Sins of Our Parents

riginthering · January 2014

For you overweight kids:

Do you feel your parents contributed to the mindset that allowed you to become overweight?

Both of my parents are/were overweight. My mother used to be a model, but gained a ton of weight when she was pregnant with me, and never managed to really take it off. My entire life, I watched both of my parents flit from one diet to another, from one workout regimen to another. I watched my dad flit from one skinny other woman to another, until he left my mom for skinnier pastures.

My dad, though, did the most to give me issues though. At first, he would gank most of my food from my plate while I was eating. To this day, I still eat super fast because I feel like a giant fork is going to descend and steal all my food. Moreover, he would *always* comment on my weight. It was never, "You look beautiful", but always "You look skinny." or nothing at all. I think he thought he was making me aware of my weight so I wouldn't get overweight like him and my mom, but my father has really elevated it to an art form.

A couple years ago, when my dad arrived at a party I was throwing, he pinched my backfat when he hugged me to check how much I had lost.

So. We all make our own choices, we're all adults, blah blah blah. But underneath all of that, is there some part of you that is still dealing with how you were raised?

livingleanlivingclean · January 2014

I wish my mum had been more strict with "treats" and not given in to my "picky eating" tendencies. I would be allowed an icecream or some lollies after school most days, just because. I didn't need them - it was a "reward" for hanging around and helping at her salon! I don't believe in food rewards these days- we aren't dogs that get treats for good behaviour. I'd also have meals cooked for me if I didn't like what was prepared. My mum ate healthily, although followed the low fat ideals of those times, she still ate plenty of fresh fruit and vegies, some protein and used good fats (sparingly). I think I overdid the carbs! Snacking wasn't discouraged and I think I started eating out of boredom a lot, meal times weren't really set. My dad was always on some diet,yoyoed, ate irregularly... Everyone said I took after him, so the generic/big bone excuse was one I used a lot to myself.

I wish I knew the importance of diet to health back then!! Vegies were eaten because mum said, not because I would benefit from the nutrition'

I don't remember eating massive quantities of food. I remember being big always...my mum told stories of me living on milk and bananas for quite a while though! I was quite active when I was young, dancing twice a week, swimming club 2-3 times a week, tennis in summer, but I was still never comfortable with my size.

rubixcyoob · January 2014

I would say that both of my parents contributed to my weight gain in some way.

Throughout childhood my sister and I were very active and danced 3-4 times a week, before switching to competitive swimming with 6-8 traning sessions per week (2 hours in length each). Since we basically exercised 2 hours every day, weight gain wasn't much of a issue - regardless of what we ate.

Our parents both worked long hours and so dinner was food like pizza and chips, nuggets and chips, big bowls of pasta, noodles and kievs etc (you see where I am going), and snacks would be crisps, chocolate, ice-cream and god remembers what else. Both my parents would have huge portions of food, and also gorge on unhealthy snacks.

We were never taught about nutrition or portion control, I had to learn this for myself.

After giving up the swimming weight became an issue for my sister and myself, especially since I was pregnant and ate anything in sight (which so happened to be unhealthy foods).

Learning about proper nutrition and portion control has been something I have definitely had to do myself, but I am so thankful I did. I wish my parents would take notice, or have had more sense when we were younger - both my parents are now obese and so is my little sister, yet they just don't care.

lambchoplewis · January 2014

I know my mom made me neurotic about how I should look. To this day(I am 54 yrs old!!) she always talks about what so and so looks like, their clothes and what they eat. I can't stand to always feel she is watching everything I am eating. I am at my goal weight and my mom is thin so I don't know why she can't stop the comparison game. I have a terrible body image.

dcyr009 · January 2014

My situation back fired on my parents. I learned to eat healthy and lost all the weight in less than one year. I've maintained it for over a 1 1/2 years. I learned to be the parent of my own body. I treat my stomach like a two year old child having a temper tantrum. When I feel hungry, I ask myself a flow chart of questions. Is it time to eat? If no, did you eat your breakfast on time? If yes, then you'll need to wait until your next scheduled feeding time. This allows me to over-ride the inner child who wants to eat everything in sight. It also helps control eating on time and the proper amount of food.

So why do I go through all this? Because if I don't I will eat out of control. I'm a food addict. I don't eat sugar, flour, or dairy products. 99% of the time I eat only non-processed foods. I believe I have a sugar addiction that I inherited from my grandmother who had diabetes. I believe that the DNA in our bodies causes us to react to food the way we do. It is also like an allergic reaction. The sugar only stores fat so the more I eat it the bigger I get.

Because I eat like this, my parents are shocked. They are trying to eat healthier. I don't comment on their eating or weight because I feel it is an internal struggle most of us have to face. It is built into our free will. My mother use to make the comments about weight and she still does about my other family members. I am educating her on the truth so she can stop making fun of the other family members and understand why it is happening.

I am in my healthy BMI. The doctors are happy. My blood work is perfect. Per my doctor, I have to take vitamin D supplements and lay off the carrots as my vitamin A was too high and made me yellow (doc said I was 5 times the limit). I'm glad my doctor is checking these things.

Someone posted this on facebook this morning I thought made sense about weight:

1. Toxic Overload

One of the culprits to weight issues most people don’t look into is toxic chemicals. Yes, toxic chemicals can make you heavy and make it harder to lose weight. Learn more about it here.

2. Emotional Trauma

Got issues? Emotional trauma could be contributing to your body holding on to weight. Consider this:

“When you had a trauma as a kid and you’re 10 years old, your cells keep a cellular memory of that trauma, and your body, it will activate certain genes that will activate FAT programs if your cells feel like fat is the way to protect you from the trauma.” - Jon Gabriel

Of course the phrase “emotional trauma” sounds pretty big and scary, but any emotional issues may be making you heavy. Learn more about it here.

3. The Wrong Diet

If you’re still following the low-fat, highly processed “diet” that the marketing world tells us will help us lose weight then you may be surprised to learn the truth about healthy weight loss in relationship to the foods we eat. I don’t personally prescribe to any one diet. I think there are valid aspects of all the popular lifestyle diets like Paleo, WAPF, Vegetarian, etc. (You can read more about my thoughts on that here). But the real key is REAL FOOD, and taking advantage of all the macro-nutrients while eating a nutrient-dense diet. Want to learn more? Two of my favorite books include this one and this one.

4. Hormonal Imbalance

Imbalanced hormones can wreak havoc on your overall health and add extra poundage to your frame. The good news it that you can learn how to balance your hormones naturally and it can help you lose weight. Read more about it here and here.

5. Medication Side Effect

One of the side-effects of many medications is weight gain. Now, I’m not suggesting you stop taking your medication. I’m not a doctor and you should follow the advice of your trusted health care practitioner. But it’s definitely something to consider if you are currently on meds. Finding natural alternatives (if that works with your situation) can help you lose weight and avoid other negative side effects.

6. Stress

We live in very stressful times, and unfortunately that stress can take it’s toll. If you’re wondering why you are still heavy you may want to find some way to combat stress. Learn more about it here and here.

7. Inadequate Sleep

Too little sleep? That could be a major reason why you’re still heavy. I know that for me my body holds on to weight desperately when I’m not getting adequate sleep (which makes losing baby weight tricky, ha!) If you’re having trouble getting your zzzzz’s, consider reading my favorite book on the subject.

8. Too Sedentary

While it’s true that lots of people who deal with weight gain are moving a lot, there are still plenty of people who are suffering from our sedentary lifestyles. Here are great ways to get addicted to exercise and the benefits of moving.

9. Eating Too Much Food

Another major culprit in our world of easy fast food is a simple calories in, calories out problem. I personally don’t count calories, but I am also very careful about eating only real food and listening to my body. If you are still eating a Standard American Diet, consider making the switch to a real foods diet. It’s just as delicious and way more satisfying.

10. Eating Too Little Food

On the other side of the scale (pun intended) are the folks who are eating too little. Guess what? That can make your body hold on the weight even more! I’ve seen so many dedicated people working hard at the gym and then restricting their diet to 1200 calories. Your body will think you’re starving and hold onto the weight. Don’t do it! And while some people may have found that they do lose weight on such a restrictive diet, the long term affects are not worth it (not to mention you usually gain the weight back.) Eat enough to support movement.

11. Metabolic Issues

We often think of our metabolism as some sort of magic fairy that helps us lose weight if it’s “fast” and keep it on if it’s “slow.” But the truth is that our metabolism determines so much more. If you are still heavy despite lots of efforts and also have trouble sleeping, concentrating, or feeling energized you should seriously consider checking out your metabolic health. This is my absolute favorite book on the matter.

12. Hidden or Underlying Health Issues

Of course, the reason why you are still heavy may be even more hidden than this list can provide. Again, I’d highly recommend meeting with a trusted healthcare professional, getting some testing done, and seeing if you have something else that needs addressing. In this case your weight gain could be a tremendous blessing in helping you dig a littler deeper and improve your overall health.

BONUS Reason Why You’re Still heavy: You Had (or are having) a Baby

I almost feel ridiculous for adding this bonus point to the list, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. I see so many woman struggle with their body after giving birth (*raises hand*)… guess what? YOU GREW A PERSON!? It took you nine months to add the weight and it may take you nine months (or longer if you’re dealing with any of the other above issues) to lose it. Enjoy your beautiful and capable body. Respect it for the miracle of giving birth. You are beautiful, trust me.

427_Cobra · January 2014

Yes, I believe parents can attribute to how we develop patterns of thinking and habits while we grow up. And as a child, of course, all we want to do is please our parents ... looking for affirmation and acceptance through their approval, etc.

However ... as you grow up and learn right from wrong, good vs bad, healthy vs unhealthy, the decision to live a healthy lifestyle is on you, not them. Choices once you leave home, are yours. Yes, everything we "learn" as normal growing up are hard to break. It takes a conscience effort and willpower to overcome those. But in the end, this is your life .... no matter what Mom & Dad say or do. Live it like you have only one ... because you do.

Smart_Beautiful_and_Strong · January 2014

I did gain a lot of my food issues from my mom as a result of issues given to her by my grandmother. Maybe my grandma's issues were passed down, too. I try not to dwell and blame, I just try to be the one to break the cycle.

einzweidrei · January 2014

Both of my parents are obese.

Always had junk, candy, snacks, soda, etc. in the house. I had it everyday. Along with real meals of course.

I was just lucky that I was fairly active.

I still eat a lot of junk.

Fuzzipeg · January 2014

Should read parents and grandparents. From the new scientist, what you eat as a parent influences the outcomes for your children and grandchildren, genetics or something.

Phrick · January 2014

In a sort of opposite direction, yet with similar outcome - I got a sense of size/weight complacency from my mom. She had so much else to deal with on a daily basis with 5 kids and struggling to help my Dad run our family dairy farm, that she just didn't care. I have never in my memory known her as a not-obese person, and though looking back NOW I realize that it did bother her tremendously, I don't recall ever really being aware of it as a kid. I knew my mom was an angry, unhappy person but never understood why. Sure, for a while she attended OA meetings but that was the extent of her trying to lose weight as far as I could tell. And because she SEEMED unfazed by it, I grew up only dimly aware that her size wasn't perfectly acceptable by society's standards (about a year ago she told me that her highest weight - that she knew of - was 290. She's 5'7" tall. She joined WW and lost about 60 pounds so that she could have knee surgery- she's still overweight but she's aware now and working on it). Words are kind of failing me at the moment but the point is, because I never had a foundation that weight and health ARE important, it didn't really bother me when the weight started creeping onto MY stomach/thighs/butt/back etc. In my mind's eye I never saw myself as fat or gross or anything like that, so it was harder, I think, for me to accept that I needed to lose weight. There's another topic on here about what was the last straw that made you want to change, and in that thread I stated that my back injury was my impetus. I was genuinely surprised when my doc told me I weighed 254 pounds and that if I didn't ditch some pounds I was facing surgery (interestingly, the same surgery my mom had undergone just a few years previous, same discs and everything). I would see myself in a store window or something and be startled that that person was me, because I didn't think I looked like that. I wouldn't necessarily call it denial, more like complete oblivion! So yeah, my point is that both swings of the pendulum can be damaging, not just the pressure to be thin. I think.

4ever420 · January 2014

I do feel that my parents contributed to my lifelong issues with food. Chips, soda, and sugary snacks were an everyday occurrence in my home growing up and there was no lessons in portion control so my brother and I were basically allowed as much junk food we wanted pretty much whenever we wanted.

My Mom had a weight problem and she often gave us treats for comfort and as a way to show us love and make us happy, although I know she didn't realize what she was doing and the impact it would have on my life. My Dad was more disciplined with food himself and was never very overweight but he wasn't a super involved parent and didn't take the time to teach us proper portion control and discipline as it was easier just to give in to us when we were wanting some treats.

I accept responsibility as an adult for my poor choices but it would have been so much easier to not have to break a bunch of bad habits that have been ingrained in me when I was a kid. I know my parents didn't realize what they were doing back then, they both worked and were just trying to get by with 2 kids but it has definitely made it hard to have a healthy relationship with food as an adult. On the positive side, now that I have to kids of my own, I make a conscious effort to teach them proper eating habits so they don't struggle with weight their whole lives like I did.

edwardkim85 · January 2014

My parents had no idea about dieting.

I used to do male modeling in highschool(was scouted) and although I wouldn't say I had 'chiseled' features, I received many lucrative commercial/print contracts from korea and japan and made some good pocket money.

My diet was crap, I ate 3kcal/day and weighed in at 175lbs then(6 foot tall). I was told I was too 'big' by my agents and was told to drop another 10-20 lbs. I ate an apple/day and dropped down to 168lbs then said ' ... fu** this' and stopped.

I played rugby and americna footblal throughout high school and excelled in both, but especially in rugby. I continued to play in college and at a national level. I put on weight(on purpose) to 205 lbs by force feeding myself pizza, cottage cheese, etc in excess of 6kcal/day to maintain my weight. I was exercising 4-5 hours/day, 6 days/week year round.

In both cases, my diet was extreme, but my parents didn't 'care' because I looked fit. That's all they cared about for me, so they can show me off to their friends and family as that 'good looking' son. It is probably the korean culture.

I was some sort of 'display' or 'trophy' for them so they can show other people how attractive or good looking and succsesful their 'son' was. They didn't care wehther I was binge eating or starving to lose weight as long as I 'looked' good.

So I was always 'fit' and nobody thought I was going to get fat. Then I kept eating 6kcal/day and stopped exercising suddenly and put on 20lbs/year.... and peaked at 270lbs for 5 years. Somehow, I couldn't break that barrier regardless of how much I ate or drank.

My waist size went from a size 32 --> 44/45. I went from being able to run 10k easily to panting and wheezing from walking 5 min on the treadmill. I went from an athlete to a couch potato x 10.

My parents hated it. They didn't care whether I worked or not , they wanted me to 'lose' weight as fast as possible. I went to visit my parnets in korea one time for 2 months and they put me on an extreme diet and exercise regimen. I lost 40lbs, but gained it all back.

---

Long story short, maybe it was a sort of rebellion towards my parents. Now I am losing weight for myself for the first time in 6 years.

Lost 30 lbs so far and my face, which was round like Psi's (lol) is showing its old self again.

The truth is, attraction is a big thing for people. Attractive/fit people do get things easy in life let it be an easy pass/ dating/ or anything else. I've noticed both worlds first hand.

Well, maybe this sounded like a self-brag but that's not what I meant it to be.

I hid behind 80 lbs of fat for years and now it's time for me to emerge back into my old normal self.

I wonder if my face is still the 'same' as before or it's changed throughout the years since my face was so round and 'protected' for the last 6-7 years lol.

edwardkim85 · January 2014

and as for my parents, they are both in their 50s and have never been 'fat'. They are both fit.

Mom used to be a bikini model and stayed fit her whole life.

Dad used to be an actor and have stayed the same throughout 20s, 30s, 40s, and his 50s.

Diet method is to stay at the same 'weight' by skipping meals if they get eat a lot the day before, etc. (using the scale).

prattiger65 · January 2014

I understand what you are saying. I would never try to tell someone else what has affected them when I dont even know them. With that said, it's my fault, I just am not willing to place blame elsewhere. I'm 48 years old and have been overweight for about 20 years. I have had the tools and the knowledge to change this from the beginning. It's totally on me.

ninerbuff · January 2014

While true that we learn a lot of habitual eating patterns and choices growing up, habits can be changed as an adult. Both my parents weren't very exercise conscious while I was growing up, so I didn't learn exercise from them. I learned it because I wanted to.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

sleepyotter · January 2014

I don't blame my parents for anything. The only person who ever even implied that I was chubby was my grandmother, and that was only the one time. But the thing is, I was never technically overweight. I was definitely on the high end of the healthy BMI range and certainly a little jiggly, but I was never "overweight."

My parents never gave me a hard time about my weight until AFTER I lost 20 pounds. And even then, it's just my dad who keeps bothering me about it. My mom understands that I lost most of it just by diet changes--she knows that I ate a lot of Chef Boyardee and pasta, but I'm making healthier food swaps. My dad is convinced that I'm starving myself.

I think I'm going to invite them to come see me at one of my 5ks in the summer, so they can see that I'm not just skinnier than I was, that I'm much more FIT than I was.

monisiaczeq · January 2014

I think parents form our habits from an early age. Unfortunately my parents rewarded me with food and there would always be biscuits/cakes/sweets/crisps in the house because they would work 16 hours days and wanted to comfort me somehow i guess. i guess i should have changed my habits earlier, as a teenager but i didnt care much then. however im doing this now. in the end its never too late!

KimberlyinMN · January 2014

The only thing I think that I'd have changed when I was growing up was that I wish I'd been introduced to vegetables.

We rarely ever had vegetables with meals (or ever). If we DID, it would be corn in the tatertot hotdish or perhaps onions and celery in a hotdish. Well, we'd have potatoes in some for or another (baked, fried, etc.). I think that would have been a good habit to instill as a child so that I wouldn't have known anything different. I'm always asking the Hubs what vegetable would be good with a meal. I just don't seem to have that kind of "common sense".

I can't complain about exercise. When I was growing up, cell phones didn't exist except for on Star Trek and we didn't get our Atari until I was in my early teens. (Or first computer was a Timex Sinclair.) We only got three channels (only two of them came in decently). I also lived out in the country with three houses nearby with kids. We played outside ALL the time with them - Kick the Can, Rock Around the Clock, kickball, softball, flag football, riding bikes, riding dirt bikes, etc. Heck, we even helped with their farm chores for something to do.

navyrigger46 · January 2014

Personally, I would never blame others for MY poor choices, no matter the link between them, It's not like my parents ever held a gun to my head and force-fed me. As a parent now I do try to give my kids good food choices, and plenty of time to play, as a result, my kids are perfectly healthy. I also have two friends with kids of their own, their kids are trim and in good health, but each one has one daughter that is seriously overweight, they don't have a different diet than the other kids in the family, and they both spend as much time playing outside as the other kids. So figure that one out.

Rigger

MommaSherryB · January 2014

Both of my parents ate high carb/high sugar foods as long as I can remember. Very rich foods-dessert with every meal. My dad has super metabolism and has always been thin, even today at age 86. My mother on other hand ate same foods but gained weight easily. I only remember her as obese. She would overeat when depressed.

I think some families bond over food. Eating comfort foods make you feel good especially when you feel alone/stressed. I never seen either one of them exercise or go on a diet.

My mother paid the price when she was diagnosed with diabetes and had a stroke at age 52 and died two years later. I dont blame my parents for my weight gain - I feel that it is up to each person to take responsibility and learn to be healthier, My grandparents on both sides loved sweets too. We dont have to repeat the mistakes that our parents did. I know that today there are far more resources on choosing a healthier lifestyle than there were years ago. There is more awareness for overeating and depression. To this day I still like to have something sweet every day. I have learned to make desserts with Stevia/sugar free.

amwoidyla · January 2014

I don't blame my parents for anything. The only person who ever even implied that I was chubby was my grandmother, and that was only the one time. But the thing is, I was never technically overweight. I was definitely on the high end of the healthy BMI range and certainly a little jiggly, but I was never "overweight."

My parents never gave me a hard time about my weight until AFTER I lost 20 pounds. And even then, it's just my dad who keeps bothering me about it. My mom understands that I lost most of it just by diet changes--she knows that I ate a lot of Chef Boyardee and pasta, but I'm making healthier food swaps. My dad is convinced that I'm starving myself.

I think I'm going to invite them to come see me at one of my 5ks in the summer, so they can see that I'm not just skinnier than I was, that I'm much more FIT than I was.

My grandma did that to me all the time too! "If you can pinch an inch it's too much!" It was always one ear out the other for me because she had an eating disorder before she had cancer when I was very little.
My dad on the other hand is the complete opposite. He likes heavier women and told me I was too thin last summer. I think he was just used to seeing me heavier.

Sins of Our Parents

Replies

Categories