Totally not cool.
Replies
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If the ratio of women to men in New Zealand is 3/1 the odds are stacked against you to begin with. You do have a unique style, which I applaud, but the men that style attracts most likely are not the type you are looking for. Most men hitting 30 have a career where they can't have a style like yours and the women they are approaching are the ones they can take home for holiday. I am sure they can take you to meet family and friends but if their family/friends is not into the style....they would need to do the whole get to know her, you'll get why she is so great, thing. For a lot of men that would be a lot of extra work that without already knowing you, they may just not want to put in.
Wow, where did you find the 3:1 female to male ratio? Census data for New Zealand has it at 1.05 : 1, male : female ratio.
The most extreme ratio on planet is China with a 1.12 : 1, male : female ratio.
The OP stated it. That's what the "if" was for :flowerforyou:0 -
I think MikeM53082_ and DMZ_1 are the same guy.0
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I have no idea why you have not been asked out.
I sense that you are overly picky given your own "market value" so to speak. You talk about having many guy friends, but none are suitable. Additionally, men are often turned off by women with more guy friends than women friends, so in the long term, that does not work to your favor. I'm always amazed with women 30+ being incredibly fussy, when in fact the logical move is to become less selective. This 'tude breeds the perpetually single cat woman, but I digress.
Anyway, you could do online dating. I wouldn't recommend it, but here's what it is likely to happen for you. Your inbox will be full, as you will have hundreds of messages. Many will be creepy. But you could sequence 5 dates in 5 days no problem.
What I would recommend is an offline approach. Get to meet people in person first, that way, you have a better sense of the in person experience of that person right away rather than wasting your time with someone who you only see words from. Communication entails far more than just words. You said you go to the gym. Get your body in rockin' shape. We're talking normal BMI range, flat stomach, some muscle definition. You don't need six pack abs or anything, you just want to look good. That'll help you attract the man you probably want. You have two ways in a gym setting to meet men. First, never wear headphones to the gym in a basic weight room and machines type setting. That'll make you more approachable. Also, you could take a fitness class. Fitness classes have a greater social component than the plain old typical weight room setting.
Other options include the grocery store, coffee shops, retail stores. Always wear skimpy clothing to accentuate your best physical asset. That ought to help you get asked out more in person.
Most of the women I interact with talk about getting too much attention. I think what I suggest will help you get more attention.
Happy hunting!
WTF!!
OP I think you have enough sense to ignore everything this guy says, don't you
:flowerforyou:
Exactly where should I be ignored? Just want to know. The OP isn't being asked out. Things aren't working. I suggest shaking things up a bit. I think she'd be asked out more, and with less time wasting guys, by doing exactly what I say. And this is the thanks I get? I'm shaking my head.
She's a beautiful *intelligent* woman who should be appreciated for who she is, she doesn't need to change herself one tiny bit. Sounds like you'd have us all dress up like hookers and parade around for you, which is pretty repulsive from where I'm sitting. Wearing skimpy clothing will not get her dates, it'll get her hit on by creeps looking for a booty call. She also has every right to choose to date someone who treats her with respect, who she likes, and is attracted to - that's not incredibly fussy, that's called being a grown up woman who knows what she wants. Never settle!
Don't get me wrong, some of what you say is sensible, but only SOME.0 -
You are a beautiful woman, it's possible that guys who don't know you well could think that you are already 'taken'? That's all I have, because if I were single, a little younger and in NZ, I'd be asking you out!0
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I think MikeM53082_ and DMZ_1 are the same guy.
they are perfect for each other, aren't they? they'd make such a nice couple.0 -
I said earlier I wished there were an island somewhere we could banish them.I think MikeM53082_ and DMZ_1 are the same guy.0 -
I agree with everyone who state not to change you. Both looks and attitude can be intimidating but at the end of the day dont you want to be with someone who enjoys that about you...who wants to be challanged. I think your situation is becoming more and more common place, thats why online dating is becoming so popular. For me if its been an easy conquest, Ive lost intrest. Its the women who make you work a little that actually make me want to have a relationship.
And for the lady who stated she was a straight up B***, good for you, some people do deserve it!0 -
I have no idea why you have not been asked out.
I sense that you are overly picky given your own "market value" so to speak. You talk about having many guy friends, but none are suitable. Additionally, men are often turned off by women with more guy friends than women friends, so in the long term, that does not work to your favor. I'm always amazed with women 30+ being incredibly fussy, when in fact the logical move is to become less selective. This 'tude breeds the perpetually single cat woman, but I digress.
Anyway, you could do online dating. I wouldn't recommend it, but here's what it is likely to happen for you. Your inbox will be full, as you will have hundreds of messages. Many will be creepy. But you could sequence 5 dates in 5 days no problem.
What I would recommend is an offline approach. Get to meet people in person first, that way, you have a better sense of the in person experience of that person right away rather than wasting your time with someone who you only see words from. Communication entails far more than just words. You said you go to the gym. Get your body in rockin' shape. We're talking normal BMI range, flat stomach, some muscle definition. You don't need six pack abs or anything, you just want to look good. That'll help you attract the man you probably want. You have two ways in a gym setting to meet men. First, never wear headphones to the gym in a basic weight room and machines type setting. That'll make you more approachable. Also, you could take a fitness class. Fitness classes have a greater social component than the plain old typical weight room setting.
Other options include the grocery store, coffee shops, retail stores. Always wear skimpy clothing to accentuate your best physical asset. That ought to help you get asked out more in person.
Most of the women I interact with talk about getting too much attention. I think what I suggest will help you get more attention.
Happy hunting!
WTF!!
OP I think you have enough sense to ignore everything this guy says, don't you :flowerforyou:
Exactly where should I be ignored? Just want to know. The OP isn't being asked out. Things aren't working. I suggest shaking things up a bit. I think she'd be asked out more, and with less time wasting guys, by doing exactly what I say. And this is the thanks I get? I'm shaking my head.
She's a beautiful *intelligent* woman who should be appreciated for who she is, she doesn't need to change herself one tiny bit. Sounds like you'd have us all dress up like hookers and parade around for you, which is pretty repulsive from where I'm sitting. Wearing skimpy clothing will not get her dates, it'll get her hit on by creeps looking for a booty call. She also has every right to choose to date someone who treats her with respect, who she likes, and is attracted to - that's not incredibly fussy, that's called being a grown up woman who knows what she wants. Never settle!
Don't get me wrong, some of what you say is sensible, but only SOME.
It depends upon how you frame the discussion. I framed the discussion around the idea of a lack of attention. OP wants to get asked out more. I thought I was helping her in getting attention. The women I know in person who get the most attention are fit women who dress in a way to show off what they have working for them. It usually isn't gaudy or tacky, but it draws attention to their bodies. I know I tend to approach women who have some attractive physical assets. I start conversations with them. While the outward appearance brings me to the discussion, what they have to say keeps me around. A blend of style and substance.
I agree on the idea of the OP dating someone who treats her with respect, who she likes, and is attracted to. But I've seen too many example of 30+ women are perpetually single because they are too picky and take the never settle thing too literally. It seems that when women age they get fussier, which defies logic. A fit, feminine, childless 23 year old woman can write her own ticket with a mate and can be as fussy as they want to be, because there's no shortage of options. A 32 year old woman, even if she is fit and childless, has fewer options. Fewer options should lead someone to being more reasonable and open, but the reverse often happens. Sometimes the 32 year old version of a woman is far fussier than the 23 year old version of herself when she had more options. She's often holding on to the idea that she had of an ideal mate when she was 18-early 20s, and there are fewer of those guys around. Guys in their late 20s/early 30s often want to go younger when looking to build around someone long term.0 -
OP I too feel your pain. I've been single for EIGHT, yes 8, years. I am SO over it. I've had dates but no official boyfriend and nobody that I've seen for over a month. I have dates that go nowhere. Usually about 2 and then they never call again. I make contact twice before I give up on them because sometimes *kitten* happens and they can't get back to you when you text/call.
Yes I online date. I've been online dating on and off for the last 13 years and it's a great way to meet people. I've made lots of good friends and met my ex husband online too (had nothing to do with why we aren't together now).
I'm approachable, fun, sassy, and I think not bad looking (especially since I've gotten 40 lbs off). I don't buy the whole "guys are intimidated" by me thing.0 -
A bit extreme but you could always just move
I've asked several women on dates before just to hear them talk with their foreign accents. Kinda just puts me in a trance.0 -
...I have never been asked out on a date.
Not to steal yer thunder here but, you wanna go on a date?
/thread0 -
standards are your enemy.0
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A bit extreme but you could always just move
Actually, this may be the answer. I spent two straight years barely dating and not meeting anyone worth a relationship when I lived in one city. I moved 1,000 miles away and four months later was living with the man who I'm now engaged to.0 -
No one ever asked me on a date before....It's pretty much keeping Cheetos in business as of this point.0
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I am a kiwi girl, you know a girl from New Zealand. I am not sure if it is my culture or who I am or whatever, but I have never been asked out on a date. Is this a common thing? I am 31 years old, I look younger, I do prefer the younger guys, but at this point anyone who is decent and not too old would be nice. I am really quirky and out there but I don't feel that should be a problem. Just want to know what is wrong with the men out there that can't treat a woman with respect and kindness and actually ask her out?! Oh I have had plenty of guys want sex from me, no I don't dress like a slut, but I don't get dates and I have been completely single for 5 years. So I thought, since I was feel lonely and sad about it tonight, I would start a discussion about this. What do you all think? What is this about?
the piercings scare men away0 -
I'm far from your league...you're gorgeous...I'm what people generally call "cute." I do get told, however, that I'm difficult to approach. That's what guys I know tell me. I can be at a table of my girlfriends, they'll all get approached, and I'm the only single one. Lol. Go figure! But, I'm not sure what I'm doing that makes me seem unapproachable!0
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Have you ever tried approaching the guys you like first, perhaps? See if they're interested in you, as well?
Hmm, maybe an over sharer, like myself? lol. I overshare things that other people would much rather not hear or know about me.
I don't know, have you asked any of your friends, maybe?
Do guys like it when a girl is forward and asks? I have always been pretty forward myself because I find that's the best way to get what I want and make sure we are both on the same page
Well, my wife of 15+ years asked me out first.0 -
A bit extreme but you could always just move
Actually, this may be the answer. I spent two straight years barely dating and not meeting anyone worth a relationship when I lived in one city. I moved 1,000 miles away and four months later was living with the man who I'm now engaged to.
In certain circumstances, it may be the answer. There would be a lot of factors in play. On the surface, it would appear that Auckland would be a good enough dating environment though.0 -
You base this on???A bit extreme but you could always just move
Actually, this may be the answer. I spent two straight years barely dating and not meeting anyone worth a relationship when I lived in one city. I moved 1,000 miles away and four months later was living with the man who I'm now engaged to.
In certain circumstances, it may be the answer. There would be a lot of factors in play. On the surface, it would appear that Auckland would be a good enough dating environment though.
I moved from a larger area to a smaller one. Like, from hundreds of thousands population to 50,000 in the entire county.0 -
You base this on???A bit extreme but you could always just move
Actually, this may be the answer. I spent two straight years barely dating and not meeting anyone worth a relationship when I lived in one city. I moved 1,000 miles away and four months later was living with the man who I'm now engaged to.
In certain circumstances, it may be the answer. There would be a lot of factors in play. On the surface, it would appear that Auckland would be a good enough dating environment though.
I moved from a larger area to a smaller one. Like, from hundreds of thousands population to 50,000 in the entire county.
The key phrase is "on the surface". There's a big population in Auckland and many possibilities for the OP to get asked out.
Too few choices is a bad thing. However, conversely, too many choices often leads to bad decision making. This is a problem that I see in the dating markets of big cities and especially with many women who date online. A lot of times, in really big cities, everyone is convinced the next best thing is around the corner and are overly harsh on existing options (true of both sexes). Part of this explains why people claim that they can't find anyone. But in a smaller town, it is very common to have people paired off at 25, leaving older singles SOL.0 -
So because there are a lot of people, you assume it's a good place for dating. That really has not been my experience and I've lived in small towns and big cities (more than one each).
You base this on???A bit extreme but you could always just move
Actually, this may be the answer. I spent two straight years barely dating and not meeting anyone worth a relationship when I lived in one city. I moved 1,000 miles away and four months later was living with the man who I'm now engaged to.
In certain circumstances, it may be the answer. There would be a lot of factors in play. On the surface, it would appear that Auckland would be a good enough dating environment though.
I moved from a larger area to a smaller one. Like, from hundreds of thousands population to 50,000 in the entire county.
The key phrase is "on the surface". There's a big population in Auckland and many possibilities for the OP to get asked out.
Too few choices is a bad thing. However, conversely, too many choices often leads to bad decision making. This is a problem that I see in the dating markets of big cities and especially with many women who date online. A lot of times, in really big cities, everyone is convinced the next best thing is around the corner and are overly harsh on existing options (true of both sexes). Part of this explains why people claim that they can't find anyone. But in a smaller town, it is very common to have people paired off at 25, leaving older singles SOL.
It's far more difficult to meet people in bigger cities.0 -
It's far more difficult to meet people in bigger cities.
Depends on the person and the city. zero problems when I lived in Reno, NV and it was hard to find decent talent when I was in Sacramento, CA. Two completely different sized cities. Then you move on up to SF and there is no chance in hell you'll have a problem. Just simple numbers at work.0 -
It's far more difficult to meet people in bigger cities.
Depends on the person and the city. zero problems when I lived in Reno, NV and it was hard to find decent talent when I was in Sacramento, CA. Two completely different sized cities. Then you move on up to SF and there is no chance in hell you'll have a problem. Just simple numbers at work.
You think Sacramento is a small town?0 -
I've asked several women on dates before just to hear them talk with their foreign accents. Kinda just puts me in a trance.
I speak Yankee0 -
I dont know what is wrong with the dudes in New Zealand. Find a nice American boy.
One more thing your birds are the cutest!0 -
I disagree..... I live in a small area and it's WAY harder because everybody's already married!0
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It's far more difficult to meet people in bigger cities.
Depends on the person and the city. zero problems when I lived in Reno, NV and it was hard to find decent talent when I was in Sacramento, CA. Two completely different sized cities. Then you move on up to SF and there is no chance in hell you'll have a problem. Just simple numbers at work.
You think Sacramento is a small town?
I wrote city. Yes, it is a small city. SF is a medium sized city.
Where I live now is a large town. Now compare this to 1.4mil pulses in auckland.
Point is, regardless of location, it is what you make it.0 -
standards are your enemy.
Even if this dude is goofing, he has a point.
OP thinks that she's surrounded by short, skinny guys.
She's made it clear that she would NOT date men who are smaller than her because she needs to feel protected.
So, which is the more likely situation:
That ALL those guys are WRONG for not asking OP out?
or
OP is making sure they know that they're unacceptable, even if she doesn't realize it?
Hate me all you want, people, but I'll tell it like it is:
OP ain't alone because of her looks or quirky fashion sense.0 -
I am a kiwi girl, you know a girl from New Zealand. I am not sure if it is my culture or who I am or whatever, but I have never been asked out on a date. Is this a common thing? I am 31 years old, I look younger, I do prefer the younger guys, but at this point anyone who is decent and not too old would be nice. I am really quirky and out there but I don't feel that should be a problem. Just want to know what is wrong with the men out there that can't treat a woman with respect and kindness and actually ask her out?! Oh I have had plenty of guys want sex from me, no I don't dress like a slut, but I don't get dates and I have been completely single for 5 years. So I thought, since I was feel lonely and sad about it tonight, I would start a discussion about this. What do you all think? What is this about?
the piercings scare men away
Speaking from experience, piercings alone are not a large enough deterrent to prevent someone from ever getting asked out.0 -
I am a kiwi girl, you know a girl from New Zealand. I am not sure if it is my culture or who I am or whatever, but I have never been asked out on a date. Is this a common thing? I am 31 years old, I look younger, I do prefer the younger guys, but at this point anyone who is decent and not too old would be nice. I am really quirky and out there but I don't feel that should be a problem. Just want to know what is wrong with the men out there that can't treat a woman with respect and kindness and actually ask her out?! Oh I have had plenty of guys want sex from me, no I don't dress like a slut, but I don't get dates and I have been completely single for 5 years. So I thought, since I was feel lonely and sad about it tonight, I would start a discussion about this. What do you all think? What is this about?
Hi, I am a Kiwi too.
I have lived in the UK and in NZ and the dating culture is pretty much by osmosis. I.e. you go out with your friends (or with work or flatmates), get drunk and go home with the same guy a few times and when you mates figure this out/you are seen together - you are a couple!
In my experience, NZ guys don't really *do* dating. As in the asking out a stranger or someone they have met only a few times to go out for A Date. And (in my experience) UK guys aren't so hot with it either.
It tends to be meeting through friends or work type of thing again.
I don't think it is out of disrespect or unkindness, simply that they don't really know any better or are too frightened of being turned down.
It is up to us to (nicely!) tell them that we would love for them to take us out for dinner/to a movie/bowling etc.
Guys from the US, Europe and Jamaica are GREAT with the dating (in my opinion).
In the US & UK I have been randomly stopped in the street and asked to go for a coffee. And going out on a date with US guys is great because the ones I have dated were really attentive and made sure I had a good time and got home safe regardless of whether they would be staying over.
Some friends of mine have had fun with NZ dating.com and the like - if you want to be going out, perhaps give internet dating a whirl? I found it pretty fun when I did it.0
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