What my Psychologist told me

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Replies

  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
    For me that would require giving up all food, except for calamari and hard boiled eggs which I hate. I can overeat on anything.

    Love calamari and hard boiled eggs but I would never binge on tomatoes! YUCK!

    lBHB0GK.jpg

    Red inedible devils! Blech!! :devil:
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
    There are so many great comments here, thank you!

    So, after giving it some thought, I think I will give it up temporarily. I'm having a b-day party for my kids on March 15th so I will make that my day to indulge in a piece of cake.

    Good idea?

    I think it's a good idea. You can get the gluten out of your system and recover from the system shock, then have some B-day cake and see how it makes you feel. If you feel crummy or it triggers a binge, you'll know for sure.

    Good luck!!
  • jacquiearchambault
    jacquiearchambault Posts: 86 Member
    First off, I am very sorry for your loss. I myself just started on this journey, but in instances when I know there will be "off limit" foods I hope to plan for those calories in advance in order to stay within my calorie limit and if on the occasion that I do binge I will have to shave off calories or add exercise to the next day or week to make up for it...I think we can have or cake and eat it too with a bit of planning. GOOD LUCK! :flowerforyou:
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    'Do I need to have it?' no. 'Will I really miss it?' HELL YEAH.

    I love food. Always have. The reason it took me so long to be willing to lose weight again is because I didn't want to give up on the foods I love. When I found out that I could lose weight and still eat what I liked, it changed my life.

    I had to stop cold turkey for a couple months. I used protein shakes as an alternative to satisfy my sweet tooth. But now I eat everything. IMO it's better to learn to eat things in moderation than to give them up... because really... will you be able to give them up forever? And what will happen if you have something again? You'll binge... feel guilty... and there goes that. I don't feel guilty if I have ice cream or cheesecake. It's delicious and I enjoy it.

    I was a huge binger. The whole chocolate bar (you know, the big ones). A whole box of cookies. 3 ice cream bars. Heck even now I can't always stop at one cookie. But it's ok. I log them before I eat them. I see how many calories I have left. I ask myself if it's worth it to be hungry tonight because I wanted an extra cookie. And mostly when I eat my first cookie, I try to have small bites and REALLY enjoy it. And I stop myself if I start thinking of getting another one while I'm still eating the first one... that's key. I slow down and enjoy it.
  • florentinovillaro
    florentinovillaro Posts: 342 Member
    Food is not the enemy, over eating is. For obvious reasons, you've already identified the trigger for binging. Continue working on that issue and the trigger and binges will disappear. On another note, a habit takes 3-4 weeks to form, permanently. Make a change, wait out the 3 weeks, and that habit will be on auto-pilot.
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,385 Member
    I agree with maybeazure. I too have certain trigger foods. I am choosing to avoid them for a while to break the habits of when I tend to reach for them. I want to be aware of the craving moments and make a conscious choice not to eat the trigger food and do something else.

    However I won't tell myself I can never have that food again. When something becomes 'forbidden' we actually give it more power over us. It becomes special and there is something in our nature that makes us desire it more.

    An example is potato chips. I could easily demolish a family sized bag without thinking about it. I don't keep them in the house at all. I have given myself permission to have a snack sized bag if I walk to the store to buy it, and I can work it into my calorie goal for the day. I haven't yet had the craving survive the 1 mile round trip walk. :)
    Agreed! The same applies for me too. The minute I say no more fast foods then I want them more. I am giving up on saying no more fast foods. Just in moderation and not as often. If I do it this way then I don't binge on it when I decide to have it.
  • keepongoingnmw
    keepongoingnmw Posts: 371 Member
    What I would do if I had a particular problem food would be to give it up completely for three weeks. Get my brain un-used to having it frequently, and then reintegrate it in moderated amounts after the three weeks. That way, you'll have learned to say no to the food in question, but can also have it on occasion.
    Great answer. Been working seriously on bingeing for the past two years. This is what I have found and learned unless you have an allergy or medical condition cutting out carat prices of food completely can lead to binging along with any over restrictive diets. There are some people this has worked for of course but I have only met two people who had success that lasted over 3 years completely cutting things like sweets or flour. I have met many people who lost large amounts of weight doing this only to slip up afte a year or two and gain it all back plus some. In some cases it was 100 plus pounds.
    I have had great success with "Beck Diet Solution" not a diet but has strategies and activities that help stay on any reasonable diet. Written by a psycogist. There is also a group here at MFP I invite you to look at and join.
  • ebayaddict0127
    ebayaddict0127 Posts: 523 Member
    Everyone is different. If I give up something completely, I end up craving it and going nuts. I do best with moderation or allowing myself a cheat meal.
  • Solar07
    Solar07 Posts: 83 Member
    First I want you to know how sorry I am for your loss.

    I found that I became addicted to something I never had before but bought it because I thought it was healthier ... Hazelnut spread/Nutella. I found myself eating it right out of the container. I now know I can't have it in my house. I personally think that you'll have to figure this one out for yourself. Some people are able to say good-bye to their addiction and not look back. Some can have it in small quantities. While others just make it fit into their life. For me, I'm going to just keep it out of my house, but if I really, really must have it, then I'll buy the snack size version. I refuse to deprive myself.

    Good luck and I know you'll do what is best for you. :flowerforyou:
  • JoanneC1216
    JoanneC1216 Posts: 166
    First I want you to know how sorry I am for your loss.

    I found that I became addicted to something I never had before but bought it because I thought it was healthier ... Hazelnut spread/Nutella. I found myself eating it right out of the container. I now know I can't have it in my house. I personally think that you'll have to figure this one out for yourself. Some people are able to say good-bye to their addiction and not look back. Some can have it in small quantities. While others just make it fit into their life. For me, I'm going to just keep it out of my house, but if I really, really must have it, then I'll buy the snack size version. I refuse to deprive myself.

    Good luck and I know you'll do what is best for you. :flowerforyou:

    Can't have Nutella in my house. I will eat it all right out of the jar too. We grew up on that crap! My mother would give it to us as a sandwich for lunch. No wonder I am the way I am :wink:
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    There are so many great comments here, thank you!

    So, after giving it some thought, I think I will give it up temporarily. I'm having a b-day party for my kids on March 15th so I will make that my day to indulge in a piece of cake.

    Good idea?

    Yeah, I think that's a good idea. I liked Ed's advice. It was what i would say. Take a temporary break to reduce the stress of the binges while you work out the underlying issues and find better coping skills.
  • smilesback
    smilesback Posts: 239 Member
    I am sorry for your loss too. When I need help I get counseling and go to support groups too. While in counseling, you are learning about yourself and how to manage your emotions. You are expected to practice what is discussed, and talk about how that went. Eventually you complete counseling and use these tools on your own. You are doing good work! For breaking free from addictive behaviors I learned that the steps are to: 1) Avoid people, places and things that are triggers. 2) Seek positive outlets daily to dwell on. 3) Love yourself more and 4) Ask for help. Good luck!
  • smilesback
    smilesback Posts: 239 Member
    Well when I started at 560 and worked with my therapist to understand and get a grip on my emotional issues that was leading me to bury them with food. My therapist told me that in the being abstaining from those trigger foods was probably a good idea but at some point, we had to get a handle on my depression and then have to come to an understanding of what is behind my overeating then we will need to work on my relationship with those foods because there is no way you will get through life completely avoiding those foods.... So learning moderation and self control was the more viable option long term...... This advice help me overcome my additions to said foods and in the process lose a few pounds and keep them off....... Just my 2 cents.... Best of Luck

    I am sending you hugs!!! Love your 2-cents!!!
  • IIIIISerenityNowIIIII
    IIIIISerenityNowIIIII Posts: 425 Member
    My Mom died suddenly a year ago and I started binge eating too. I gained a ton of weight and after time I am just learning to handle her passing in a more positive way. Destroying my health is not going to bring her back. She was my best friend and I know she would want me to take care of myself, so I am now.

    Add me if you'd like
  • Marcolter
    Marcolter Posts: 103 Member
    Again I think rather to approach food as I want this and not that. Don't think of it as deprived of things I want. See that Krispy Kreme donut. I do not want that I want this Blueberry Yogurt Parfait. When you want that chocolate cake say I want only this much ( a controlled portion ). I find it helpful not to 'desire' something just say ... Nope. I eat out of anxiety sometimes myself. I look at fat and sugar and carbs as 'addictions' I must control. Do not keep red light foods in the house. Period.
  • Marieevans813
    Marieevans813 Posts: 45 Member
    I didn't have time to read all of the comments, but thought I would offer my two cents. I have the same problem, but it is not limited to sweets. It is all processed carbs and starchy whole foods. I am not able to eat one serving of mashed potatoes or one serving of peas. I want to eat all of it once I start. Let's say I have peas with dinner and I overdo on the peas. That may not be so bad, but I won't stop there. I will have the peas ( all of them) and then proceed to eat chips, sweets, etc. for the remainder of the night once I start. I have to NOT start. Right now my diet consists of lean protein, certain fruits, and certain vegetables. That's all I can handle with portion control. I am not saying I will never eat the things I love again, but I know I cannot eat them and lose the weight that I need to lose. Best of luck to you.
  • evviamarshall
    evviamarshall Posts: 80 Member
    Yes. I enjoy chocolate a lot. However, I am finding that I have to give it up completely because I don't have the will power to eat just one piece. So yes you aren't the only one. My husband loves chips and dip, I can eat a little bit of that and walk away. He can't, he'll eat the whole bag of chips and the container of dip in one sitting. Chocolate on the other hand does nothing for him. Everyone has their things that get to them, so your psychologist is right. But don't focus on what you're giving up, focus on all the wonderful foods that you can still have :-)
  • Natmarie73
    Natmarie73 Posts: 287 Member
    Is anyone else in this predicament where you binge on certain foods? Have you given the food up completely?

    There is no such thing as moderation in my book - if I have chocolate, ice cream or cake in the house, I have to eat it. I literally think about nothing else while it is there. I am a junkie :)

    I tried the whole moderation thing because here at work, there is always cake or buscuits around for anyone to help themselves to and they are inconveniently located right near my desk where I can see them :grumble: If I think "well I can have a little bit and allow it into my calorie allowance" I find that is what I will do, but I will keep going back and having more and more until I use up all my allowed calories and then I can't have a steak for dinner, or I have to do extra cardio after my workout to compensate. So it is better for me to just not have any in the first place. If I don't have any then I don't crave it but if I have even a little bit I need to eat it all!

    I truly believe that food is as addictive as drugs, alcohol, sex or any other "thing" that given the right circumstances people can obscess about.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    His response was " Never eat it again. Do I really need to have it? Will I really miss it?"

    That was last week. I haven't done it yet as it got me thinking. Is this really the best way?

    It depends on the person. Some people can be social drinkers - other people it's one taste and "Next stop, Drunk Tank".
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
    His response was " Never eat it again. Do I really need to have it? Will I really miss it?"

    That was last week. I haven't done it yet as it got me thinking. Is this really the best way?

    It depends on the person. Some people can be social drinkers - other people it's one taste and "Next stop, Drunk Tank".

    TOOT TOOT ! ALL ABOARD !

    drunk-train_fb_842921.jpg
  • wonderwoman234
    wonderwoman234 Posts: 551 Member
    The psychologist who leads my women's eating disorder support group would disagree with your therapists advice. She is a big proponent of "normalized eating" and believes that cutting out any particular food is not ultimately workable for most people.

    Getting behind what the food means to you, what you hopes it does to meet your needs, and ultimately, the awareness that it CAN'T meet your emotional needs, is one of the keys to overcoming disordered eating.
  • ChaplainHeavin
    ChaplainHeavin Posts: 426 Member
    My Mom died suddenly a year ago and I started binge eating too. I gained a ton of weight and after time I am just learning to handle her passing in a more positive way. Destroying my health is not going to bring her back. She was my best friend and I know she would want me to take care of myself, so I am now.

    Add me if you'd like

    From your post I sense your mom was an awesome mother and human being.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,024 Member
    Hey guys,

    I started seeing a psychologist when I lost a loved one, had the hardest time in the world accepting it and began questioning life. He's been a huge help. We also discussed how I use food as a coping method. Not any food, just the sweet fattening crap. I told him that I have tried moderation many times and most of the time it leads to binging.

    His response was " Never eat it again. Do I really need to have it? Will I really miss it?"

    That was last week. I haven't done it yet as it got me thinking. Is this really the best way?

    Is anyone else in this predicament where you binge on certain foods? Have you given the food up completely?
    For some people who link food as ways of coping for tough personal issues, this may be the right strategy. If you've TRULY tried moderation and it's not working out fine, then this may be the approach you need to take.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    I don't think that's the best way to deal with a food addiction. Is it really going to be reasonable to NEVER have a piece of birthday cake or chocolate again? No cookies at Christmas? I think that kind of all or nothing thinking will just lead to binging and guilt.

    I think it is reasonable to tell yourself that you are abstaining from trigger foods for awhile...but eventually you have to learn to eat them in moderation.

    She's not talking about an 'addiction'. Foods are not addicting. We do use them to self medicate, which is what she admits to doing.

    OP - if it's a problem for you right now, try abstaining and see how it works. When your head gets settled down, you might find you need your comfort foods less often. To abstain from something you love for the rest of your life will likely lead to you feeling deprived.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    The psychologist who leads my women's eating disorder support group would disagree with your therapists advice. She is a big proponent of "normalized eating" and believes that cutting out any particular food is not ultimately workable for most people.

    Getting behind what the food means to you, what you hopes it does to meet your needs, and ultimately, the awareness that it CAN'T meet your emotional needs, is one of the keys to overcoming disordered eating.

    I approve of this post!
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    She did say that she decided to take a break from the binge foods until mid march when she plans to eat a slice of birthday cake.
  • JoanneC1216
    JoanneC1216 Posts: 166
    Hey guys,

    I started seeing a psychologist when I lost a loved one, had the hardest time in the world accepting it and began questioning life. He's been a huge help. We also discussed how I use food as a coping method. Not any food, just the sweet fattening crap. I told him that I have tried moderation many times and most of the time it leads to binging.

    His response was " Never eat it again. Do I really need to have it? Will I really miss it?"

    That was last week. I haven't done it yet as it got me thinking. Is this really the best way?

    Is anyone else in this predicament where you binge on certain foods? Have you given the food up completely?
    For some people who link food as ways of coping for tough personal issues, this may be the right strategy. If you've TRULY tried moderation and it's not working out fine, then this may be the approach you need to take.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    I agree with you. This is the approach I have chosen. Moderation just makes me feel like I need/want more.
  • JoanneC1216
    JoanneC1216 Posts: 166
    His response was " Never eat it again. Do I really need to have it? Will I really miss it?"

    That was last week. I haven't done it yet as it got me thinking. Is this really the best way?

    It depends on the person. Some people can be social drinkers - other people it's one taste and "Next stop, Drunk Tank".

    TOOT TOOT ! ALL ABOARD !

    drunk-train_fb_842921.jpg

    :wink:
  • JoanneC1216
    JoanneC1216 Posts: 166
    She did say that she decided to take a break from the binge foods until mid march when she plans to eat a slice of birthday cake.

    Yes I did say this :smile:

    This is going to be an interesting b-day party. We will be celebrating my daughter, my son and my daughter's roommate/best friend. My daughter is GF, her roommate is vegan and my son will eat anything you put in front of him :happy:
  • deedee2ks
    deedee2ks Posts: 4 Member
    So sorry for your loss. Hopefully this psychologist is helping you learn new coping strategies to deal with the feelings we have when suffering through something so powerful.

    In terms of your food question...not sure. I think it depends on the individual. I am learning that if I have chewy candy and chocolate I crave it even more and go back to the cupboard time and time again. I am going to cut it out completely until Easter and see if I can do it. Not sure if I can do it but I need to try.

    I hope you're able to overcome your "craving" foods and your pain right now. Hugs.

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