Totally not cool.

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245

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  • Skinny_minny_mo
    Skinny_minny_mo Posts: 1,272 Member
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    :
    , for some reason there are a lot of short folk around me, or skinny guys.

    Hobbits.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    On a more serious note @arpiagape, what vibes are you throwing out to the universe? I think some inward reflection is required here - are you very particular? are you not giving guys a chance at all (i.e. assuming they just want sex). ask for feedback from those around you!
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
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    , for some reason there are a lot of short folk around me, or skinny guys.

    Hobbits.

    You know what they say about big feet....




































































    Big shoes.
    In their case, none.
  • Inkratlet
    Inkratlet Posts: 613 Member
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    sidebar: your generation has suffered (IMHO) from growing up with the internet and social media and things like that which serve to substitute real world interactions with virtual online interactions. i think real life social/dating skills/experiences are less common with people in their 20's and early 30's now than they were with previous generations. from what i understand, much of what passes for dating in that age group these days is 1) a guy texting a woman to see if she "wants to hang out?", which inevitably leads to a very informal "date" watching TV where the guy usually expects to get sex at some point during the evening OR 2) a late night text for a "booty call". you're not really missing out by not dating these guys... they are idiots and so long as they are getting sex using the tactics of 1) or 2) above, they have little incentive to actually ask women out on proper dates. i think women should be pursued and wined & dined. that's part of the "dance of attraction" and it always has been. however it works both ways. women can certainly be the pursuers as well.

    *hug*

    I generally get guys trying tactic 1 or 2. It's very demoralising! I am immensely relieved that it's clearly not just that I'm not proper girlfriend material (which may turn out to be true, who knows).

    Seriously though, internet dating. As long as you weed out the crazy, and set very clear ground rules early on (ie. no casual sex and no dirty pictures) you'll get loads of dates. They might still not be suitable, but if you're anything like me that's more to do with you being justifiably picky :wink:
  • Inkratlet
    Inkratlet Posts: 613 Member
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    i was just talkin to a friend bout that the other day


    but arent just creeps on those online dat. pages? or has it changed in the past....5 years

    Not all just creeps. But there certainly are creeps online. They are usually easy to spot.
  • blably
    blably Posts: 490 Member
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    maybe i should try it...and meet some in each city i travel to business meetings haha
  • PinkyKiwii
    PinkyKiwii Posts: 512 Member
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    I can relate to this even though I'm 19. Never been asked out too lol. People also dont really like to be around me (before knowing me) because apparently I'm "intimidating". Which I dont understand since Im always smiling and nice! Jeez
  • CharleePear
    CharleePear Posts: 1,948 Member
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    Yup I volunteer, have done missions work in Tijuana, lived in California for a year, hang out at hardcore gigs, but the ones old enough for me are married or taken at least, I go to church, I smile, I am nice, I don't actually try too hard, though on here I feel like I seem desperate, I am kind, sweet, caring, quirky and funny. I have a lot of hobbies, writing in cafes, swimming at beaches, dancing in clubs, going to the gym (though thats a lifestyle thing), I paint, I am into cars (my perfect car is a Chevy Impala 64 SS with a 350 engine), I am easy going, sensitive but funny. Obviously I am analytical and can overthink things or overdisclose, but I don't think that should turn every guy away.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Hmmm. In all my 37 years, I think I've maybe been asked out (in the classic sense) on dates once or twice. I have a tendency to fall really hard and fast and jump into relationships, though, so that's more about me than the culture, I guess.

    Mostly, I'll meet a guy, we hang out -- usually with friends at first -- and then things go from there. But I haven't been single a lot, either, so maybe I'm not the person to talk to. :-)
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
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    Move country,
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
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    Or if you are quite an extraverted person, maybe try some extraverted hobbies, acting classes, things like that
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Yep, I know women can ask guys out now, I have in the past, but have always been rejected.

    are there any nice ones you are still in contact with? maybe ask them why they said no?
  • Saree1902
    Saree1902 Posts: 611 Member
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    i was just talkin to a friend bout that the other day


    but arent just creeps on those online dat. pages? or has it changed in the past....5 years

    Some creeps on there....but I met my husband online so it's not all bad!
  • jensiegel39
    jensiegel39 Posts: 163 Member
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    First of all, if where you live is so saturated with women, that could be a problem. Have you tried online dating? I've met some creeps, but I've met some really great guys too. I've had two major relationships come from guys I've met online. I didn't meet up with them right away; we emailed for awhile, then talked on the phone.

    I also agree with what someone else said; join some group that interests you and you're bound to meet someone with similar interests. My one friend is really into biking and softball, and she constantly meets nice guys when doing either of these activities.

    I do not recommend changing who you are or how you act; you should be yourself. However, perhaps something about you is intimidating to other men and they are afraid to ask you out? I'm not sure. I'm surprised your guy friends don't have any perspective. Do they ask girls out regularly?

    I don't think the days of wining and dining are over, but I think it's much less frequent than it was years ago. However, you're right. You do deserve to be pursued; we all do.

    Another thing I was thinking is perhaps you come off as desperate because inside you may feel that way? I'm not sure, but that's something you could ask close friends. As them to observe you in social situations and give you their opinion. You may not realize you're coming off that way. And I don't know if you are, but perhaps that's something to check.

    So, what do you do to try to meet men? Perhaps try some other avenues, like I suggested. I agree though that it's hard to meet a nice guy who doesn't lie and cheat, but it's not impossible.

    Good luck to you! Hope you try some new things that bring you success!
  • YoungIronG
    YoungIronG Posts: 125 Member
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    let me be the one to be honest here then....

    based on your pictures alone, you appear to be a sort of punk/emo/rebellious type.

    this does not send the message that you want to formally asked out on a date.
    its more of a 'hey lets go hit this rave i just heard about'
    which i would consider a date!
    because we are going together

    i know you guys might think its wrong but the manner in which people aproach you has TONS to to with your appearance**
    trust me - im a young black man in america - appearance dictates everything!!

    i love your style and look,
    but i think if i asked you out on a 'date' you would think im boring and square.
    and if im attracted to you, as you are, then a 'date' will be boring for me too......
    so lets go do what youre already dressed for
  • CharleePear
    CharleePear Posts: 1,948 Member
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    Or if you are quite an extraverted person, maybe try some extraverted hobbies, acting classes, things like that

    I was thinking of starting a band for fun.

    I agree with YoungIronG though, outward appearances do make a difference, I would like someone like me into the rock scene etc, but the scene is pretty small here in NZ. Maybe I just have to keep chugging along at it. I am 31, the scene is usually a bunch of 16-20 year olds, but not always I guess. I approach people all the time and they find out pretty quick I am personable person, accepting of everyone, and I wouldn't turn a date down based on them not being from the scene. You never know who you might fall in love with.

    As for internet dating, that is absolutely out for me, for personal reasons, I really, really can't go back to that.
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
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    Yeah , something like that is a good idea. Where other like minded people are likely too be.
  • andreahanlon
    andreahanlon Posts: 263 Member
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    Online dating worked for me. It took a few years though... But part of that was me being too picky. Most of the men I went out with were proper and practically all of them paid for our date, even when I offered to pay my share. Only one or two were pushy physically (a small percentage).
  • Beastmaster50
    Beastmaster50 Posts: 505 Member
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    OP blames the men for not asking her out? Get real. Most likely you come off as unapproachable and they sense a no from you before they even ask. Do you have any gay male friends? Ask them, they'll let you know.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    You're gorgeous, so it must be the guys in your area. They're all defective! I gave up on finding local guys a long time ago. I decided to give online dating a try at around age 20. Have found a lot of dates that way and even met my husband online. Sometimes you have to look beyond where you live.
  • FerretBuellerr
    FerretBuellerr Posts: 468 Member
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    Without reading any of the responses, this is what I have to say, and I hope you don't take it the wrong way!

    Perhaps you are intimidating to men? From what you described, you sound similar to my best friend (maybe not exactly the same in appearance, but in attitude and experiences) - she's young, tall, fit, thin, independent, great sense of humor, blonde, big tits, intelligent, not afraid to speak her mind, kind, and an all around catch, but the only attention she ever gets is from boys wanting to throw her down onto the bed for a good f**k and very little men looking for a relationship. :huh: The "good guys" may just think you are way out of their league, which is why they don't even try. Or because you emit such a strong personality it makes them shy away.

    I wish I had some actual advice for you OP. It boggles my mind when wonderful women such as my best friend and yourself stay single for so long. Maybe you also have "high standards" without realizing it, so you're automatically turning people down based on superficialitites. At least I know my friend does :ohwell:

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