Self Esteem and Personal Image

I used to get really down on myself. I hated myself and thought everyone around me did as well. All of my "friends" had girlfriends and dates in high school, I never did...I even went as the third wheel for my senor prom, because I never asked anyone out for fear of rejection.

Even later in life, I was alone. I was a loser. When I finally found someone to marry me, it was a very short engagement (we met and married within 5 weeks) and I just "knew" she was the one. Well, she was also "the one" to other guys as well while we were married, and to 3 or 4 other husbands after we divorced. Just more stuff to stack on my throne of being King of the Lonely Loser.

Then, one day, I took a good, hard, honest look at myself. I was sitting out somewhere, alone, as I usually do, talking to myself, examining everywhere that I had went wrong in my life and marriage, then it dawned on me...I said to myself:



I was always afraid of the what-ifs. I was alone because I chose to be alone, not because I would never find anyone. I wasn't even really looking. I would always gravitate toward women that were already in relationships, usually with a friend of mine, and fall secretly in love with them...why? Because it was safer to admire from afar than it was to have them tell me I was "just a friend." I needed to think more highly of myself if I wanted others to think more highly of me. This didn't mean I needed to lose weight to fit in, it means that if I didn't want to lose weight, I just needed to accept that I was who I was, and people either needed to deal with it or I didn't need them. I didn't need them.

I don't care. Three words that made me change my attitude.

You don't like me? I don't care
You think I need to be a certain way to please you? I don't care
You don't want to go out with me? I don't care

Realizing that I make my own path in life and that I didn't need to follow anyone else's path, nor did I care about the path others wanted me to follow, made all the difference.

I am awesome. I have awesome friends, both in real life and on here, and in other forms of social media. I chose them and they chose me. Why? Because we are awesome.

It took a while for me to realize the amount of awesome I am. Am I being narcissistic? Sure..why not? I like me. Even if nobody else does, I. Like. Me.

The kicker is, I have more friends, better friends, more real friends, now that I like me. I'm happier, I have less stress, I have so much less drama in my life because I like me. I can't expect others to like me if I don't like myself. I can't expect others to respect me if I don't respect myself. I'm the only one who has to deal with who I am on the inside, and if I don't like who I am on the inside, it will show on the outside.

I have raised a good son, mostly on my own, because I like me. He's awesome too, by the way...just ask him, he's happy to share how awesome he is.

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