plates for her she always shares with me, so its not my portion sizes its the crap they put on the table before we order LOL and yeah its hard to resist tortilla chips or rolls....chips i can say no too but its the rolls UGH bread!!! I have a weakness, and I know that is all my fault, but if i tell the server to just leave them, he will ask them for them after we sit down UGH! I just need more support from him in all aspects of life....0 -
You know, there isn't a law that you all have to eat the same thing for dinner. My husband and I frequently (usually) eat different things. This was a source of conflict before we were separated, but now we each plan and prepare our own meals. He likes to eat junk and I eat healthy. My daughter is a super-taster and is extremely sensitive to strong flavors, so she often eats a different, simple healthy meal as well (turkey sandwich with fruit, soup and sandwich, chicken nuggets and fruit, etc.).
Why do you have to eat out so often? Make dinner for yourself and your daughter and let your husband make his own meal or eat out by himself. He is being a bully, and you are being co-dependent.
Do what you want to do and let him do what he wants to do. You have no control over his actions, and ultimately, if you refuse to cave in to his tantrums and nastiness, he has no control over your actions. Do what you want, and allow him to do what he wants. You are responsible for your children's well-being and happiness, but you don't need to meet his every demand.0 -
So my husband and I started this journey together back in February. I was about 6 weeks post partum. We got on a meal delivery service and everything. We both had success I lost 24 lbs by May and he has lost about 40......I was only about 18 lbs from my goal weight, and I had medical issues which stalled my weightloss. I was unable to do some of the exercises I loved to do. Then I found out I had to have laprascopic surgery and would be down for up to 6 weeks. before my 6 weeks was up, I was laid off, and I became a stay at home mom with a 6 month old and a 5 year old who wouldn't start school til August (there went any time for myself). I started an online shop where I sell handmade baby quilts and blankets and would spend my extra time on that. (never really got the extra time til my daughter started school, then it was only nap time at my house) I went back to work at the end of October and now I am just struggling to find time to balance family, work, my store, girl scouts (i'm the leader) and my health....unfortunately my weight is my backburner, and I never get a moment to exercise. I am so out of shape, and to make matters worse, my husband is now 60 lbs down, and he looks down on me and my weight gain.....I am up almost 20 lbs I wake up at 4:30 every morning to be at work by 6....don't get home most evenings til 6 or 7pm with kids in tow.....this leaves no time for anything whatsoever.......and I am jealous that my husband just goes to the gym 4 nights a week at 8 pm the second the kids heads hit the pillow....and because I have to be up so early for my job I can never do that......he doesn't go to work til 7 or 7:30 doesn't get home til 5:30 or 6 and if i don't cook dinner we eat out, which is fine, but eating out and not working out causes weight gain.....i would continue to lose weight too if i ate out and spent 8 hours in the gym a week......How do I get out of this rut, I want to be supportive of my husband I am very proud of him, but I can't take it sometimes!
So, this hour to 90 minutes your husband apperantly has to himself after gets off work? What does he do then? Can he fix dinner then? Work out? That would free up some of your time.0 -
OP, we really can't help you because we don't know the full story, and no one should be jumping in and slamming your husband without knowing both sides. If what you say is true and accurate, then it sounds like there are issues, but again, I don't think anyone should be sitting there trying to give you advice based on an internet rant. The answer really comes down to - work it out or don't for the relationship and lack of support. We all have to make our own decisions on how we are going to handle certain situations - for example, sustained situations such as you have described would equal me being divorced after attempts to fix it failed. Someone else may just adapt. Who knows. You're in counseling, so your very best bet for that is to deal with it there.
So that comes back to what you can control right now and what we can truly give advice on, and that is the weight loss component of it, because that can be totally independent of your husband issues. It can only be independent of it if you get some willpower and be strong, of course, but it can be done. Loads of people here have done so.
It's been mentioned multiple times in this thread, and I posted once already, so I would just go back and reread people's suggestions on how to handle your own weight loss independent of the other issues.
If all you want is people telling you 'gee, your husband is a jerk,' well, you've gotten that too (inappropriately given the lack of knowledge of facts) so you've got your internet 'fight friends' and such - though I will say that this is a detrimental cycle to be in, as it means you want someone to acknowledge your side unconditionally and that isn't fair at all. You've got therapy, use it.
Hopefully he will be up for some compromise after some therapy sessions s/a less eating out, eating out alone, or bringing it as take home so you can eat together but with separate foods. And you can be up for some compromise like eating out sometimes while still sticking to your diet. I eat Mexican food all the time and keep within my calories. I pull the # of chips in a serving out of the basket onto my plate and only eat that, I exercise more to have more calories to burn, I pick items without heavy sauces, ask for less cheese if I really need to (usually I exercise more so I can have ALL THE CHEESE), get black beans instead of refried, eat half a portion instead of the full portion, etc. I've not yet been to a Mexican place that doesn't have some way to eat healthier and with lower calories, so I'm guessing what it is is that nothing appeals to you. Try to find something that does. Use the kids' menu, whatever.
Relationships are work and compromise, and if it is true that one party is not doing that, then yes, there is a problem, but the internet can't solve it for you.0 -
I don't get why someone would slag their spouse in public like this.0
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Interesting.
I work 40hours a week, have a house, child, family friends and still manage to do what I need to do to lose weight.
My husband works 40-60 hours a week, doesn't help that much and loves to eat crap...so does my son.
If that is all it takes you to gain weight and not exercise imagine if you really had issues....like a sick child, no husband etc.
Time to face facts. You want to lose weight? then do it. Cut down on calories, exercise in the evening while he is at the gym...there are always alternatives if you really want it.
BTW he is not sabatoging you ....you are....the weight loss is not causing the issues...there are issues being brought to light due to you blaming him instead of looking for alternatives.0 -
Cancel the gym membership to help save money for the bigger house. Work out together at home after the kids are in bed, or as a family during active outings together. Insist on more equitable division of labor with child care, meal preparation, earning of extra money, housework, etc. Say no to any additional demands on your time ( scouts ) as you are clearly overwhelmed. You're doing it all yourself now. Let him know it wouldn't be much more difficult to erase him from the whole arrangement, and might actually relieve some of your stress. IMO.0
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