Am I the only one who HATES comments on my loss?

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  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    I don't mind the weight loss comments when I am actually losing. However, at my last job I had two or three people whose always made such comments if they hadn't seen me in a few weeks. One of them asked me how much I had lost when I was at my highest weight! It was like it was just their default catch up with the fat girl.
  • condoleezachiapet
    condoleezachiapet Posts: 105
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    I actually really enjoy when someone comments on my loss, but only if it's been a significant amount. My mother used to assess me almost every other day, alternating between criticism and praise for the minutest visible change. Her comments would determine my self-esteem for that day. That was certainly traumatic, but I won't go into that.

    I'm really proud that I was once overweight. The results are a testament to my own discipline. Sure, people will remember me as the former fat girl. Ultimately, it's up to you to make people see you as the confident and fit person you are now, or will become.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    Usually that would be a feeling of uneasiness from a lack of certainty about your methods. If you were sure you were exercising and eating properly, I think the majority of people would welcome praise and feedback.
  • crevices
    crevices Posts: 226 Member
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    nope im with you. from the beginning ive been doing it for myself etc and i mean when someone compliments me obviously im not annoyed, but once it becomes "are you sick? do you even eat anything? are you sure you're healthy?" then im pretty annoyed lol, and they dont even say it with genuine concern. i also know people who repeat themselves everyday "omg ur so skinny what do u do?!!?!?!" and i tell them over and over again and they wont stop
  • Velum_cado
    Velum_cado Posts: 1,608 Member
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    I don't "hate" it, but it does sometimes make me uncomfortable. A couple weeks ago someone said to me, "You look so much better!" Well... thanks, mate, but I didn't think I looked *bad* before. That is a judgement about me. Not the former me. I was the same person 162 lbs ago that I am now, I'm just smaller and have different habits. So saying that is a judgement about ME.



    For me, I think it's something like that. I think I was beautiful before, and I think I'm beautiful now. I think there's also something there about talking about my body and my habits, which are big issues for me. But people don't mean these comments badly, so I simply smile, say "Thank you, I feel loads better" and change the subject.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
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    yes! I agree I also don't like when people commit on my weight loss. I was so upset after attending my brothers wedding in December because of this. I had at least 3 guest (who knew me when I was fat) tell me "I'm too skinny and need to stop" really? I enjoy compliments like, "you look great" or yor doing great!. When people start getting negative I get unhappy and want to punch people
  • 1two3four
    1two3four Posts: 413 Member
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    I hate a big display. Or really obnoxious, "Oh my god", shrieked across the room. Or if people try to spin me.

    I don't mind people asking privately, like if we're sitting down for lunch or even my hair dresser making a comment in a salon I've been going to for 20 years where the only people that over hear are 3 or 4 others that have known me since I've been coming there.

    A year ago my aunt saw me for the first time in about 9 months and I'd lost 70+ pounds at that point and I died when I saw her coming at me because I thought, "Oh no! Here it comes..." but she just hugged me and quietly whispered praise in my ear.

    So, I don't mind nice respectful tact, comments. I just mind the loud or inappropriate ones that want to know what I've done or how much I lost. I won't even answer if I don't like the tone of the question. There's a way to make comments and a way not to.
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
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    For me (in real life) I think people telling me I look good or whatever is a bit like them saying "You looked ****e before".

    That's what I very often feel too! Here the other day my brother found a year old pic of me, and just raised his brows in a disapproving way and said 'well, it's good you've lost weight now!'

    LOL I feel your pain, My brother used to call me "fatty" all the time instead of using my name. "Hey fatty come here" etc. He has yet to say anything about my weight loss, not once! The last 2 times I saw him he used my name, so I'll take it! Much better than him calling me fatty.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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    Yeah! The nerve of some people, thinkin' they can just walk around complimenting people! Keep it to yourselves, jerks!!
  • bjshields
    bjshields Posts: 677 Member
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    This is funny, because my mother's family especially comments on weight loss EVERY time you see them, and I HATE that it's such an issue in the family, like if you lose weight you are more valuable or something. It's not something I want to pass along to my kids. These are also people who are in love with money, so go figure.
  • Singularity84
    Singularity84 Posts: 98 Member
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    I'm with you, OP.

    When I saw my mom last weekend, she told me it looked like I had lost weight. I tried to brush it off and change the subject, but she wouldn't let it go, and I ended up being sucked into a ten minute conversation about how I'm trying to watch my calories and exercise more. I hated every moment of it.

    To be perfectly honest, I think it's my old friend 'fear of failure' creeping up again. I don't want people to know that I'm trying to lose weight, because I don't want them to see me if I don't succeed or if I lose the weight and gain it back again.
  • QueensGirl83
    QueensGirl83 Posts: 54 Member
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    I feel the same way. It's none of their damn business. On here it's different because we are all generally here for the same reason and know what we are striving for in this aspect of our lives. I think the best thing to say is just "you look good" and leave it at that. For me, this is personal, and I don't need people coming up to me in real life commenting about my weight.
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
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    It feels artificial. I look at myself and still see myself as fat (of course, I've only lost 5 lbs, not noticeable yet). But when people call me "skinny" it feels like sarcasm, even if it's not meant to be sarcasm. I hate it most when I've gained weight but they insist that I "You look like you've lost weight." When I insist I haven't, in fact, I've gained weight (fat not muscle) they argue with me like I don't know what my body is doing. That's what I hate.
  • Dugleik
    Dugleik Posts: 125
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    I can't stand when people comment on my weight loss. Or ask about what I'm eating etc.

    I can't quite put my finger on why it bothers me so much. I really feel like it's none of their business. I feel embarreshed if they mention my weight, and almost angry if they ask what I'm eating, like I'm being judged or held accountable to them or something.

    Anyone else feel like this?

    EDIT: In real life. People who know me.

    I feel the same. I hate it when people I only kind of know comment on my weight or how I eat. I never comment on how much they weigh or what they eat, so why do they feel the need to comment me?
  • condoleezachiapet
    condoleezachiapet Posts: 105
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    This is funny, because my mother's family especially comments on weight loss EVERY time you see them, and I HATE that it's such an issue in the family, like if you lose weight you are more valuable or something. It's not something I want to pass along to my kids. These are also people who are in love with money, so go figure.

    ^^ My mother's family exactly. It's never "oh you look fit/great/healthy," it's "are you eating enough? you're too skinny" or "you gained weight."

    Tangent: I come from an Asian family where it's typical to have girls scrutinized especially hard for their weight. The worse thing about the asian beauty standard is that it worships the skinny, but not necessarily healthy and fit physique. This case applies to the western beauty standard as well, but there's a higher focus on muscle here.
  • SephiraRose
    SephiraRose Posts: 775 Member
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    Yes, sometimes people should learn to filter their comments. After all you weren't soliciting their replies.
  • Roberta__F
    Roberta__F Posts: 8
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    It s called communication/conversation, and getting uptight and angry about something so trivial is more to do with your problems than anything they have said.

    Be nice , chill or see a shrink !!

    Love me some good old mansplaining.
  • Dugleik
    Dugleik Posts: 125
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    I'm with you, OP.

    When I saw my mom last weekend, she told me it looked like I had lost weight. I tried to brush it off and change the subject, but she wouldn't let it go, and I ended up being sucked into a ten minute conversation about how I'm trying to watch my calories and exercise more. I hated every moment of it.

    To be perfectly honest, I think it's my old friend 'fear of failure' creeping up again. I don't want people to know that I'm trying to lose weight, because I don't want them to see me if I don't succeed or if I lose the weight and gain it back again.

    That is my mother as well. And a co-worker who will not take a hint that I'm not interested in talking about my body.
  • condoleezachiapet
    condoleezachiapet Posts: 105
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    In any case, I think it's important to think of most comments as compliments. You can't stop what people are going to say or think about you, so just shrug off your discomfort, love your changing body, smile and dismiss them with a nod or thank you. If you look happy, then people can only say good things about you. If people approach you with seemingly malicious comments, then that's a statement of their own insecurities, not yours.
  • JG762
    JG762 Posts: 571 Member
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    I don't mind it being mentioned in passing but I don't enjoy it when somebody makes a big production about it and starts drilling me; that feels a little invasive. So yeah, I completely understand where you are coming from.

    When I'm visiting my mom, every time I get up from a chair she goes "Oh, don't sit back down, I want to keep looking at you properly!" etc. And it's even worse if my grandma is around, she will clap on my stomach, and keep asking about how many carbs I'm eating.

    I absolutely hate this... Depending on who it is I tend to turn the question around when they ask, especially if they do it in a way that I feel is inappropriate. It can be kinda fun and most people get the point pretty quickly, you can ignore their question and ask them; "Have you been ill?, you're looking tired and old.", "Have you changed your hair?, I liked it better before.", "Are you using more makeup? it makes you look much older.", " That's a nice outfit, it's great that you have the confidence to not worry about style."
    Sometimes people are dense and you have to get their attention.

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