Dating advice needed....please

24

Replies

  • vjohn04
    vjohn04 Posts: 2,276 Member
    I know someone that did exactly as you are describing. And yes, they're crazy.
  • groomchick
    groomchick Posts: 610 Member
    Sounds desperate & smothering already! RUN!!
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
    Let him know he's making you uncomfortable. Give him the chance to stop at least, just in case he's just missing the signs that he's taking it too far. Some guys are overeager without meaning anything terrible by it. Some people don't get social cues or understand boundaries very well, it does happen. If he takes it badly, gets offended, throws a fit, whatever, then drop him completely. He can't be like that AND not be understanding about you talking to him about it, there's no helping him if that's the case.
  • nancybuss
    nancybuss Posts: 1,461 Member
    Control Freak - RUN Away Now
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    He's a weirdo. Cancel the date and stop answering his calls/texts. You don't owe him an explanation or anything else.
  • Kaelitr0n
    Kaelitr0n Posts: 151 Member
    You could always go for the straight forward approach. Let him know that the constant communication is making you feel uncomfortable and see what happens.

    I've always been one to give people the benefit of the doubt. He may just be excited, nervous, socially awkward, etc.
  • LFDBabs
    LFDBabs Posts: 297 Member
    I wish you luck. I wouldn't read too much into the guy's obvious insecurity, but you might want to call him and tell him you are not in a postion to be texting constantly and you will see him on your first date. Until then ask him to relax. If he takes offense to that, canel the date.

    ^^This would be my advice too.

    You will get a better feel for him on a date, but keep it casual in a very public place. You could also have what I refer to as a stage 1 Cling-on. A guy that exhibits neediness before the first date. Stage 2 Cling-ons are guys that obsess after the first date. If that's the case, I have found you actually have to be a bit mean to have them get the point.

    Good Luck. Listen to YOUR gut instinct.... that advice has never failed me.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,855 Member
    Block him. . but first tell him why.. . just say something like. . "Dude. .you are too needy, I need a man who isn't a stage 5 clinger".

    It sucks to be cut off with no idea of what went wrong. . Maybe that's what he's afraid of and he's overcompensating.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    He probably isn't dangerous, just desperate and needy.

    Don't date him. He will drive you nuts. And when you cancel, tell him his clinginess is exhausting. Guys need to know this or it's ruined for the next girl, too.
  • Emmiejayne90
    Emmiejayne90 Posts: 40
    Get rid! My friend had an ex just like this! started off a little controlling but lovely!
    ended up threatening suicide!
    ade her delete every male friend from her life and had to know where she was at all times if she hadn't kept him informed for half an hour he would call her acusing her of lying!
    awful! get rid! or at the very least be honest and tell him hes being too full on and pressurising you!

    start as you mean to go on! if hes like this now it will only get worse!
  • EdgeGoalie31
    EdgeGoalie31 Posts: 11 Member
    Drop him like a bad habit before you have to go through the trouble of getting a restraining order. Been there, done that! Stay far, far away!
  • robynrae_1
    robynrae_1 Posts: 712 Member
    Let him know he's making you uncomfortable. Give him the chance to stop at least, just in case he's just missing the signs that he's taking it too far. Some guys are overeager without meaning anything terrible by it. Some people don't get social cues or understand boundaries very well, it does happen. If he takes it badly, gets offended, throws a fit, whatever, then drop him completely. He can't be like that AND not be understanding about you talking to him about it, there's no helping him if that's the case.

    I agree with this, some people don't get social clues and need to be told out right. I would talk to him before the date, and if it doesn't go well, skip the date. Make sure you are clear about what you want, and what you expect from him.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    Just pass on this one, don't go on the date. I imagine this sort of thing is a somewhat common occurrence.
  • Jimaudit
    Jimaudit Posts: 275
    Run Forrest run!!
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
    Yeah. I'm with the others on this. He sounds more then a little needy. But I would explain why you don't want to see him. Find a kind but direct way to say, that his constant checking in/up was the deal breaker. His past experience may include being with a two timer or a girl who liked that constant attention. Regardless, I would not go out with him.
  • countryfatgirl
    countryfatgirl Posts: 20 Member
    Run girl.... ugh men..... Momma's are right most of the time.
  • Tryphenaf26
    Tryphenaf26 Posts: 1
    I wouldn't go. He sounds obsessive and that may lead to insecurity issues on his behalf. Just let him know that you are no longer interested and you don't think that now is the time for you to date, that you want to focus on you.

    But have you ever gone out to dinner by yourself?
  • _EndGame_
    _EndGame_ Posts: 770 Member
    Maybe he's just overly excited or something? Maybe it's been a while for him and he's rusty at the whole "dating" thing?

    I probably wouldn't worry too much about it. Meet him, see how it goes, if he seems needy/controlling - ditch him.

    Good luck!
  • ltowne
    ltowne Posts: 129 Member
    Trust your intuition! I think you already know the answer. Doesn't sound like someone you would want to begin any kind of relationship with. Take care and be safe.
  • bperkins88
    bperkins88 Posts: 357 Member
    LVL 5 clinger.

    -backs away slowly-
  • staceywallace6
    staceywallace6 Posts: 6 Member
    He's probably a nice enough guy but it sounds like he's not ready for dating. He's got issues. You don't want those to become your issues too... The kindest thing you can do is cancel the date honestly (not "another time" more like "I'm sorry but I dont want to date you", and then stop all contact with him. If he carries on texting or calling, block his number.

    I had a year of dating, some met online, and I have 19 blocked contacts on my mobile phone. Of those I only met 3 in person... the others were similar stories to yours. This should tell you enough lol

    Plenty more fish! :)
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    So the other night I met this guy and we hit it off quite well he was sweet charming and funny and we exchanged numbers.....he called me to arrange a date which we set up for a few days later....however since then he is constantly texting me asking me to call him and if i don't reply to his text messages straight away he then text's me again asking why i'm not talking to him....

    My mother says that i should not go on the date as he sounds like a fruit loop I mean we haven't even been on the first date yet and already he constantly text's and calls and asks where i am and what i'm doing... what do you think is my mum just been overly cautious or does this guy sound a bit strange?? should i go or not??

    Any advice would be very much appreciated....


    ~Charlie

    Extremely needy right off the bat? Avoid.
  • bperkins88
    bperkins88 Posts: 357 Member
    yeah , online dating sucks seriously. I've done it twice, and met two psychotic clingers.

    I'm good
  • BodyByBex
    BodyByBex Posts: 3,685 Member
    Trust your instincts. If he seems clingy now it will get worse later.

    Do NOT go on this date. That is the beginning of a relationship where he will try to control you and attempt to know everything about your life, possibly isolate you or even abuse you(physically,emotionally, or verbally).

    I've been there. I've done that. I'm saying this so you don't have to go there.

    Change your number or block his or whatever you have to.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    So, you have a conundrum.

    This chap is charming and fun when you are with him, a complete PITA when you are apart. The solution should you choose to date him is you must spend every waking minute with him or have him bug the crap out of you.

    Sounds...fun.
  • charliex2202
    charliex2202 Posts: 4,281 Member
    Thank you all for your replies and your advice....i really do appreciate it x

    ~Charlie
  • dieselgrrrrl
    dieselgrrrrl Posts: 4
    So the other night I met this guy and we hit it off quite well he was sweet charming and funny and we exchanged numbers.....he called me to arrange a date which we set up for a few days later....however since then he is constantly texting me asking me to call him and if i don't reply to his text messages straight away he then text's me again asking why i'm not talking to him....

    My mother says that i should not go on the date as he sounds like a fruit loop I mean we haven't even been on the first date yet and already he constantly text's and calls and asks where i am and what i'm doing... what do you think is my mum just been overly cautious or does this guy sound a bit strange?? should i go or not??

    Any advice would be very much appreciated....


    ~Charlie


    Don't do it! I dated a guy that started off like that and he turned out to be a complete psycho-path! Not only was he crazy and paranoid, but he was abusive too! Save yourself the trouble and date a man that respects your time and doesn't give you that kind of stress. Life is too short!
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    My ex was similar and when I wanted to break up with him, he wouldn't let me.

    Trust me, you DO NOT want a guy like my ex lol.
  • mmartinez_az
    mmartinez_az Posts: 580
    call 911
  • charliex2202
    charliex2202 Posts: 4,281 Member
    call 911

    Lol point taken :laugh:

    I will heed everyones advice thank you x

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