Fun for thought Only...Opinions Requested!
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Original question, should a woman approach? Sure, I think it is fine for a woman to approach a man she's interested in, but I think in most cases it is unnecessary. Average looking or better women get approached enough that the issue becomes irrelevant. They'll see a wide swath of men. Some will be palatable, some will not.
Women can subtly flirt with smiles and body language to get the man to say the first word, and this is common behavior.0 -
TOPSKING2010, for the last time, STOP being such a beta and PMing people with your bs. We all know you know how to reply in a thread.
Disgusting, sad, and hilarious all at once.
Beta behavior does not impress the ladies.
This coming from an expert, I assure you.0 -
As a shy guy at heart, I would love it if a woman approached me. It's 2014, why not.0
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Original question, should a woman approach? Sure, I think it is fine for a woman to approach a man she's interested in, but I think in most cases it is unnecessary. Average looking or better women get approached enough that the issue becomes irrelevant. They'll see a wide swath of men. Some will be palatable, some will not.
Again, my dating experience stopped a LONG time ago, but that generally was not what I saw. On a good day I think I can at least manage average (nerdy girl so some confidence issues there/different thread), but in general men did and do NOT approach me as far as I can tell. Not sure the reason, I think in part I somehow unintentially exude b*tch (really is unintentional, promise), aslo may be completely oblivious.....0 -
I've always felt that I don't want to be with the kind of guy who wouldn't want to be with the kind of girl who would approach him. I'm a direct person and if I have to pretend to be coy in the beginning, the relationship isn't going to last.
However, my experience has been that it's usually mutual, and watching body language is going to help you determine whether or not the other person is interested. I learned at a young age that you can usually tell whether or not someone is interested pretty early on.0 -
I would say it's absolutely fine, and I like having the freedom to do so. That said, I don't do it personally - not because I think it's wrong, or not 'feminine' enough, but purely because I lack the confidence! The couple of times I've let people know I'm interested haven't gone terribly well, and also I have a weird feeling that if it did come to anything, I would forever be wondering whether they were actually interested in me too, or if they just 'didn't want to hurt my feelings'!
Thinking of working on this actually, since last year I met an amazing guy and proceeded to do absolutely nothing about it. Two months later he got together with someone else. She's lovely, but damn!0 -
<<<< Totally a classy slore. I'm fancy like that.
I prefer to do this, but in the opposite direction. Make the woman think it was her idea to approach me. I like a classy slore like that.If done correctly, most women can "approach" without looking like she is approaching the man (subtle goes a long way).
Don't hate the playa, hate the game :laugh:0 -
Ladies should approach men if want too. I can't think of any men who would be put off by it.
Usually, the guys who make the best approaches to women, do it continually & don't really give a crap about the girl & its more of a game to them.
^^^ Second part of this statement. Too often sad and very true!!0 -
I think it just depends on the person's preference. There's no right/wrong. If you, (male/female), are interested in someone and you prefer to wait for their approach, you run the risk of not ever getting the chance to find out. If you prefer to approach, you will run the risk of rejection. It's the approach method that matters. In my opinion, cat calls aren't a serious approach. Could be flattering for some, but not a serious, I'm interested in you approach. If you are approached and you don't share the same interest, making a scene or embarrassing the person that was brave enough to approach isn't respectful either. Here is where class versus no class would be decided, for me at least. Confident, shy, aggressive, passive, alpha, beta.....Who cares!? If the person your interested in is bothered by your preference, then they probably couldn't have made you happy anyway and your better off.
Edited: Forgot to add my personal preference. I'm flattered when approached and it makes it easier for me, however if I'm really interested in someone, I'm not going to sit back and wait and ignore the possibility.
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I think life is too short to waste time when you could be getting to know the person you like. If you like them, make it known. 0
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I think it just depends on the person's preference. There's no right/wrong. If you, (male/female), are interested in someone and you prefer to wait for their approach, you run the risk of not ever getting the chance to find out. If you prefer to approach, you will run the risk of rejection. It's the approach method that matters. In my opinion, cat calls aren't a serious approach. Could be flattering for some, but not a serious, I'm interested in you approach. If you are approached and you don't share the same interest, making a scene or embarrassing the person that was brave enough to approach isn't respectful either. Here is where class versus no class would be decided, for me at least. Confident, shy, aggressive, passive, alpha, beta.....Who cares!? If the person your interested in is bothered by your preference, then they probably couldn't have made you happy anyway and your better off.
All great responses!! Love the individuality of all opinions! But this response is a home run! 0 -
In life you have to go for it! You only live once0
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I haven't read all responses ---
I would say approach YES, pursue, NO.
I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't pursue me, and not that the woman should feign disinterest either and play hard to get - quite the opposite! Personally I like a manly man who will then, after we are together, still pursue me with thoughtful and romantic gestures. Not the other way around.0 -
Personally I wouldn't approach a man. I would rather the man approach me but its easy to catch someone's eye from a far and then flirt enough to make it happen
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Catching someone's eye / getting their attention = to approaching / pursuing, to me anyway. The only difference is that one tactic is more direct.
I still wouldn't approach direct I do feel there is a difference plus I wd be too scared off rejection so maybe it's a lack of confidence!0 -
Great response. I will add some notes to that myself.Topsking2010 -
Apparently, you only like trying to talk via PM so that you only irritate one person at a time but I have no more intention of engaging you in a PM conversation than TheSlorax did. However, allow me to respond.
You claim that you "date hot women who like being approached by a man" and that it's an "alpha male thing." I date hot women who welcome an approach from a man but are also confident enough to talk to someone they find interesting without relying on that person to make it happen. And alpha males aren't threatened by strong women.
I wouldn't date a man who refers to himself as an 'Alpha male". If you have to claim it, you aint got it.You also claim the people getting annoyed at your comments are from a different generation like me. You were born in 1962; I was born in 1973. Not that much younger than you chief, but apparently, a little more enlightened and a little more comfortable around women with a brain and a spine.
I was born in 1963. Never had a problem approaching a man to let him know I was interested. Never had one turn me away for being not classy enough. I introduced myself to my husband. He was smart enough to put a ring on it. We've been happily together for 16+ years. We are 'man' enough and 'women' enough to keep each other happy and at home.
We teach our son and our daughters to have confidence in themselves, while respecting others.You also suggest that I talk to my dad about this and listen to his comments. First off, my dad is 78 years old and has been married forever. He doesn't know the first thing about talking to women he might find interesting. Secondly, my dad works with and around strong women all the time and sees them as people and equals, not window dressing, chefs and babysitters.
It's 2014. Join the real world. Or, at the very least, don't keep your daughter from doing so.
I have known many men from my generation and even the generation of my parents, that put women into 2 different categories. Those you marry, (aka Classy) and those you cheat on your wife with. (aka NOT classy. or aggressive/confident in their opinion)
Fortunately, some real men have figured out you can have both in one woman, and everyone is happy! Except divorce lawyers.0 -
I haven't read all responses ---
I would say approach YES, pursue, NO.
I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't pursue me, and not that the woman should feign disinterest either and play hard to get - quite the opposite! Personally I like a manly man who will then, after we are together, still pursue me with thoughtful and romantic gestures. Not the other way around.
This is interesting - I guess this depends on your idea of "pursue"... I like to make my husband coffee. I know it's weird but it's this little tiny thing I do in the morning to say I love you. I'm one of those people who shows love in acts of service. He's wordier and touchier, but it still works. So, from the outside there may be lots of little ways that people think I pursue him, but it's really not the case. We just show our affection slightly differently.
ETA: Despite what this might look like, I'm not submissive in the relationship... just wanted to be clear. This is only one very small aspect of our relationship, please don't make a bunch of assumptions about me or my relationship based on this little anecdote.0 -
News flash......Men cannot read minds !
I know it's shocking, but the upshot is that both sexes have to communicate with each other.0 -
pursue, why not?0
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News flash......Men cannot read minds !
I know it's shocking, but the upshot is that both sexes have to communicate with each other.
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I haven't read all responses ---
I would say approach YES, pursue, NO.
I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't pursue me, and not that the woman should feign disinterest either and play hard to get - quite the opposite! Personally I like a manly man who will then, after we are together, still pursue me with thoughtful and romantic gestures. Not the other way around.
This is antiquated. Two of my exes pursued me, sure the relationships didn't work out in the end, but I had absolutely no interest in them at first but they persisted and I grew to have feelings for them. If they hadn't done that I never would've asked them out in the first place because I wasn't interested.
So what are they supposed to do. Sit there and pine? Is their role as a woman to forever sit around and look pretty in the hope that I'll eventually, for some unfathomable reason, turn around and reciprocate their feelings even if before there was absolutely no chance of it?
They wooed me, that's the long and short of it, they pursued me, and because of that, they got what they wanted.
It's not the woman's role in society to be the object that men chase anymore, a woman can now reach for what she wants, and get what she wants, because she is capable of it and not restricted by screwed up gender roles and sexist ideas about what a woman is allowed to do (to a certain extent, there are still a lot of obstacles that restrict women from full freedom, but that's a different topic). If anyone looks at a woman pursuing a man and thinks "She's so desperate going after him." or "That's not her job!" then they're sexist morons. That's the long and short of it, I don't care if it's a woman saying it (internalized) or a man (misogynist).
A healthy relationship is one where both partners want the other and will continue to make efforts to feel the other wanted and cared for. That's just normal, it's not just housewives waiting for their man to get home and give them some nice jewelry anymore.0
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