7 Signs of Gluten Intolerance

Acg67
Acg67 Posts: 12,142 Member
in Chit-Chat
Lol
1. You love bandwagons
Trends define you. When every one was doing the Farrah Fawcett hair, you were right there at the stylist getting that same do, even though you’re a guy. When 300 came out, you started flipping tires until your back gave out because some magazine with the word “muscle” in the title said it was the secret to looking like one of Leonidas’s Spartans. When Gary Taubes graduated with his PhD in cherry picking and published his dissertation on “big, fat lies” in the New York Times, you started putting butter on your steak.

2. You weren’t in the cool crowd growing up
Teenagers are so mean. All it takes is wearing floods on the day everyone changed to bell bottoms and you were marked for life as a dweeb. If you were an S.E. Hinton caliber outsider, then this is your chance to finally get in with the cool crowd. And by cool crowd I mean gluten-hating celebrities like Kim Kardashian, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Billy Bob Thornton.

3. You pooped, and it was different
That gas and diarrhea from last night’s Mexican restaurant? It’s because you made the mistake of getting the flour tortilla. The refried beans and nuclear hellfire hot sauce had nothing to do with it.

4. You get all your medical advice from Dr. Oz
Anyone who has been on the cover of so many magazines must be the best doctor ever. Especially since he’s made famous by Oprah, because she never promotes anything pseudoscientific. I mean, Dr. Oz has found 16 “miracle” cures for weight loss, which has to be at least 15 more than your average doctor discovers.

5. You recently escaped from Scientology
And it left a hole in your life. You need some other cult to latch onto.

6. You got a headache
It couldn’t possible be due to poor posture while sitting and staring at a computer screen all day, or that tequila bender you went on last night.

7. You yawned
It’s not that you have poor sleep hygiene; it’s gluten-induced chronic fatigue!

Listen, celiac is a real thing that affects 1% of the population. But 30% of Americans either want to cut or eliminate gluten, often at the expense of their health and their taste buds.

Do the math.

http://www.sixpackabs.com/7-signs-of-gluten-intolerance/
«1

Replies

  • tattygun
    tattygun Posts: 447 Member
    LMFAO!
  • _JPunky
    _JPunky Posts: 508 Member
    AWESOME!
  • Ainar
    Ainar Posts: 858 Member
    Having Gluten Intolerance is not cool. There are many tasty stuff I cant ate. Why people would wanna have it? Are they ****ing stupid? >:(
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    in! this is not going to end well......
  • tegalicious
    tegalicious Posts: 629
    Yay for this!! Sad for the 1% that actually have gluten intolerance though :(
  • TheGirlsATimeBomb
    TheGirlsATimeBomb Posts: 434 Member
    wait, does gluten intolerance really not exist?
  • Derpes
    Derpes Posts: 2,033 Member
    43779341.jpg
  • mboromom
    mboromom Posts: 85 Member
    Now this is funny!!!! LOL
  • FredDoyle
    FredDoyle Posts: 2,272 Member
    in! this is not going to end well......
    No, but it has begun perfectly. :laugh:
  • Escloflowne
    Escloflowne Posts: 2,038 Member
    330.jpg
  • b7bbs
    b7bbs Posts: 158 Member
    HAHAHA. THIS IS FANTASTIC!
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    This is really wrong, OP.

    Lady Gaga totally gets up on that pasta.
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
    my water is gluten free... you jealous, OP?

    Smug-Sheldon-the-big-bang-theory-9495915-300-169.gif
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    :drinker:
  • GermanicKnight
    GermanicKnight Posts: 445
    FEAST ON THIS GLUTEN!!! Does it look angry?!?!


    IMG_20120805_113428.jpg
  • hammersoaps
    hammersoaps Posts: 27
    Omg this GOLD!!! Gluten is the new sexy boogie man. Might as well jump on the bandwagon. My gram was diagnosed with Celiacs over 20 years ago. Back then it was REALLY hard to find commercially available gluten free stuff that didn't taste horrible. Now it's everywhere. This is the first time I am sort of happy for a new diet fad. It makes finding things for my gram so much easier.
  • ge105
    ge105 Posts: 268 Member
    Haha, I love people who are like "I just had a doughnut cake brownie cheese cake covered in Carmel chocolate hot fudge but its ok...its gluten free!"
  • KCoolBeanz
    KCoolBeanz Posts: 813 Member
    *gigglesnort*
  • ge105
    ge105 Posts: 268 Member
    Omg this GOLD!!! Gluten is the new sexy boogie man. Might as well jump on the bandwagon. My gram was diagnosed with Celiacs over 20 years ago. Back then it was REALLY hard to find commercially available gluten free stuff that didn't taste horrible. Now it's everywhere. This is the first time I am sort of happy for a new diet fad. It makes finding things for my gram so much easier.

    Friend of mine is celiac and she was diagnosed about 15yrs ago. She HATEs the fad. Some of that stuff has landed her in the hospital because it wasn't truly gluten free. Now she doesn't eat at any restaurants or anything that is in a package.
  • ActuarialChef
    ActuarialChef Posts: 1,413 Member
    FEAST ON THIS GLUTEN!!! Does it look angry?!?!


    IMG_20120805_113428.jpg

    That looks SO GOOD.

    Must. make. monkey-ball-cake. for. weekend.
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
    IN before 1%'ers
  • AmykinsCatfood
    AmykinsCatfood Posts: 599 Member
    Lol
    1. You love bandwagons
    Trends define you. When every one was doing the Farrah Fawcett hair, you were right there at the stylist getting that same do, even though you’re a guy. When 300 came out, you started flipping tires until your back gave out because some magazine with the word “muscle” in the title said it was the secret to looking like one of Leonidas’s Spartans. When Gary Taubes graduated with his PhD in cherry picking and published his dissertation on “big, fat lies” in the New York Times, you started putting butter on your steak.

    2. You weren’t in the cool crowd growing up
    Teenagers are so mean. All it takes is wearing floods on the day everyone changed to bell bottoms and you were marked for life as a dweeb. If you were an S.E. Hinton caliber outsider, then this is your chance to finally get in with the cool crowd. And by cool crowd I mean gluten-hating celebrities like Kim Kardashian, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Billy Bob Thornton.

    3. You pooped, and it was different
    That gas and diarrhea from last night’s Mexican restaurant? It’s because you made the mistake of getting the flour tortilla. The refried beans and nuclear hellfire hot sauce had nothing to do with it.

    4. You get all your medical advice from Dr. Oz
    Anyone who has been on the cover of so many magazines must be the best doctor ever. Especially since he’s made famous by Oprah, because she never promotes anything pseudoscientific. I mean, Dr. Oz has found 16 “miracle” cures for weight loss, which has to be at least 15 more than your average doctor discovers.

    5. You recently escaped from Scientology
    And it left a hole in your life. You need some other cult to latch onto.

    6. You got a headache
    It couldn’t possible be due to poor posture while sitting and staring at a computer screen all day, or that tequila bender you went on last night.

    7. You yawned
    It’s not that you have poor sleep hygiene; it’s gluten-induced chronic fatigue!

    Listen, celiac is a real thing that affects 1% of the population. But 30% of Americans either want to cut or eliminate gluten, often at the expense of their health and their taste buds.

    Do the math.

    http://www.sixpackabs.com/7-signs-of-gluten-intolerance/

    Preach!
  • violet791
    violet791 Posts: 13 Member
    on one hand I totally get where you're coming from - it's a trend, people think gluten free will help them lose weight.

    We have a number of gluten free products in our home. My daughter was sick for a while with a lot of pain and digestive problems. She does not test positive for celiac. Upon going gluten-free (at the advice of her doctor), all of her pain is gone, her symptoms have completely disappeared. The medical community does recognize non-celiac gluten sensitivity, and that gluten sensitivity does affect more than the 1% of the population that is positive for celiac and that celiac is notoriously difficult to diagnose unless you fit the "classic" profile of symptoms and damage.

    The notion that gluten-free is great for everyone and will help you lose weight is crazy - store-bought gluten free products are much, much higher in carbs and starches, many are low in fibre, and it is very common to have a lot of sugar added to "hide" the taste.
  • shining_light
    shining_light Posts: 384 Member
    FEAST ON THIS GLUTEN!!! Does it look angry?!?!


    IMG_20120805_113428.jpg

    My intestines hurt just looking at this... Don't think I have any kind of food intolerances, but it is hellfire and brimstone when I eat things like this. *ahem*
  • MrsPong
    MrsPong Posts: 580 Member
    I have horrible stomach issues for the past 8 month, in which they cant figure out anything. I have been tested for everything... the whole gluten thing also... yet they keep saying "I still think its gluten even if all your blood tests and such are negative"... It's a fad the Dr's are even blaming stomach problems on. I believe a lot of people may benefit from taking it out- and I may have to. But I would love for them to DIG deeper before giving me a BS answers. End Rant.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    Lulz - James Fell is a great writer.
  • Escape_Artist
    Escape_Artist Posts: 1,155 Member
    :drinker:
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    Man, good to know that my sore joints when I eat too much bread is completely in my head.

    I'm going to fire my doctor though... I bet that really wasn't gonorrhea after my last trip to thailand.
  • Blue801
    Blue801 Posts: 442
    Omg this GOLD!!! Gluten is the new sexy boogie man. Might as well jump on the bandwagon. My gram was diagnosed with Celiacs over 20 years ago. Back then it was REALLY hard to find commercially available gluten free stuff that didn't taste horrible. Now it's everywhere. This is the first time I am sort of happy for a new diet fad. It makes finding things for my gram so much easier.

    Friend of mine is celiac and she was diagnosed about 15yrs ago. She HATEs the fad. Some of that stuff has landed her in the hospital because it wasn't truly gluten free. Now she doesn't eat at any restaurants or anything that is in a package.

    I have several family members running into the same issue.

    But truly funny post. Thanks for the laugh OP.
  • pianolover2012
    pianolover2012 Posts: 168 Member
    Funny post as it seems that almost everyone is attempting to try the GF trend. As someone with Celiac, though, I must say that there is certainly NOTHING funny about my life and having to go GF. Hope you guys are sensitive to ppl who truly have a medical issue with gluten.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories