'You mean a lot to me, BUT...'

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135

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  • MiloBloom83
    MiloBloom83 Posts: 2,724 Member
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    You are 20 & 22. And in college. Why are you even tbinking about settling down. Committment? Silly. You said the sex was good. I tbink you are both enjoying the ride. Have fun together. Drop this pressure. You are both still trying to grow up. You don't need this pressure.
  • eazy_
    eazy_ Posts: 516 Member
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    He already told you everything you need to know!
    he was kind of like 'It's okay, don't mention it, that's what friends are for'
  • bulbadoof
    bulbadoof Posts: 1,058 Member
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    Appreciate it for what it is. Why does it have to have labels? You're two people who like each other a lot, who enjoy each other's company, and who have great sex. I could see you two being really happy if you'd drop the obsession with "making it official" and just enjoy the moment.

    You got anything better to do? Other potential suitors? If not, why throw it away just because it doesn't have your fancy label?
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
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    putting things in my mouth is why I am here.

    how YOU doin?
    what you did there.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Youre at that point in the relationship where it needs to go two ways either you enter a relationship or you end the friendship. You've already been intimate and shared many things it cant go back to the old way.

    I hope it evolves into the place you want it to go...best to you.
  • tottie06
    tottie06 Posts: 259 Member
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    You want to be his girlfriend, and he doesn't want a relationship. I think he was being honest with you, and that you should take it at face value and not try to analyze it. It's not really that he's taking you for a ride--he said exactly what he wanted. He even called you a "friend" numerous times. I think he's been really clear.

    I agree with saffron!
  • whitebalance
    whitebalance Posts: 1,654 Member
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    >.> scrolls to top ^.^ re-reads forum banner <.<
    Did I trip and fall into an ABC after-school special?
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
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    Him =/= commitment

    Choose one.
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
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    He's not a jerk, he's telling you honestly that he doesn't want to be in a relationship. If he was a jerk he'd tell you what you want to hear, keeping screwing you, and dump you later on. If you're ok with the way things are, continue. If you want more, let him go.
  • amberbella
    amberbella Posts: 1
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    He sounds like a nice guy to me...but you're both so young! He sounds honest and sincere...and smart for not wanting to get too serious.

    If you need a steady boyfriend, it sounds like this may not be your guy...at least not right now. But if you're happy with things the way they are then stick it out.

    You are by no means too old to be acting this way about boy stuff. You are a baby yet. Sorry, I know you don't feel that way, but you are. This is the time of your life that you are supposed to be screwing up your relationships so that in your 30's you'll know how to make it work.
  • BeautyDoll
    BeautyDoll Posts: 86 Member
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    SMDH
  • Will_Thrust_For_Candy
    Will_Thrust_For_Candy Posts: 6,109 Member
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    You want to be his girlfriend, and he doesn't want a relationship. I think he was being honest with you, and that you should take it at face value and not try to analyze it. It's not really that he's taking you for a ride--he said exactly what he wanted. He even called you a "friend" numerous times. I think he's been really clear.

    Agreed ^^^

    Boy problems suck, OP, and if there is one piece of advice I would give it's to enjoy your youth while you have it. Enjoy this relationship that you have built with this guy but keep your options open. Another poster suggested pulling away a bit, I agree. Go out with other guys....see what else is out there. ENJOY YOUR YOUTH. Live and have fun! Focus on your education and your career and experiencing everything university has to offer! It can truly be the greatest time of your time :happy:
  • coretemp
    coretemp Posts: 1,796 Member
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    don't spin into a delusion. Everything you need to know, you have just written. All you have to do is ask yourself if you're willing to move forward now based on his response. It's easy to see that he's keeping his options open and solidified that by calling you friends at the hospital. What would you say to a friend if they just described the exact same thing to you? Go with that.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    Don't think he's necessarilily taking you for a ride, but it's obvious he's not ready for a proper relationship yet. He's young and just started uni, I can kind of see his viewpoint.

    Why don't you sit down with him at a time when you don't have to rush off, and say outright, you want something more from this. If he doesn't, that's fine, just be honest with each other. Then if he does, great. If he doesn't, it's up to you to decide if you want to stay friends, or f**k buddies, or nothing at all. However, you can't then later on moan that he's stringing you along if you know the score and are still sort of seeing him.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    he's not interested in being exclusive.. either move on if you want something more or stay where you are if yo also arent that interested in being exclusive. if you do want to be exclusive then move on because you're not going to move to the "exclusive" pile
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    *DISCLAIMER: Sorry, this is very long but have written it as coherently as possible and spaced it out into readable chunks*

    Basically, I've been seeing this guy at uni for two months now (He is 20 and I'm 22), so everything has been fine - been spending most of our time together, sex life is beyond great, he's introduced me to all his friends at uni and been talking about me and what random stuff we've been doing to his friends back home - so I think 'Aw, I like how this is going - it's been an awesome two months!' But we hadn't had the 'Do we want to stay casual or make it exclusive' talk, so I thought I'd broach the subject...

    So I decided to ask him when we were next spending time together, watching a movie at his. I ask, 'What do you see me as?'
    He goes 'I see you as a very intelligent, funny and beautiful individual' and gave me a kiss. So I then go, 'I mean what do you see me as? Cause when people ask me if we're together and I say no, they say 'so are you just **** buddies then' and I don't like that phrase, and I don't want to be just a friend with benefits, I want more than that'

    He then paused for a bit

    Then replied with 'I really like you, but I'm **** at relationships'
    So I was like 'Me too' (As he knows my past relationships haven't been the easiest) and he replied with 'Well that's a recipe for disaster then isn't it, hahaha'

    So I got up, started to get my stuff together and remarked that I should leave (He'd already mentioned that he was going out later that evening with some of his guy mates so I wouldn't be able to stick around all evening), so he tried to make a joke out of it and was like 'Oh was it something I said hahaha'

    I went for the door, turned around and said something like 'Cheers for being honest with me. At least now I can actually get on with my life like a normal person instead of spending a lot of my time thinking about whether you actually like me or whether you're just taking me for a ride' and turned to leave

    And he called after me 'No, wait, come back'
    So I closed the door
    And sat on the edge of the bed

    He pulled me close to him and said 'Look I was kind of being cryptic, I find it difficult saying things sometimes and I make jokes out of everything'
    So I got irritated and replied with something along the lines of

    'You think that I find it easy? I hate feeling like this, so vulnerable, I just feel stupid and silly for actually telling you how it is, I'm just a massive pussbag when it comes to talking about things that actually matter to me, things that I actually care about not ****ing up'

    So he replied with
    'Hey, you're none of those things, stupid, silly, pussbag, whatever. I really, really like you. You mean a lot to me. So much. I knew that you were going to mean a lot to me, that night I first met you and started talking to you'

    I reply with 'It's just because I like the same stupid **** that you like'

    So he goes 'No, even though we are so similar and in tune with each other, it's scary sometimes - it's not that. Its just the feelings I get when I'm around you. Like you lift my mood so much and it feels like I've known you forever. I really like you, so much. But its like, I'm **** at relationships and I need to sort myself out before I can jump in at the deep end and do the whole boyfriend thing. It's like I've just moved to a whole different place, and I've started uni and its just adjusting to being away from home. I need to have that sorted before I can be in a relationship' (This is true, as we go to uni in North Wales - he moved here from Liverpool and me from London)

    Then he sort of looked into my eyes and stroked my hair for a while before getting all embarrassed and saying 'Right, you need to shoo, I need to get ready to go out - I'll give you a text later'

    So since then, nothing's changed - we're still texting each other and hanging out as normal.
    In fact last night, he took me to A&E as I was poorly and he stayed by my side for the whole 12hrs I was hospitalised - so when I got out, I thanked him and he was kind of like 'It's okay, don't mention it, that's what friends are for' - I kinda just rationalised this as him being a nice person as he'd already spent time with another pal who was in hospital earlier that day (His response to that was 'I care about my friends, I'd hope they'd do the same for me')

    I'm just really confused. I'm too old to be spending my time agonising over whether a guy likes me or not, I'm in my 20's for ***** sake.

    Do you guys think that he's just being honest and doesn't want a relationship right now, or do you think he's just taking me for a ride and just wants me for the physical part of our friendship?

    I am SO sorry that this is so long!

    Just break up.

    Wait, was I s'posed to read that in a british accent?....brb.

    Okay, just break up.


    ...



    I actually think he has strong feelings for you. For reals. His "mates" may still be a priority though but I think with a few years of well placed catty comments you should be able to stamp that out. NO! I jest. I think you are in the midst of a developing full and rich relationship which will lead wherever it leads and you might not want to pass up. Unless you are ready to get married yesterday, I think this is the kind of relationship you should be having at this age with the kind of guy you should be having it with, in the kind of way you should be having it. EXCEPT. On nights he hangs out with you, the entire night should belong to you both. Do not allow yourself to be scheduled romps before mate's night. You don't have to tag along to mate's night, but just get those prime time hours devoted to you by being unavailable earlier and only at prime time dating hours. that should secure you G/F status instead of roll in the hay status or FWB etc. He seems pretty fond of you from what I see. Despite your weird tongue in your profile pic. Cheers, cheerio and all that sort of rubbish! :drinker:
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    Stop having sex without commitment if that is not what you want
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    Stop having sex without commitment......

    STAHP GIVING WOMEN THIS TERRIBLE ADVICE
  • cdgirl
    cdgirl Posts: 158 Member
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    I have to say that even though you really care about this guy-you should get out in a hurry!! I've seen way too many people get hurt(yours truly included) b/c they fell for all the smooth talk of some gorgeous guy.I had one I was physically involved w/who told me right off the bat he didn't want more than benefits and I convinced myself that I was going to make him change his mid one way or the other! I was completely in love w/this guy! But he was a user just like this fellow seems to be.Says all the right things to get what he wants but never is willing to commit.UGH!!! Sweetie there is someone out there who will be everything you deserve.Love yourself first and then you will have all you need to be able to love someone else.Sorry I am very passionate about this stuff.I hate how guys think we are just play things ya know?I will be praying for you.God bless you! And good luck.
  • Xiaolongbao
    Xiaolongbao Posts: 854 Member
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    I have to say that even though you really care about this guy-you should get out in a hurry!! I've seen way too many people get hurt(yours truly included) b/c they fell for all the smooth talk of some gorgeous guy.I had one I was physically involved w/who told me right off the bat he didn't want more than benefits and I convinced myself that I was going to make him change his mid one way or the other! I was completely in love w/this guy! But he was a user just like this fellow seems to be.Says all the right things to get what he wants but never is willing to commit.UGH!!! Sweetie there is someone out there who will be everything you deserve.Love yourself first and then you will have all you need to be able to love someone else.Sorry I am very passionate about this stuff.I hate how guys think we are just play things ya know?I will be praying for you.God bless you! And good luck.

    This is terrible advice. How is she falling for smooth talk? HE HAS TOLD HER WHAT HE WANTS. How is he thinking she's just a play thing?

    OP do what you want but be honest with yourself. He's told you what he wants, if you can live with that then enjoy what's on offer but don't go investing too much into it. Otherwise move on.

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