why isn't he all over me?

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Replies

  • Greytfish
    Greytfish Posts: 810
    Ok being a guy let me ask some things....
    A lot of women assume that guys are horny dogs, and just want to go at it all the time, at a drop of a hat.....
    I for one don't agree with that......maybe when I was younger, but now, I don't.
    Things are different.....

    No, that's just a female fantasy. :laugh:

    Solid advice all around, though.:drinker:
  • tempehforever
    tempehforever Posts: 183 Member
    Have you asked him for more specifics about what he's feeling? Pretty sure he is the only one who can answer your question.
  • holagatita
    holagatita Posts: 1,785 Member
    I don't have any advice but just wanted to say you look fabulous!

    Thanks!
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,952 Member
    Damn, this is a heavy thread.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 46,687 Member
    It's impossible to tell from the information you have given.

    Lots of men suffer from loss of libido either due to relationship issues (which can be quite common when a baby arrives), stress, anxiety, depression, medication, hormonal changes, aging.

    I know there is a one dimensional view of male sexuality that we want it anytime, anyplace, anywhere but sometimes that just isn't true and it may have very little to do with whether he still finds his partner attractive or not.

    You could try talking to him about it.
    This. I had a friend who was very much into his wife, but once they had a kid, he seemed to really by on edge and stressed out a lot. He had told me that he and she hadn't had sex in a year because he feared having another child at that time. And his wife was super hot.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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  • holagatita
    holagatita Posts: 1,785 Member
    Thanks everyone. He has seemed a little down lately told me people at work always ask why he looks so angry or depressed. I have asked him if he still thinks I'm attractive since having the baby and he says yes so maybe it is him and how he is feeling about himself. All of his friends and co-workers are telling him how amazing I look and make jokes about how he shouldn't let me leave the house. Maybe it is less about me and more about him. Thanks! I might just need to stroke his ego a bit more let him know I love him.
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
    Thanks everyone. He has seemed a little down lately told me people at work always ask why he looks so angry or depressed. I have asked him if he still thinks I'm attractive since having the baby and he says yes so maybe it is him and how he is feeling about himself. All of his friends and co-workers are telling him how amazing I look and make jokes about how he shouldn't let me leave the house. Maybe it is less about me and more about him. Thanks! I might just need to stroke his ego a bit more let him know I love him.

    Well that is prolly playing a huge role in this....

    Try to figure out why he is feeling this way......
    Ask him.....get out one night where it is just you and him, away from kids and "normal" life.....
    Get him to talk...... :wink:
    But remember if you do get that.....then be ready to hear things you may not like, and be prepared to respond appropriately.

    Good luck to you both :drinker:
  • holagatita
    holagatita Posts: 1,785 Member
    Thanks everyone! cross your fingers for some sexy time!
  • osothefinn
    osothefinn Posts: 163 Member
    We are both I'm 30 and hes 31. It just annoys me that he looks at girls online but doesn't seem to be attracted to me as much as some random girl. I know the baby wakes up like 2xs a night and then there is work and everything so sometimes we are both tired but it seems I go to him more than the other way around. He was all over me right after the baby so I'm not sure what changed.

    Not saying this is the case for everyone, but when I look at online stuff it diminishes my libido toward my wife, so I try not to do it if I can help it. Not sure why, but it does.

    Best thing to do is talk to him. He may just be seeing you as a mom right now.
  • Spewze72
    Spewze72 Posts: 82 Member

    Not saying this is the case for everyone, but when I look at online stuff it diminishes my libido toward my wife, so I try not to do it if I can help it. Not sure why, but it does.

    Ah jeez, that's pretty depressing from my point of view as a 41 year old overweight wife. :(

    To the OP...I suspect its the baby thing, plus feeling a little insecure in himself. Be kind to him and encourage him to talk, he'll probably be relieved to air it if something is bothering him...
  • Iwishyouwell
    Iwishyouwell Posts: 1,888 Member
    There is A LOT more that goes into attraction than weight and looks.

    You assumed he'd be "all over you" because you assumed your issues with your own body correlated with his issues. That might not be true at all.

    And the whole "girls online" thing, I mean really? Guarantee you the husbands of every supermodel in the world have looked at "girls online". Even Halle Berry was cheated on. Women need to stop assuming that men looking, or feeling attracted to other women, has a lick to do with what kind of shape you're in. You know, the same way plenty of women don't stop finding the Brad Pitts, Ryan Goslings, and Denzel Washingtons of the world attractive just because their husband might be fine looking.