how to motivate my spouse

My husband and I are newlyweds - we have only been married for about 5 months! We have both gained some weight since the wedding, and I am trying to set a good example. I ... do all the grocery shopping and cooking so that we can have a healthful meal at least 5 nights a week.

We both work the same amount of hours a week, and get home around the same time ...

If you are working the same amount, why are you doing all the grocery shopping and cooking?

Maybe you can have a discussion about cooking/shopping together to discover healthy foods together.

I'm actually on the other end of your scenario. I am the one who should be getting my butt in gear, but have only managed to do it all in my head, no action below the neck.
We have only been married 2 years and I've gained 60lbs!!!!! since we got married. I know we were having such a good time eating and visiting wineries and happily goofing around, but when it all settled down ..........I looked at myself and holy cow, what happened?

My husband is diabetic and does a good job keeping his weight in check. He tries to motivate me, (in a very loving , non nagging way), cooks healthy dinners, goes to the gym, wants to go for walks. I do enjoy going on scenic hikes, maybe you guys could do that? He even tells me he would do whatever I needed to get healthier, and I just don't know why I don't do it. I'm going to be 50 next year so it is imperative I get my butt moving, but night after night I sit. Just don't wanna.....

I know it has to come from within. I need to do it for my health and for my son and husband. I know what it feels like to be healthy........

I agree with the people who say you need to do this for you, while including him in the healthy meals. One day he just might join you..........

My husband is obese. I have tried numerous times to get him to workout with me but he's not interested. I have asked him several times to at least try a weight lifting program but he just isn't interested. He does cook healthy most of the time and will occasionally ride his stationary bike but that's about it. We have been together 20 years and I learned a long time ago I can't force him to do anything. I have to admit it bothers me though when we do things like go hiking and he can't keep up with me.

This is one of those things where you have to "lead by example." Don't push it on him or "drop hints" or anything like that.

My husband could have stood to lose some weight when I started my journey. It took about 6 months-ish for him to "get on board" and start on MFP, and figure out what to do for fitness.

Give him time. If he joins you, great. If he doesn't, love him anyway.

All you can do is be an example. Also, you could still encourage him to join you at the gym...but maybe also encourage him to do other things that are otherwise active. I personally wouldn't set foot in a gym if it weren't for the weight room.

My wife was reluctant for a long time to take up her fitness again (she used to be quite the little athlete)...she was eating a lot better largely because I'm the primary cook in my home and I started cooking a lot better and really just kept our portions in check...but she was pretty reluctant to go workout.

I started really hitting my fitness in November of 2012 with mostly running and riding my bike and walking, etc...in January of 2013 I joined the gym to start lifting...my wife came with me all of 2 or 3 times early on. As I continued to progress in my fitness and my weight-loss and started entering races and other events I think that's when it finally clicked for her that she needed to get on board with this stuff too...she could see that I was in this for the long haul and these things were becoming an intricate part of my life.

She finally started getting back into things in June of 2013...almost 7 months after I started...and she's been going strong ever since. We don't really do the same stuff and we alternate days at the gym due to needing someone to watch the kids...she does New Rules and I do a slightly altered version of 5/3/1 in the weight room...she runs and is training for a 1/2 marathon and I primarily ride my bike and am training for a 1/2 century and a metric century. We will both probably do a couple of mud runs in the summer just for ****s and giggles.

You can't be the food police or the exercise police. He has to want to take care of himself.

Ding ding. If you're (generic "you") exercising for anyone other than the person in the mirror, it seems to me you've got your priorities wrong and are more likely to fail.

I tried this. My husband joined the gym but never wanted to go when I wanted to go. I wound up going less because I didn't want to "force him" to go. Eventually he told me he just hates doing it and so I do my own thing now. You can't force somebody to do something they dont want to do. You'll both regret it.

OP, it's admirable and very natural that you want your husband to be as healthy as he can be; we usually want the best for the ones we love, right? But like everyone else has said, motivation comes from within. Your profile says that you've been struggling with your weight since you were a teenager--so I'm going to go out on a limb and hope that means that at some point in your life someone else wanted *you* to lose the weight when you weren't at that place. Did you do it then? Probably not, or not for long. Did you need someone to tell you that you needed to lose weight? Probably not, because you already knew. Do you remember what it felt like to be told that (directly or indirectly)? Hold onto that feeling and apply it to the current situation.

That sort of pressure makes a lot of people rebel; we *know* what we need to do, but we might not be ready to do it, so laudable as it is to want your family to be healthy, all you can do is worry about your best health and keep leading by example. Your husband will join you when he's ready (which hopefully won't be long but could be, alas).

All the best to you and your family!