How do you know it is time to settle down?

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Replies

  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    I didn't know it was time, honestly. But I knew I felt differently about my husband, than all the others that came before him and felt like if I was going to make it work with anyone, it would be him. I was 27 at the time and lived been on my own enough and been in enough "this isn't going to work" relationships to know what I needed and what I didn't. Husband fit those requirements, so I jumped.

    Didn't you mention in another thread that you got pregnant and then decided to get married? I'm sure this had to have at least a little influence in your decision to settle down.
    Except that probably really isn't a very good reason to settle down... any two people can make a baby, that doesn't mean they will be good together in a long-term relationship. Relationships where people stay together because they think they should don't usually last all that long.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    I didn't know it was time, honestly. But I knew I felt differently about my husband, than all the others that came before him and felt like if I was going to make it work with anyone, it would be him. I was 27 at the time and lived been on my own enough and been in enough "this isn't going to work" relationships to know what I needed and what I didn't. Husband fit those requirements, so I jumped.

    Didn't you mention in another thread that you got pregnant and then decided to get married? I'm sure this had to have at least a little influence in your decision to settle down.

    I was pregnant, but luckily for me, I own my own business and have several degrees so taking care of myself and my daughter without help from some dude was pretty viable option. Like if I'd gotten really drunk and had sex with somebody similar to you, there would have been no need to settle down into a life a misery.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    I didn't know it was time, honestly. But I knew I felt differently about my husband, than all the others that came before him and felt like if I was going to make it work with anyone, it would be him. I was 27 at the time and lived been on my own enough and been in enough "this isn't going to work" relationships to know what I needed and what I didn't. Husband fit those requirements, so I jumped.

    Didn't you mention in another thread that you got pregnant and then decided to get married? I'm sure this had to have at least a little influence in your decision to settle down.

    I was pregnant, but luckily for me, I own my own business and have several degrees so taking care of myself and my daughter without help from some dude was pretty viable option. Like if I'd gotten really drunk and had sex with somebody similar to you, there would have been no need to settle down into a life a misery.

    Wow, that was pretty harsh. Do you know that guy? Kind of making an assumption there that he would be a bad fit...... and lots of people get pregnant without getting drunk. And lots of people who have degrees are looking for work. That's not a guarantee that you can support yourself.
  • MM_1982
    MM_1982 Posts: 374
    I didn't know it was time, honestly. But I knew I felt differently about my husband, than all the others that came before him and felt like if I was going to make it work with anyone, it would be him. I was 27 at the time and lived been on my own enough and been in enough "this isn't going to work" relationships to know what I needed and what I didn't. Husband fit those requirements, so I jumped.

    Didn't you mention in another thread that you got pregnant and then decided to get married? I'm sure this had to have at least a little influence in your decision to settle down.

    I was pregnant, but luckily for me, I own my own business and have several degrees so taking care of myself and my daughter without help from some dude was pretty viable option. Like if I'd gotten really drunk and had sex with somebody similar to you, there would have been no need to settle down into a life a misery.

    I'm not doubting that you have numerous undergraduate and graduate degrees (and even a J.D. and M.D.) from top tier schools, you're just so well spoken and intelligent in all your posts.

    But let's be honest, someone like me would never sleep with you.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    I didn't know it was time, honestly. But I knew I felt differently about my husband, than all the others that came before him and felt like if I was going to make it work with anyone, it would be him. I was 27 at the time and lived been on my own enough and been in enough "this isn't going to work" relationships to know what I needed and what I didn't. Husband fit those requirements, so I jumped.

    Didn't you mention in another thread that you got pregnant and then decided to get married? I'm sure this had to have at least a little influence in your decision to settle down.
    Except that probably really isn't a very good reason to settle down... any two people can make a baby, that doesn't mean they will be good together in a long-term relationship. Relationships where people stay together because they think they should don't usually last all that long.

    Many people do end up either married or stay together because of a pregnancy. It's not a great reason to stay with someone but single parent households are not ideal circumstances for child rearing. And there are plenty of ill fitting people who get together and pregnancy occurs.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    I didn't know it was time, honestly. But I knew I felt differently about my husband, than all the others that came before him and felt like if I was going to make it work with anyone, it would be him. I was 27 at the time and lived been on my own enough and been in enough "this isn't going to work" relationships to know what I needed and what I didn't. Husband fit those requirements, so I jumped.

    Didn't you mention in another thread that you got pregnant and then decided to get married? I'm sure this had to have at least a little influence in your decision to settle down.

    I was pregnant, but luckily for me, I own my own business and have several degrees so taking care of myself and my daughter without help from some dude was pretty viable option. Like if I'd gotten really drunk and had sex with somebody similar to you, there would have been no need to settle down into a life a misery.

    Wow, that was pretty harsh. Do you know that guy? Kind of making an assumption there that he would be a bad fit...... and lots of people get pregnant without getting drunk. And lots of people who have degrees are looking for work. That's not a guarantee that you can support yourself.

    I see you aren't familiar with this poster's other work in the forums. :flowerforyou:
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    I didn't know it was time, honestly. But I knew I felt differently about my husband, than all the others that came before him and felt like if I was going to make it work with anyone, it would be him. I was 27 at the time and lived been on my own enough and been in enough "this isn't going to work" relationships to know what I needed and what I didn't. Husband fit those requirements, so I jumped.

    Didn't you mention in another thread that you got pregnant and then decided to get married? I'm sure this had to have at least a little influence in your decision to settle down.

    I was pregnant, but luckily for me, I own my own business and have several degrees so taking care of myself and my daughter without help from some dude was pretty viable option. Like if I'd gotten really drunk and had sex with somebody similar to you, there would have been no need to settle down into a life a misery.

    I'm not doubting that you have numerous undergraduate and graduate degrees (and even a J.D. and M.D.) from top tier schools, you're just so well spoken and intelligent in all your posts.

    But let's be honest, someone like me would never sleep with you.

    Which is the highest complement you could possibly give me, truly.
  • Behxo
    Behxo Posts: 1,190 Member
    I too have actually been wondering that lately too BUT I'm only 22 so I don't think I should be worrying about it right now :P Especially since I've yet to find the right one, they say you will know when you do so I'm not really sure...
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    I too have actually been wondering that lately too BUT I'm only 22 so I don't think I should be worrying about it right now :P Especially since I've yet to find the right one, they say you will know when you do so I'm not really sure...

    I don't think it matters how old you are, it's just a matter of figuring out what's right for you. I got married when I was 17 and will celebrate my 24th wedding anniversary this year. My son is 23 and has been married for a year and a half. My SIL didn't get married until she was nearly 30. Everyone is different, and you never know when you'll find the right person.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    I want to settle down because I like feeling settled. I miss absolutely everything about my marriage, except my husband. I miss having a best friend, someone to always talk to, someone to wake up to, to got to bed with, to come home to, to share my day with, good and bad. I loved the feeling of being the other half of a whole, being someone else's whole world, and he mine.

    You may be asking a little too much of marriage. Not a lot too much, but one's partner is only one's whole world when one's world is too small.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    I want to settle down because I like feeling settled. I miss absolutely everything about my marriage, except my husband. I miss having a best friend, someone to always talk to, someone to wake up to, to got to bed with, to come home to, to share my day with, good and bad. I loved the feeling of being the other half of a whole, being someone else's whole world, and he mine.

    You may be asking a little too much of marriage. Not a lot too much, but one's partner is only one's whole world when one's world is too small.

    nearly 26 years together prompts me to tell you that this is not true. My hubs and I are each other's whole world. We still make time for friends and family but since those people have their own lives, we can't be all about them. Our children are out in the world, making their own way and involved in their own relationships. We recently moved for new jobs and knew no one and the strength of our relationship certainly made it easier to be in a new place and be happy.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    I want to settle down because I like feeling settled. I miss absolutely everything about my marriage, except my husband. I miss having a best friend, someone to always talk to, someone to wake up to, to got to bed with, to come home to, to share my day with, good and bad. I loved the feeling of being the other half of a whole, being someone else's whole world, and he mine.

    You may be asking a little too much of marriage. Not a lot too much, but one's partner is only one's whole world when one's world is too small.

    Well, it's how I felt for a very long time. I'd like to feel it again some day.
  • My0WNinspiration
    My0WNinspiration Posts: 1,146 Member
    When their credit score is higher than yours
  • amandakev88
    amandakev88 Posts: 328 Member
    If you ask it, the time hasn't come

    qft

    when you think they're the most exquisite, beautiful person in the world, when the thought of being without them gives you a queasy, uneasy, sick feeling. when they bring you soup when you're sick. when you bring THEM soup when they're sick. when you want to lock that **** down.

    its a great feeling.
  • amandakev88
    amandakev88 Posts: 328 Member
    I want to settle down because I like feeling settled. I miss absolutely everything about my marriage, except my husband. I miss having a best friend, someone to always talk to, someone to wake up to, to got to bed with, to come home to, to share my day with, good and bad. I loved the feeling of being the other half of a whole, being someone else's whole world, and he mine.

    You may be asking a little too much of marriage. Not a lot too much, but one's partner is only one's whole world when one's world is too small.

    Well, it's how I felt for a very long time. I'd like to feel it again some day.

    i agree with her. it doesnt mean her world is too small. it means she was in love. and that is better than a wide open expanded worldliness
  • pinktoesjb
    pinktoesjb Posts: 302 Member
    If you ask it, the time hasn't come

    What the frog said.
  • RaeLB
    RaeLB Posts: 1,216 Member
    I think that’s something that’s totally unique to an individual.

    I think most people are caught up in this idea that there are these life stages that everyone goes through, including getting married and having kids. I don’t buy that. I don’t think there is one path in life and I don’t think there is one type of relationship or family to have.

    At this time, I can’t see myself “settling down”. Sure, I enjoy romance and sex but I don’t believe we have to have a life partner to have those things. There are other things that are at the top of my priority list and I see romantic and sexual partners as something that comes and goes. I put no effort into it.
  • BekaBooluvsu
    BekaBooluvsu Posts: 470 Member
    When you have fantasies about that person all the time instead of some celebrity.
    When all you think about is them.
    When you can't imagine your life without them in it.
    When you find that person who you could say anything to and they wouldn't judge you only love you more for being honest.
  • Xiaolongbao
    Xiaolongbao Posts: 854 Member
    It's interesting that everyone assumes "settle down" = "getting married".

    I know plenty of people I'd say have "settled down" but who aren't married (or permanently partnered up) on the other hand even if I do one day marry I hope it won't involve "settling down".