'You mean a lot to me, BUT...'

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  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    Honesty =/= "smooth talk" but women in here keep wanting to play the guys up as predators and the female as a passive victim.

    They both agreed to be casual at the beginning and now she wants more. If anything, she's trying to smooth talk him into a new arrangement. HE should run.
  • AverageUkDude
    AverageUkDude Posts: 371 Member
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    Stop having sex without commitment if that is not what you want

    this.
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
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    Honesty =/= "smooth talk" but women in here keep wanting to play the guys up as predators and the female as a passive victim.

    They both agreed to be casual at the beginning and now she wants more. If anything, she's trying to smooth talk him into a new arrangement. HE should run.

    Yup. He has been very clear, but sometimes we interpret a clear statement in ways that suit our wants, and then become upset when the other person doesn't adhere to the expectation that only exists in our minds.

    So take his words at face value. You've been friend zoned, so it's up to you to decide whether you're happy to continue in your current situation or if you would like to make yourself more available to other options.
  • ValerieMartini2Olives
    ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
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    He likes you. He doesn't love you. He loves the sex. None of that will change. Stop sleeping with him and move on.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    I don't think he's taking you for a ride purposely. Men in general are not always as comfortable as women with coming out and saying, "hey, these are my feelings." Also, a 20 year old is probably not that emotionally mature or experienced in serious relationships. He just sounds nervous and unsure of what he wants. Go for a guy who is a little older than you next time. Good luck.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    Just take your TDEE - 20% and eat that.

    LOLWUT?

    Meal timing has no effect on metabolic rate.
    Just... break... up?

    Your body cleanses itself.
    IIFYM.

    If it fits your mouth? :laugh:
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    I have to say that even though you really care about this guy-you should get out in a hurry!! I've seen way too many people get hurt(yours truly included) b/c they fell for all the smooth talk of some gorgeous guy.I had one I was physically involved w/who told me right off the bat he didn't want more than benefits and I convinced myself that I was going to make him change his mid one way or the other! I was completely in love w/this guy! But he was a user just like this fellow seems to be.Says all the right things to get what he wants but never is willing to commit.UGH!!! Sweetie there is someone out there who will be everything you deserve.Love yourself first and then you will have all you need to be able to love someone else.Sorry I am very passionate about this stuff.I hate how guys think we are just play things ya know?I will be praying for you.God bless you! And good luck.

    It seems like this response is much more about you than the OP.
  • zornig
    zornig Posts: 336 Member
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    Oh, I have tried to convince myself on something similar-ish to this many moons ago, and its not a fun place to be.

    However what I now tell myself is..

    If a bloke wants to be with you. Then he will be, NOTHING is going to stop him. It's not that he's worried about hurting you, it's not that he's worried about spoiling the friendship, or any of the other billion reasons a women justifies it in her head. Bottom line if he's saying he doesn't want a relationship then he doesn't want one with you. Unfortunately that doesn't equate that he won't find someone he does want one with. You need to stop WASTING YOUR TIME & cut him loose. Sorry :flowerforyou:

    Amen! It has taken me 20+ years to learn this lesson--wish somebody had given me such good advice when *I* was in university.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    I have to say that even though you really care about this guy-you should get out in a hurry!! I've seen way too many people get hurt(yours truly included) b/c they fell for all the smooth talk of some gorgeous guy.I had one I was physically involved w/who told me right off the bat he didn't want more than benefits and I convinced myself that I was going to make him change his mid one way or the other! I was completely in love w/this guy! But he was a user just like this fellow seems to be.Says all the right things to get what he wants but never is willing to commit.UGH!!! Sweetie there is someone out there who will be everything you deserve.Love yourself first and then you will have all you need to be able to love someone else.Sorry I am very passionate about this stuff.I hate how guys think we are just play things ya know?I will be praying for you.God bless you! And good luck.

    It seems like this response is much more about you than the OP.

    Yep, that one almost made my head explode. On day one guy says he just wants sex, but she lies, says that's what she wants too, all the while planning to change his mind. When did "I just want to hit it" become manipulative sweet talk?
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    I have to say that even though you really care about this guy-you should get out in a hurry!! I've seen way too many people get hurt(yours truly included) b/c they fell for all the smooth talk of some gorgeous guy.I had one I was physically involved w/who told me right off the bat he didn't want more than benefits and I convinced myself that I was going to make him change his mid one way or the other! I was completely in love w/this guy! But he was a user just like this fellow seems to be.Says all the right things to get what he wants but never is willing to commit.UGH!!! Sweetie there is someone out there who will be everything you deserve.Love yourself first and then you will have all you need to be able to love someone else.Sorry I am very passionate about this stuff.I hate how guys think we are just play things ya know?I will be praying for you.God bless you! And good luck.

    It seems like this response is much more about you than the OP.

    Yep, that one almost made my head explode. On day one guy says he just wants sex, but she lies, says that's what she wants too, all the while planning to change his mind. When did "I just want to hit it" become manipulative sweet talk?

    I have way more respect for a guy who admits he just wants sex. At least he is being honest and not bulsh****** or wasting her time.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    I have to say that even though you really care about this guy-you should get out in a hurry!! I've seen way too many people get hurt(yours truly included) b/c they fell for all the smooth talk of some gorgeous guy.I had one I was physically involved w/who told me right off the bat he didn't want more than benefits and I convinced myself that I was going to make him change his mid one way or the other! I was completely in love w/this guy! But he was a user just like this fellow seems to be.Says all the right things to get what he wants but never is willing to commit.UGH!!! Sweetie there is someone out there who will be everything you deserve.Love yourself first and then you will have all you need to be able to love someone else.Sorry I am very passionate about this stuff.I hate how guys think we are just play things ya know?I will be praying for you.God bless you! And good luck.

    It seems like this response is much more about you than the OP.

    Yep, that one almost made my head explode. On day one guy says he just wants sex, but she lies, says that's what she wants too, all the while planning to change his mind. When did "I just want to hit it" become manipulative sweet talk?

    I have way more respect for a guy who admits he just wants sex. At least he is being honest and not bulsh****** or wasting her time.

    From reading the OP the guy wasn't all that upfront about just wanting sex either. In any event, he doesn't want a relationship either and she should just move on if she wants more.
  • Will_Thrust_For_Candy
    Will_Thrust_For_Candy Posts: 6,109 Member
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    I have way more respect for a guy who admits he just wants sex. At least he is being honest and not bulsh****** or wasting her time.

    QFT!!


    QUOTE:

    Stop having sex without commitment......


    STAHP GIVING WOMEN THIS TERRIBLE ADVICE

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    This thread gives me nostalgia about being 20. Dude sounds so damn nervous in his reply! I remember how awkward these conversations could get at that age. :laugh:
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    This thread gives me nostalgia about being 20. Dude sounds so damn nervous in his reply! I remember how awkward these conversations could get at that age. :laugh:

    They are awkward at any age LOL :laugh:
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
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    It seems to me like you unfairly sprung this "conversation" on him at an inopportune time. You need to learn some better communication skills, which includes not choosing bad times to discuss serious matters.

    What horny guy isn't going to backpedal when you tell him you're gonna walk if he doesn't cave to your demands?! The gonads send the brain a message... "Tail is walking out the door... say something... whatever it takes... NOW!" That doesn't mean that what he's agreeing to is what he really wants. I think you wouldn't have to press him if that was what he wanted, and I don't think it'll end well if you hold him to it.

    I agree with the folks that are saying that you don't need to do anything further with this guy apart from what you're doing, and when he goes out with his mates, go out and make some more friends! You might find someone else who is just as fun to spend time with as this guy.

    But then, I've been with my husband since I was 14, so I know frack-all about what it's like to be an adult and not in a serious, committed relationship.:indifferent:
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    If I were in this situation, it would have been hard for me to resist giggling at his attempt at comic relief when he said, "was it something I said?" :laugh: unless he was serious. It's hard to tell without hearing his tone of voice.
  • besaro
    besaro Posts: 1,858 Member
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    it all sounds so sweet!! omg, I miss these days...

    then again, I loves me some good drama.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    We don't know what you want. Maybe you don't know what you want.

    DTR conversations often don't go well.

    You should be having fun. Guys like an easy going, fun woman. When stuff bogs down and gets heavy, that's a bad sign.
  • whitebalance
    whitebalance Posts: 1,654 Member
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    Stop having sex without commitment if that is not what you want

    this.
    Yup. /thread
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    We don't know what you want. Maybe you don't know what you want.

    DTR conversations often don't go well.

    You should be having fun. Guys like an easy fun woman. When stuff bogs down and gets heavy, that's a bad sign.

    FIFY :laugh:

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