Why do we have to suffer? :'(

It's not that life is just not fair to obese people. At 19, it's time to learn a life lesson that most people no matter their weight realize at this age: Life is not fair. It is full of struggle, oppression, and bad hands, just like it can also be full of happiness, luck, and silver linings. But, no. Life is not fair.

When I started, back in August on this (not my 'fresh start' account!) I was in the 90's, and I'm only 23 and I'm doing this weight loss because I am a single mother and it's for my child's benefit, as much for my own health and confidence.
It's horrible that we look/feel like this, but I kept reminding myself, that I overindulged in pregnancy, and didn't stop for several years after. You will lose the weight if you work for it, it will be a decent learning curve for your health in the future. You got yourself into this situation, and YOU WILL get yourself out
It can be done, there are hundreds of people on here that have!

Also, just a point, this was posted under MOTIVATION AND SUPPORT. Tough love is fine, but being an *kitten* about things when the PERSON is just venting emotions and looking for a bit of support from other users who have been there is actually quite disgraceful.

I'm pretty sure there isn't a single person on here who hasn't at one time or another had a tantrum over the way they look.

Also, I have hypothyroidism, mine isn't stable so I can understand the frustration, but your dr should be able to help you. If your honestly not losing weight when you should and you have a thyroid issue, maybe it's not you? Get it checked/sorted and the weight will fall off with the right steps taken by you.

Either support and motivate or find a different post to comment on!

This is day one for me. I'm diabetic, I have sleep apnea, and have had both knees replaced. Action does help with overcoming the low times. I am fortunate in the sense that I don't suffer from depression, but life is short and you need to live each day to fullest - live in the moment

I'm 58, just went to the dietician that recommended this site to me. There's some very good info here.

Now is better than yesterday.

Hello MFP,
I am really sad right now. I am crying. I was talking to my mom and suddenly I realized something... WHY? why do obese people have to suffer? Why?
I cannot shop like "normal" people, cannot eat the food I like, cannot go to movies or go partying. No this is not a rant. I am sure you can understand my problems.. our problems. It is really disheartening that we cannot enjoy life as other people. I am still young, I am 19, and I weigh more than 100 Kg! I cannot perform normal activities like my friends do. Can't talk to girls. Can't talk to strangers -thanks low self esteem- or go to places. ITS JUST NOT FAIR!
Life is not fair to us overweight people.
I know this post will be buried after sometime... and I am somewhat sure nobody would read it given the sheer number of new posts on MFP but I really wanted to let out my feelings.
Good night

Okay I am going to refrain from a snarky response as you are obviously upset but at the same time I will be honest...

I cannot shop like "normal" people

If this is because of your size than you just have to develop a plan to lose weight and adhere to it...will provide links at end.
If it is because of self-esteem or social anxiety I recommend some form of therapy and also exercise as I find this to be a very effective method of dealing with emotional issues.

cannot eat the food I like

Well yes you can if you develop self control particularly over portion sizes, because food is not inherently bad but diets can be...

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/817188-iifym

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/872212-you-re-probably-eating-more-than-you-think

cannot go to movies or go partying

You could if you wanted to but I reiterate this is a symptom of your low self-esteem and recommend taking the steps necessary to improve it.

I am still young, I am 19, and I weigh more than 100 Kg! I cannot perform normal activities like my friends do. Can't talk to girls. Can't talk to strangers -thanks low self esteem- or go to places.

You are still quite young and have plenty of time to change but the best time to start is now, yes you may have poor self esteem but you are not the only one. It may seem difficult at the moment to change but if you are committed nothing you have written about is unchangeable.

ITS JUST NOT FAIR!
Life is not fair to us overweight people.

These comments make me think that you no doubt are suffering but have a small window to the vast amount of suffering occurring right now in the world, I get it you have low self esteem from being overweight, well do something about it...at least you have an opportunity to change your life many do not.



Helpful links...

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1069278-acronyms-and-terms-for-new-mfp-members-v-6

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

Skinny people must have fast metabolisms right?

Think again: http://youtu.be/eTr1JUvEiUU

Still convinced your problem is a slow metabolism?

You don't: http://youtu.be/KA9AdlhB18o

OP I wish you the best of luck but you have to try and stop being a victim or as it says on my wall

"Just another person trying to break free of a trap dug and designed by my own two hands."

I learned I could live more than one life in a lifetime.

“Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.” ― Bill Hicks

ETA: Could probably remove the word "can't" from you post and replace it with "won't".

This to and also go to a doctor and talk to them.

Here's more tough love for you because it sounds like you are having a pity party. All I have read is what you can't do. Well, I have celiac disease, I can't digest anything made with flour, I also can't eat anything I want or it will make me sick. Finding the food I can eat is sometimes challenging but I don't whine about it.

We all know that you got the way you are because you ate too much food. I can understand that but what I don't understand is where your negative attitude came from. There has got to be some goodness in you. I am sure deep down inside you are a fun person, I'll bet you have pretty eyes or a great smile. You have got to think better of yourself, and when you do, other people will begin to notice. Why can't you talk to girls? Why do you describe yourself as not normal? Please stop this self-destructive talk you are engaging yourself in. Walk to the mirror right now…I mean do it now! Look at yourself and make a positive comment about yourself. Do it. Now write it down. Do it again tomorrow and write that down. By the end of the week you should have a nice list going about what is wonderful about you. Don't say you can't do it. Stand there in front of your mirror until you can.

Now, I am going to tell you that I can relate to some of what you have said. You say it's unfair to be overweight. Well, I only have 10 pounds to lose. I have never been heavy and I don't want to weigh any more than I already do. I have medical issues that make those 10 pounds difficult to lose. I also am older--much older than you are and I don't like that my hair has started to turn gray…it's unfair. I don't like that I'm not as strong as I used to be, that's unfair too. I really, really don't like that I have some wrinkles and my skin isn't as firm as it once was but I am still me, and I'm not going to tell myself I'm not worth it just because my body has changed.

So life is unfair for everyone on different levels, but it's still your life, my life, someone else's life. Please start to treat yourself kindly. Go talk to a counselor, a nutritionist, a fitness trainer. Take some small steps in improving yourself, but most of all, DON"T GIVE UP and don't give into that voice that is telling you that you can't. And keep in touch so all of us can know how you are doing. I would like to see your list of all the great thing you discovered about you.

Finding the food I can eat is sometimes challenging but I don't whine about it.

You really should though. Gluten free pizza just isn't the same.

(Betcha that you have, too.)

I am not replying to be mean, I have been obese and I have suffered for it. At least when you are obese you can lose weight, and improve your lot in life.
There are people who are missing limbs or who have non curable cancer, there are all sorts of situations in life that are awful and unfair.
But by defending your weight and saying that everything is cruel to overweight people is acting like you have a disability - you don't.
You have the opportunity to change.
Get your depression sorted and I really do wish you all the best.

I did not eat to obesity!

Obesity comes from eating too much food and not burning enough calories. That is a simple (and actually fair) truth. There is no way around it. I think the sooner you come to that realization, you will also realize that YOU can control what and how much you choose to eat in order to get healthy, and you will feel less helpless.

You can eat too much of even the healthiest of food, so not being able to eat sweets growing up means that you ate too much of the healthy stuff.

These are all things we have learned and will be happy to help you with once you decide to take your life and health back into your own hands.

Thanks for the kind responses. I did not expect so many helpful replies honestly. Now that I am feeling better, let me clear some things up.

- I currently weigh 291 lbs. My peak weight was 343 lbs about 18 months ago.

- Its easy to say "stop eating and get off your butt." You have to understand something, I did not eat to obesity! I was an overweight kid all my childhood. Of course I looked chubby, and had trouble running. Do you seriously think my parents would have let me overeat? My diet was strictly controlled since I can remember - no sweets, no oily food, no fast food. Its not my parents fault, they just wanted me to have a healthy life. But even with all these measures, I still kept growing in size. I then joined a gym when I was 12. You cannot imagine how hard it was for a 12 year me to go to a place I doesn't want to go in the first place because
1) At this age I was supposed to play and enjoy carelessly. None of my friends went to gyms!
2) The fellow gym-goers teased me stared at me. They hadn't seen such a fat kid before, I think.

as has been said, you didnt catch a case of the obesity. its not a communicable disease. now, are there certain predispositions that help add to your putting the pounds on...yes. but you really do control what you eat and how much.

as far as getting teased at the gym, sorry but those folks are idiots. most people who see someone who is either out of shape or obese trying to make a change find it admirable. at least those who know how to be a grownup.

Still the gym didn't work. To top all this, I was always ridiculed in school. And as you grow older, you clearly notice how everybody treats you differently cuz you are obese. They wont start conversation with you. They behave differently with you. Most of the people just ignore your existence. People stare at you in public. You hear them laugh when the pass you. The list is endless...
Do you think after all this, I did not try?

I am not going to say you didnt try but it seems like you gave up to easily. now i am basing this without having full knowledge of every minute detail of your existence i admit.

- I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I was 18. I started taking meds immediately. As you can see, I have lost 50 pounds. Losing 50 pounds doesn't just happen. I'm sure you people know how hard it is- you have to be dedicated, control your diet, exercise regularly, never slip.

- Some of you have pointed out life isn't fair to everyone. I can understand about people born with diseases, terminal illness, or those who are differently-abled.
But you have to understand, obese people face problems ON TOP OF the problems "normal" people do. Normal people don't have risk of diabetes, cardiac failure. Their knees don't hurt. They don't find daily simple tasks/maneuvers like climbing a flight of staircase exhausting. We do.

I hate to break it to you, but skinny people have all those problems too. the human body is a machine that needs to be fed regularly with good foods in order for it to run its most efficient. people get diabetes who look extremely healthy, its just bad genetics. people have sore knees or ankles and its not due to being over weight.. stairs suck in general whether your over weight or skinny.

- Also I am 19. I am sure I have no Idea or any experience about the hardships that people face when they grow up.



But thanks for such wonderful responses. I might be suffering from depression, I don't know for sure. And I have decided to shed 66 pounds this year.

And happy new year to you!

let me say this, i think youre on the right track but you are still looking for something to blame, something that is not at all your fault as if there is a little obese devil who kisses you at night when you are sleeping to make you overweight. losing weight is not an easy process in terms of oops one week later its all good. it takes time, patience and a strong resolve to make the necessary changes in your life to get healthier. you may see it as the world is stacked against you but once you peel back the "reasons" for being overweight you will see they all have one thing in common.

You. but the nice thing is you can make the change. and it will pay off. if you stick to it.

Some of you have pointed out life isn't fair to everyone. I can understand about people born with diseases, terminal illness, or those who are differently-abled.
But you have to understand, obese people face problems ON TOP OF the problems "normal" people do. Normal people don't have risk of diabetes, cardiac failure. Their knees don't hurt. They don't find daily simple tasks/maneuvers like climbing a flight of staircase exhausting. We do.

What's "normal"? We all have things going on in our lives that are not "normal" and create challenges for us to face. I'm not obese, but I have back pain everyday because of degenerative disks and multiple surgeries. I find simple tasks and maneuvers painful. I was also diagnosed with brain cancer this year and had a craniotomy to have a tumor partially removed from my brain. So yeah, I do find climbing a flight of stairs exhausting. I thought I was a "normal" person before all of this, but now I have new challenges to face. Obesity isn't one of the them but that is just a different kind of challenge, and to be honest, it's one that is under your control to fix. You've already shown that with your impressive weight loss so far. You're determined to keep going and lose the weight, so why try to find ways to make it sound like you need sympathy? Like I said before, just keep doing what you're doing successfully, and when you've lost the weight and hit your goals, you'll realize how much stronger you feel for sticking with ti and doing what you set out to do!

I was very happy to hear from you and glad you posted again. I, too, have thyroid disease on top of the other stuff I wrote in my post. It is hard to lose weight. You have already lost a great amount of weight which you should be very proud of, and you have a reasonable goal for this year. I am sure you will make it. Read about depression, there are some legitimate online quizzes that help you determine if you might be. Be aware that some medications can cause weight gain. Anyhow, good luck making your goal and keep checking in to let us know how you are. PS: did you look in the mirror and find something nice about yourself?

Thanks for the kind responses. I did not expect so many helpful replies honestly. Now that I am feeling better, let me clear some things up.

- I currently weigh 291 lbs. My peak weight was 343 lbs about 18 months ago.

- Its easy to say "stop eating and get off your butt." You have to understand something, I did not eat to obesity! I was an overweight kid all my childhood. Of course I looked chubby, and had trouble running. Do you seriously think my parents would have let me overeat? My diet was strictly controlled since I can remember - no sweets, no oily food, no fast food. Its not my parents fault, they just wanted me to have a healthy life. But even with all these measures, I still kept growing in size. I then joined a gym when I was 12. You cannot imagine how hard it was for a 12 year me to go to a place I doesn't want to go in the first place because
1) At this age I was supposed to play and enjoy carelessly. None of my friends went to gyms!
2) The fellow gym-goers teased me stared at me. They hadn't seen such a fat kid before, I think.

Still the gym didn't work. To top all this, I was always ridiculed in school. And as you grow older, you clearly notice how everybody treats you differently cuz you are obese. They wont start conversation with you. They behave differently with you. Most of the people just ignore your existence. People stare at you in public. You hear them laugh when the pass you. The list is endless...
Do you think after all this, I did not try?

- I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I was 18. I started taking meds immediately. As you can see, I have lost 50 pounds. Losing 50 pounds doesn't just happen. I'm sure you people know how hard it is- you have to be dedicated, control your diet, exercise regularly, never slip.

- Some of you have pointed out life isn't fair to everyone. I can understand about people born with diseases, terminal illness, or those who are differently-abled.
But you have to understand, obese people face problems ON TOP OF the problems "normal" people do. Normal people don't have risk of diabetes, cardiac failure. Their knees don't hurt. They don't find daily simple tasks/maneuvers like climbing a flight of staircase exhausting. We do.

- Also I am 19. I am sure I have no Idea or any experience about the hardships that people face when they grow up.



But thanks for such wonderful responses. I might be suffering from depression, I don't know for sure. And I have decided to shed 66 pounds this year.

And happy new year to you!

Hello MFP,
I am really sad right now. I am crying. I was talking to my mom and suddenly I realized something... WHY? why do obese people have to suffer? Why?
I cannot shop like "normal" people, cannot eat the food I like, cannot go to movies or go partying. No this is not a rant. I am sure you can understand my problems.. our problems. It is really disheartening that we cannot enjoy life as other people. I am still young, I am 19, and I weigh more than 100 Kg! I cannot perform normal activities like my friends do. Can't talk to girls. Can't talk to strangers -thanks low self esteem- or go to places. ITS JUST NOT FAIR!
Life is not fair to us overweight people.
I know this post will be buried after sometime... and I am somewhat sure nobody would read it given the sheer number of new posts on MFP but I really wanted to let out my feelings.
Good night

Okay I am going to refrain from a snarky response as you are obviously upset but at the same time I will be honest...

I cannot shop like "normal" people

If this is because of your size than you just have to develop a plan to lose weight and adhere to it...will provide links at end.
If it is because of self-esteem or social anxiety I recommend some form of therapy and also exercise as I find this to be a very effective method of dealing with emotional issues.

cannot eat the food I like

Well yes you can if you develop self control particularly over portion sizes, because food is not inherently bad but diets can be...

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/817188-iifym

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/872212-you-re-probably-eating-more-than-you-think

cannot go to movies or go partying

You could if you wanted to but I reiterate this is a symptom of your low self-esteem and recommend taking the steps necessary to improve it.

I am still young, I am 19, and I weigh more than 100 Kg! I cannot perform normal activities like my friends do. Can't talk to girls. Can't talk to strangers -thanks low self esteem- or go to places.

You are still quite young and have plenty of time to change but the best time to start is now, yes you may have poor self esteem but you are not the only one. It may seem difficult at the moment to change but if you are committed nothing you have written about is unchangeable.

ITS JUST NOT FAIR!
Life is not fair to us overweight people.

These comments make me think that you no doubt are suffering but have a small window to the vast amount of suffering occurring right now in the world, I get it you have low self esteem from being overweight, well do something about it...at least you have an opportunity to change your life many do not.



Helpful links...

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1069278-acronyms-and-terms-for-new-mfp-members-v-6

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

Skinny people must have fast metabolisms right?

Think again: http://youtu.be/eTr1JUvEiUU

Still convinced your problem is a slow metabolism?

You don't: http://youtu.be/KA9AdlhB18o

OP I wish you the best of luck but you have to try and stop being a victim or as it says on my wall

"Just another person trying to break free of a trap dug and designed by my own two hands."

I learned I could live more than one life in a lifetime.

“Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.” ― Bill Hicks

ETA: Could probably remove the word "can't" from you post and replace it with "won't".

Damn. /endthread right here ^

I understand you are depressed and angry. You've been dealt a tough hand, really. But use that energy to fight instead of pity yourself. I know depression, I'm bipolar and suffer from horrible depression that most people can't imagine. I was born this way and went undiagnosed until I was in my thirties. I went through a phase where I also felt like an outsider (and often still do) and thought like everyone looked at me like I was the worst piece of scum they ever saw. See you feel like people put a stigma on you because you are obese, and they do. It sucks. People discriminate against the obese and mentally ill. I am in danger of losing my job because of my mental illness. But I look at these obstacles as reasons to prove those who discriminate against me wrong. I am just a person with a disease. A disease that helped me eat my way to 240lbs but I shoveled the food in, not the disease. It took me a long time to come to terms with that. That's what a lot of folks have tried to say.

You are depressed, you are hypothyroid. You takes meds. You deserve a high five for losing 50lbs already...Yay! Now, find a way to work on your depression, be it therapy, medication, therapy or all of the above. I personally do all three and work with horses. I find that helping others, horses and owners, helps boost my self esteem and build me up. Find your horses. 19 is a tough age, I remember all too well but I got through it and you will too.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you want.

1) There are girls who do not like to date men who look like they could be cast in movies. No offense to the gentlemen with bulging muscles on this site, but I wouldn't date them. Let's see, when I was 19, I was not yet unhealthy/obese, and the only men I dated who I liked probably weighed something about what you weigh. It's not in your physical appearance, but in the way you take care of yourself. Make sure you bathe each morning, dry off with a clean towel, wear clean clothes, and spray on a LITTLE bit of something, and smile (but don't be creepy about it), and you'll turn heads. Oh, haircuts are good too, and if you have facial hair, try to keep it neatly trimmed (not every girl goes for this, but you should generally be safe, unless you're Amish, in which case, let it flow).

2) As I skimmed through the responses I noticed something interesting. Perhaps I am the only person to ever feel I was overweight and not living up to my mother's expectations, but I would consider thinking about WHY talking to your mother brought about such emotion in you. I'm the oldest child. When I sought counseling for a compulsive overeating/binge eating/emotional eating disorder in high school, my mother dedicated herself to driving me once a week to my appointments. When they asked if we would do family counseling, my mother refused to put herself in the position to be blamed. Blamed for what? Not my weight, because she knew that was on me, but she did not want to be cornered and blamed for contributing to my insecurities. How many times had she told me I didn't need more food at dinner? How many stern glances had I received for taking 2 cookies instead of one? How many times did my mom, all the while with good intentions, suggest while shopping for clothing and finally finding a pair of jeans that fit "wouldn't you feel better about yourself if you lost some weight?"

I don't know your situation. For all I know, you and your mom could have been commiserating together that it isn't fair that overweight people have problems finding clothing (I start a teaching job on Monday, and I only have 2 pairs of pants to wear, I feel your pain), or perhaps your mom was trying to help you feel better about yourself by telling you that you have a lot of opportunities, and that you're a great person, so chin up. Maybe your mom has insecurities too, and she has shared these with you, as I believe my mother probably did with me, even though she doesn't realize it. I don't know. What I do know, from my own experience, is that I'm 26 years old, and I STILL have a hard time remembering that my mother is only human, and that she is not always right. I think deep down I always thought she must be, she's my mom...some kind of superhero who knows everything. Unfortunately, as I get closer to that time when I'll be a mother myself, I realize that she started off just as clueless as me, and that at no point in her life has she ever known everything...so take conversations with your own mom with a grain of salt. Try to understand her point of view, but don't let it make you feel bad. Love your mom, but don't let her ideas about the world and obesity make you feel helpless, ugly, or whatever. You are not helpless. You are strong. You are 19, and the world is at your fingertips. Trust me, I know. In 6 years you'll look back and say "jeez, I was really strong and healthier than I thought back then." Go get 'em, tiger!