Best way to get laid?

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124

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  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    Easy, Go to a bar, start talking to a girl, tell you are gay and have never been with a woman but for some reason you feel attracted to her.

    BOOM. You will get laid in the parking lot.

    Can't do that. The whole telling her I'm gay part. Can't.

    LOL, oh if you had not been laid in a while, and wanted laid bad enough, you could.

    I meet all your criteria. Still CAN'T.

    Then what you need is an excellent wing man, or wing woman to tell her. Have her walk up to her and say GIRL, I do not know what it is about you but my gay best friend over there is crushing on you, then ask if she is a man dressed as a woman....it will work.
  • mjterp
    mjterp Posts: 655 Member
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    Easy, Go to a bar, start talking to a girl, tell you are gay and have never been with a woman but for some reason you feel attracted to her.

    BOOM. You will get laid in the parking lot.

    I was totally going to post this! YUP!

    Or find a forty something recent divorcee...
  • fishnbrah
    fishnbrah Posts: 550
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    Women love to be teased, do it right though. Remember, if she gives you a playful slap, you're doing it right! Build the anticipation, always leave them hanging and wanting more. Just play it cool and act somewhat dis-interested.

    Best of luck my Man!

    dude if i was that debonair i wouldnt be ITT
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
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    get married. I can't keep her off me. :\


    my husband never complains!!
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
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    Being an Englishman in America gets plenty of attention, much to my wife's chagrin. :laugh:
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Wait until she's asleep and dead horse her.

    If only this worked on a man as well as it does a woman ..

    Aren't all guys...uh, ready at various times while they sleep? Especially in the mornings? Or is that just me?

    *ahem*

    Never mind then. Nothing to see here. Move along.

    Move along.


    Never ever ever woken up with unexpected readiness. I maintain operational readiness at DEFCON 3, meaning I am ready, willing, and able to respond, but no missiles are armed until there is a reason to arm them.

    How sad for your partner.

    Whatever.

    There's no reason to be at DEFCON 1 unless there is a reason. Not to say it's can't go from DEFCON 3 to DEFCON 1 at the drop of a <insert apparel here>.

    Yeah, tell yourself that but my husband get laid a lot in the middle of the night/early morning because I brush against his DEFCON 3.
  • DownsizingAaron
    DownsizingAaron Posts: 127 Member
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    the rape jokes in this thread are really disappointing

    not funny :frown:

    Agree.
  • DanIsACyclingFool
    DanIsACyclingFool Posts: 417 Member
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    Easy, Go to a bar, start talking to a girl, tell you are gay and have never been with a woman but for some reason you feel attracted to her.

    BOOM. You will get laid in the parking lot.

    Can't do that. The whole telling her I'm gay part. Can't.

    LOL, oh if you had not been laid in a while, and wanted laid bad enough, you could.

    I meet all your criteria. Still CAN'T.

    Then what you need is an excellent wing man, or wing woman to tell her. Have her walk up to her and say GIRL, I do not know what it is about you but my gay best friend over there is crushing on you, then ask if she is a man dressed as a woman....it will work.

    It's an interesting concept. Worthy of consideration.

    What do I do if "she" turns out to be a "he"?

    After all, we're proceeding on the assumption that I'd be into that..
  • ARDuBaie
    ARDuBaie Posts: 379 Member
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    I can tell you what not to do...

    Do not say you will call her and then not call

    Do not make corny sex jokes

    Do not get on your cell phone when you are with her

    Do not mention previous girlfriends

    Do not expect sex on the first date

    In fact, do not even mention sex

    Be a gentleman with a bit of a bad boy edge

    Get a motorcycle if you don't already have one

    Date an older woman ...they are more experienced and thankful for the sex


    Hope that helps.
  • fatfrost
    fatfrost Posts: 365 Member
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    chloroform?

    Far too dangerous. It's really hard to dose right if you are inexperienced and it can do permanent damage if you **** it up. Rohypnol tends to be safer for beginners.

    ... we're talking hypothetically here, right ...
  • sassypants0923
    sassypants0923 Posts: 7,188 Member
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    Pretend she doesn't exist... Works every time
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
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    Don't talk about yourself.
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
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    Junk pictures are totally the way to a ladies heart.

    You post this next to an adorable photo of a young boy and his dog. Just wow.
  • j75j75
    j75j75 Posts: 854 Member
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    I hear in prison it's easy to get laid
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    Easy, Go to a bar, start talking to a girl, tell you are gay and have never been with a woman but for some reason you feel attracted to her.

    BOOM. You will get laid in the parking lot.

    Can't do that. The whole telling her I'm gay part. Can't.

    LOL, oh if you had not been laid in a while, and wanted laid bad enough, you could.

    I meet all your criteria. Still CAN'T.

    Then what you need is an excellent wing man, or wing woman to tell her. Have her walk up to her and say GIRL, I do not know what it is about you but my gay best friend over there is crushing on you, then ask if she is a man dressed as a woman....it will work.

    It's an interesting concept. Worthy of consideration.

    What do I do if "she" turns out to be a "he"?

    After all, we're proceeding on the assumption that I'd be into that..

    You get a "call" that your Jack Russell Terrier is sick and throwing up and leave throwing a hissy fit.
  • Mother_Superior
    Mother_Superior Posts: 1,624 Member
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    You should probably just accept that you'll have to pay to play until your game improves.

    whats your price?

    Couple dimes more than your mom, brah.

    tumblr_m19mr4MkHW1roog4vo1_500.gif
  • fitmusiclifeviola
    fitmusiclifeviola Posts: 99
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    If getting laid is the only goal, seriously, just ask a lot of girls, and you'll get a sense pretty quick if they're interested. Lots of girls want to get laid too. You aren't asking enough of them if none are saying yes.

    Some here are suggesting to have a relationship....if you want a relationship, that's one way to get sex, but it's a heck of a lot more than just sex, and IMHO, a really bad idea if sex is the only goal. Sex is a way to keep someone you really like around/it's a way to bond.

    My hunch is that you have some unsaid standards/expectations around sex, and who it's with, that are the real reasons you're having no luck, or however you said it. Nothing wrong with having expectations or just wanting booty. Just be clear in your communication to her/him and be clear to yourself. (for instance, do you have expectations for what it means to have had sex w/ someone.) It's fine to be unsure too in what you want, but just be clear w/her and then if you intend to go separate ways, I would suggest at least talk/resolve anything she has issues with after, and be accountable to what you said.
  • Retiredmom72
    Retiredmom72 Posts: 538 Member
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    Thanks for the laughs! This thread was really funny. My question is do you want to get laid or do you want a relationship?
  • JBnyc99
    JBnyc99 Posts: 100 Member
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    how do you all do it? i cant seem to make it happen

    In certain circles, I'm sure a fistful of 20s will get the job done.
  • DanIsACyclingFool
    DanIsACyclingFool Posts: 417 Member
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    Easy, Go to a bar, start talking to a girl, tell you are gay and have never been with a woman but for some reason you feel attracted to her.

    BOOM. You will get laid in the parking lot.

    Can't do that. The whole telling her I'm gay part. Can't.

    LOL, oh if you had not been laid in a while, and wanted laid bad enough, you could.

    I meet all your criteria. Still CAN'T.

    Then what you need is an excellent wing man, or wing woman to tell her. Have her walk up to her and say GIRL, I do not know what it is about you but my gay best friend over there is crushing on you, then ask if she is a man dressed as a woman....it will work.

    It's an interesting concept. Worthy of consideration.

    What do I do if "she" turns out to be a "he"?

    After all, we're proceeding on the assumption that I'd be into that..

    You get a "call" that your Jack Russell Terrier is sick and throwing up and leave throwing a hissy fit.


    Hmmm. This is not bad. I could work with this.

    We can't come up with some way that has me not pretending to be something I'm NOT? No wonder I'm so dismal...
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