Self Esteem and Personal Image

I feel like I could've written this about myself. I am very, very introverted. I used to think something was wrong with me. Now, I understand that it's just who I am and that there are a LOT of similar people in the world.

When I was fat, I spent way too much time trying to match the labels other people gave me. I was the smart one or the quiet one or the chubby one or some other "type" that seemed to make the people around me more comfortable with themselves. And I tried really hard to live up to that so that I didn't have to be alone.

And then a funny thing happened about a year and a half after I started losing weight (and by that time, I had lost about 100 lbs). I suddenly became very sure of who I was and what I wanted from life. For the first time in my life, I had goals that did not revolve around school or work. My beliefs and values were clearer than ever. I felt this unbelievable sense of freedom, and I realized that it was because I no longer cared what other people wanted me to be or what they already thought I was. I don't need anyone else's approval, whether it's about my looks or my career or my training or anything else. You said it perfectly: I don't care. If I spend the rest of my life alone, I don't care because I feel really, really, fantastically lucky to be me. It is the most liberating feeling ever.

Congrats to you on a level of self-awareness that a lot of people fake really well but never actually achieve.

I know you are.... But what am I?

Very nice piece and and glad of what you've gotten to.

Without disrespect to either your story or achievement in self esteem and personal image, I found something in your post that just doesn't sit 100% with me and I wanted to ask you about it (perhaps you don't care ) but it's exactly that phrase use...

You don't like me? I don't care
You think I need to be a certain way to please you? I don't care
You don't want to go out with me? I don't care

Maybe it's a subtle thing - I tend to lean more towards "I do care, but it doesn't affect how I see myself".
I care about the opinion of others, it affects my interactions with people, I am not an animal ruled just by pure personal ego ...
Perhaps its a subtle poit that doesn't boil down easily to being free of the influence of opinion in terms of self esteem.

Anyway, all this reminds me of the "I'm OK, Your OK" method I read many, many years ago.
You are awesome, I am awesome is a better term.
I do care, I'm not governed by caring.

Does this make sense to you?

First, let me say that I have a feeling we are going to have to agree to disagree. You have your views, opinions, and beliefs and I have mine, both are based on life experience, personal interactions, and several other factors. I'm sure we are saying the same thing for the most part, we just have different delivery methods and we are trying to make sure the other sees it "from our perspective".

This isn't an "I'm OK, Your OK" post. It's simply a realization one person had that they are better then they originally thought of themselves. It's a post to let people see that it is possible to change their perspective on life and the things around them if they realize they can change the perspective they have of themselves. It's a post to tell people that they do matter.

Also, I don't care. I don't need to care about peoples perspective of me to interact well with others. I'm not saying that I can go naked through a 5th grade girls gymnastics practice because "I don't care" and think it's ok. I just don't need to care about what people think I should do, in order to fall in line with their preconceived notion of who I should be.

Basically, I have my own life and my own opinions, and they matter. Even if they only matter to me, they matter. They are just as important as the opinions of those around me. I shouldn't fear expressing them, I shouldn't fear acting on them just because the off chance that things get royally screwed or someone may get upset or mad at me. I don't need people to like me in order for me to function, and once I realized that some people just AREN'T going to like me, and that I was fine with that, my life got simpler.

I do care about the opinions of those people I respect, those who have earned that respect. I care about the feelings and opinions of my family. I just don't care about the opinions of the random stranger or general acquaintance in terms of how they view me.