Annoyed Husband...
monikagiesbrecht
Posts: 194 Member
My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
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Replies
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My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
Compromise might be a good idea. Can you afford a second TV? one for him to watch and one for you to work out on? Also, can you just not mention why you can't eat certain foods, and just not eat them? Sometimes maybe his annoyance isn't that you can't eat them, but that you constantly mention it. Have a discussion about the root of the issues at hand.0 -
My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
Compromise might be a good idea. Can you afford a second TV? one for him to watch and one for you to work out on? Also, can you just not mention why you can't eat certain foods, and just not eat them? Sometimes maybe his annoyance isn't that you can't eat them, but that you constantly mention it. Have a discussion about the root of the issues at hand.
I think this is good advice.
Another idea...maybe have a specific time that you use the TV for exercise purposes. Say, 8-9 pm (for example) and that is pretty much set in stone if your schedule allows...it could have the added benefit of motivating you to do it every day at that hour. Not sure if it would work but just a thought :-)0 -
My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
Tell him to stop being an annoying shortass. At least he wont speak to you then....0 -
On the one hand, it does get annoying to listen to someone talk constantly about their diet and calories. My boyfriend has told me it kind of puts him off and worries him. So I eat what I want and politely turn down something if I don't want it, but keep the calorie stuff and negative self-talk to myself.
On the other hand, what:he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out
He tells YOU that YOU don't have time? That seems weird. How you spend your time is up to you.0 -
Why does it get annoying when you don't eat certain things? are you being preachy about it and inadvertently making him feel bad about eating them? or does he cook all of your food, and get offended when you don't eat the meals or snacks he makes?
Do you choose to work out only when he has time to watch TV? or can he DVR things and watch them later so you can use whatever free time you have to work out?
Ultimately he has to try and accommodate your lifestyle changes, but you also have to accommodate his.
Talk about it. Don't let either of you berate one another because you're currently at odds with a certain part of your lifestyle. Maybe switch out the zumba for doing things you'd enjoy doing together... bike rides, or walks, or whatever.0 -
Tell him to grow the **** up.
Also, if he's in your profile pic, he's not really tiny.0 -
Just break up already.0
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On the one hand, it does get annoying to listen to someone talk constantly about their diet and calories. My boyfriend has told me it kind of puts him off and worries him. So I eat what I want and politely turn down something if I don't want it, but keep the calorie stuff and negative self-talk to myself.
On the other hand, what:he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out
He tells YOU that YOU don't have time? That seems weird. How you spend your time is up to you.
all of this!0 -
I had a similar issue when I was using MFP last time I lost weight (2012) and my husband, who could stand to lose a few pounds himself, would say things like "I think you're taking this weight loss thing little to far" when I would say I wasn't eating what I made him and the kids for dinner, or if I didn't want fast food. It was annoying, b/c I felt like he should have been more supportive.....! This go round has been a little better, with him letting me do my thing. Hang in there, and maybe you'll need to sit him down and tell him just b/c he can eat any and every thing (jealous of those people) you can't so some support from him would help tremendously. Good luck!!!0
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Tell him to grow the **** up.
Pretty much this... He needs to grow up and stop acting so childish. You are doing what you need to do and if he doesn't understand that, he just an idiot. Not trying to pick on your husband, but he has got to understand that you can't eat like he can and that he needs to be supportive of you, not annoyed by you.0 -
On the one hand, it does get annoying to listen to someone talk constantly about their diet and calories. My boyfriend has told me it kind of puts him off and worries him. So I eat what I want and politely turn down something if I don't want it, but keep the calorie stuff and negative self-talk to myself.
On the other hand, what:he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out
He tells YOU that YOU don't have time? That seems weird. How you spend your time is up to you.
all of this!
^ThisTell him to grow the **** up.
Also, if he's in your profile pic, he's not really tiny.
^And this0 -
Wait a minute. HE get's annoyed when YOU don't eat certain things?! Maybe you should remind him that you're his wife and not his property. You can eat any thing you damn well want and refuse to eat anything you damn well want. If he's got an issue with it, it's HIS issue. You can't go through life walking on eggshells in a marriage because you don't want to 'upset' him. That's just a recipe for disaster. He needs to HTFU and quit being a little bi*ch.
(stepping off soapbox)0 -
I would say he has some maturity to gain if he is around your age. He probably has the metabolism of a typical 20 yr old boy. He's either with you or against you. It's good you are working on getting healthy now instead of waiting like alot of us have done after our bodys are worn out from carrying excess weight for a number of years. Just stay committed and hopefully he will come around and support you. If you would like another friend feel free to ADD me. :bigsmile:0
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go the ninja route.
dont talk about the calories
dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
dont talk about the workouts.
just DO.
DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.
and if he doesnt....then go get some strange.0 -
You aren't going to like my answer. You can't make him stop rolling his eyes or eating crap in front of you. For twenty years I was married to a man just like this. He would tell me I was too fat (he was right, by the way, I'm 5'5" and weighed in at 195 lbs). I would agree to diet, he would then immediately go to the store, buy a couple of gallons of rocky road ice cream (only my favorite) and eat bowl after bowl in front of me.
This is a control tactic for him. He may change if you (non-confrontationally) point this out to him, or he might do what my ex-husband did, which was escalate his behavior like crazy! It's not uncommon, BTW and the best thing to do is remind yourself that you're losing weight for YOU!
Here are some articles about diet sabotage. The WebMD one is terrific.
http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/how-to-deal-with-diet-saboteurs
http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1346&dat=19871026&id=NbROAAAAIBAJ&sjid=7_sDAAAAIBAJ&pg=4094,55989140 -
Wait a minute. HE get's annoyed when YOU don't eat certain things?! Maybe you should remind him that you're his wife and not his property. You can eat any thing you damn well want and refuse to eat anything you damn well want. If he's got an issue with it, it's HIS issue. You can't go through life walking on eggshells in a marriage because you don't want to 'upset' him. That's just a recipe for disaster. He needs to HTFU and quit being a little bi*ch.
(stepping off soapbox)
Stay on the soapbox! You're doing great! :drinker:0 -
My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
That is kind of rude of him to not share. I say make some kind of schedule with him that you get your time and he gets his. If not then ask him then to buy another TV, but I do not see why the one TV could not be shared currently. I say that if he gets frustrated that you do not want to eat this or that then just don't include him in those conversations. He can take care of himself and you can take care of yourself.... problem solved.0 -
go the ninja route.
dont talk about the calories
dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
dont talk about the workouts.
just DO.
DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.
and if he doesnt....then go get some strange.
This, all of this.0 -
It sounds like he is very insecure and is afraid if you start looking good you won't need him any more, and you probably don't.0
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I see a lot of posts like this. One partner is trying to lose weight and the other one doesn't seem to care. Its possible that your husband is threatened by the fact that you want to get into shape (he might be worried that you'll be "hotter"and want to leave you). Just explain to him that you're doing this for yourself. Don't say anything about what you're eating. A skinny husband isn't going to understand about calorie counting and weighing food. Heck, my bf thinks Arby's is healthy food!
I got an old TV from my mom and I exercise in the basement. There's plenty of room down there and no one bothers me. You should get your own separate workout space, or if there's no room in your house, join a gym. If you can't afford a gym, go to a friend or relative's house to exercise! I went over to my mom's to workout for a year when I lived in a tiny apartment with my sister. If your husband surprises you with some "junk food" that you used to love, eat a little bit of it to appease him, but write it down in your diary. Then explain to him that it was nice of him to buy you the food but it's not something you want to regularly eat anymore. Or eat it regularly, in moderation, and track it!!0 -
My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
I don't understand the question/issue. There are no times you can use the TV that he is not home/doing something else? You only have 1 TV? You can each eat your own food without worrying about what the other is eating.......Does he prepare the meals or do you or do you each fend for yourself?0 -
My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
Try making a deal with him like if you get to bench mark weights he gets something and when you get to your goal weight he gets a big prize. What ever will motivate him most. It could be dinner someplace he loves, a weekend trip, bow chicka wow wow...feeling like there is something in it for him (because he loves you how you are) might help him to cheer you on because it's like cheering for both of you.0 -
See my husband does not really ever cook or anything so its all me. However I do ask him ALL the time what he is hungry for, that way I dont just make food that I want and that suit my 'diet'. For lunches (for work) we shop completely separately. He will get cookies, chips, pudding, danishes, candy, chocolate and just anything like that. and i strictly get apples, oranges and grapefruits and like cucumbers. so it's not that i even make him eat what I eat, I always let him get what he wants.
We do have more than one TV, one is 55" and the other one is like a standard smaller box tv (dont know how big) however only where the big one is, there is room to do anything and that's the one he likes to watch. I try to do something else while he is watching, however if i'm already using it, then he comes and says he wants to use it. I will never just kick him off if he's already on it.
I'm also not constantly telling him calories and such, If he asks if I wants some chips and salsa (example) then i'll be like no i shouldn't, not good for my diet and tons of sodium/calories/whatever else. then he rolls his eyes. He will eat it in front of me (which doesn't bother me) but he will continually tell me how good they are and i'm missing out and all kinds, yet i wont take one ever..0 -
My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
Is that him in your picture? He doesn't look tiny.0 -
go the ninja route.
dont talk about the calories
dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
dont talk about the workouts.
just DO.
DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.
and if he doesnt....then go get some strange.
0 -
When it is time for me to work out, my husband minds our son to make sure he doesn't interrupt me. If he comes in the room while I am grunting and strugglin with my 5th push up, he'll say, "get you some honey!" and then he looks down at me with this gaze that is all at once challenging and resolute, as if he is assessing what I am made of. It makes me try harder. When it is time for me to do my meditation in the evening, he takes over the parenting, putting our son to sleep so that I am not disturbed. When I am minding the food I eat, he is supportive and suggests healthier alternatives. I do the same for him. He knows that when I am healthier, I am happier, and when I am happier I am a nicer person. Also I feel more sexy, and as such, I am more interested in sex and this is just a win/win situation for both of us. All of us really, because then he is in a better mood. My relationship is secure with love and trust and freedom. I am grateful for this. I am rich.0
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My husband is TINY and he eats like CRAZY and it doesn't bother him at ALL. He says it can get very annoying when I don't eat Certain things because of Calories or anything especially if I mention it. I feel like if I can physically say, "Oh look, this has too many Calories/Carbs (or whatever) I am not going to eat that" then at least i'm telling myself I can't and I wont.
I don't want to make him upset with telling him everything I can/can't eat, but I wish he was a bit more supportive.. how can I get him to be? I've told him I really need his support and help to manage my weight and he says he's "trying" but yet he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out or he wants to use TV (if i'm using it for work out dvds/zumba etc.) and I don't know what to do.
I think the words you're looking for are "suck it up."0 -
See my husband does not really ever cook or anything so its all me. However I do ask him ALL the time what he is hungry for, that way I dont just make food that I want and that suit my 'diet'. For lunches (for work) we shop completely separately. He will get cookies, chips, pudding, danishes, candy, chocolate and just anything like that. and i strictly get apples, oranges and grapefruits and like cucumbers. so it's not that i even make him eat what I eat, I always let him get what he wants.
We do have more than one TV, one is 55" and the other one is like a standard smaller box tv (dont know how big) however only where the big one is, there is room to do anything and that's the one he likes to watch. I try to do something else while he is watching, however if i'm already using it, then he comes and says he wants to use it. I will never just kick him off if he's already on it.
I'm also not constantly telling him calories and such, If he asks if I wants some chips and salsa (example) then i'll be like no i shouldn't, not good for my diet and tons of sodium/calories/whatever else. then he rolls his eyes. He will eat it in front of me (which doesn't bother me) but he will continually tell me how good they are and i'm missing out and all kinds, yet i wont take one ever..
Next time he offers you something that doesn't fit your goals, just say, "No thanks, I'm not in the mood/I'm not hungry," and let it go. He probably feels like he's getting a mini-lecture about HIS diet. You don't need to give him reasons why you're not eating something, it's your business. Just like it's his business if he wants to stuff his face. And if keeps eating on about how good they are, just say "I'm glad you're enjoying them, honey!" You can also make yourself healthier versions of foods like that and eat it in front of HIM.
As for the TV, is there a way you can move the smaller TV into a larger room? Or a basement? Or maybe tell him you could just join a gym and work out there, if it bothers him so much. I'm more concerned about his telling you that YOU don't have time to work out. Is he your nanny, does he have you on a schedule? Tell him you know perfectly well how much time you have in the day, but thanks for being so concerned!0 -
I would have to agree that your husband sounds immature and unsupportive. He is more than likely taking it out on you that he is unable to put on weight and you are concerned about losing it. So he is projecting his failure onto you.
I think that if the TV is a big issue you should get a gym pass and go to the gym and let him have the TV. However, realize that once he see's you spending time at the gym and making new friends.. and being surrounded by men who are getting in shape he will either 1. get motivated and want to go with you or 2. get insecure and wanna argue.
Either way you married someone who isn't on the same page as you and he will have to change that.. however I doubt he will.0 -
A lot of people are saying your husband must be super controlling, and/or threatened that you'll lose weight and leave him.
I call B.S. in this particular situation.
I think it's much more likely that your husband is just annoyed and/or inconvenienced by some things regarding your diet & exercise habits. It would be easier for him if you stayed at your current weight, which he likes you at just fine, and did all of the same stuff as he does. There's nothing really BAD or wrong with that attitude but he does need to change it.
Just sayin'...not every slightly frustrated spouse is that way because of evil intentions or their own insecurity.0
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