What my Psychologist told me

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  • JoanneC1216
    JoanneC1216 Posts: 166
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    I hope you're able to overcome your "craving" foods and your pain right now. Hugs.

    Most times it's not even a craving. More like, I just want to eat it.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    Hey guys,

    I started seeing a psychologist when I lost a loved one, had the hardest time in the world accepting it and began questioning life. He's been a huge help. We also discussed how I use food as a coping method. Not any food, just the sweet fattening crap. I told him that I have tried moderation many times and most of the time it leads to binging.

    His response was " Never eat it again. Do I really need to have it? Will I really miss it?"

    That was last week. I haven't done it yet as it got me thinking. Is this really the best way?

    Is anyone else in this predicament where you binge on certain foods? Have you given the food up completely?

    You will have to learn to "make friends" with your trigger foods such that you can enjoy them rather than use them to fill your void. I don't know what that path may be for you. Could be avoidance for a while, could be moderation, could be whatever works for you.
  • susie3g
    susie3g Posts: 267
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    I am so sorry for your loss. I can certainly sympathize as I lost my dad this past year. And the stress of losing weight, along with grief, is a hard process, but it can be done. I applaud you for seeking help. Your doctor seems to have good intentions but telling yourself you can never have "x" or "y" again is probably a bit more than you can chew right now. I think a better approach would be to take things one day at a time. We can't do anything about the past and tomorrow is not yet come. The only thing we can control is our actions in the here and now, and even that is sometimes difficult. I haven't had a Coke in nearly a month and don't even miss it really, but it didnt happen by me saying I'm never having another Coke. One day led into two days without it. Two days led into three and so on and so on and now the craving is just not there anymore. My dad died from a massive heart attack.. directly related to his diabetes and high blood pressure. I'm angry that he didn't take care of himself and it's pushed me harder to take care of myself. My heart goes out to you. I wish you the best. Feel free to friend me on here if you'd like. We can push each other. :)
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
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    I can't eat chocolate or most sweets in moderation.I have tried and other than sweets I do a great job with moderation and portion control.so I try to avoid all sweets. I do have them and won't say I can NEVER have them again, but for me I can't just have one piece or even one portion. I bought candy on Valentine's day and told my husband I was going to have one piece and freeze the rest. SEVEN pieces later I finally admitted it was a horrible idea and gave them to the kids and told them not to tell me where they were......I am out of sight out of mind with sweets. So guess that was my long way of saying I agree with the doctor.

    This is me. I can't have chocolate or cake/cookies/ice cream in the house. If we get it for an occasion (like a birthday or holiday), I enjoy a reasonable amount, but once that day has passed I get it out of the house. I have my husband bring it to work, give it to someone upon leaving my house, etc.

    My kids are only 3 and 9 months, so they shouldn't be eating that stuff any more than I should! (Of course not the baby at all, but you get my drift.)

    I lost 82 lbs after my first baby and am trying again. (Breastfeeding is killing me this time - it can also make your body hold on to weight - something no one ever tells you!) I kept all those trigger foods out of my house except for those special occasions. My husband inadvertently lost his belly as a result, too, so he was happy. After a little while I didn't miss those foods. After having them for a holiday, it did make me want them again the next day, but I just had to suck it up and deal because the food was no longer available. After a couple of days I didn't miss it.

    Exercise also makes me not want to overeat. It's not even a conscious thing.

    Best wishes to you, and I'm so sorry for your loss :flowerforyou:

    Edited for typo
  • ktsmom430
    ktsmom430 Posts: 1,100 Member
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    I am very sorry for your loss.

    It is a very individual thing and no right or wrong answer. You have to find out what is right and will work for you. Your psychologist knows you better than the anonymous people here. You know yourself best. Find the right answer for you.

    Everyone is different. There will be people that can NEVER eat their trigger foods and people that can NEVER cut them out entirely. For me, I have found that I will still have the foods I love. The BIG difference is the amounts, portion size and control over how much I eat. This is what works for me.

    Know yourself well enough to know what you have to do. That is all any of us can do.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
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    I think you should listen to your doctor, at least for the time being. Give yourself time without it all and then re-evaluate things in 3 months. During that time you will notice you don't miss it and you no longer crave it so that when you eventually do have something you will be able to stop with that one piece and binge because you don't miss it. Also for me giving up those carbs has helped with the sugar cravings. Sadly I started eating carbs again and have started craving the chocolates again. So I'm back to low carb. I've mostly given up complex carbs but will continue to have fruits and veggies as I see fit.

    Listen to the doctor and give the advice time to work or not work. You will never know how it works if you don't at least try it his/her way. I do know giving it up completely and the no complex carbs worked for me. Give yourself 3 months.
  • susannamarie
    susannamarie Posts: 2,148 Member
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    Here is how I deal with that sort of stuff.

    I don't keep it in the house. Ever.
    I do occasionally buy a single item when I'm out, but I buy a single item and eat it and I'm done.
    I occasionally go to buffets or potlucks where it's served. I get one item per trip, because I don't want to look like a pig and you look like a pig if you walk up 20 times to get 20 cookies.
  • JoanneC1216
    JoanneC1216 Posts: 166
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    I can't eat chocolate or most sweets in moderation.I have tried and other than sweets I do a great job with moderation and portion control.so I try to avoid all sweets.

    Yep, same here. Sweets do not enter my house unless I plan on eating it all in one sitting. Work is another story, they are everywhere. Kinda makes it hard but I have been able to avoid them in the past. I think to myself, is it really worth the calories? Fortunately I am picky when it come to my chocolate or any sweets.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
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    The psychologist who leads my women's eating disorder support group would disagree with your therapists advice. She is a big proponent of "normalized eating" and believes that cutting out any particular food is not ultimately workable for most people.

    Getting behind what the food means to you, what you hopes it does to meet your needs, and ultimately, the awareness that it CAN'T meet your emotional needs, is one of the keys to overcoming disordered eating.

    Different therapists, different approach. Again just like a diet, it's NOT a one size fits all. She should listen to her therapist at least until she learns if it works for her.
  • tesha_chandler
    tesha_chandler Posts: 378 Member
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    If there is something that I can binge on and control it, or if I don't have to have much of it to satisfy me, I will eat it. I can eat chocolate in moderation without going overboard, but if I went to Burger King even once, I would eat 3 days worth of calories and spiral downhill in disappointment from there. I think it's just something you have to weigh out in your mind. If you can control yourself when you eat it, you should definitely try to fit it in.
  • drexlert
    drexlert Posts: 8
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    Good morning, I suppose he/ she is thinking of it as a drug, with which sugar does share similar properties, so giving it up and getting it out of your system is ONE WAY to handle the problem. But I don't think it is the best answer for most people. Telling yourself you can never have a food again is a challenge.

    I'm in the process of trying to reshape my life and diet and am using a high protein diet. I've found that with this I have fewer cravings for sugar, sweets, and pastry. In fact some things I used to love are now too sweet. And Protein causes a body to feel less hunger as it stays with you longer. With my diet I have fewer carbs but can use those in the plan any way I want so I don't have to tell myself no to everything, just not as much and when the days carbs are gone, not now.

    I'm sorry for your loss and wish you the best on your journey!
  • JoanneC1216
    JoanneC1216 Posts: 166
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    I just want to say that all of you have such wonderful advice. Thank you :flowerforyou:

    I am sorry for all your losses, as we get older life sure as hell becomes scarier, at least for me.

    Thank you again.
  • nancy10272004
    nancy10272004 Posts: 277 Member
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    You ask "Will I really miss it?" YES! A thousand times yes. And when you miss it enough, you will binge on it.

    I have been through treatment for binge eating disorder and am now in recovery. Your psychologist's advice makes me a bit angry. Deprivation doesn't work.

    When I was in treatment, we had to learn how to eat everything in moderation including cookies, cake, pasta and all of those other allegedly bad foods. It was hard but it worked.

    If you suspect you truly have a binge eating disorder, seek treatment but not from that psychologist. That's for sure.
  • fat4evr
    fat4evr Posts: 3
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    Yes, giving up the food completely will make you forget how it tasted. If you forget how it tastes you won't remember it anymore. If you eat it in moderation and are prone to binging then a single cookie can make you remember how good it tastes and you end up eating 20 instead of the designated one. So just cut it off completely. Feeling a sugar craving grab a banana. an apple a kiwi, any fruit will do, and snack your heart away. Just feeling hungry, head for the veggies! Grab something crunchy and go ahead eat as much as you want!
  • JoanneC1216
    JoanneC1216 Posts: 166
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    You ask "Will I really miss it?" YES! A thousand times yes. And when you miss it enough, you will binge on it.

    I have been through treatment for binge eating disorder and am now in recovery. Your psychologist's advice makes me a bit angry. Deprivation doesn't work.

    When I was in treatment, we had to learn how to eat everything in moderation including cookies, cake, pasta and all of those other allegedly bad foods. It was hard but it worked.

    If you suspect you truly have a binge eating disorder, seek treatment but not from that psychologist. That's for sure.

    I don't know if it's a true eating disorder or just a comfort food disorder (does that exist?). I can't begin to tell you how many times I have tried eating chocolate in moderation... never works.
  • JoanneC1216
    JoanneC1216 Posts: 166
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    Yes, giving up the food completely will make you forget how it tasted. If you forget how it tastes you won't remember it anymore. If you eat it in moderation and are prone to binging then a single cookie can make you remember how good it tastes and you end up eating 20 instead of the designated one. So just cut it off completely. Feeling a sugar craving grab a banana. an apple a kiwi, any fruit will do, and snack your heart away. Just feeling hungry, head for the veggies! Grab something crunchy and go ahead eat as much as you want!

    I do enjoy fruit! Especially bananas and strawberries.
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,411 Member
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    maybe it is best to abstain from your most desired "bad foods", at least until you have come to a place in your life where you feel more in control of your actions and can use moderation and are better able to employ healthier ways to cope with stress.

    This ^^^^
  • stutba
    stutba Posts: 152 Member
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    Hi OP, I can totally relate. I have lost my sister (1st) and then my mother within a years time frame (Both passed from cancer). My sis was only 45 and my mom 67. Both way to young.

    I gained easily 30 pounds from eating out of depression. It has been over a year now since the passing of my mom and it is getting easier, but there are still really tough days.

    After my mother passed I went on anti depressants for a time, but the side effects did not work for me. I want off shortly. Through the support of my loved ones, I am mostly doing good.

    I just started the weight loss journey, (After yo-yoing for the last 2 years. I hope to be finally figuring it out and not putting food in my mouth for comfort.

    I don't have much advise, but if you need another friend for support or just need to talk, please feel free to add me as a friend.
    My thoughts and prayers with you. Sending hugs your way.
    Birdie
  • JoanneC1216
    JoanneC1216 Posts: 166
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    Hi OP, I can totally relate. I have lost my sister (1st) and then my mother within a years time frame (Both passed from cancer). My sis was only 45 and my mom 67. Both way to young.

    My heart goes out to you. :-(
  • Azchange
    Azchange Posts: 110 Member
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    It depends. Certain things I can do in moderation, like a piece of chocolate before bed. One of my huge downfalls is alcohol, I have tried multiple times to moderate but it seems too difficult for me. I haven't had a sip in 8 weeks tomorrow and I feel better than I have in a long time. It really depends on you and what.

    Andrew

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