Another stupid relationship post... Need opinions :/
Replies
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sounds like I wrote this post.
Well, I think that now that you are older you know more of what you want and what you do want out of life and it seems like the things you want he is not able to provide. Consider it a learning experience for your next relationship. You're 26 and have your whole life ahead of you. If you stay with this man he will continue to hold you back from the things you want out of life and one day you will grow to resent him and be unhappy. I know it hurts, but you need to look out for yourself and your future. You only have one life to live- make it count! Much luck to you!0 -
I do not think you know what you want so you are making him the bad guy. You are the one making the decision to go along with his plan and then you want to blame him. Set your own agenda. If you want to get married tell him in specific terms when where and how, If you want a child tell him when , where and how. If you want better sex tell him when, where and how. You act like you are a passenger on the ship and you are blaming the captain for going where he wants to go.
You need to stop being a relationship wimp and tell the man what you want and put a time limit on it;
1. i want to marry you by DATE
2 I want to have a child by Date
3. I want to have more fun with you sexually so I want to do : give him specifics acts and places.
If he does not want what you want, then leave. But do not leave until you give him a chance to know in no uncertain terms what you want and need to stay in the relationship. If you do not start telling men what you want and need you will continue to run from one relationship to another blaming the man. If you want to know I am married and happily so because my husband knows what I want and need and I know what he wants and need. if you are afraid to talk to him you do not need to be in a relationship until you are able to became a full partner and not a passenger.0 -
So, you've given us a lot of reasons you should end it. Can you balance them out with any reasons why you shuold keep the relationship? Does he have anything going for him?0
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I have been married for 22 years and have been with my husband for 28 yrs. We are eachothers best friends, lovers, supporters and fans. We don't have to do everything together... We love eachother more today than 28 years ago and are still wild about eachother.. I wish that for everyone...
The biggest reason I responded to this is if you want kids and he doesn't he may become a great father that couldn't imagine life without a kid or he could resent the kid. A child being raised in a resentful home, especially if it is because of them is not a great place to grow up.
I think you are going to have to think long and hard about what you really want and what will make you happy... Cuz you get married for a lifetime and have kids for a lifetime... You might want to have a serious talk with your boyfriend about what he wants for his future and what you want for yours and go from there. I know it will be hard if you decide to breakup but you will get past it if you have to...
I hope this helps you...I have a neice that is your age and I would tell her the same thing... You want you to have a happy life, there are always bumps in the road, but generally happy!0 -
The problem could be you as well. I highly doubt all the issues are on this guy.
:huh:
Right.0 -
it really seems like you're just not that into him anymore. You guys have been together for 4 years and you've grown up and probably, sadly apart. You are still discovering yourself and your wants and desires. He already has and most likely won't be willing to change, even if its what will make you happy or to keep you guys together.0
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I do not think you know what you want so you are making him the bad guy. You are the one making the decision to go along with his plan and then you want to blame him. Set your own agenda. If you want to get married tell him in specific terms when where and how, If you want a child tell him when , where and how. If you want better sex tell him when, where and how. You act like you are a passenger on the ship and you are blaming the captain for going where he wants to go.
You need to stop being a relationship wimp and tell the man what you want and put a time limit on it;
1. i want to marry you by DATE
2 I want to have a child by Date
3. I want to have more fun with you sexually so I want to do : give him specifics acts and places.
If he does not want what you want, then leave. But do not leave until you give him a chance to know in no uncertain terms what you want and need to stay in the relationship. If you do not start telling men what you want and need you will continue to run from one relationship to another blaming the man. If you want to know I am married and happily so because my husband knows what I want and need and I know what he wants and need. if you are afraid to talk to him you do not need to be in a relationship until you are able to became a full partner and not a passenger.
Honestly, I appreciate the advice you have given the OP. But he lied to her about his age, he has intentionally dodged the marriage/kids discussion. If she sat down with him and had this conversation, he would promise her all those things, and then conveniently find ways to avoid them. The pattern of behavior has already been established. He will say whatever he needs to to hold on to her, but will likely fail to follow through.0 -
i have a feeling this is what you are going to continue finding out about him:
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If men dumped every women who lied no lone would be in a relationship. If women dumped every man who lied no one would be in a relationship. I can forgive a lie about his age. I can not forgive boring sex.0
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It looks like he did you a favor by postponing marriage. Many of the things you want out of a relationship don't intersect with what he wants.
You're probably both very nice people who should stay friends instead of in a relationship.
Good luck.0 -
I'm not reading the other responses (some you can probably just outright ignore) but here are my thoughts:
You need to think about if these are things you can live with for the rest of your life. The child one is a biggie. Relationships definitely (unfortunately) end over this. Also, sex is a big one too......can you deal with that for the rest of your life?
Obviously you love the guy, but yes, there may be some differences you can't overcome. So you might want to think sooner rather than later if you can deal with these issues for the long haul or not.0 -
If men dumped every women who lied no lone would be in a relationship. If women dumped every man who lied no one would be in a relationship. I can forgive a lie about his age. I can not forgive boring sex.
that's a very strange thing to say. I've not once lied about my age. But, I definitely agree with you on the boring sex life, especially since he's seemingly not at all interested in learning how to please her.0 -
I agree with pretty much everyone else....time to cut the cord. These are big issues and waiting around to see if he will "change" is wasting time you could be spending with some hot stud that wants to do you everywhere and anywhere WHILE giving you amazing orgasms.
Don't waste your youth on someone that you aren't happy with. There is nothing worse than staying too long and then regretting it for the rest of your life. Yes, spoken from experience.
Good luck OP!0 -
You make him sound too old, boring, and immature for me...and I'm actually in my mid-30s, married, with 2 kids. After 4 years and he hasn't put a ring on it...AND he's in his 40s (meaning he has no reason NOT to get married), he ain't ever gonna put a ring on it.0
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Thank you everyone for your replies. I just read all of them. I'm going to have to do some serious thinking in the very very near future. After re-reading my own post after reading all of your comments, it's crystal clear to me that I don't want to be in this relationship any longer.
And to all of the comments about the lackluster sex life, I LOLed at some of your reactions. I don't really know why I never had the same reaction earlier. The last 4 years have not totally been devoid of orgasms (by any means)... just none that directly involved him :drinker: haha.
I think the hardest part about ending this will be the loss of his friendship, because we do get along so well in that regard. We rarely argue or fight about anything, and coexist totally fine as "roommates" (can't believe I'm using that word since he is supposed to be my boyfriend, but that's how it feels a lot of the time).
Thank you to all for opening my eyes a little bit more. Now on to the potentially complicated seperation of the things/household... something I've never had to do before. :frown: Where do I even start...
ETA: His "youthful" traits (never married, no kids, etc.) may be what attracted me to him in the first place when I was 22, in college, with not much thought about the distant future. Now that I'm not 22 anymore, I'm realizing that what I may have wanted then was not what I want for myself now.0 -
And to all of the comments about the lackluster sex life, I LOLed at some of your reactions. I don't really know why I never had the same reaction earlier. The last 4 years have not totally been devoid of orgasms (by any means)... just none that directly involved him :drinker: haha.
Once you fix that you'll wonder why you ever waited so long to leave him.0 -
But does he care if you run in the bad section of town at night?
I was waiting for someone to ask me that lmao. He doesn't care if I run / don't run, period. Right now he's peeved that I wake up early (read: 7am-8am) on weekends to workout because I disrupt his sleeping in. Lol whatever!!! If I knew how to post pictures on this site, I'd post the "whatever, whatever. I do what I want" South Park clip.0 -
This whole thing sends alarm bells ringing for me.
The children thing is a deal breaker. If you stay with him when you want children and he doesn't, you will eventually resent him.
As for the rest of it, he sounds like a very selfish man. Not interested in satisfying you in bed? Doesn't like you going out with your friends? Thought nothing of lying to you to get you into a relationship?
I would assume the fact that he's 40 and never married with children says a lot about his nature. There are sometimes legitimate reasons, but in this case, it sounds like it's because he's the number 1 person in his life, and always will be.
At the end of the day though, these are all the opinions of strangers; only you know how you feel. You are still young, you have no commitments with this man other than a few shared bills. It wouldn't be hard to leave - if that's what you wanted to do.0 -
Wow It is definitely time to leave this relationship girl. You have compromised enough and he can't give you what you need and deserve! No orgasms for 4 years? WHATTTTT???? And he doesn't want kids and puts off proposal? You can find something better. FOR SURE! You will be happy when you do . :-)0
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Eh... That age lying thing, big no no for me.
Leads to more problems down the road.
Move on.
he lied about something as simple as age, he lied about other things
as far as the sex life goes, hes getting it somewhere else
the marriage thing he is just stringing you along
could i perhaps interest you in another 43 year old guy
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After re-reading my own post after reading all of your comments, it's crystal clear to me that I don't want to be in this relationship any longer.
So, you're going to be single here soon. How you doin'?0 -
Yes but those traits should be age appropriate. Which is why him lying about his age really IS a big deal. A 22 year old guy that wants to get married and have kids immediately worries me as much as a 40 year old guy who doesn't want any of those things but was surely willing to lie to score someone youngerThank you everyone for your replies. I just read all of them. I'm going to have to do some serious thinking in the very very near future. After re-reading my own post after reading all of your comments, it's crystal clear to me that I don't want to be in this relationship any longer.
And to all of the comments about the lackluster sex life, I LOLed at some of your reactions. I don't really know why I never had the same reaction earlier. The last 4 years have not totally been devoid of orgasms (by any means)... just none that directly involved him :drinker: haha.
I think the hardest part about ending this will be the loss of his friendship, because we do get along so well in that regard. We rarely argue or fight about anything, and coexist totally fine as "roommates" (can't believe I'm using that word since he is supposed to be my boyfriend, but that's how it feels a lot of the time).
Thank you to all for opening my eyes a little bit more. Now on to the potentially complicated seperation of the things/household... something I've never had to do before. :frown: Where do I even start...
ETA: His "youthful" traits (never married, no kids, etc.) may be what attracted me to him in the first place when I was 22, in college, with not much thought about the distant future. Now that I'm not 22 anymore, I'm realizing that what I may have wanted then was not what I want for myself now.0 -
Thoughts?!
TL;DR: In a 4 year relationship with a guy 14 yrs. older than me. Sensing that some differences between us aren't going to work forever. Need some help...
You are only young once.
Obviously the kids thing is a deal breaker.
Go out and have fun with your girlfriends and enjoy being single. You'll be a long time married.
It'll be a bit of a pull having to have The Talk and going through the admin of a break up, but I am sure the relief will also be overwhelming.
And the place to start is to find somewhere else for you to live.
Then move there.
Maybe one of your friends has a spare room?0 -
Hi there. You aren't making a very appealing case for the boyfriend! If you had thrown in some positives or some indication that you stick around for any reason other than routine, I would say to work it out. But I think it's pretty clear that you are done with this relationship, so be done with it! Not that I blame you. That lying about age thing would have give me pause immediately. But sounds like you already got to the same conclusion. Best of luck. It might be annoying to separate the stuff but you're still young enough to find someone to spend your life with IF you want to... go... be single...date!!! Get your 20s back.0
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Honestly, based on everything you've said, I'd end things if I were you. There's no sense in wasting your time (and his) when you both have different goals. He's 40. He knows what he wants, and does not want. You also know what you want, and don't want. The two of you do not match up in some very important basics about what makes a solid relationship tick, and more importantly, last.
Obviously it's your decision, but that's my two cents. Best of luck!0 -
I think the hardest part about ending this will be the loss of his friendship, because we do get along so well in that regard. We rarely argue or fight about anything, and coexist totally fine as "roommates" (can't believe I'm using that word since he is supposed to be my boyfriend, but that's how it feels a lot of the time).
Thank you to all for opening my eyes a little bit more. Now on to the potentially complicated seperation of the things/household... something I've never had to do before. :frown: Where do I even start...
ETA: His "youthful" traits (never married, no kids, etc.) may be what attracted me to him in the first place when I was 22, in college, with not much thought about the distant future. Now that I'm not 22 anymore, I'm realizing that what I may have wanted then was not what I want for myself now.
At 22 and dating mode, I think all was relatively fine with this romance. As people should always grow in life, you started to figured out what is important to you and its not consistent to the relationship now. At 30+ when you met, he already figured what he wanted in life, and its okay for him to feel that way.
The hardest relationships to leave are the ones where there are many positives and are almost "close" to being what you want.
Would you start a relationship with him now? If not, you have your answer. If it ends up being seperate, find a level headed family member or friend to help you, make a plan with a date, set up a new situation and TAKE ACTION.0 -
I've been lied to about age, past and much more....I ended it. I have no patience for dating liars nor do I ever condone that.
Secondly, if you're doubting a lot about your relationship and future, It's probably your brain telling you it's not the right path for you. I'm not telling you what to do, but if I were you I would end it.0 -
this is why i want to stay in shape, so i can be 40 and pick up 26 year olds0
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this is why i want to stay in shape, so i can be 40 and pick up 26 year olds
Nothing wrong with that as long as you can please them in bed...0 -
this is why i want to stay in shape, so i can be 40 and pick up 26 year olds
Nothing wrong with that as long as you can please them in bed...
Yeah, it's pretty important for the 40-year-old to be able to give the 26-year-old an orgasm!0
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